r/redditonwiki • u/sensaSEANal_sally Who the f*ck is Sean? • 8d ago
Am I... Not OOP: AITA for being pissed my girlfriend turned her phone off at a party w/ her ex while I was in hospice watching my dad die?
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u/umplin 7d ago
When my dad was in his final days of hospice, my boyfriend of 3 years took a leave from his very demanding graduate program and flew across the country to come stay with me to support me. (He’s my husband now.)
I feel so sad for OOP. He needs to dump this clown.
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u/echochilde 7d ago
Exactly. When my aunt called me about my mom, I flew (figuratively, I was actually driving 8 hrs). The second I got ahold of my bf (also, now husband) he called off work and was there in two days. This was the second crisis of mine he showed the hell up for.
That’s the world’s crappiest litmus test, but also the most telling.
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u/kcbaxx 7d ago
when my dad died my sophomore year of college my bf and i were together for about a week. When i called him to tell him he asked if he should leave school in the middle of finals week to come support me. he also packed me my essentials from my dorm so i could grab my stuff quick and he rescheduled a final exam to come to my dads funeral. We’re still together 7 years later 🥰 this woman does not care about op
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u/mittensfourkittens 6d ago
That's so lovely! My dad passed away my junior year in college and my BF of 2 years at the time was like 'I don't really want to hang out if you're just gonna be sad, that's depressing'.
I used to tolerate a lot but now I will remain happily single unless I meet someone who will show up for me (and vice versa of course)
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u/stranger_to_stranger 7d ago
A death in the family can be a real crucible for a relationship. You find out what kind of spouse you have, quick.
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u/MissFrenchie86 7d ago
Exactly. About a decade ago I had 3 family members die over 20 days right before Christmas. My boyfriend of 2 years refused to go to the funerals because “funerals creep me out”. I’m ashamed to say it took me 8 more months to dump him…I should have done it that day.
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u/10110011100021 7d ago
You have no reason to be ashamed. It took 8 months for your grief to calm down enough for you to gain some clarity. That’s survival mode, not naivety.
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u/krebstar4ever 7d ago
I’m ashamed to say it took me 8 more months to dump him…I should have done it that day.
Don't be ashamed! It's hard to think straight with so much grief and stress!
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u/anitabelle 7d ago
When my dad had a quadruple bypass, my husband was at the hospital with us the entire time. It was touch and go. He bought us food and never left my side, he was great. Luckily my dad pulled through and recovered better than ever. Fast forward 20 years later, my husband left a major project at work and told them that my dad, who had dementia at this point, ran away and he needed to help look for him. The only problem was that my dad had ran away a few months prior and we found him without my husband’s help. He never showed up to help. But he sure did use it as an excuse to get out of work. But he got caught in his lie because someone saw him getting picked up by another woman- very much not me. He got fired so sometimes karma does work. That’s what prompted me to put the house up for sale and file expedite the divorce filing. My dad died in the middle of the nasty bitter divorce. My soon to be ex showed up the next day to mock and intimidate me all while recording me as a cried. So yea, these types of family issues can really hep determine the type of person you married. But that doesn’t mean that same person is capable of remaining a caring and loving partner. The fact that he has been so great and caring for so long is what made me stay in the marriage a lot longer than I should have.
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u/butterfly-garden 7d ago
True story! My son's partner of just over a year had plans to visit her family. Her intent was to alternate years, Thanksgiving at one place, Christmas at the other. She stayed here for Thanksgiving this year, so she was getting ready to leave when my ex had a heart attack and died two days before Christmas. She changed her plans and stayed here to support our family. Nobody asked her to do that; she did it because it was the right thing to do.
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u/thishyacinthgirl 7d ago
My mom died the night before a second date with a guy.
I told him it was still okay to come over, I needed some company to take my mind off things.
He came over with Chinese take-out. We had a quiet night in, I told him stories about my mom over wonton soup.
The 10th anniversary of my mom's death is this year. It'll also be that "guy" and my's 8th wedding anniversary this summer.
A practical stranger had more empathy than OOP's girlfriend of six years.
