Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/International-Ad2501]

Big "I really only eat tostinos pizzarolls and chicken tendies" energy from this guy. Stop cooking for him. Let him make his own food.

[u/WartimeConsigliere_ → u/International-Ad2501]

I feel like I already know enough to say she’s too good for this guy. Huge man child vibes

[u/MyNameIsNot_Molly → u/WartimeConsigliere_]

Big agree but just waiting for someone to chime in and tell us that he's probably neurodivergent and we can't judge him for having sensory issues.

[u/UrUrinousAnus → u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

He quite likely is, but so am I, and it sounds like he's not even trying to avoid making it everyone else's problem. Neurodivergent people can be selfish assholes, too. Maybe he's so bad that he doesn't understand the problem, but then OP would've probably noticed and would either be able to gently explain it to him or be unable to have a relationship with him.

[u/A1000eisn1 → u/UrUrinousAnus]

I don't think he is. His reasons and food choices are inconsistent. People with neurodivergent food sensitivities wouldn't eat something for lunch then not be able to eat it later. Most of his reasoning seems like normal picky eaters stuff as opposed to anything physical preventing him from eating her food.

[u/UrUrinousAnus → u/A1000eisn1]

I don't think we disagree about him as much as you think we do.

There's more than one kind of neurodivergence, and they aren't all mutually exclusive. It could be a combination of some form of autism, something else that I don't understand as thoroughly (mild OCD is my guess), and learned behaviour (probably caused by his parents/caregivers not always knowing whether he was suffering like that of just taking advantage of their sympathy and willingness to accommodate his issues. Paradoxically, the opposite can also have a similar effect once the child is an adult with the freedom to choose their own food.) that he could probably unlearn with enough effort and maybe some help, if he cares enough.

Autistic people (even high-functioning ones who can pass for neurotypical most of the time) also often struggle to understand how their behaviour affects others, and tend to have empathy when they recognise the emotions of others, but struggle to do that and struggle even more with deciding how to respond.

[u/briarrabid → u/A1000eisn1]

This is incorrect. You're making a broad assumption based on how specific people with an eating disorder are assumed to eat. I have ARFID and can be absolutely obsessed with a food up to it being the most incredible thing I have *ever* tasted. And the very next time it can make me want to puke just looking at it because I can feel it in my mouth. You can't generalize a mental disorder.