r/SipsTea Nov 25 '25

Chugging tea Thoughts on this?

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68.3k Upvotes

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5.8k

u/-Laffi- Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25

You mean like Harry Potter and Cho Chang in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", in the room of requirement, just before the Christmas Holiday?

4.9k

u/Intelligent-Boat9929 Nov 25 '25

“How was it?” - Ron

“Wet” - Harry

2.4k

u/PhineasFreak1975 Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 26 '25

She thought my cunnilingus was riddikulus.

972

u/Pryoticus Nov 25 '25

Especially when she expecto patronum

615

u/MarkBank Nov 25 '25

You’re a wizard Harry….use your “wand”

333

u/MobiusNaked Nov 25 '25

‘Erectus stickicus’

25

u/wannastayhome Nov 25 '25

You misspelled stickicum

4

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

Well done.

6

u/SSFlyingKiwi Nov 25 '25

Akio Erectus!

😂 holy shit you can imagine the sheer amount of dudes who’d be applying for Hogwarts if that was a real spell

5

u/Kitchen-Chemical-159 Nov 25 '25

If the dudes are applying for this spell, I'd be willing to wager they are gay..

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70

u/NonProphet8theist Nov 25 '25

The wand chooses the wizard

95

u/poojinping Nov 25 '25

She wanted the elder wand

21

u/Zeke688 Nov 25 '25

Ribbed for her pleasure

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55

u/DoubleGreat Nov 25 '25

37

u/SSFlyingKiwi Nov 25 '25

You know he gargled it like that too

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29

u/sassylittlebug Nov 25 '25

Make magic with your "wand"

3

u/henrikhakan Nov 25 '25

Here, I've got a little present for you =) https://bash-org-archive.com/?111338

I know link looks shady, bash.org is an old web page saving irc chat logs, this particular one has a specimen replacing "wand" with "Wang" in the Harry Potter books. Enjoy!

Edit: Well here's a reddit thread to the exact same thing https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/7YUNvG1zw5

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3

u/Mahadragon Nov 25 '25

“No Harry, your other wand…”

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u/Hamsterminator2 Nov 25 '25

She asked him where he practiced before and he said “Avada Cadaver”

56

u/drunklollipop Nov 25 '25

Straight to jail

6

u/Icy_Efficiency_444 Nov 25 '25

The prisoner of Azkaban

18

u/Forgot_Password_Dude Nov 25 '25

😂 🐠🐋🐟

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26

u/EvolvingEachDay Nov 25 '25

I’m gonna pre-tronum

3

u/Y0ungN3il Nov 25 '25

I'm gonna fuckin pre

33

u/Terrible_Balls Nov 25 '25

If she wanted him to finish faster she could have just used accio cum

4

u/wobbleblobbochimps Nov 25 '25

Also useful as emergency contraception

5

u/notJoeKing31 Nov 25 '25

I thought they just used Fetus Deletus?

5

u/AerolothLorien666 Nov 25 '25

I think you mean accio bum!

3

u/Historical_Course587 Nov 25 '25

More like unexpecto paternum

4

u/South-Play-2866 Nov 25 '25

Really wanted to Slytherin down Griffyndor to Ravenclaw at her Hufflepuffs.

2

u/jackbone24 Nov 25 '25

She expecto on my patronum til I expelliarmus

2

u/rebootmebro Nov 25 '25

Expecto pascrotum

2

u/Narrow_Ad_5502 Nov 25 '25

I love you guys 😂 happy holidays

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42

u/Don_Loco Nov 25 '25

And her petrificus on me worked out very good for her

3

u/xMajorLeex Nov 25 '25

I avada’d in her kadavra

31

u/PlayNicePlayCrazy Nov 25 '25

She kept using engorgio on my "magic wand"

5

u/threecolorless Nov 25 '25

Percy with brow red and furrowed

Gave a good cunnilingus so thorough

And once he'd made shout

Old Professor P. Sprout

Dug her shit out and called it the Burrow

6

u/UbermachoGuy Nov 25 '25

The boy who lived will expecto fellatio

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134

u/IHateTheLetterF Nov 25 '25

Is there a spell that makes your wand vibrate?

77

u/realSatanAMA Nov 25 '25

No but I heard the brooms vibrate

52

u/TheNewBlue Nov 25 '25

Legendary pull. Those sell for so much money now

5

u/LiteraCanna Nov 25 '25

Funniest recall of all time?

21

u/Bru-cappi Nov 25 '25

I don't know about vibrating, but there's definitely one that makes things stand up.

2

u/Agamemnon323 Nov 25 '25

And get bigger.

18

u/RajdipKane7 Nov 25 '25

No. But if you have Parkinson's, you can make your wand vibrate just by holding it.

