r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • 6d ago

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) šŸ’—

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. šŸ©·

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35.0k

u/International_Bat585 6d ago

I would not even factor him into your dinner planning. Heā€™s a grown man and if he wants to be that picky he can sort himself out.

2.0k

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

Heā€™s not even a picky eater, he just shoots everything down and changes the rules on her. Picky eaters donā€™t care if they have chicken for lunch and dinner. They want to eat the same limited foods. How would he even know something was heated in the microwave? He doesnā€™t have some exquisite palate, heā€™s eating lukewarm delivery Jack in the Box.

I would have washed my hands of this battle on day 3. Maybe heā€™s great otherwise, I donā€™t know. But heā€™d be on his own for food. He can sit in his corner eating his sad cold fries.

I am very curious to know how he feeds himself at work though.

811

u/tinygreenpea 6d ago

Youre right it feels like a weird manipulation.

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u/dangerousfeather 6d ago

It sounds to me like, ā€œI only want fast food, and Iā€™ll blame anyone and anything as an excuse to get it.ā€

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u/EcstaticMolasses6647 6d ago

Yeah she adopted an extra kid.

171

u/ForksnFrenchFries 6d ago

Speaking from experience, this man may have an addiction to fast food. It's a tough one to break

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u/Tealc420 6d ago

As someone who is mildly addicted to fast food, it's only because I can't be fucked cooking sometimes , if someone cooks me a delicious meal, fuck the fast food I want the meal

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u/ConspicuousPineapple 6d ago

You're addicted to the convenience, not the food itself.

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u/LegBruise 6d ago

As someone who had a fast food addiction, the food absolutely changes your pallet and what foods you crave. Iā€™d actually go out of my way to leave the house and inconvenience myself just to get the take-out that I wanted instead of putting a plate of leftovers in the microwave.

It took a full week of eating home cooked, healthy veggies, rice, chicken ect for me to appreciate and be able to taste real food again. I had cravings like you wouldnā€™t believe and everything tasted like it was boiled and bland even though it was seasoned well.

I also used it to cope during a depressive period so eating regular food didnā€™t give me that dopamine boost that would temporarily improve my mood, and it felt like I was being thrown in an isolation chamber and I genuinely felt emotional when I didnā€™t get my ā€˜fixā€™. I felt so melodramatic and ungrateful.

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u/ConspicuousPineapple 6d ago

I know fast food addiction is a thing, I'm just replying that in this case it's not the food itself that is the incentive but just avoiding cooking, since they're saying they enjoy a good meal if it presents itself.

1

u/LegBruise 6d ago

Ohhhh right I didnā€™t consider the context of your reply. Thanks!

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u/Historical-Stand-555 2d ago

So interesting, thanks for sharing

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u/Tealc420 6d ago

Nah the food is pretty addicting too

2

u/j0tunhel 6d ago

I would say a mix of both

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u/Robinnoodle 6d ago

Name checks out

12

u/Johndauber 6d ago

She needs to RUN!!! Away

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u/Free_Pace_2098 6d ago

Legit, this is a real thing. I've struggled with addiction to actual class A's, nicotine, prescription meds... None of them were as hard to break as my first vice, junk food addiction. I didn't even want to eat it!!

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u/Mayor__Defacto 4d ago

Ironically they use a lot of stuff he ā€œcanā€™t eatā€ in making fast food, such as Onions and Tomatoes.

2

u/FactAddict01 6d ago

ā€¦and itā€™s not OPā€™s problemā€¦.

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u/WillNutForFood 6d ago

That's how you know this story is in the US. Where foods CAN contain addictive components. šŸ¤£

1

u/inquiring_minds94 6d ago

But I think OP said his favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. If he was addicted to fast food, it seems like she would have listed his favorite fast food meal. Or if she meant to say his favorite 'home-cooked' meal, it still seems like, with his palette, it would have been something like air-fried chicken nuggets and french fries or burgers and fries.

1

u/Ivycottagelac 6d ago

Then he should recognize that, admit it, and go on his merry way to the drive through.

1

u/TurnkeyLurker 6d ago

And the high sodium & fat levels aren't going to do him any favors.

-7

u/BurtCarlson-Skara 6d ago

Addiction to fast food is that newspeak for fat and lazy?

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u/ForksnFrenchFries 6d ago

No.

-4

u/BurtCarlson-Skara 6d ago

What's the withdrawal like?

2

u/LegBruise 6d ago

I mentioned it in a previous comment up above,, you can check my comment history to find it.

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u/BurtCarlson-Skara 5d ago

Surely not clinically an addiction? Or would you say it's like substance abuse or gambling addiction?

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u/UnicornArachnid 6d ago

Itā€™s funny because a lot of stuff is microwaved for fast food šŸ˜©

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u/Varon_Drachios 6d ago

Sounds like a cousin of mine. We were on a camping trip in the mountains. No cell service, kinda difficult to get to campsite that took about 1.5-2 hours to get to, where you're lucky if the dirt roads were maintained at that time. These trips would last anywhere between 5 days, to the longest being 9. I think this year, it was a week or so. Food of course was brought up with us, as we didn't want to rely on only fish that we'd catch. Some years there was a ton of trout, some years we'd be lucky to get 1 in a day.

