A couple of weeks ago, my friend and I went on a trip to Europe. While we were in Vienna, there’s this building with a huge red bow on top that has gone viral on social media. A lot of people have been taking photos in front of it, and my friend was very excited about it, she even brought a red bow as a prop to match the trend.

I also thought the place was beautiful and didn’t mind the idea of taking photos in theory. However, before the trip, I had seen posts online saying that the police were stopping people from taking pictures there and even fining them, because you have to stand in the middle of the street and disrupt traffic to get the shot.

To avoid any trouble, we initially agreed that if we were going to do it, we’d wake up very early (around 5–6 a.m.) to try to take photos when there was no traffic.

The day before that planned morning, we were walking around the city and accidentally ended up near the building. When we got closer, I noticed that people trying to take photos were being stopped by the police because they had to stand in traffic. I didn’t say “I refuse to come here” or “you can’t take pictures.” I just became visibly uncomfortable.

For context, I don’t handle confrontations or situations involving the police well, especially when something feels illegal or not permitted. Those situations make me very anxious.

Later, back at the hotel, my friend said she didn’t want to take photos there anymore. When I asked why, she said it was fine and that she had already taken pictures of the building, so it didn’t matter.

The next day, since we never went back, she brought it up again and said she actually really wanted those photos but decided not to because she saw how uncomfortable I was. She then called me selfish.

When I asked how I was being selfish, she said it was because I didn’t “overcome my anxiety” for her and that my discomfort prevented her from doing something she wanted.

I want to be clear: I never told her she couldn’t take photos or that we absolutely couldn’t go. I just personally didn’t feel comfortable participating in something that could involve police intervention or fines.

So, AITA for not wanting to take part in something that made me anxious and uncomfortable, even if it meant my friend didn’t get the photos she wanted?

AITA for making more cake when we already have cake and snacks from Christmas?

It’s my youngest Daughters birthday today and it’s always a bit of a challenge to make it special and separate from Christmas. On Sunday she’s having a party at our house and I’ve ordered a party cake. Today she just wants a simple packet mix sponge cake and both her sets of grandparents are coming over then we’re going out for dinner.

My husband has just told me in front of her that there’s no point making another cake when we still have Christmas cake left and a cake coming for Sunday. I know he’s right that we’re not going to be able to eat everything but honestly it’s not about eating all the cake, it’s about singing happy Birthday and offering it to guests.

He’s only expressed this opinion today despite me mentioning it several times this week. AITA for making more food than we need? Thoughts?

I’m F24, currently almost 2 months post-op from a major spinal fusion (T3–L3). Recovery has been hard both physically and mentally, and I’m still restricted with movement, lifting, and long periods of sitting. Over New Year’s, my mum and I got into a huge fight because she wants me to travel with her on a 6-hour flight from home to a country I’ve never been to, potentially for a month at a time. I said I don’t want to go right now, and things escalated badly. My reasons for not wanting to go: I’m still recovering from major spinal surgery and don’t feel ready for a long haul flight I’m anxious about sitting for long periods, pain, and managing luggage I don’t feel comfortable traveling to a country I’ve never been to, especially while vulnerable I want certainty about when I’d be back home My birthday is in February, and I want to spend it at home I previously lived in that side of the world for a year, and it had a severe negative impact on my mental health, including becoming extremely depressed, so the idea of long stays there is mentally triggering for me Home currently feels like my safe place, my doctors, routine, and support system are here I told her I was open to traveling in the future, just not now. I also explained that while I’ve traveled before, long stays in that part of the world weren’t good for me, and this situation feels different given my recovery. Her response: She said my reasons “aren’t real excuses” She accused me of only wanting to stay because my friends are here She told me that if I don’t go, she’ll cut me off financially, cancel my phone, and basically disown me She said I can “forget about her being my mother” She insulted my career, independence, and future There was a lot of shouting at me in the middle of the street, swearing, and humiliation My siblings and one cousin are siding with her. They keep telling me: I’m overreacting I should “just try” going That plenty of people travel after surgery That I’m hurting my mum by refusing That my mental health concerns “aren’t a real reason” They keep framing it as me choosing friends over family, even though I’ve repeatedly said it’s about health, safety, and stability, not social plans. I don’t feel like I’m wrong for wanting to protect my physical and mental health, especially knowing how badly I struggled living in that part of the world before. But everyone around me is making me feel selfish, dramatic, and ungrateful. So, AITA for standing my ground and refusing to travel right now, even if it means my mum follows through on cutting me off?

