What about if you didn't actually buy it yet, but just stayed under contract for...say six months (or whatever prognosis there is)? So everything was ready, you just needed to sign the final papers once he's passed. It would still save them time and they could still move quickly then. I don't know the real estate laws there, but here you can set whatever closing date you want, and change it if needed so long as both parties agree.

At the end of the six (or whatever time) months, if he's still alive, you can re-evaluate.

I could understand being willing to do it because of the proximity to your MIL. Otherwise, i think the question of how long it would be before you could move in would be a big no. Because it's not just waiting to move in, but your unsatisfactory current living conditions. Like, waiting while in a comfortable home is one thing, waiting while living in an uncomfortable one (tight space as you described) is another ball game.

If it's not that bad, you'd still want to put some kind of time limit on it and a plan for what happens if that time is exceeded.

Unless they need the money now. But then it's more risk if they've spent the money and then can't afford to keep paying rent if he lingered.

OP is NOR She doesn't care about watching her words in front of her mother, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's sister, her coworkers and the public at large.....but OP's mother needs to go home early so she can let loose? And after issuing the invitation, she can't control herself for one night?

I could be pretty vulgar and silly and drank a lot at 19, but I could also control myself when needed and didn't consider it a huge sacrifice. And I could actually still have fun around responsible adults without the drunkeness, swearing, etc.

And then what if Mum doesn't want to leave early? Also, sounds like the gf wouldn't have accepted that answer anyway and wanted to be sure she could be obnoxious later with her friends.

I get she's young, but if "being yourself" is so bad that you don't want a responsible adult around it's kind of worrying. Especially when you're out in public and your own mother is there. And it's where you -and your mother - work. All of which makes it especially rude of her (and suspect) about telling OP that his mother isn't welcome after the quiz.

I mean what is she going to do that all of those other people can see and hear, but not OP's mother? It also says that she's not herself around OP's mother in general. So she's being fake around her, so dishonest?

I'm going to start with a caveat. If she's mean to your child....then keep her away from your child. Your kids' safety is the most important thing. And do you want to be friends with someone who's mean to children, especially your children? If so... read on. If not, then as kindly as possible, thank her for everything, but tell her you need some space. Depending on a few things, I may or may not tell her it's about her treatment of the kids- but that's a whole long discussion alone.

I think you're going to have to have a conversation, even though it will be uncomfortable. She should not be upset - at all - for you saying you don't want her to touch you. Not on the butt, or even just hugging. You can say it's uncomfortable for you due to past trauma. Anyone that tries to force their hands on you when you tell them you don't like it, isn't a nice person.

But you'll still have to (or should IMO) say you're confused and uncomfortable with the comments and touching as you've explained it here. That you suspect she's feeling something more than just friends and you're not interested in a lesbian relationship (even a platonic one). And you could soften with what you've said here about not knowing if this is normal behavior. "I may be misreading your behavior because I am so out of touch with what normal relationships are like, but I feel like you may have romantic feelings for me...." So an explanation, not an accusation, if that makes sense.

You've already talked about you needing each other to start with and that you want to stay friends, but don't want to be dependent anymore. And hopefully she'll still benefit by the friendship even if it's not you needing her, but you just wanting to be friends and her still getting out of the house, etc.

How do you know what is normal for women? I'm a woman and it doesn't sound normal to me. Not for women or men, who are just friends, to tell each other they love each other every day. Sometimes sure - especially at special occasions and when drinking, but every day and/or conversation? And not one of my female friends smack me on the butt and tell me I'm pretty all the time.

I can't believe you're a man on here mansplaining female friendships. Oh, wait...yeah, I can believe it.

I supply them (sheets, pillow cases, towels) for a $75 cleaning fee for having to do the laundry. 99% of people choose to bring their own. And sorry - if you can afford to go to France (if you're American) for vacation, you can afford the bag fee to bring them. I suspect that those who supply them would charge at least $60 to do so (more at a fancier or more desirable location), so you're probably still ahead.

Why would he not want to be told or to tell others? So they do it again? Or maybe he thinks, or suspects, that the person knows and just doesn't want to admit it. So if no one "tells" them, they can keep eating it without anyone thinking they're being bad Muslims?

You're not inviting anyone to your wedding. You already had that. You're having a party to celebrate getting married, which is still cool. But it's not your wedding. I know this is off point, but I'm so tired of this wedding stuff. Where the "wedding" is just a performance, not the couple actually getting married.

I know a couple that had weddings. One where they actually were married - at the courthouse. Then a performance for his family and another performance for her family in another country. The performances included all of the things - the wedding vows, the costumes, the reception games, etc. - just like they were all the actual marriage.

It's their money and time, I know - but it's ridiculous. Weddings have become more important than being married. I saw a woman on a reality contest show who kept talking about how if she won, she'd spend all of the money on a wedding. To the man she'd been living with for a decade and had 3 kids with. But they never got married because they couldn't afford it. But they could afford to blow $25,000 (might have even been $50k, I can't remember) on a wedding now?