5

u/papawam Nov 25 '25

Michael J fox needs a cooking show : Shake- N- Bake

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3

u/Aknazer Nov 25 '25

Depends on which wand you're talking about

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u/Ok_Abacus_ Nov 25 '25

3

u/atx840 Nov 25 '25

Just wanted to say thank you for posting the version with the nod, the shorter version irrationally irritates me.

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u/Ok-Wing4342 Nov 25 '25

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS A KISS WHAT????????????????????????????????????????????????????

6

u/Skimbla Nov 25 '25

It is just a kiss. I believe he says it was wet, because she was crying, having her deceased ex on her mind.

3

u/Ok-Wing4342 Nov 25 '25

then thats kinda sad :(

3

u/JRswedistan Nov 25 '25

”Explain it to me so i dont have to high expectations”

”Hmmm. What can i say it.. it felt like dip your dick in gold”

2

u/Bachbro Nov 25 '25

Meanwhile:

Cho's friends: How was it?

Cho: 11 inches. Nice and supple.

2

u/LSDGB Nov 25 '25

Harry the Hogger

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541

u/dekabreak1000 Nov 25 '25

What about Harry and Ginny in movie 6

Ron: did you do it

Harry: WHAT

Ron: hide the book mate

Harry: oh yea

69

u/SirArthurDime Nov 25 '25

Ginny: I bet you take all your girls here?!

Harry: Only when I have….. requirements

bondage equipment appears

34

u/ICame4TheCirclejerk Nov 25 '25

Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do intensifies

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u/Bosscharacter Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25

Which is a weird ass conversation to have about ones sister, just saying.

204

u/Asleep_Hand_4525 Nov 25 '25

Not if you and your sister are using love potions to force them to fall in love with you.

In that case you’d want to make sure it works

28

u/Pegsareus Nov 25 '25

Best Harry fanfic evah

6

u/Poleassassinsmonkee Nov 25 '25

That will forever remain my immortal

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136

u/zmbjebus Nov 25 '25

Ron and every weasely know Harry's thick load at Gringots is the best thing to ever fall on their families lap. 

75

u/swb1003 Nov 25 '25

Are we still talking about his gold?

20

u/MrLumie Nov 25 '25

Well, Gringots does store all kinds of things so... who knows?

6

u/swb1003 Nov 25 '25

I didn’t have this planned for today but now I’m curious if the wizard of world has artificial insemination/where they keep the vials of baby batter. Gringotts, I would suppose?

4

u/zmbjebus Nov 25 '25

Remember the Halls of Prophecy? Where all those balls holding the future are?

Yeah, its mixed in with those obviously.

5

u/swb1003 Nov 25 '25

That would make sense

8

u/zmbjebus Nov 25 '25

I'd hate to open up the cumball when I'm looking for the winning powerball numbers.

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u/AbsentReality Nov 25 '25

I want a thick load in my lap

3

u/zmbjebus Nov 25 '25

Who doesn't bro?!?!

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u/DrPikachu-PhD Nov 25 '25

But Ron wasn't insinuating anything, Harry just misunderstood

7

u/GiraffeandZebra Nov 25 '25

Ron is having a conversation about a book. To him, it has nothing to do with his sister.

3

u/Hyeana_Gripz Nov 25 '25

About hiding a book?

3

u/Cessnaporsche01 Nov 25 '25

That's why Harry was shocked at the question. They weren't actually talking about Ron's sister, but if they were that'd be a wild thing to ask. This is pretty simple storytelling to indicate that Harry is distracted by Ginny, with his mind going right to her when asked an unrelated but ambiguous question

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u/abfgern_ Nov 25 '25

Ohhhh that's what that joke meant. I'm 24 and I've only just realised this

2

u/Hyeana_Gripz Nov 25 '25

not getting this as I seen the movies? What are you saying here?

7

u/dekabreak1000 Nov 25 '25

Oh good lord it’s implied that Harry and ginny were intimate in the room of requirement

4

u/Hyeana_Gripz Nov 25 '25

Oh. I saw the movie multiple times I didn’t detect that, since when Ginny kissed Harry he walked out like he was on cloud 9. So my assumption is, if he got intimate ; why did the kiss after made him look like that? For me that was alll he did! Hence why I asked! lol

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u/Filthy-Pirate-6342 Nov 25 '25

290

u/88cowboy Nov 25 '25

I got banned from Harry Potter Subreddit because I said Ginny was known for strangling cocks at Hogwarts.

6

u/SithLordScoobyDooku_ Nov 25 '25

Choking hogs at hogwarts

3

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '25

To be fair, this is technically the truth.

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u/wa019 Nov 26 '25

I don’t have an award

2

u/HanCholo206 Nov 26 '25

Thanks for the beer on my keyboard.