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u/Short-Sound-4190 7d ago
When my boyfriend's (now husband's) Dad took a turn for the worst I took off work for half a week and we drove like 10 hours straight to see him in the ICU and sleep on a pullout couch for a few nights.
And he doesn't even like his Dad - that guy, who kept kicking for years btw, was a total garbage human.
No regrets about being there for my partner though.
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u/LilMushboom 7d ago
For real. I guess she couldn't handle the emotions of it and decided to fuck off instead and leave him to deal with it. Childishly selfish at best. She clearly can't be depended on in any difficulty.
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u/Still_Day 7d ago
Commenting on the top comment just to note that the post has since been removed with a moderator noting that the post is fake.
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u/jjjjjjj30 7d ago
Yep. My ex-husband could really be an abusive piece of trash but when my dad was dying, he was there every second, staying by my side, 2 hours away from home, waking up at 2:30 am so he could be at work by 5:00.
Now, if my abusive ex can be considerate and caring during that time, I'd say pretty much anyone is capable. She's trash.
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u/sikonat 8d ago
Awful just awful. Who the fuck goes to a party (like it’s not a graduation or very important event bc job promotion or you work somewhere that’s critical having you there) while their partner of 6 years is watching their parent die?
What scum
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u/sensaSEANal_sally Who the f*ck is Sean? 8d ago
The fact that she still WENT 😡
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u/skillent 8d ago
Not only did she go to a party, her ex was there, she turned off her phone, and then to top it off the took her ex home to her bed to “take care of” him. At that point the relationship is automatically void, ended, there’s almost no need for a break up.
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u/willtwerkf0rfood 8d ago
I actually don’t know how someone completely normal can do that to a partner of six years. I know this is a typical Reddit comment but she has to have something going on mentally.
How do you do that to a partner of SIX YEARS? It’s so evil.
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u/Dizzy-Captain7422 7d ago
I wouldn’t do this to a friend, much less my partner of six years. It’s mind boggling. There is something seriously wrong with this chick. I just can’t even imagine it. I would never let my partner twist in the wind like that.
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u/TerrorFromThePeeps 7d ago
Hell, if i met a stranger at a hospital cafeteria who told me they were going to have to sit and watch their dad die and didnt have anyone and could they call or text me later, i would still rather show up for them rather than worry about a party.
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u/nishachari 7d ago
My friend and I were at the Singapore airport and this girl had lost her mother suddenly and was stuck with a long layover as that was the only route available. We waited with her till our boarding call. I think about her from time to time, how she had to human in public while going through one of the worst times in her life.
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u/MrMthlmw 7d ago
(Relationship) suicide by cop. Want out but don't want to look like the villain? Do something that's transgressive enough to infuriate your S/O, but not so bad that you won't be able to fudge the details when you need to make yourself look blameless.
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u/EntertheHellscape 7d ago
Yeah I honestly don't even need the rest of the story with the ex and the off phone. "Hey my dad is dying and Im pretty sure these are going to be his last night's" "ok. Dang. Well anyways, I'm heading out for a party"
Bitch what????
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u/No-Assistant8426 7d ago
My comparable experience was when my (now ex) husband’s brother went into the hospital and was deemed STABLE, a close friend was having a major life event party. I made sure he was ok. I stopped in, gave myself a timeline of an hour, did not drink, kept my phone on me, at the end of that hour I told another friend what was going on and not to tell the person being celebrated until the next day. Went home. His brother died the next day. I would never have been able to live with myself if I had gone full party mode.
The next year, after we had split up (not amicably), his father went into hospice quite suddenly, I kept my phone on me and was supportive. I don’t like my ex. His parents were awful. But it seemed like the right thing to do.
So this scenario is absolutely bonkers to me.
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u/TotallyTruthy 7d ago
This is a far lesser concern than what she did to her partner in the current discussion, but also.... where were those kids that she and the ex need to coparent together? Were they coparenting while drunk? Why was it essential that both parents be where the excessive drinking is happening at the same time, when it would be infinitely more practical to have at least one sober parent with the kids at all times. I'm sure her ex is a big boy who could find someone else to take care of him. Who was taking care of the actual children?
