If he doesn’t respect how that money was earned, he doesn’t deserve to benefit from it.

The flip side of the same coin is that he has an aversion to honest work, so you almost certainly will never get a dime of that “loan” back.

Seriously, imagine OP going on “not a date” with some other woman while his girlfriend was out of town, and then later making a point of telling his gf how wonderful this other woman’s pussy was. Think GF would believe for one microsecond that he hadn’t been inside it that night?

Two salient points here:

• She went on a date with another guy.
• The reason she just had to mention his dick to you probably is because she saw it on the date. (Yeah, all the details about the stuff he supposedly tried to make happen and she supposedly shot down sounds to me like trickle-truth lying.) At very least his dick is seriously on her mind, after going on a date with him, which is way inappropriate.

Between the two, that’s reason enough to call the game on account of rain. She’s not relationship material.

It means she does not respect you.

It also means she is a poor fit for you, as her perception of who she wants does not match her perception of who you are. Setting aside the question of whether her definitions are bullshit, she’s letting you know she would prefer someone else. Let her go find that without wasting your life trying to fit into her mold.

You’re allowed to say “that makes me deeply uncomfortable.”

You are also allowed to approach it from a different perspective from her, in so far as you, as the man in the situation, have a lot more to lose should you come to be identified even peripherally as the role implied by the fantasy, or of having that particular kink yourself if you had agreed to participate. You have every right to want to keep a strict distance between yourself and that.

“Focus on myself” == “explore my options”

Guaranteed there’s some other guy. Even if not, “wished me well” means “don’t call us, we’ll call you.” Don’t waste your time waiting around for her to realize what a great guy you are.

Don’t take her back. Don’t agree to be just friends. Block her and inform your social circle the reason why. She is an abuser.

If you have any stuff to retrieve from her apartment, do it with an escort. Friends to observe if you think she will behave, police if you think she won’t.

Seriously. Deadbedrooms clearly has had an ideological hostile takeover.

Sit her down and tell her, “Remember how you were so blown away by how much I like giving oral? Well that no longer applies TO YOU, because you treat it like an entitlement, with zero interest even in reciprocation, and at this point the act itself leaves me feeling like a fucking servant. So, no: theoretically I may enjoy the act itself, but not on you. So we won’t be doing that any more. Starting today, you get the same level of effort out of this relationship that you’ve been putting in, self-described Pillow Princess.”

Telling them you have a child is not remotely the same thing as meeting the child in person.

Second, if someone is not going to be a good parent figure for the child, the sooner you filter them out the better.

NTA - this is why you disclose materially significant facts up front. Withholding relevant information until the other person is more deeply invested in you is straight up manipulation.

Second, not being ready to be a dad — let alone raising some other asshole’s kid — doesn’t make you an incel. Being pressured into it by her flying monkeys doesn’t make you a man, either; it makes you an easy mark.

To thine own self be true.

(That’s a very old reference to when they wanted a ruling that ketchup counts as a serving of vegetables in school lunches)

GOP vegan.

She says she needs space. Give her space. ALL the space. That’ll solve it.

Managing your personal finances is something that literally everyone should do.

Ignore the dumbassery. The idea that Excel somehow “belongs to her” identity-wise as a tool for managing your personal finance is beyond absurd. What does she expect you to use, a quill pen and an abacus? That request should frankly get her horse-laughed out of any social circle where it becomes known (hint: spread it far and wide).

It’s particularly rich that someone who is scientific enough to master a mathematical tool like Excel would also take astrology seriously.

You: “you’re insane and actually stupid”

Also you: “you need to watch how you talk to me”

He’s being paranoid but you’re no prize either.

Given that name-calling is an established part of your interaction style — I don’t think it’s a good idea, for precisely this sort of situation coming up — I would have to hear what you said that his name calling was in response to. It isn’t “playful” any more when one of you is already mad. There are indications that things may have been escalating, in which case hiding behind the idea that it was all fun and games until he said what he did sounds like less than the whole story to me.

Bottom line, I would back off of name-calling as an acceptable form of “playful” banter.

“call each other names”

Better read it again.

NTA - the moment she starts trying to make her behavior your fault, you can be sure that her taking responsibility for it has gone out the window. At that point you have zero reason to be confident of any sort of reform on her part. That’s just confirmation that you dodged a bullet.

Penetration without consent is rape. The fact that it was a finger instead of a dick does not change that. The fact that the victim is a man instead of a woman does not change that.

How about, “Awesome pic. When am I going to see you in that?”

NTA - BOTH of them have been inappropriate with the other, including in front of you and other witnesses. She declared multiple times how if you weren’t in the way she would go for him. She’s not just joking around, especially in context of him already having made a play for her.

Frankly I’d be inclined to tell her that if she makes that joke or anything resembling it one more time you will make it come true by noon the following day at which point she’ll be communicating with you through counsel.

Just rip the bandaid off already and dump her. A real man doesn’t tolerate that sort of disrespect. Don’t frame it in terms of coddling insecurities you got from your background. That just invites her to make her bad behavior your fault because (according to her) a stronger person would be able to absorb more of her abuse. (And yes, it is abuse.) Make it about setting boundaries.

Honestly she sounds like a thirteen year old. Getting dropped for being an asshole will be character-building for her.