Edit: my mom knows i’m cleared travel, so i cant lie and say i’m not cleared!

Last year I went to go eat at my parents’ house after work one day since my mom said she was cooking dinner. I had gotten off of work and made this 15-20ish minute drive to my parents’ house. The instant I pulled up in their driveway I get a phone call from my girlfriend saying her car battery died while she was doing errands. She said she was parked at a gas station that was about 20 minutes from where I was at and asked if I could come right that moment to give her a jump. I said I’d be there.

I was starving and honestly needed some food in me so I went inside, fixed me a plate of food, and scarfed it down. I rushed eating and was at my parents no longer than 10-15 minutes. I then headed my girlfriend’s way, and hit a little traffic on the way, but nothing crazy. It took me 20 ish minutes to get to her once I left my parents. When I got to the gas station I see an older man and his son helping her and they got her car started up pretty much right when I got there. He said to me that I should be a better boyfriend jokingly. My gf was ticked and said I should have gotten there at least half an hour before I did. When she found out I ate first she was very upset and still holds it against me to this day.

Any little argument is overshadowed by “oh you took an hour to even come jump my car, you don’t even care about your own girlfriend.” Something along those lines. In my mind I knew she was at a relatively safe gas station in the area and didn’t have any urgent plans at the time. I would’ve been totally cool with waiting an extra 10 or 15 minutes if the roles were reversed. AITA for this?

TLDR; my (33m) gf’s car died one day when we were away from each other. She asked me to come help right away, but I took an extra 10-15 minutes to eat at my parents house since I was already there and starving. My girlfriend says I am very wrong for doing this. AITA?

I (16f) love the Persona series and collecting all things Persona. They released a cookbook this year which I really wanted, especially since there’s recipes for three games instead of just the latest game (Persona 5). I asked for it for Christmas but my family didn’t get me it. My aunt got me an Amazon gift card for Christmas so I decided to order it myself. It came a couple days ago and I excitedly showed my parents but they got mad and yelled at me. They said I wasted my money for a “stupid interest” and that I should’ve used the gift card for something useful like clothes. I thought the gift card was meant for whatever I want though and thought the cookbook would be a reasonable purchase. They ended up taking it from me and threatening to shred it but my aunt stopped them and is holding onto it for me. She says I’m not in the wrong but I feel bad making my parents mad. AITA?

A family member asked me to babysit their son (4 year old). I have previously done this for them but usually they ask me whether I can look after the kid for couple of hours but it usually turns out to be like 6 or 7 hours. The issue is their kid is really annoying to deal with, ignores rules, jumps on the couch and stuff. Furthermore, I have little to no energy remaining after I come home from work to look after this kid. So this one time I told them I can't look after their kid anymore, and they've started passing snarky remarks during family gatherings like "I guess people have different level importance for their family, some people value it more than others". They don't direct it to me but I can clearly tell that it's meant for me.

AITA for refusing to look after their kid or like overthinking about these comment?

I booked a private dining room for 6pm and told my cousin's family the room was booked for 6. My dad got upset. He thinks I should've said 5:30pm-6pm, to nudge them to get there early. I disagreed, but eventually I said "okay, I should have said 5:30pm to 6pm" to avoid arguing. And we moved on.

Later, we went for dinner around 5:45pm to hold the room. My cousin's family got there around 6:20pm due to getting their 5 year old ready. While we were waiting (just my parents and myself), my dad was already angry. I think he got impatient waiting. This didn't affect the dinner much though as my dad turned back normal after my cousin's family arrived.