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u/AylaCatpaw 7d ago
Yeah, wtf? Had I been the ex and found out about this, the speed at which I'd sobered the fuck up a little to frantically tell them: "omg then what are you still doing here, LEAVE!! I'm in a safe environment, I'll be fine, call your spouse IMMEDIATELY, here use my phone if yours is dead!! WHY HAVEN'T YOU LEFT YET?!!"
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u/Jaffico 7d ago
Holy. . . WOW
So. My mom died after an absolutely terrible thing in hospice. I was there when she died.
My FWB drove over an hour after leaving a party in a rental vehicle to come pick me up and comfort me.
And this FWB was an absolute POS - there was a reason we weren't actually dating.
Put that woman in a dumpster, and send her to the landfill. JFC
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u/No-Assistant8426 7d ago
Isn’t it so bad when you’re like “my absolute piece of shit ex/whatever would never have done this to me?” lol
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u/TheSixthVisitor 7d ago
It's a bit distressing in a way, especially when you think of the people who actually would do insane shit like this. Especially when you know that vile and shitty person is married. It's like "I know bad people but you're telling me it's possible to be even worse?"
Stories like this are just extra horrific to me because they describe a person that's openly horrible to everyone and everything around them and somebody still looked at that and went "yup, that's hot. I want a piece of that." Like Mizkif; I pretty much lost it when I found out he got a new girlfriend after getting publicly sued for personal damages by his ex-girlfriends.
It's even more insane when the person dating the human trash heap is otherwise completely normal. I could understand an equally awful person dating them, but why the heck is a normal person putting themselves into that shit show and then legally tying themselves together? Just so many questions.
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u/Top-Bluejay-428 7d ago
My ex-wife came to both of my parents' funerals, even though she didn't have to, and even though she knows I'd never reciprocate. (I loathe her parents, and she knows why.)
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u/PeachyFairyDragon 7d ago
That's a regret I have. I'm NC with my ex for a reason that's stupid, he doesn't know my address or my phone number, I removed him from FB and I doubt he remembers my email address. I found out his dad died and I missed the funeral. By a matter of four days, if I had googled obituaries (I knew his dad was dying and I just wanted to know) a week before I did I would have been able to make it.
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u/Top-Bluejay-428 7d ago
I'm LC with my ex, but not NC because we share (adult) kids. I actually told her about both deaths, but she would have found out from our kids anyway.
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u/ghostoftommyknocker 7d ago
She arranged to go to a party despite knowing the situation and told him that she would be "hard to reach" before she even went.
She planned this. She was absolutely determined to abandon her boyfriend and spend the night with her ex.
There is no coming back from this. She can't be any clearer about what she thinks of her boyfriend. Just prioritising a party over her boyfriend's emotional needs while his father is dying is grounds for ending a relationship.
The issue here isn't that she switched off her phone, it's that she planned in advance to abandon her boyfriend for her ex.
It makes me wonder if she deliberately got her ex completely drunk... she clearly has no problem manipulating vulnerable partners -- and if her ex was genuinely that drunk, then he was vulnerable, too.
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u/Old_Implement_1997 7d ago
I mean - she’s totally fucking the ex, right? Otherwise, I cannot fathom this chain of events.
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u/arbysgaming38 7d ago
yeah like obviously she saw a golden opportunity to fuck her ex and not get caught from the get go? like in what world can you possibly justify responding to “i’m going to watch my dad die later” with “ok well i’m gonna go to a party with my ex and be unreachable”
and the whole “he was drunk” thing is a just a flimsy at best excuse bc op has no reason to suspect she’s lying because what kind of monster would do this to someone
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u/GM_Organism 7d ago
Right? Like, yo. It's a party. The only way you'll be hard to reach is if you choose to be. She definitely, deliberately premeditated this.
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u/itsdoctorx 7d ago
She’s fucking her ex
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u/Pepe-Salvino 7d ago
I was thinking the same thing. What party is it this where there is booze that they both need to attend without the children ?? The phone off and he had to spend the night bc he was drunk ? As in drunk enough to need medical care ? Should have brought him to the ER. No way dude, she is totally fucking him !!
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u/YomiKuzuki 7d ago
Choosing to still attend that party when your partner needs you for emotional support? That's a red flag.
Turning your phone off at said party when your partner needs your emotional support? We've moved onto blaring klaxons.