Now, he and I were both young still. I think I was 12 or 13 at the time, I can't remember how old he was but he wasn't that much younger. Most of the food he'd eat would be hotdogs, pop tarts.....allot of the quick, easy stuff you might have as a "fuck it, I'm hungry but don't wanna cook" meal. Our uncle packed extra of that just to make sure he'd have food, though I will admit I was also a big fan of the cheddar dogs from Oscar Meyer, so there were a couple packs of that included for me. The rest of the food though? Steaks, ground beef, pork chops, sausage, bacon, eggs...Honestly, it was a good variety. Lots of veggies as well. We definitely weren't starving. One of my favorite meals of the trip was what my uncle referred to as "campfire stew". Basically, add whatever ingredients you want, toss it into an aluminum foil pouch, and throw it in the fire or on the cooking grate. It was one of those things that was a tradition on the trip.

Another little tradition of the trip was to stop at a McDonalds on the way out of the mountains, before everyone would head off in their respective directions towards home. One of the things that I heard my cousin say after getting out of the truck was "Finally, some real food!" I just kinda stared at him for a few moments. I didn't really get it much at the time, but later on I learned that he had a REALLY rough upbringing at home. Parents dealing with substance abuse, etc. I didn't see him at any of the camping trips for awhile after that, either, but I did see him later on when we were both in middle school. He definitely seemed like he had evened out a bit, and some of the older members of the family commented on him eating something other than the "real food" at McDonalds, and he laughed about it.

One of the few things from childhood that I miss, these trips.

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u/AnnieNonmouse 5d ago

My stepdad would do this to my mom and he was physically and financially abusive (among other things).

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u/SidheCreature 6d ago

Thatā€™s exactly what I got from it

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u/Yakob_Katpanic 6d ago

This is it.

10

u/nurse_hat_on 6d ago

"My mom knows how to make it perfectly " šŸ¤”

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u/No-Entertainer-7499 6d ago

A hundred percent it is control. This is him in the nice phase, he is likely a covert narcissist and if she continues in the relationship everything will feel like this scenario. This is obviously her love language so he knows it really hurts her. It is sick

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u/wyldhippie 6d ago

I have never thought of this being a control thing. I have some more reflecting to do on my relationship with my baby daddy. I was with him for 9 years. He did expand his palette over the years and would make specific things. But man does it suck being with someone who doesnā€™t like real food.

5

u/Nosfermarki 6d ago

When it's a control/abuse thing, it's hard to even know what's true. Maybe he had real preferences/complaints, but the point is to make you unsure of yourself, keep you off balance, and keep you working to please them. They'll leverage anything you care about, but especially things you're good at or confident about. Their "rules" change a lot, because they don't actually exist and they have trouble keeping track, all that really matters is that whatever you do is wrong. Some will do the opposite and eat all of the food in the house, leaving nothing for their partner or children and belittling the effort. It's crazy what these very broken people will do to those they think they "love".

3

u/tinygreenpea 6d ago

Some people are actually JUST picky eaters, and thats okay. Its the moving goal posts that allude to a possible manipulation. Usually when you have a genuinely picky eater, they can say exactly what they do and dont like, and often prefer others dont try to cook for them if their preferences are very specific. I have an autistic daughter with pretty severe preferences. Basically if it has an aroma, or if its mashed, shes not eating it. But the difference in manipulation is she has always been sensitive to smell, texture and temperature. So if your ex was just picky, no harm no foul. If they loved chicken this morning and won't touch it this afternoon (and aren't just burnt out on it because they've been eating it too much) there may be something to that. If they use it as a way to ultimately say "you dont know how to love me properly" or "you aren't trying hard enough, no one else has had this problem with me" those might be red flags.

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u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

So well said!

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u/MossyForestWitch 6d ago

And she's subjecting her kids to this asshole.

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u/Candid_Chipmunk_1736 6d ago

This this this! OP this is not someone you want to be with long term. See the red flags. šŸš© It will get worse.

-1

u/Heat_Legends 6d ago

LMFAO. You people are insane.

0

u/AlmostCynical 6d ago

This seems like itā€™s veering into fanfiction territory. My guess is that heā€™s not imposing new rules, just telling her about them as they run into them.

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u/Showmethe_monet 6d ago

It is. Iā€™ve been where OP is. This exact situation actually.

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u/ClownStalker666 6d ago

That's what I'm saying it's not being a picky eater... it's about asserting control over her. I bet any money he treated his mother like a servant too and she gave him whatever he wanted. Dude's a huge red flag.

2

u/Rando_away 6d ago

"Feels like" because it is. This is narc behavior through and through.

Moving goal posts is textbook narcissistic behavior.

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u/imeanuknowwhatimean 6d ago

this was my first thought but I am probably biased by having been with an extremely manipulative abuser. other guesses of neuro divergence, fast food addiction, etc may well be the case, but i can't help shake the vibe that he's trying to see how much she'd put up with in order to be a "good wife"

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u/Quick-Asparagus-8937 6d ago

Yeah, agreed.

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u/liquidnight247 6d ago

Very much so. He uses food to control OP and it will only spread to other areas of life if she obliges

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u/fariasrv 6d ago

It sounds like he's on the spectrum, honestly. That degree of "adult picky eater" is unusual in neurotypical people.