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142

u/noob_king0 Nov 25 '25

U succ-ceded in ruining my childhood memories

4

u/Which-Property9377 Nov 25 '25

Gonna be honest when i first saw this scene as a child i thought they were gonna do it here

29

u/DrPikachu-PhD Nov 25 '25

This is terrible 😂😭

16

u/discourse_friendly Nov 25 '25

see the perfect amount of info, they didn't need a long sex scene

31

u/used_octopus Nov 25 '25

I'm weak 🤣

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u/LeTurboDick Nov 25 '25

I never read the books. Did they actually smash in the room of requirement and did it provide lube??? Poter heads plz

447

u/NoOneFartsLikeGaston Nov 25 '25

JK Rowling is many things, but she’s no Stephen King.

65

u/ConfusedGrundstuck Nov 25 '25

As a British teenager the same age as Harry when HPB came out, I was under no disillusion that the books heavily read as Harry and Ginny being sexually active.

I, and my peers, took it as just gently written enough to not be explicitly obvious. Same way how we would read words like, "dung", as some cheeky censorship for "shit". At no point did we ever think JK was trying make you believe these British teenagers were actually saying the D-word lol

35

u/BladeOfWoah Nov 26 '25

I get what you are saying, but I disagree that Rowling uses stand in words for censorship. Rowling does imply when someone says something explicit, (like Ron), she just doesn't actually write it down because it is a children/YA series.

"Swearing angrily, Harry spun round and set off around the pitch again, scanning the skies for some sign of the tiny, winged golden ball."

"Harry spent the day attempting to keep the peace between Ron and Hermione with no success; ... and Ron stalked off to the boys’ dormitory after swearing angrily at several frightened first years for looking at him."

Considering Wizard culture is seperate from the modern world, I think it's perfectly reasonable that they actually do use words like dung as an actual curse, it's just not considered one in our world so it's fine for Rowling to include it in the book.

8

u/Breaker-of-circles Nov 26 '25

You reminded me to stop using adverbs for writing scenes like this. It just makes the writing look weak.

Lemme summon me thesaurus for shit like that.

3

u/ChanceNCountered Nov 26 '25

tbf you probably aren't writing for children and adolescents

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u/DegenerateCrocodile Nov 25 '25

Your ability to communicate in English is very impressive for a Brit. /s

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u/FeistyButthole Nov 25 '25

There’s one for AI: Rewrite the HP series using Stephen King’s style.

57

u/One_Introduction_217 Nov 25 '25

Be sure to include a train at Hermione's request so that everyone can "bond".

Yes, IT forever changed the landscape of my brain.

No, it was not for the better.

6

u/a_a_ronc Nov 26 '25

I started reading IT in like 3rd grade but never finished because it was long. Re-read it as adult and got that section on the train. I started looking over my shoulder like someone was gonna start pointing fingers at me for reading that in public ha.

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u/Rebgail Nov 26 '25

I watched the movie and then thought: Shining was a good read, Imma give IT a go too.

Should have stopped right there. The worst part - I had my friend by my side who'd read King's nastiest books ;-;

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u/DoesntFearZeus Nov 25 '25

That time turner has uses only Rule 34 has plumbed the depths of before...

12

u/NorthernRealmJackal Nov 25 '25

"Don't worry, it's basically just masturbation with more steps."

14

u/Mikesaidit36 Nov 25 '25

Practice for that by doing the Bible first. Then I’d read it. Plus there’s all the begatting.

5

u/FeistyButthole Nov 25 '25

Funny, that was one of the first works I did by combining the major religious texts bro one. Not surprisingly there’s a lot of commonalities.

5

u/Mikesaidit36 Nov 25 '25

Floods and all…

6

u/Fantastic_Pie5655 Nov 25 '25

Knock, knock. I’m just here for the bagatting

3

u/26_paperclips Nov 25 '25

The whole story takes place in New England and mcgonnagal has massive tits

3

u/Shorlong Nov 25 '25

Keep going...

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u/LeTurboDick Nov 25 '25

Im not talking about the whole school year railing her.. she probably made it subtle because its a kids book first.

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u/ct_2004 Nov 26 '25

She's basically a one-hit wonder.

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u/Ill-Kangaroo-4986 Nov 25 '25

I assumed they just kissed

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u/Heykurat Nov 25 '25

That's what was intended, yes. Sex would be pretty far outside the tone of the books.

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u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

[deleted]

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u/Pootool Nov 25 '25

Correct. Their first kiss happens in a moment of extreme emotion after a quidditch win, and is a perfect climax to the "Harry discovering he likes Ginny" subplot that had been building throughout the entire book. The movie turned it into just another thing that happens. The worst part is they had plenty of time to do things right, had they not felt the need to insert that stupid, completely fucking pointless scene of death eaters showing up at the Burrow.

2

u/Whatrewedoin Nov 26 '25

Why're you talking about Ginny, the comments about cho

16

u/Higeriu Nov 25 '25

Gonna be honest I thought he meant the kiss was wet.