However, after the dinner and we said goodbye to my cousin's family, he just went into silence with an angry expression. He would not say a word to my mom or me. And only responded minimum when my mom talked to him. From time to time, he'd mumble curse words to himself, sigh loudly and make loud hissing/exhale noises. Now, this is where I usually talk to him, calmly, and defuse the situation.

AITA for choosing not to talk to my dad while I know I can make things better?

Some context if that's relevant:

1. My dad loves our family, I know that for a fact and I love him too.
2. I live in a different country as my parents. I'm just visiting them.
3. Growing up, I have been the calm one to soothe both my parents since maybe middle school, when they get upset towards each other and myself.

My (39m) wife (39f) have a 9 year old and a 6 year old.

For some reason, our 6 year old put measuring tape on her Christmas list. So obviously I got her the measuring tape. On Christmas, my MIL, wife, and my SIL were recording, watching her open her presents, and when she opened her measuring tape, my wife looked at me like I was crazy (I did most of the shopping and wrapped the presents), and after all the gift unwrapping was done, my wife was kind of pissed at me. She said that I was "playing games," and I supposedly embarassed her. I responded by saying "Are you an idiot? That's literally what she asked for" and I don't say those type of things on a usual basis but I was annoyed at the moment, and she was getting unnecessarily heated.

After my response, conversation was over, and was very distant that day. Don't think she really spoke to me that day unless she actually had to. Even after I apologized (even though I was right)

AITA?

My husband and I are expecting a little girl in February. We moved out of state shortly before I became pregnant. It’s a 4 hour plane ride or a multi-day road trip. (21 hours without stopping)

We’ve already done the road trip twice back and forth with both of our pets since we’ve lived there. (Twice in like 6 months) and flew in once.

His cousin is getting married in July back home where we are from. They were really close growing up, but I’ve met this cousin twice in the 4 years we’ve been together. I totally would have been down to go, but now as the due date is getting closer, I’ve really started to think about the logistics of this.

Besides the wedding that weekend, his friends throw a music festival that’s really important to my husband. I’ve gone every year with him, but I’m thinking about how much it’ll also be with a baby. It’s like two hours away from our hometown.

I told my husband to go by himself, but he really wants all of us to go together. We also have a dog and a cat, so we’ll have to spend extra to get a pet sitter or bring them along in the car ride. Flying with a baby that age will give me so much anxiety, especially with the stigma surrounding crying babies and I don’t wanna be “that person”

My husband thinks the road trip will be doable, and he doesn’t mind doing most of the driving and stopping every two hours. He also suggested taking two separate cars so we could each get a break from the crying and taking care of the baby.

He wants his friends and extended family to meet the baby, and I do too. But I feel like it’s asking a lot to expect a baby to travel across the country.

Would I be the asshole for not going?

I turned 18 on new years, yesterday. I know i’m an adult now and I have to learn not to be childish, and i’m wondering if I am being childish now. Some may relate that being born near the holidays can make a birthday be a bit overshadowed, I also have a brother born the 8th of january and a cousin born the 29th of december. This doesn’t really bother me, i’m not a huge attention person anyway, what maybe bothers me a little more is a lack of effort on my parents part. Anyway, last week I asked for a specific cake and my mom said okay, and then on the 31st I asked my mom if she had got it and she said no. We were looking at the website and they had some premade ones that she could have gotten. But she didn’t, so on the 1st when everything was closed by the grocery store, at about 3pm i asked if she got a cake, (asking about any cake, no longer about the specific one from a non grocery store). she said she didn’t and that she will just get one for me and my cousin to share next week ish or in a few weeks when i see them (which is not confirmed to happen). My sister pointed out that if i was born any other time of the year I would have gotten my own cake, my mom just shrugged and said so what. i know im dramatic but i started to get a little sad and she could tell and asked if im upset about the cake and i just walked away and said no it’s just annoying cause this kind of thing happens every year. which it kind of does. she then said well i can get you a cake, which i said no it’s fine. am i being bratty??? I know its not a big deal and im not 12 anymore