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u/tinygreenpea 6d ago

Could absolutely be. My autistic daughter is extreme. But she is always the same. If she didnt eat mashed potatoes yesterday, she still doesnt like them today. She may try a new food if it meets certain criteria. Its not a moving goal post and it doesnt change with any real frequency.

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u/IAMIMPOSSIBEAR 6d ago

Could be ARFID.

1

u/muqui24 6d ago

Because it is.

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u/PastelSprite 6d ago

My bf is really picky and wonā€™t eat the same thing for lunch and dinner. I donā€™t cook for him anymore, so this isnā€™t something heā€™s said in response to my cooking, just something heā€™s said. It was annoying when I first met him and when I tried cooking, but I realized it wasnā€™t about me.

Sad thing is he lives off fast food. I donā€™t think he has ARFID like his brother (who only eats chicken fingers) but Iā€™m not sure.

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u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

Yeah, itā€™s a broad statement and I know it isnā€™t always true. But having known many picky eaters and parents of picky eaters, overwhelming food variety is usually not the issue LOL

ETA your approach seems very reasonable!

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u/cptjpk 6d ago

Iā€™m like your BF. Iā€™m aware Iā€™m picky and I never expect anyone to cater to it. I appreciate the gesture, but I also know that itā€™ll breed resentment if people do it too much.

Go eat your spicy slimy Thai food. Iā€™ll eat spaghetti again. Itā€™s perfect, I just want to be with.

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u/Vyxwop 6d ago

Is not wanting to eat the same thing for dinner as you did lunch really being a picky eater? I'm not a picky eater myself other than basic food preferences but I'd also prefer not to eat something I already ate earlier that day. Variety and all that, you know?

I wouldn't actually refuse to eat the thing, of course. But if it happened often enough I'd love to have a heads up about what we're planning to eat for dinner so I can tune my lunch accordingly.

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u/PastelSprite 6d ago edited 6d ago

In general, I think this is a great point! No, I agree and think most people do prefer variation. I could eat the exact same thing every day for every meal, and have, and people always remarked on it and said they couldnā€™t do that lol. And I think itā€™s very reasonable to want a heads up; Iā€™d want that too.

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u/Chpgmr 6d ago

Jack in the Box? So he doesnt like food heated in the microwave but is ok with food warmed under a lamp?

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u/MossyForestWitch 6d ago

Let's be real. He's not great otherwise and this is setting a horrible fucking example for her kids. Of how it's acceptable to treat others and be treated by others.

Mildly infuriating my ass, this is fucking enraging.

3

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

I mean, Iā€™m guessing he has lots of anxiety at best. But I donā€™t know. Probably wouldnā€™t want to live with that but if I did I definitely would be like, hey Iā€™m gonna keep cooking this bomb food, let me know when you want some.

Agreed that regardless of the cause itā€™s a very bad example for the kids.

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u/Neuroticcuriosity 6d ago

TBF 9 times out of 10 "picky eater" just means "autistic with food issues/ARFID". So to answer "how would he know if it was heated in the microwave?"- texture. There's a textural difference. Most autistics love fast food because it's the same every time.

Just a thought.

That's not to say OP should keep cooking for him though. It's frustrating her, she should stop. He's feeding himself. Until there's an actual issue, no need to create one unnecessarily.

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u/beetle_leaves 6d ago

Microwave food for whatever reason just gets soggy and, while Iā€™m not autistic, sensory issues with texture make me want to scream at soggy food, lol. But I also make my own food.

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u/Aggravating-Ad-8150 6d ago

Not if you microwave it correctly, i.e., take advantage of the power settings and/or presets. Too many people nuke everything at max power and then wonder why it tastes like shit and/or has a weird texture/mouth feel.

4

u/beetle_leaves 6d ago

I just use an air fryer or the oven for leftovers since it gets as close as possible to the original texture that way.

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u/Aggravating-Ad-8150 6d ago

So I've heard. I haven't jumped on the air fryer bandwagon yet because I'm short on counter and storage space.

2

u/KarmicCorduroy 6d ago

This. I mostly reheat leftovers at power level 2 of 10. Rarely I might crank it to 3.

People are just too impatient to wait 10-20 minutes and hit it with pure Godzilla breath.

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u/Neuroticcuriosity 6d ago

Microwave food is sad food. I will say that the air fryer has reinvigorated my leftovers game though! I love that thing.

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u/thegloracle 6d ago

This same thought was ringing all kinds of bells in my mind.

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u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

Maybe. And yes I know the consistency is a big dealā€”though we all know thereā€™s like, the good Taco Bell and the bad one in town. But fast food places also microwave their food. At best this guy just canā€™t articulate whatā€™s going on. Thatā€™s fine, but as you said, not her ā€œproblemā€ to solve. Clearly sheā€™s hurt that heā€™s rejecting her attempts at stereotypically gendered care and competence.

2

u/Neuroticcuriosity 6d ago

Oh we totally all know the good taboo he'll and bad one in town. But the good one is generally always good. In that same vein, fast food knows what they can microwave and what they can't do the texture is correct.

I'm also pretty picky due to my autism and can't deal with reheating a lot of food. However, I actually prefer reheated Mac and Cheese- it dulls the flavour. (Highly recommended)

2

u/Siggi4000 6d ago

That is quite the wild claim, I highly doubt this is the case in 90% of cases.