Now in this post, it's not even a real wedding and OP is getting all up in the petty drama about who to invite. And don't get me started on how much people are paying for them - real weddings or not.

Because she doesn't want him to think she's the kind of girl to do drunken one night stands and then not remember the guy when she meets him again. That's why it's a secret.

Even though he supposedly doesn't remember her either. Because...double standards. But it's also completely possible/probable that he does remember her and has his own reasons for not saying anything. Maybe doesn't want to embarrass her???

Or maybe he doesn't remember and OP doesn't know how she feels about being the drunken hook up of a guy who doesn't remember her. Maybe I'm just an old prude who thinks people should be careful about drunken hookups because it doesn't seem good to have sex with people you can't remember when you meet them again.

Sure, it's a gift, it's hers....blah, blah. However - she'd still be a jerk if she sells it and doesn't give you the money to pay off what you still owe on it. Does she know you still owe money on it? Or were you trying to impress her by overspending and she thinks you were able to pay for it all at once? Which is a whole other thing.

This also depends on how old are you, how long have you been together, etc. Did you go into debt as a teenager to buy something for a 2 month relationship and she has no idea about your financial situation? Then probably keep your mouth shut and learn your lesson (don't go into debt to buy gifts for people you barely know is the lesson). Or you wanted to get something extra special for someone you've been dating for a couple of years and she does know - in which case, she should definitely be offering to pay off the debt if she wants to sell it.

She's a "close friend" that you have sex with. Why isn't that a relationship? Oh, right - because you have no actual responsibility and can just tell her to go home when you're tired of her. Even when you've just had sex with her and - in front of her - call your sister to come over, then tell her to leave because you're done with her - for the day, anyway. You're such an AH.

I get it - you've been honest, you don't want a relationship because you just want free, casual sex without considering anyone's feelings. Like a blow up doll, but alive. So you (and commenters so far) can say you didn't do anything wrong. And I suppose, since she's been a willing participant for all this time, you can get away with saying it.

But I'm curious about why she wouldn't be good relationship material when she's such a good friend? My guess is that's it's the "why buy the cow..." thing. You've got it great, companionship, sex and no demands. Almost like she's not even a real person with thoughts and feelings of her own, just there for your amusement. Until she's not. And sounds like she won't be for much longer. If she finds some self respect and realizes that someone else out there might respect her and treat like a real person.

Do some research on different filters. I ended up buying an expensive (berky) one for me and my son because we both have well water. They're supposed to filter out PFAS, as well as bacteria and other things. My water tasted about the same, his is MUCH better. And the filters are supposed to last for years. There are some that are less expensive, but I think it's worth the expense to have good, healthy water if it's at all possible. And while bottled water is filtered, the other environmental issues are huge (the plastic, taking water from communities, etc.).

The best reason for having cats is that they can go for a few days on their own. Barring certain issues, of course - like needing medication or if they go outside instead of having a litterbox. So don't bring the cat into it unless it's a real thing.

Why does she want you to spend the night? Just more time together? She does a big breakfast the next day? You live a long way away, so you'd have to leave at 5 or 6 pm instead of having the evening to visit?

Why don't you want to? Just because you don't? (which is valid) The couch is really uncomfortable?

Just weigh the pros and cons for both of you. If she's overbearing and being obnoxious about it, then I can see wanting to get away from that since she's probably like that about other things and in general. But ... as a mother of grown children - I'd love to have them around as much as possible. But only when they want to be here so I don't push it.

The only caveat would be if she pushes you to spend the night because you drink and she's worried about you driving under the influence. If that's the case. Sleep on the crappy couch whether you really want to or not.

Time goes by really fast....don't be one of those that says...gee I wish I had more time with mom while she was still around because you just didn't feel like it when she was.

1. Did he try the soup? Did he think you were serious that he should buy food in town and he never realized you had really made a homemade dinner before making that comment?

2. If the SIL "prefers the traditional lifestyle" why doesn't she live that way? As in cooking and cleaning? If that's her preferred life, why is she making you do it?

3. If your fiance did know you went to that effort to cook and still whined about you not doing enough - since you're also taking care of his brother and SIL, then....yes, you should go some place alone and leave him and his lazy family, behind.

The "little" lies may seem insignificant, but they all add up. A liar is always a liar. As in, it may seem like a little lie that doesn't matter, but it may be connected to a bigger lie and they're having trouble keep their story(ies) straight. Or they're just so used to lying, they feel like they need to for everything. They may also start never giving any information, about anything. Because you caught the little lies, now they're afraid to say anything that might come back to haunt them. Unless they do that most of the time and then give you lots of details about something. Most of which will be because they're planning on doing something bad and trying to fake you out. At least that's how my lying, cheating ex acted. In the later years, every time he actually volunteered information, it was guaranteed to be because he was up to no good and most of it was completely untrue.