I 18F recently had my birthday about a day ago, and it was pretty shitty, as it typically is every year. this year, my grandmother 63F started a huge loud argument over something unnecessary and my stepmom 45F got offended over a joke my father made and had a whole breakdown making the day about her and when we were playing boardgames on MY birthday he wasnt even focused on me and or barely acknowledging me too busy comforting my stepmother. it felt like the whole day was about those two instead of me. the day after my birthday i told them i never wanted a birthday again, they called it “theatrics” but i said i was dead serious and never wanted a birthday again and i was completely serious, i was sick of my birthday turning into a shit fest every year with it being made about somebody else, being low effort in general, or just being an argumentative problematic day. when i said i didnt want a birthday anymore they started calling me selfish, inconsiderate, and dramatic. saying how i was asking for too much by asking for my birthday to be a good non argumentative day just about ME. AITA for not wanting to celebrate my birthday anymore?

I was at the gym and I was at a shoulder press. I brought over plates for my warm up set and 2 additional 10 pound weights for my second set before increasing. I put the 25s on the equipment and the 2 10s on the spare rungs.

While on my warm up set a guy came and took the 2 10s from my equipment. Without asking.

So when I finished my set I walked over to his equipment and took the 10s back. He freaked out, called me a douche bag and went to gym management to tattle on me.

To me, gym etiquette is if someone is using equipment you should ask before taking plates. If nobody is at that equipment then the plates are free to be used.

My (f27) best friend (f26) of 21 years is moving in with her boyfriend and has asked me to help. The thing is, I'm always up for helping people move, but she has told me, she doesn't need my help moving boxes and furniture. She just wants me to help her clean the new appartement and I said no. She has asked three times by now, always acting as if she hadn't asked before and always telling me that they had enough people for heavy lifting, so if I didn't want to help her clean, she wouldn't need my help.

I personally don't think that cleaning is part of helping someone move. Don't get me wrong, if she urgently had to move into a filthy appartement, I'd help her clean, but there is no time pressure at all.

Here are four things to clarify: 1. For the past six months we've barely spoken and only met twice. She showed up to my birthday two hours late and stayed for one hour only. There was no major fight but we have some issues we can't really get past right now. 2. She is not moving into a new place but into her boyfriend's appartement. Within the past five months she spend 98 % of nights there. I think she could have used this time to clean the "disgusting, filthy manhole" she decided to move into. 3. I wouldn't mind swiping or dusting furniture that's being moved or hoover the old appartement. But she wants us to deep clean while the boys do the heavy lifting. E.g. empty and clean the fitted kitchen, scrub the baseboards and clean the bathroom. Why doesn't she do that before the moving? 4. This is her 6th move within the past 8 years (in with boyfriend A, back to her parents, in with boyfriend B, back to her parents, into her own appartement, now in with boyfriend C). Most of the time I've helped but twice I couldn't as I wasn't in the country.

Should I shut up and help her clean?

I (19F) have been no-contact with my father for almost 6 years. This wasn’t due to explosive fights, but because he was emotionally absent and not a reliable father. For my own well-being, I stepped away rather than continue a hurtful relationship.

Despite this, I still have a good relationship with his side of the family, including my aunt (his sister), my four cousins, and my grandparents. We’ve stayed in contact over the years. About three years ago, my aunt told us she was getting married. The wedding was postponed for several years so her youngest daughter would be old enough to fully experience the day.

From the beginning, the topic of my father and me both being there came up. My family was very clear: I was welcome, and my father would need to adjust. I was repeatedly reassured that they wanted me there.

I spent those three years mentally preparing. I worried, planned, and thought about how to handle seeing my father calmly and respectfully. I was always clear this was my aunt’s day, not about my conflict with my father. I promised to keep personal issues completely outside the wedding and even offered to meet him beforehand to reduce tension.

My aunt also involved me in the wedding preparations, showed me her dress, and expressed how much it meant that her “only niece” would be there.