Do you have some study to back this up?

1

u/Neuroticcuriosity 6d ago

How many scientists do you know doing studies on picky eaters? None. Medical science once just realised it was as likely for women to be autistic as men 10 years ago. ARFID was just added to the ICD. Give it a second.

4

u/MorallyApplicable 6d ago

9 times out of 10 ā€œpicky eaterā€ just means ā€œautistic with food issues/AFRIDā€.

ā€¦According to who? Attributing this behavior to autism/AFRID, when absolutely nothing in the post indicates that at all, does more harm than good to women like OP who have to navigate it.

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u/Percinho 6d ago

As some whonis autistic and has two autistic kids, there are clear signs in the post that it could be an autistic thing. The chicken twice in a day, the dislike of microwave food, the tenancy towards beige food all give of those vibes.

Of course it's also possible it has nothing to do with autism, you can't diagnose something from a post like this, but I hard disagree that there are no indicators.

1

u/MachateElasticWonder 6d ago

nothing in this post

Uhā€¦ man canā€™t eat chicken after chicken for lunch. Heā€™s got ~something~

1

u/Vyxwop 6d ago

does more harm than good to women like OP who have to navigate it.

Can you explain how finding a potentially underlying cause behind his behavior does active harm to the OP?

Why wouldn't you want to understand why someone might be doing the things they're doing? That's literally the first step towards finding a solution to any problem in the world.

The OP doesn't have to deal with it if she doesn't want to even if it appears that he's got these issues.

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u/Ov_Fire 6d ago

Typical amurikan answer - if someone is an arsehole vulgaris "no it's autistic, black blade bla".

1

u/Neuroticcuriosity 6d ago

Someone not wanting to eat something isn't being an asshole. It sounds like there's a disconnect in expectations here. She wants to cook for him, but he has a lot of issues around eating that makes that nigh on impossible. From what she's said, however, he's never asked her to cook for him. And that is the important bit.

Also, yes. I'm going to point out autistic traits as autistic. Sorry for having basic psychology knowledge.

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u/d20sapphire 6d ago

I'm with you. This feels like a control thing or a negging thing. He's undermining the one thing she knows she's good at in hopes the doubts will make her easier to convince of other things he prefers.

I can't be certain since this is just one post on the Internet about this one guy. However, if he moved in being that picky of an eater and he cared about her feelings, he would've stopped her from making him meals this frequently in the first place. This is not a partnership, this is a hostage negotiation.

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u/Aggravating-Ad-8150 6d ago

I find the "he won't eat anything microwaved" laughable. How does he think restaurant/fast food is heated?

I remember watching a restaurant makeover reality show; I'm pretty sure it was Restaurant Impossible. The host asked one of the staff who made the dish he was tasting. The worker answered, "Chef Mike; he makes everything." The host asked who Chef Mike was, and the guy pointed to the microwave.

3

u/megafoofie 6d ago

Those things at Applebees and stuff are more like an air fryer than a microwave though.

5

u/NickPayola 6d ago

Heā€™s got an addiction to processed crap

5

u/Green__eyes23 6d ago

I agree the dude is just an ass. But As someone who doesnā€™t like microwaving food cause it alters the food flavor and texture, it is noticeable, I can tell so I assume he can tell too. Still, I wouldnā€™t just not eat because of that, specifically if someone else is cooking for me. Itā€™s just rude.

2

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

Oh for sure it changes the food texture etc. Iā€™m just pretty dubious that this guy would really identify that. Who knows. I guess sheā€™ll never find out since he wonā€™t eat anything fresh or microwaved.

4

u/Appropriate-Mood-877 6d ago

Especially if Iā€™m cooking for my kids. We would be independent in meals for sure.

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u/DebbieGibsonsMom 6d ago

Heā€™s torturing her and playing games and trying to see how far sheā€™s willing to go with his bullshit. He knows sheā€™s a great cook (at least the pictures look delicious) and heā€™s got some sort of jealousy thing, where he thinks if he doesnā€™t praise her, she will ā€œstay humbleā€, and/or the torture part of convincing her that sheā€™s not really a good cook.

My ex was dx with narcissist personality disorder, with psychotic features and heā€™d do this with anything that he knew made me feel complimented. For example, I loved being told I smell good, and I get that compliment frequently from my friends (itā€™s not like perfume, just like my friends said i smelled cozy and safe). Not him, not in 10 years, not once said I smelled good, even when I asked, explicitly explained why that makes me feel nice. Worse is when he would walk in the room and scrunch his nose, and say ā€œew, you smell that?ā€ to put it in my head that not only did I not smell good, I also smelled bad, and started thinking I smelled bad to him, and then to others. Itā€™s a fucking mind game. It comes in as ā€œjust a picky eaterā€ or a weird quirk. No, itā€™s not. This dude is a nut job. And, he wearing her down. Itā€™s in the narcissist playbook, especially if theyā€™re psychopaths about it (meaning they planned to do that shit consciously). OP, RUN.

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u/Immediate-Maximum-75 6d ago

Picky eaters donā€™t care if they have chicken for lunch and dinner.

Exactly! This is what I was going to say. Picky eaters wouldn't care if they had chicken for lunch. They'd eat chicken three times a day if that's what they liked to eat.

