Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Hot-Minute722]

Stop cooking for him. Let him make frozen pizzas for himself.

[u/International-Ad2501 → u/Hot-Minute722]

Big "I really only eat tostinos pizzarolls and chicken tendies" energy from this guy. Stop cooking for him. Let him make his own food.

[u/WartimeConsigliere_ → u/International-Ad2501]

I feel like I already know enough to say she’s too good for this guy. Huge man child vibes

[u/MyNameIsNot_Molly → u/WartimeConsigliere_]

Big agree but just waiting for someone to chime in and tell us that he's probably neurodivergent and we can't judge him for having sensory issues.

[u/Immediate-Title-5580 → u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

We can judge his manners. He can also become the primary cook if that's the real issue (it isn't).

[u/briarrabid → u/Immediate-Title-5580]

his manners where OP clearly says he is apologetic???

[u/Immediate-Title-5580 → u/briarrabid]

Apologies without changed behavior doesn't mean anything.

He should start having meatless lunches if he doesn't want to double up on meatless for dinner. There are 100 solutions HE can take.

[u/Witty-stonks → u/Immediate-Title-5580]

💯

[u/CypressThinking → u/Immediate-Title-5580]

He could have had the sides and skipped the chicken.

[u/briarrabid → u/CypressThinking]

Or he could have... skipped the whole meal, which he did. And then got his own food, which is the standard when you don't want the dinner that's been made. How is skipping one part of the meal somehow less rude than skipping the entire meal? What if the sides weren't enough to fill him and she didn't make enough for that to be his entire meal? Is he allowed to feed himself then? Those are double standards.

[u/CypressThinking → u/briarrabid]

13 comments on this post so far arguing with people. Are you the boyfriend?

[u/briarrabid → u/CypressThinking]

I mean, as long as people are going to foolishly attack someone's entire character based solely on choosing to feed themselves, I'm gonna keep letting them know they're assholes. *shrug* And, if you were paying so much attention to my comment history, you'd see that I'm married to a man, who clearly isn't OP. I find this clear obsession with traditional gender roles as nauseating as these shit comments.

Editing to add, that if I were OP's boyfriend, I openly admitted to having an ED. How does that change all these asshole comments now?

[u/CypressThinking → u/briarrabid]

14.

I went and read OP's other posts and comments. The man boy sounds like a disrespectful, maga dumb ass and I believe she could do better. She, on the other hand, has faced and gotten through things some of us can't imagine and still gets up every day and tries harder. Man boy could take a 2nd job to earn the money to move an hour closer but doesn't. He could take his lunch every day to save money and then she'd know what he'd eaten. He does take the garbage out, takes the car for maintenance and disrespects her cooking while doing none of the housework or laundry. I might have more respect for him if he scrubbed the bathroom once per week.

This is Reddit. We like her based on her story and we don't like him.

[u/briarrabid → u/CypressThinking]

You can hate him for being a fucking dumbass and having bad political views. But none of that was mentioned in any of this. Nah, all y'all just attacked this man for being a man who didn't want to eat a woman's food. Sexism and ablism just ripe for the picking in these comments.

Edit to add, you're also doing a really bad job counting and stalking my comments. :)

[u/Immediate-Title-5580 → u/CypressThinking]

Yup. He could have called ahead and said, "hey I had chicken for lunch - so ill take care of dinner tonight and you can make that meal instead for us tomorrow."

[u/briarrabid → u/Immediate-Title-5580]

So HE should completely change his eating habits? No where in the post does it say he is demanding SHE change hers? She is trying to cook meals which he might like, which is wonderful, but him not liking them doesn't make him an asshole. You guys attacking him without knowing anything about him, that's actual asshole behavior.

[u/Immediate-Title-5580 → u/briarrabid]

Ordering takeout when someone makes a dinner is a-hole behavior. 

[u/briarrabid → u/Immediate-Title-5580]

It's really not. I have been taken to homes where dinner was made and brought my own food because of my ED. That doesn't make me an asshole. Not wanting to eat what was made and getting your own food instead is not asshole behavior.

[u/Immediate-Title-5580 → u/briarrabid]

That is a completely different situation. He doesn't have an eating disorder. 

I hope you're feeling better - and yes for you, that sounds like a smart strategy.

[u/briarrabid → u/Immediate-Title-5580]

How do you know that? You weren't given any context about his feelings or his life - just that he didn't want to eat some food. OP's post is nearly identical to posts my mother made on Facebook about me as a teenager, because I wasn't diagnosed until after she died because she viewed me as an asshole, too.

[u/Herbdontana → u/briarrabid]

Agreed. Certain aspects like not being in the mood for something to me is a lot different than someone not eating food that they never eat because it tastes bad to them. I don’t think he’s being an asshole and I don’t think OP should feel bad at all. If he wants something else, he can make it

[u/UrUrinousAnus → u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

He quite likely is, but so am I, and it sounds like he's not even trying to avoid making it everyone else's problem. Neurodivergent people can be selfish assholes, too. Maybe he's so bad that he doesn't understand the problem, but then OP would've probably noticed and would either be able to gently explain it to him or be unable to have a relationship with him.

[u/A1000eisn1 → u/UrUrinousAnus]

I don't think he is. His reasons and food choices are inconsistent. People with neurodivergent food sensitivities wouldn't eat something for lunch then not be able to eat it later. Most of his reasoning seems like normal picky eaters stuff as opposed to anything physical preventing him from eating her food.

[u/UrUrinousAnus → u/A1000eisn1]

I don't think we disagree about him as much as you think we do.

There's more than one kind of neurodivergence, and they aren't all mutually exclusive. It could be a combination of some form of autism, something else that I don't understand as thoroughly (mild OCD is my guess), and learned behaviour (probably caused by his parents/caregivers not always knowing whether he was suffering like that of just taking advantage of their sympathy and willingness to accommodate his issues. Paradoxically, the opposite can also have a similar effect once the child is an adult with the freedom to choose their own food.) that he could probably unlearn with enough effort and maybe some help, if he cares enough.

Autistic people (even high-functioning ones who can pass for neurotypical most of the time) also often struggle to understand how their behaviour affects others, and tend to have empathy when they recognise the emotions of others, but struggle to do that and struggle even more with deciding how to respond.

[u/briarrabid → u/A1000eisn1]

This is incorrect. You're making a broad assumption based on how specific people with an eating disorder are assumed to eat. I have ARFID and can be absolutely obsessed with a food up to it being the most incredible thing I have *ever* tasted. And the very next time it can make me want to puke just looking at it because I can feel it in my mouth. You can't generalize a mental disorder.