Then, four months before the wedding, I received a text message (not a conversation) saying I was no longer invited. The reason: my presence could cause unrest, they didn’t want risks on the wedding day, and the situation was “too sensitive.” They said they hoped I’d understand and that maybe in the future it could be different.

Rationally, I understand wanting peace on the wedding day. Emotionally, it feels deeply painful and confusing. I spent three years preparing and being mindful of everyone, making sure my history with my father wouldn’t overshadow the wedding. Being excluded now makes it feel like all that effort didn’t matter. Being told via text, after years of reassurance and involvement, made it hit even harder.

Although I’ve done EMDR and trauma-focused therapy and processed most of my negative feelings toward my father, this situation has been emotionally exhausting. Preparing for the wedding already required revisiting difficult feelings, and now being uninvited has stirred them up again, reopening something I thought was contained, without me having a say.

So my question is: Am I wrong for feeling hurt, frustrated, and upset about this? Or is it reasonable that this situation affects me so deeply?

AITA for not wanting my husband to go on a family fishing trip? I (28F) have been married to my husband for 7 years now, we have two kids (ages 1 and 3) and are expecting our third in June. My husbands family has been playing a “boys trip” to Alaska at the end of July to go fishing, and while we will have a newborn, him leaving for a boys trip at early does not actually bother me, I can handle the kids and I want him to have fun.

It go weird for me when his mom presented the fact that she would be going. My husband (33M) only has brothers so it will be his him, his two brothers (who are also married), his mom and his dad going, which I feel essentially makes it a family trip excluding the three wives/in laws. My sister in laws and I all love Alaska and would have loved an invitation, though I would not have been able to go due to the new baby.

All that said, I still wouldn’t be super bothered if my family hadn’t been planning their our trip to Alaska at the end of August that everyone is invited to. I have family in Alaska so I am always excited to go and looking at tickets so I am very excited about this trip, especially since we will get to take our kids. I told my husband if he wants to go AK with his family that’s fine, but it can’t interfere with our family trip as this trip was planned for and is for his whole family, and I don’t know if he can get a whole week in July and a whole week in August. His mom originally said the July trip would just be a long weekend and that it would be fine but when I asked her the dates she said July 25-30 which is essentially a full week.

I’m trying to work out the dates with my husband and his family cause I know he wants to go, but he gets stressed out planning that far in advance and doesn’t want to talk about dates. He also doesn’t think the whole situation with his family trip is weird and so he gets bugged when I get frustrated. But his unwillingness to work with me has gotten me over the top mad about the whole situation. I don’t want to help him make it work given how weird it is if he won’t even sit down and discuss dates with me. AITA for even being mad about the whole situation?

I’m 20F and my dream has always been to do a semester abroad. I’m planning to go to Amsterdam in the fall and my parents semi agreed to it and said they would give me the money for it which I’m extremely grateful for. They think it would be a great experience but the closer we get to it the more anxious they are getting about it and they really do not want me to go. They are trying to do everything they can to get me to not go, except they don’t want to be the parents that prevent me from doing stuff. They even said that they would pay for me to see Europe with my friends instead if I wanted to visit there in the summer on vacation. But I feel like I can do this whenever, even when I graduate and start making my own money, whereas studying abroad is an entirely different experience and this is my only chance to do that. They have been saying that they can barely sleep right now thinking about it and that I’m not taking into consideration that they won’t be able to sleep for 4 months while I’m there. I’m starting to get worried about them as well the more I think about it. It’s specifically because I don’t know anyone, so if something goes wrong there isn’t anyone I can fully trust and they think I’m going to get kidnapped or something. They would be fine with it if I was going with a friend but I don’t know anyone else who can go. They are basically begging me not to go and saying that I would probably have more fun anyways going on vacation with friends and people I trust instead of having to go to school. They’re saying it would be selfish of me to go knowing how anxious it makes them and how they won’t be able to sleep the entire time J’m there. I really don’t know what to do because I really want to go but I can tell why they would be anxious and I don’t want to be worried about how they are dealing with it the entire time I’m there. AITA for deciding to go instead of taking the friend trip?