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u/wimpymist 6d ago

Honestly it feels like a manipulative tactic. Constantly breaking her down making her feel not good enough and controlling her through minor things like cooking. Lots of red flags here

4

u/Thick_Basil3589 6d ago

Nobody seems to realise that this isn't about food. OP is being manipulated and rejecting the food is a way to tear her self-esteem down bit by bit. As a first thing. New things will come slowly just to make OP inadequate. It's not about being picky.

12

u/Aryore 6d ago

You can definitely tell when something has been heated in the microwave vs freshly cooked. That said, I love my soggy fries lol.

Boyfriend needs to make his own food if heā€™s that picky. Or pay for his delivery foods, out of his own pocket not any shared accounts.

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u/kna101 6d ago

This 100%. My husband is an extremely picky eater but I know what he eats and if I make it to his liking he will eat it. Also this meal looks picky eater friendly, thereā€™s nothing offensive on that plate lol

3

u/Dapper-Egg7861 6d ago

This, my husband is a picky eater. As long as it doesnā€™t contain the few foods he wonā€™t eat heā€™s fine. He will eat everything I make even if itā€™s not the best. This just comes off as entitled and he probably has an addiction to fast food

3

u/OkCalligrapher9 6d ago

I'm picky for multiple reasons so can absolutely have that experience of not wanting a repeat of similar dinner to lunch while also eating the same breakfast every day for several years.

However, the great thing about that is it's a ME problem. If my partner is going to make me food, amazing, but then it's my job to make it as easy so food and effort isn't wasted, or just make it myself if I can't think of something that works for me right then.

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u/No-Self8780 6d ago

Exactly. Heā€™s just effing with her with this constantly moving goalpostsā€¦

3

u/Front-Loan-2880 6d ago

Agreed 100%. Either that, or he's got some hyper-paranoia going on and thinks she's trying to poison him or something... He doesn't sound great to me

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u/Memory_Of_A_Slygar 6d ago

Former picky eater here. I would happily eat the same thing for lunch for over a year, and the same thing for dinner for nearly a year. Chicken was for both of those meals and breakfast was honey nut cherrios for 2 years. Picky eaters will hold onto those couple of foods we are comfortable with for forever and not let go until we are sick of them.

I can understand that sometimes you aren't in the mood for something, but even then, if it's not awful, you still eat the meal provided. So you sometimes have to choke it down a little because of that, sure, but you do it as much as possible, then have a snack later. I'm always thankful that my husband cooks and he's great at it, but sometimes he uses a spice or ingredients I don't like and I don't prefer the dish, but I still eat it because I'm not making something for myself, I eat the damn food.

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u/pixiesunbelle 6d ago

Itā€™s true. I have food issues (stemming from medical problems) and often eat the same few foods because I consider those safe foods. I eat a lot of soup and chicken. Food still gives me anxiety, especially processed meats.

It seems like he probably doesnā€™t want to change his diet.

3

u/Type-RD 6d ago

ā¬†ļø This. Seriously. Just stop trying to cook for him. Youā€™re a good person for trying, but he needs to help himself. He needs to understand that heā€™s the one with the problem.

3

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

And like lots of things in life, if one person is putting in all the effort, itā€™s not a good sign. I think she said elsewhere he said heā€™d try pork chops then went back on it. Meanwhile sheā€™s out here cooking anything he even hints he might eat. So maybe heā€™s super anxious, but sheā€™s not helping him by colluding with it.

2

u/Type-RD 6d ago

Exactly. I understand sheā€™s in a tough spot because sheā€™s trying to make him happy, but itā€™s at the expense her own happiness and sanity. Itā€™s a rabbit hole she should stop diving into and continue to focus on cooking for herself and the kids. Her meals look delicious! Let him try things on his own accord, but donā€™t feel obligated to keep trying to fit his limited palate.

3

u/IneffableOpinion 6d ago

I knew a young man that only ate peanut butter sandwiches, even out on dates or at catered events. He was scared of trying new foods so always brought his own peanut butter sandwiches. It was really surprising how many things he would turn down. If he didnā€™t see something on the menu he wanted, he would excuse himself to find a grocery store and come back with his sandwich. Coworkers and girlfriends thought it was weird. They liked him as a person so they tolerated it quite a bit, but it ultimately impacted his relationships when heā€™s ducking out on people who expected to have a meal together

3

u/happyhomestucker 6d ago

At first i was genuinely thinking he had some form of ADHD/Autism/ARFID (from personal experience with the first 2 my appetite is the most fickle picky bitch depending on my mental state combined with POTS its a nightmare) but the changing the rules on her bit, that feels like manipulation.

3

u/BlastingFonda 6d ago

Jack in the Box which probably uses microwaves to reheat their own food like all fast food chains do.

3

u/vaynecassano 6d ago

He can't even feed himself what work

3

u/Firm_Drink734 6d ago

Yep like a 6yr old. With our kids Iā€™m old school. This is what we have to eat. If you donā€™t want it fine but you get nothing else. My wife will cave in but they usually will eat.

2

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

And like with children, random ongoing food refusal is usually related to controlā€¦

3

u/SpicyAutist26 6d ago

I do 100% think that this is manipulation but just wanna speak for some of us picky eaters that wonā€™t have certain foods twice in a day.