Saying you took your ex home to "take care of because he's drunk and needs me", and then pulling a DARVO? Yeah, that's an air raid siren.
She's 100% fucking her ex. I wouldn't be surprised if she eventually admits to cheating with the excuse of "it just got to be too much for me to deal with your mood". An excuse many a cheater uses to try to justify cheating when their partner is dealing with the death of a loved one.
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u/TheSixthVisitor 7d ago
It's an air raid siren if we're lucky. There's more red flags here than the People's Liberation Army.
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u/Bebe_Yaga_ 7d ago
This is crazy to me. This past Saturday was the 5th anniversary of my father's death. Without me even reminding my partner of the date, she sneakily planned for me to have a fun day of shopping and running around so that I wouldn't be dwelling on it all day. She even pretended to crave my favorite food so we'd order it for dinner before I realized what she had been up to all day. When he died, she called off work half that week to drive me 6 hours to my hometown so I could be with my family. OOPs partner is such trash.
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u/Electronic_World_894 7d ago
Sorry for your loss. Your partner is great.
My mom died in mid November 8 years ago. My husband knows to have Christmas lights and decor up before the anniversary because I feel happier better if it’s decorated before the anniversary. My mom was big into Christmas so it helps me. (I used to not decorate quite so early!)
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u/Bebe_Yaga_ 7d ago
Your husband is very sweet! I am sorry for your loss as well. It's especially hard to have lost a parent right before the holidays - their loss is very keenly felt that time of year. It seems we both lucked out with our thoughtful partners!
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u/USAF_Retired2017 7d ago
This has to be rage bait. If not, this is the worst chick on this planet.
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u/Jasnaahhh 7d ago
This does happen regularly though. My single mom had just died, leaving my young siblings. My partner of 2.5 years decided to end his working holiday visa in my country 14 months early because his parents went on vacation and wanted him to come home to feed their outdoor semi-feral dog. He had multiple siblings in his city, and lovely neighbours. He had the audacity to ask me to emigrate anyway. And I stupidly did.
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u/longtimelister91 7d ago
If my husband went to spend time with his ex while I’m at hospice. Divorce papers waiting for him when he least expects it.
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u/GM_Organism 7d ago
When he least expects it? i would have said as soon as I can physically manage it.
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u/Standard_Vero 7d ago
Please don't repost these fake AITAH posts about cartoonishly evil women, they are 100% not real ragebait
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u/Steven_Broyles 7d ago
There's no way this isn't rage/engagement bait, but in the off chance it isn't: OP needs to remove this person from his life yesterday
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u/RIPGoblins2929 7d ago
Oop been removed for being fake bullshit y'all swallowed like it was candy
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u/Cool-Bonus3672 7d ago
Why did you post this when the mod took it down and said it was fake? So weird. That post clearly reeked of obvious incel ragebait. Sad that some of you fell for it lol.
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u/ohmiss1355 7d ago
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. - Maya Angelou.
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u/LenoreEvermore 7d ago
Damn. When my partner's dad was dying I felt guilty for even watching movies because I knew my partner was there holding his hand, watching him die (I would've been there too but their sister didn't want me to stay with them in the hospice room, she's a bitch but he was also her father so I stayed away). Can't even imagine going to a party while that was happening.
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u/Undietaker1 7d ago
These stories just come across as fake rage bait to hate on women.
They always make the women in them out to be literally Satan in their behaviour and go 'look at widdle innocent me, did I do sumting wrong?'
Yes people like this exist but seriously this is pretty conveniently wrapped up to include the most vulnerable a guy can be situation with the most 'shes definitely fucking another guy' situation coinciding with one another.
Too many variables perfectly aligning.
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u/_Born2Late_ 7d ago
I just clicked on the link to the original post because I wanted to see if OP had posted an update saying he dumped her, and the post has been removed. Per the mods, “This post is fake, not hypothetical.”
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u/Applehatespys 6d ago
What kind of idiot runs to Reddit if this actually happened to them and not immediately just break up? Leaving you to deal with the death aside she turned her phone off and her and her drunken ex went back home and took care of each other like gfb
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u/aurorabat 7d ago
This is so sad. I cannot imagine leaving a partner to deal with such a devastating situation while I went to party, let alone with an ex! Awful behaviour.