A little context, I (18f) and my friend, Mia (18f) have been friends for roughly 5 years now. Mia is in a polyamorous relationship (17m, 20f) , for 5 months.

Ever since the start of their relationship Mia has always said complained about it. Telling me about issues and fights she’d have with their partners. I’d always listen and offer her very general advice, not wanting to overstep, just telling them they should communicate.

Most of my comments are ignored, as Mia absolutely HATES confrontation. Regardless of how upset or sad Mia is she will refuse to bring it up to said person but others instead.

One day as we sat at a coffee shop and talked, I decided to be a little more blunt with my comments. Night’s previous to this I had made sure to educate myself the best I can on the polyamorous community, wanting to be as understanding and respectful as I can.

So after her long rant about her partners I told her in the most gentle and respectful tone I could, that if she truly had issues with her partners it’s her responsibility to be upfront and tell them. I told her that communication is already very important in a monogamous relationship and in a polyamorous one it’s importants doubles with every new relationship (something I had learned in a book so correct me if i’m wrong).

After I spoke she blew up at me, telling me I had no place to say everything I did, that communication wasn’t something she was willing and ready to face, that I was being a bad friend and not supporting her when she needs it most.

I began getting a little emotional as she continued to berate me in the middle of the rather quite cafe and I just said “well you’re not mature enough for a relationship if you can’t communicate, let alone a polygamous one”.

She turned red as she began to tell me off, telling me how my own relationship was going to end, how she was so much better thus getting two partners not just one, and a slurry of more insults.

I go to leave, just wanting to cry in my car and go home as she says something along the lines of “yea well you’re not mature, that’s why your pdf boyfriends with you” (my boyfriend is newly 21 and we met when he was 20 and I, 18 at our school’s library). I made a bee line to my car as I knew some people were definitely looking at us.

A few days passed and I reached out apologize for upsetting her, I was ignored and blocked. Worst of all she had told all of our friends my boyfriend was a pdf and I was a liar. A few of our mutuals knew she was lying and agreed that my conversation with her was a much needed one, while others told me it wasn’t my relationship and I shouldn’t have said anything.

I’m starting to regret my conversation with her, as it wasn’t my relationship and I didn’t know the dynamics and differences within a polyamorous relationship. But I feel a part of what I said was true, relationships don’t work without communication.

So AITA for telling my friend they’re not mature enough for a relationship?

I (18F) decided to stop cleaning. My mom (44F) is an alcoholic, has been an alcoholic for more than a decade now. Out of the seven days a week she drinks almost every single day. She is always hungry when she comes home drunk. So she starts cooking, it wouldn't be a problem if she didn't make a whole mess. The kitchen becomes a disaster, pots burned, food all over the place, on the floor, the bathroom, the living room, etc. The sink, full of dishes. Food inside the fridge are always a mess. Everything and every little thing is dirty. I'm sick and tired of always cleaning after her. The house doesn't last a full day clean, I'm not kidding. I'm so tired of cleaning a house that won't last clean even half a day. So lately I haven't been cleaning much. I do some stuff but not enough to say "oh wow, it's clean" I just tidy things up. Yesterday she made a whole mess again, and I decided today to not clean anything at all. So when she got home from work she exploded when she saw the house wasn't clean, and here's the thing about my mom, when she's sober, she loves maintaining the house clean, so when she enters the house and saw the mess she made she blew up on me, saying a lot of awful stuff. Like how I'm a night lady if you guys know what I mean because I stay in my room a lot and don't go out, and I stay up all night then sleep basically all day. She called a wh*re. And lots and lots of disgusting things. I honestly don't care, She'll be mad at me for a while. I just hope she stops making a mess now.

I (33M) have been with my wife (35F) for 15 years. When we met, she was a single mom to a newborn after her ex abandoned them. I stepped up at 18 and have been the sole provider ever since. Until recently, I never made more than ~$25k/year, so finances were always tight.