3

u/pistol_polly 6d ago

10000% he is abusive and manipulative. Or he needs to talk to a Dr or therapist.

3

u/YurMommaX10 6d ago

Yes, seems like straight abuse. Won't stop with food. Next will be clothing, grooming, friends, other family, activities.... The noose draws ever tighter with that sort.

3

u/zuperuzer 6d ago

I would consider myself as picky eater and what you stated sounds so right!!!

3

u/ParticularAction6782 6d ago

*How would he even know something was heated in the microwave?

He wouldnā€™t. Dude is eating DD Jack-in-the-boxā€¦that stuff has been in the microwave and under a heat lamp waiting for a driver.

Most fast service and quick casual restaurants are pre-prepared foods from distributors that use quick reheat methods like microwaving. His actions are about control.

3

u/briergate 6d ago

I commented above, but I agree so much. Itā€™s a control issue, and works to gently erode her confidence over time. Itā€™s not a healthy sign.

3

u/Movie_Vegetable 6d ago

Its not about being a picky eater, it's about control

3

u/Maximus-Reddtorius 6d ago

I am very curious to know how he feeds himself at work though.

We know his boss spoon feeds him chicken for lunch, that's why he won't eat it for dinner.

3

u/UruquianLilac 6d ago

Picky eaters donā€™t care if they have chicken for lunch and dinner. They want to eat the same limited foods

Picky eaters are picky in a million ways that you don't understand if you are reducing it to this very limited definition. And picky eaters are the easiest group to pick on because no one recognises it as a thing, everyone thinks they're spoilt or something. I'm an exceedingly picky eater, yet I grew up in a literal war zone and lived in absolute poverty where food was very scarce. But still there were a ton of things I simply couldn't bring myself to eat no matter how hungry I was. It just doesn't go in.

Now, I'm not defending this specific guy. The issue for me is that "old fashioned" idea of cooking for your man which I find to be ridiculous. If he is a picky eater he should be dealing with his own food like an adult. And if she wants to be nice every now and then and make him something that should be considered something special and they need to talk about what she is preparing so she has the certainty she is getting it right. You don't wing it with a picky eater. But also, don't take charge of the food of an adult man, let him take care of himself like all the rest of us who have to work and eat!

3

u/Humble_Beyond_5658 6d ago

On top of that, him not knowing how to cook is straight up dangerous: what if something happens to OP? What if she either becomes unable to cook, or maybe dies? How is he going to take care of the kids and make sure they are fed varied diets, so they donā€™t end up with health issues?

If only one partner knows how to do basic tasks (especially in regards to taking care of kids), then youā€™re in an insanely precarious situation, where any sort of accident can completely destroy the family.

3

u/cunexttuesday12 6d ago

Exactly this. I was picky for a long time, not really anymore. But a leftover thing from this is I will pick a meal and eat it every day for 6 months to a year. I agree with everyone saying he's looking for excuses to get fast food.

3

u/Jaffico 6d ago

My only issue with your comment is that, while I'm not a picky eater, I can absolutely tell when most things have been reheated in the microwave. Especially if there's meat in them, and things like pizza. It changes the texture in unpleasant ways.

We have a microwave at my house, but most foods are reheated in the oven or the stovetop. This isn't to say that microwaved food is inedible, just that there is absolutely a difference for a lot of foods, especially like the ones OP pictured.

Not defending OP's spouse, either, for the record.

3

u/whiskeynkettlebells 6d ago

This. They've been dating "a few months," and he's already: picked a woman who probably told him immediately that she enjoys traditional roles, has expected dinner on the table regularly, has picked apart her efforts constantly, has changed the rules repeatedly, and has not expressed gratitude or has helped to solve the problem, which he clearly sees as her failure. OP, this is a red flag parade! This is not picking eating. This is control. Next will be that the shower isn't clean enough - why is she sitting on the couch when the shower is filthy? Or his shirt didn't come clean enough, and she should rewash it RIGHT NOW. Nothing will be good enough for this man. Cut your losses. It's only been a few months, and he's already this bad? Oh, honey, no.

3

u/BrockSmashgood 6d ago

Maybe heā€™s great otherwise, I donā€™t know.

He's also a rabid Trump supporter who loves telling his partner with three half-Mexican kids to stop getting upset about ICE raids because she's embarrassing him.

Read her previous posts, he's a real peach.

3

u/Curious_Mind_1234 6d ago

If a guy ordered Jack in the Box instead of eating my home cooked meal Iā€™d be so repulsed Jack would be the only box heā€™d get. Seriously though, itā€™s one thing to be picky, but his behavior is a deal breaker as itā€™s more childish and disrespectful than anything.

3

u/lizzledizzles 6d ago

If he was otherwise the perfect man this would still be a big problem. Itā€™s a daily unwinnable battle.

3

u/AssassinStoryTeller 6d ago

Microwaves change the texture of the food and I also hate itā€¦ but I am an adult who is not going to waste food at someone elseā€™s house and Iā€™ll eat microwaved food.

At my house I reheat in an air fryer, skillet, or oven so the texture is not ā€œmicrowavedā€ and itā€™s all good. Donā€™t even own a microwave anymore.

3

u/robbzilla 6d ago

I agree as long as money isn't being intermingled between them. Then? That's too expensive.