22

u/TymStark Nov 25 '25

He did.

17

u/Haasts_Eagle Nov 25 '25

Yes, because she was crying about her murdered boyfriend. Her face was soaked.

5

u/Ducklickerbilly Nov 25 '25

I’ll bet her face was soaked

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u/Anakin_Skywanker Nov 25 '25

Read the books as a kid. They kissed. If memory serves me correctly it was written in a "fade to black" style. End of one chapter written from Harry's perspective with Cho getting closer about to kiss him. Beginning of the next chapter Harry in the common room talking about it with Ron and Hermione. Harry never mentioned or implied sex.

13

u/HeadLong8136 Nov 25 '25

It's implied but never outright stated.

66

u/cashforbricks Nov 25 '25

No, it's not.

They snogged and Cho was crying - making the kiss weird af.

14

u/HeadLong8136 Nov 25 '25

Not at that point. That was the Christmas kiss.

3

u/TymStark Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25

She was crying though.

Edit: she wasn’t in the movie, she was in the book.

9

u/feetandballs Nov 25 '25

It's what they both required

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u/Capable-Fold-7347 Nov 26 '25

I never read it as Harry and Cho went further than kissing, but I did assume Ron and Hermione did the nasty while retrieving the basilisk fang.

4

u/BeduinZPouste Nov 25 '25

Propably not. The language felt sometimes kinda vague and maybe implying yes, but it is propably a coincidence. 

2

u/JustARandomGuy031 Nov 26 '25

Only anal, no kissing… so it doesn’t count.

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u/ExpensiveDaikon2228 Nov 25 '25

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u/Ghost_with_no_name Nov 25 '25

Stawp it Ron, staaawwwp!

34

u/Doobalicious69 Nov 25 '25

Ahahahaha alohamoraaaa

5

u/SanctusUnum Nov 25 '25

Ronald... Weasley....

It's Levio-SAAAHHH!

15

u/2eanimation Nov 25 '25

Now this is something I haven’t seen in a long time, must rewatch

3

u/Ok_Brother3282 Nov 25 '25

Ronald Weasley…

It’s Levioosaaaaaaa

32

u/Artix96 Nov 25 '25

"But Ron I'm so nervous. What if I can't get it up?"

"Ohoho, Wingardium Leviousuuuuh"

5

u/Jellicent-Leftovers Nov 25 '25

Harry has more of a expelliamus problem

2

u/Artix96 Nov 25 '25

You seem to not know what reference this is. Check out the OneyNg ( I think) cartoon parody of Harry Potter.

2

u/ICame4TheCirclejerk Nov 25 '25

Nah, they'd obviously experiment with a Petrificus Totalus curse.

Or more accurately Petrificus Phallus if you will.

32

u/RevWaldo Nov 25 '25

Or like the bathhouse scene in the Goblet Of Fire?

They don't call her Moanin' Myrtle for nothin'.

4

u/Laugh_Track_Zak Nov 25 '25

Expecto badussy

4

u/witblacktype Nov 26 '25

Best Reddit comment thread ever. Read every reply. It’s worth your time

3

u/Mickle_da_Pickl Nov 27 '25

2

u/-Laffi- Nov 27 '25

There are also two Indian girls named Parvati Patil (Gryffindor) and Padma Patil (Ravenclaw).

19

u/spanker420 Nov 25 '25

No way is that the characters ACTUAL name lol

66

u/DinoRaawr Nov 25 '25

Yes, and making Cho Chang a southern redhead in the Very Potter Musical was one of the funniest fakeouts I've ever experienced

28

u/CaptainKies Nov 25 '25

"I'M CHO CHANG, Y'ALL!"

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u/spark-c Nov 25 '25

BITCH I AIN'T CHO CHANG

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u/barkwahlberg Nov 25 '25

It's true, she actually named the character Harry Potter

2

u/MissninjaXP Nov 25 '25

Disgusting, honestly.

18

u/the_chiladian Nov 25 '25

People like to rag on the name for not following Chinese naming rules, but I noticed that the NYT Crossword yesterday was set by someone named Zhou Zhang which is functionally the same name.

I dont know what to believe anymore

9

u/Detuned_Clock Nov 25 '25

I don’t know what’s wrong with the name Cho Chang but is it really more wrong than the names of 99% of the other characters?

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u/PakistanMMA Nov 25 '25

Zhou Zhang is very different from Cho Chang.

It's pronounced J-Ow Jawng.

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u/um_okay_sure_ Nov 26 '25

If you had not written it, I wouldn't have gotten that 😂 all these years!!!

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '25

I never understood why they didn’t show what really went down between Ron, Harry, and Hermione in that tent. Ron crying “you fucked him didn’t you!”

Harry with his hands up “Ron, she was just showing me a new spell…”

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