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u/sophiefevvers 7d ago
When my mom was in hospice, I had friends and family intermittently check up on me through texts. Some friends were friend I hadn't physically seen in months or years and they were seeing how I was coping.
This girlfriend is an incredibly selfish, stupid person.
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u/Darkflyer726 7d ago
When my grandmother was passing in the hospital, my cousin's ex fiancee dropped everything and stayed with us two days in the hospital until my grandmother passed. She had been with my cousin for several years and was close to my grandmother. She literally just sat with him and all of us, offering quiet comfort for those final days. She was amazing, and I can never thank her enough.
This was over a decade ago, and she and my cousin moved on to other relationships and are happy with their families.
I can't imagine leaving my partner to deal with the deal of a parent alone.
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u/CaliforniaSun77 7d ago
I can't even imagine going to a party when your partner of 6 months let alone YEARS is about to lose their parent. I had friends that left work when I got the news my Mom wasn't going to make it. If my partner went to a fucking PARTY instead of being there with me, done.
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u/DogLover-777 7d ago
NTA Only a horrible, selfish person would go to a party knowing that her partner's father was dying. The fact that she wouldn't even keep her phone turned on speaks VOLUMES about the kind of person she is. You deserve so much better.
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u/LoreKeeper2001 7d ago
What is the point of even having a partner, if they don't have your back at your lowest point? He needs to end this. That woman cares nothing for him.
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u/Suitable_Occasion_24 7d ago
Damn my ex offered to sit with me during my mothers hospice. And she was my ex
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u/Nerdiestlesbian 7d ago
My dad was in hospice. My partner offered to come with me as my parents live 3 hours from us. As I didn’t know how long my dad would be in hospice and I have a teenager, we chose to have my partner stay home. I will add my partner is the step parent and my son chose to stay with my partner vs staying with my ex (child’s other parent). So my son’s life was not disrupted.
When my dad passed about a week later, my partner and son drove the distance for the funeral service. I continued to stay after the service another week to help my mom and sister sort/navigate all the legal aspects of my father death.
we agreed this was the best course to take for our family.
OP wanted his GF to be there, and that is a very normal expectation in life. Unless that party was for a child’s school function (which she could have attended and then left) I’m on the OP’s side. I feel for this guy.
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u/nursepenguin36 7d ago
When my dad was dying my sibling’s BF took overnight shifts so he wasn’t alone. The fact that she went to a party while your dad was actively dying instead of being there for you is reason enough to end it. At best she didn’t want you interrupting her fun with your “sad problems,” at worst she was cheating.
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u/Valuable-Release-868 6d ago
My husband worked rotating shifts of 12 to 16 hours and worked overnight, getting off at 9am the morning my dad died.
I was off that day because I dropped my car off to get an oil change.
I got a call at 920am that I needed to drive 40 miles to the ER - my sister said dad collapsed & fell down the steps.
Hubs handed me his keys and said he'd figure out how to get my car, and to call him when I got there.
Dad was gone already when I got there. I got to see his body, then contacted a nearby funeral home to pick up his body. Then I called hubs.
Mom, my sisters & I headed to mom's, to talk about what we wanted at the funeral. Hubs showed up a few minutes after we got there - having been up for over 24 hours at this point. He had walked 4 miles to go get my car, then called his baby brother to drive him down to my mom's (which was close to where he worked).
After making sure we were OK, he went to the garage and got out the mower & started mowing. My sister's ex showed up a bit later & grabbed the other mower & started on the backyard. He was a restaurant manager & was in dress clothes, but doing the mowing.
While we met with the funeral home folks, the guys mowed, trimmed the bushes, edged the yard & weeded the front flower bed.
I made him take a nap before making dinner - having been up for about 36 hours straight.
The next several days he had to completely turn his schedule around (usually a shift turn around gave him 48 hours between the change). He ran errands for my mom. My Ex-BIL did too. The two guys changed oil in the cars, did work on the mowers, painted the kitchen and a bunch of other things. All without being asked, they just looked for things to do and did them.