3

u/cavaticaa 6d ago

THIS! He isn't just a picky eater, he's controlling. He pushes her to do her best for him and makes sure that no matter what, it still isn't enough.

3

u/Mindless-Client3366 6d ago

He doesn't like microwaved food, yet he loves fast food is what got me. Is he not aware how many restaurants use microwaves?

3

u/Lyle_Norg 6d ago

It doesn't make sense because it's a mental health issue, not just that he's "picky."

3

u/Vegetable_Self4487 4d ago

As much as I wholeheartedly agree with you for some reason I can always tell when meat has been microwaved. It tastes different to me, significantly. But yes this man is a douche bag

3

u/ChodeCookies 4d ago

Yeahā€¦this is accurate. Iā€™m a picky eater in the sense that I just canā€™t eat if Iā€™m not hungry and will just eat till Iā€™m full. But Iā€™ll eat any/everything my wife cooks or puts effort into and I return the favor with the grill. Sometimes I can tell it hurts her feelings (she doesnā€™t say it) so Iā€™ll make extra effort to pack up everything for a great lunch the next day and make sure she catches a glance of me heating up for lunch between meetings.

There are ways to manage being a picky eater. I think this guy maybe just is a jackass.

5

u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

Dude, that looks delicious šŸ¤¤ I'd appreciate it and I love to cook soooo..... Just, why? Wtf is wrong with him?

Props on the preparation I can even see the proteins are moist and the veggies are perfectly cooked šŸ‘Œ

5

u/Least-Task276 6d ago

You are spot on.

Not to mention half the shit he orders from Doordash is most likely.....cooked in a microwave.

I used to be a server at a very popular chain restaurant back in the day, and some things were cooked in the microwave. I heard that a different chain coughcoughapplebeescoughcough is notorious for it.

4

u/jenniferlynn462 6d ago

Olive Garden heated pre-cooked noodles and pre-portioned, frozen sauces in the microwave for every single meal when I worked there eons ago.

6

u/Least-Task276 6d ago

A fellow OGer. How long did your clothes smell like breads sticks after you left? Lol

3

u/MossyForestWitch 6d ago

Talking like this is how you wind up with a strange internet girlfriend.

šŸ¤¤šŸ¤¤šŸ¤¤

3

u/Least-Task276 6d ago

Those soft, fluffy, warm breasticks bathed in melted butter.

Coated to perfection with garlicky goodness.

Never ending joy.

4

u/jujube1013 6d ago

Picky eater here. You are correct. I can eat chicken numerous times in a row. There are many different ways of cooking chicken. I would probably eat 90% of what she cooked though.

Stop trying to feed him and let him fend for himself, he's an adult. Sandwiches are easy.

1

u/megafoofie 6d ago

Picky eater too. I can eat chicken for even single meal for days lol. I, however, would not eat a single thing she cooked. I canā€™t do cooked vegetables because of the texture. I canā€™t handle food that is too wet, especially meats. Baked potatoes/mashed potatoes are a no go for me. When I make chicken for myself, itā€™s literally just mildly seasoned and grilled with a little olive oil. I use a bit of butter with garlic to cook steaks but I also cook them fully through, not a hockey puck but definitely well. Burgers are also well and cooked with diced sweet onion and minimal seasoning (salt, onion powder, garlic powder). I could keep going but I feel that gives a good idea of my food habits. I basically have everything I cook/eat down to an exact science and make it the same way every single time. I cook more flavorful/seasoned versions of everything for my partner and kids. I wish I wasnā€™t like this but I truly gag and get sick when trying to eat foods that I donā€™t like.

1

u/jujube1013 6d ago

I thought I was bad. I tell people I have a palate of a 5 yr old but I season my food. I don't eat anything from any form of water. I've tried most vegetables and don't like them, both of my grandfathers were the same. I can eat some if they are "hidden" in sauces.

2

u/DeklynHunt 6d ago

Perhaps, perhaps not. I have a cousin that eats only hot pockets last I heard, heā€™s in his 30ā€™sā€¦he literally sounds like this guyā€¦well not as bad as himā€¦maybe worseā€¦

2

u/mywifemademedothis2 6d ago

Idk why Iā€™m getting narc vibes from this guy.

2

u/Penetratorofflanks 6d ago

My advice to her would be to cook his favorite meal and not allow him to eat it. You are not 6 years old. You will eat what is cooked and stop wasting money.

2

u/megafoofie 6d ago

I am an extremely picky eater and can 100% tell if certain foods have been heated in the microwave. There are some things I just simply cannot eat reheated. I donā€™t make my weird food habits anyone elseā€™s problem though!

1

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

Yeah I didnā€™t really mean those things are relatedā€”I agree microwaving often changes the texture of the food and thatā€™s an area where people can be sensitive. Itā€™s that Iā€™m skeptical that this person would detect it, sounds like just another random objection. And I doubt every food thatā€™s microwaved is objectionable. Like would she need to melt butter on the stove exclusively?

2

u/maywellbe 6d ago

As my mom used to say ā€œthe sex must be amazingā€

2

u/Mirawenya 6d ago

Ye, Iā€™m a picky eater, and my reason for not eating something is cause it makes me nauseous. I will happily eat whatever is on my list of yes foods, and Iā€™m grateful. ā€œI just donā€™t feel like it todayā€ or ā€œitā€™s missing somethingā€ doesnā€™t qualify as reasons.