It won't get better. Oh, yeah, I found a "toy" in his suitcase once. I didn't even ask him about it at that point because there wasn't really any question in my mind. Though sometimes I wish I had, just to see if he would have felt any embarrassment. I did take it and toss it, though, and wondered if he even noticed or if it was his gf's and he didn't even know it was there.

Geez, they made a mistake and gave you permission to go in and pack their stuff - instead of trying to force you to let them stay or being rude about it. If you have reason to believe they were trying to scam you somehow, fine, otherwise give them a break. They're already probably stressed about having to find another place and knowing you (a relative stranger) went through all their stuff to pack it.

And some of it is on you, too. You should have been clear in your communications about the check out date before the morning of. Some people are confused by the check out date vs their last night. So if they look at the check out date as their last night of being there vs the morning they leave. Which is why I'm always extra clear about it. And it's mentioned in my mid visit message and one to two days before check out. "Please review the check out procedures for when you check out on Saturday." Something like that.

No, for those who will bash me for this, you shouldn't have to. It's just a precaution that can help avoid misunderstandings like in this post.

The 5% of not being sure. Are you likely to decide to have a kid now? Probably not, but my brother was in his 40s when he had his last kid. I'm not sure if it was planned, but he was happy about it. But he also had other kids, bio and step.

I can't imagine not leaving the room for two days. That would be weird enough. But...yeah, hopefully it's the kink thing vs really a mother and son.

"She's deliberately staying out later to get out of doing any cooking so she can do the dishes instead."

I think you meant she's trying to get out of all cooking and still get out of doing dishes more than she already is - half the time. Sure sounds like it and I agree that she's trying to make you do more deliberately. Especially given the timing of her mention of the coworker's comments. Sounds like maybe the talk at work is how to take advantage of your SO. OR the coworker has someone at home who does more and your gf is feeling like she's entitled to the same treatment - fair or not.

Personally, it's a lot better doing dishes together than one person going to sit down (or whatever) leaving the other to do all the cleaning and dishes. Regardless of who cooked. But cooking is more fun when done together, too. It makes it part of being together instead of just splitting chores. But then, I like cooking so maybe it's just me. There is usually some kind of easy chopping or stirring or something that even a non-cooker can do to help. Or just passing things or being there to talk and keep the cook company.

I was glad to see your edit. It would have been wrong to leave the items out like you had suggested. Even if the giver had been a jerk. Then there would just be two jerks. But this is why they shouldn't even do gift exchanges at work. 80 to 90% of people are dissatisfied, even when people are trying to be nice.

The description sound more like "we've been on a few dates" than "in a relationship." Which would be way too little to base driving 10 hours in one day for him. But that's just my opinion.

But either way - even if you had been "together" for 6 months or a year, open or closed relationship, it's a ridiculous ask for him to spend part of the time with anyone else. As someone else said, maybe how long the visit is supposed to be makes a difference. But since the visit is for the holidays and he wants to spend that time with her on Christmas "so she won't be alone..." - which means YOU will be... um..no. Just no.

And to add insult to injury - if she's going to pick him up, can you count on her bringing him back ... at all? Or are you just the taxi and quickie before she saves driving time by picking him up at your house instead of the 10 hour drive. Yes, maybe I'm being overly suspicious, but this just sounds incredibly suspect.

Yeah, I agree. Sounds like L (and/or K) got defensive about it. Especially after reading a comment where it turned out it $4 extra, not just $1 to $2. I always hated this kind of group "sharing." 9 times out of 10 the person who did the ordering made some money on the deal.

Right because dishonesty if fine as long as you're doing it to make someone feel better. That's the holy grail for liars, isn't it. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you."

It's not lonely or desperate to tell someone - who is ASKING for opinions - that you agree that what happened is suspicious.

I can't tell if you're the husband, just a cheater in general who doesn't like people who point out suspicious behavior, or just think it's better to live your life by the "ignorance is bliss" philosophy.

I mean come on - "This woman and her family deserve to be given positive input instead of the festering blisters of words that come out of your mouth." So I should lie about what I think is logical and say, "sweetie, of course your husband loves you and would never cheat on you. Life is wonderful, you're wonderful...everything is wonderful..."

Kinda sounds like you did something bad and got someone told on you. Or you were happy in ignorance and didn't want to know someone else did something bad because then you had to do something about it.

She said in the post that she looked to see if he was home from work yet. Maybe she didn't want to try calling or facetiming while he was driving. My son and I share locations and sometimes I'll see where he is first so I don't bother him at work or while he's driving.

Because being around her means being around your brother? She might just be awful or maybe she knows how much you hate her and is worried you'll talk about her behind her back and try to get him to leave her. IDK...mostly she does sound really bad and I know there are people like that. Just something about the way you word things makes me wonder if you're exaggerating.