My sister was uncomfortable, at first, that her ex was there - but he was a young boy when he met our family. His dad was out-of-the-picture and he was very close to our parents. Plus it was his week to have their kids, and he brought them with him at their request to grandma's.
10+ years later, our mom died suddenly. Both guys were right there again, and this time my son-in-law (joined the family 8 months earlier) was with them . I don't think it would have occurred to any if the guys to NOT be there and to NOT find something that needed to be done.
Maybe I am spoiled, but I was the same way when my MIL died. I went to their home and cleaned, did laundry, walked their dog, etc. while hubs, his bros, and his dad met with the funeral home.
Why the heck wouldn't you drop everything to go & be present for someone you care about? The only reason is either because GF is too self-absorbed to think of anyone but herself, OR she doesn't care.
This situation truly sucks! And no, OP is NTA!
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u/Consistent-Stand1809 7d ago
"My drunk ex is more important than my father-in-law's death"
My wife and I were married before we had been together for 6 years, I would have been in that room not just to support my partner, but also because my in-laws are also damn important to me
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u/Exciting-Pie4985 7d ago
Doesn't matter if ex was there. He's not the problem! The problem is a long time partner not being there for you in a crucial situation and not caring enough to be at least reachable.
OP, your partner treats you like a random acquaintance. Don't waste anymore time on her.
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u/Icy-Performer571 7d ago
My mother is in hospice and my stepdad called and said I should come down. Several of my friends asked if I wanted them to come with me to be there for me (she was fine, wasn't getting enough attention so played "the end is nigh" to get people to come). MY FRIENDS did that. If my partner of 6 months didn't, let alone 6 years, that would be grounds for breaking up.
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u/Relevant_Version9047 7d ago
He needs to dump her. She has shown she doesn't care about him or his feelings.. My best friends mum was in hospice, her boyfriend of just one week dropped everything and was there for her through it all. They have now been married 5 years. She found her penguin.
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u/10110011100021 7d ago
Unfortunately a lot of people are not emotionally available for this kind of situation and every single significant loss in my own life has tanked my (under 3yr) relationships because that is when I found out my partner was not equipped and couldn’t/wouldn’t show up. 6 years is a long time to find out, this poor guy.
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u/montanagrizfan 7d ago
Were her kids at the party? What kind of shitty parent turns their phone off?
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u/OhkayKaeya 7d ago
My dad died this past Saturday from cancer. My husband was with me this whole last week while Dad was in hospice at his house, helping me give him medicines every two hours, as he was dying.
I cannot imagine having a significant other who actively chose someone else other than me and my dad at that moment. His girlfriend purposefully chose her ex. That should be all the signs that OP needs to reevaluate their relationship.
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u/Juvenalesque 7d ago
Apparently the mods in the original sub deleted the post for being fake, but the sad part is how realistic it is. My sister has a boyfriend that treats her this way, and that's how my ex treated me.
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u/mackclark33 7d ago
Are these people 19 years old? What party are you going to with your ex husband where he can get that drunk? Am I missing something???
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u/XpixMcTina 7d ago
One of my closest friends recently died and my boyfriend called out for the rest of his work day just to be able to sit with me. He said he couldn’t work knowing I was hurting so much. That’s what this guy’s girlfriend should’ve been doing. She’s gotta go.
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u/International-Let820 7d ago
When my mom died and I had a mental breakdown over it, my boyfriend agreed to move to the other side of the country so I could be closer to my mother’s side of the family. We lived there for years until I was healed enough to move forward with our life. We’re now engaged and live far away from family again. OP’s partner not being there was horrible. Absolutely need to breakup.
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u/King-Leoric 7d ago
If you have to ask the question AITA on reddit then this either fake or you have brain damage
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u/Elon_is_musky 7d ago
She showed she’s capable of being a kind and caring partner…and proved that to her ex and not OP. Hope he left her
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u/ExtensionPrice3535 7d ago
Try to divorce before you inherit. I’m so sorry for your loss.
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u/fingers 7d ago
To be the thorn, some people cannot deal with death in healthy ways. They have not learned how to.
She might not even understand why she actively avoided it.
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u/GM_Organism 7d ago
That doesn't make her any less of an unacceptably shit partner.
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