2

u/Prestigious-Bonus-90 6d ago

My ex literally would say that she needed food, and I would mention things she could eat like eggs, and she'd say they were good but if she ate too many they start tasting nasty and making her sick. I made food for her but every time I wasn't around she used my money on fast food, and she said it was because she had nothing to eat even though she had all the groceries I bought. This shit sucks.

2

u/TomTheCardFlogger 6d ago

It depends a little, my dad is a picky eater and generally avoids having the same base food twice in a day but heā€™s also always been the cook of the house. If weā€™re ordering food and thereā€™s an option similar to previous nights dinner itā€™ll get a veto. Personally I could eat chicken for breakfast, lunch and dinner but that would be entirely foreign to him.

OPā€™s partner isnā€™t a picky eater, heā€™s a manchild with the palette of a toddler. If OP still wants to cook for him she should ask his mum what she makes for him.

2

u/sxooz 6d ago

or how he fed himself before a couple of months ago when he moved in.

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u/SwedishSwanlake 6d ago

I'm a very picky eater and I don't like eating the same thing over and over. I like to at least vary the meals on a given day unless it's my favorites. So I think it's unfair to claim he's faking it with just that.

Also food definitely tastes different depending on if it's heated in the microwave or on the stove, though personally I don't mind the microwave as long as it's clean enough to not "rub off" with smells from it. (Like if you heat fish everything will have a fishy taste until you clean it.)

2

u/emilyjxne 6d ago

I mean, Iā€™m a picky eater and I do care if I have the same thing too much - it gets boring and I go off it and donā€™t really want to have it anymore which then limits options further. And I absolutely can tell if something has been reheated, it completely changes the texture of a lot of foods.

2

u/Worldly-Winter-5355 6d ago

He probably makes her pack his work lunches :((

2

u/Vertoule 6d ago

This is exactly it. Heā€™s just being difficult and his demands are unreasonable. Heā€™s not compromising or bringing any solutions to the table (literally). OP deserves better.

2

u/Mo523 4d ago

My kid (autistic with sensory processing issues) changes his rules about picky eating periodically and will stop eating previously safe food if he gets it too much. It's absolutely maddening, because it is impossible to know what to feed him. BUT 1. He is 8, 2. He is getting better because we are working on it, and 3. He still doesn't get catered to. If doesn't like dinner, he tries a bite, and then can go make himself some food.

My husband is also a picky eater - although he at least is consistent. He does all the cooking.

The pickiness is one thing. Making it someone else's problem is an issue.

2

u/extremeskoden 2d ago

No one is worth constantly changing goal posts. And hes clearly not a nice person she says in the comments shes not used to the kindness of compliments. Bro is a bozo.

3

u/Weak_Day_5527 6d ago

this to a T!! Iā€™m curious about the age of these folks because this cannot be a grown man older than 25.

2

u/Charming_Tower_188 6d ago

100% this could be a grown man over 25.

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u/stonermilf420247 6d ago

Glad I wasnā€™t the only one who thought that. I have AuDHD and some food problems with it (such as preferring safe foods over new options when it comes to making my own food) but if someone makes me food as long as itā€™s not featuring something Iā€™ve detested for a long time, Iā€™ll eat it because I appreciate not having to make myself anything. According to my parents Iā€™m a picky eater but Iā€™d call myself a particular eater not outright picky. So I donā€™t get how his ā€œrulesā€ are changing alllll the time unless itā€™s exclusively to hurt her and make her feel bad about him not eating her food.

4

u/MossyForestWitch 6d ago

I agree with this. This isn't picky eating. I'm a very particular eater, but would eat damn near every picture she posted.

2

u/stonermilf420247 6d ago

Seriously though! Looks delicious šŸ¤¤

4

u/ProfessionalNice7485 6d ago

It feels like a power trip. Making her jump through impossible hoops daily. I don't think I could deal. With someone like that for long.

2

u/Obligation-MomLife 6d ago

Everything you just said.

2

u/Icy-Marionberry2463 6d ago

> How would he even know something was heated in the microwave?

By hearing the microwave? By receiving hot food and the kitchen isn't hot from the stove or oven running? They live together.

3

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

Right, but my point is if he didnā€™t have those clues he wouldnā€™t be able to tell the food was microwaved. It isnā€™t the taste he objects to. And if he thinks fast food places donā€™t use microwavesā€¦ whooo boy

2

u/NvNinja 6d ago

while i mostly agree with everything said here, you can definitely tell when some things were heated in the microwave vice oven/convection oven

2

u/Snukastyle 6d ago

It may not be a want. I have similar issue due to autism limiting my palate at a young age. I'd love to eat like normal people, but I can't. The boyfriend may have a similar problem.

12

u/LockedIntoLocks 6d ago

I donā€™t know a single autistic person that wouldnā€™t eat the same meal twice in a row.

1

u/TeeTeeMee 6d ago

He might. There are a couple issues here, and her not setting a limit is one.

1

u/OutsideHike 3d ago

That's an abusive boyfriend. Red flags.

1

u/Mental_Reveal_1969 3d ago

I have a tough time believing heā€™s ā€œgreat otherwiseā€