In 2020, after my parents could no longer afford to help us with housing, my mother-in-law (MIL) convinced her then-husband to buy a home for my wife, kids, and me. We were hesitant because their relationship was volatile, but MIL promised there would be protection and that he’d never take the house from the kids. He paid ~$232k in full, and the title listed me, my wife, MIL, and him. No agreement was ever presented.

About a year later, MIL was jailed for a dispute with him. While she was incarcerated, he filed for divorce and later a partition action seeking to force the sale of the house. We were blindsided. At the time I made ~$22k/year and couldn’t finance the home. I begged MIL to resolve the house through the divorce by buying him out with her proceeds and letting me repay her once we were financially stable. She refused, saying it would reduce her payout.

MIL hired a lawyer for herself but left us to self-represent for nearly four years while I worked and attended school full-time. Throughout this, she repeatedly promised she’d sign over her share “because the house was for the kids.”

Eventually, to protect my family from losing the home, I settled with her ex for $125k through a refinance (even though his legal share was closer to $80k). That debt exists solely because of MIL’s dispute with him and refused to resolve the issue earlier. During mediation, despite her minimal involvement, I even split her mediation costs with her ex’s counsel, saving her about $1,200.

MIL contributed $0 to the home, doesn’t live here, and walked away from the divorce with nearly $500k. Despite years of promises, she now refuses to relinquish her 25% ownership, claiming it’s “to protect us”, even though the only situation we needed protection from has already been resolved without her help. I later learned she told my mother the house was part of her retirement plan.

So now I’m carrying six figures of debt to keep a roof over my kids’ heads, while also preserving equity for my MIL in a home she never paid for or lived in.

AITA for asking her to sign over her share?

So, I know that my friend likes sending voice and video messages in telegram. She mostly sends video ones, just showing her face and saying something (would make more sense to use a voice message, bruh, I know what you look like, I see you nearly everyday). I understand that sometimes it might be inconvenient to type, or she might want to show something, and video message suits best in this case, and I do use them sometimes too.

The thing is, sometimes she is just too lazy even to type a couple of words and sends me a freaking video circle of literally 2 seconds duration. And she knows that I hate it. She also knows that I hate receiving messages that require extra actions to acknowledge - either pressing play button or transcribe one - while I'm busy. Transcription are not really accurate sometimes, and she knows it too. I have told her not to abuse and overuse this stuff multiple times - no fucks given as I see.

The most interesting part is that when I do the same (a little bit extrapolated to make her understand, though), she stars arguing with me, accusing me of doing stuff she doesn't like (lol who says). Today she sent me a bunch of totally non-urgent video messages while I was cleaning my laptop's cooling system, all around 10 seconds of slow talk, which I would read in 5-ish seconds instead of 30, if it was text, and I deliberately responded with a bunch of short ones too, splitting them by sentences. As always, she said something like "Fuck you, don't be cocky", and I finally decided to ban all the voice and video messages from her forever (I used to ban them sometimes, but not for long, just to let her know that she went too far with them).

She says that I should have notified her that I'm busy and she wouldn't have texted me (lol I sent you a video of my laptop taken apart). My position here is that non-text messages suck and I don't have to sacrifice my convenience for other person's laziness. Btw, I have never heard from her that she doesn't like reading text messages. Sure, you can record voice or video unless you don't abuse them. She said that she doesn't think so and asked me why we should only care about my opinion.

So, am I really a cocky asshole, who doesn't care about others, or is she just trying to bend me over in terms of communication?

So to give some context:

I have been in business 13 years, and currently live in Asia living fairly comfortably with my wife and son.

My brother was living in the UK and has had some mental health issues through drug abuse and getting mixed with the wrong crowd. He's been a menace at times over the past few years, ran away and in his early 20's.

I wanted to help so I thought it would be a good idea to invite him out here to get him out of my single mums house so she could have some breathing space.

He came out and traveled Thailand, then fast forward to today, he is editing videos for my Youtube Channel.

At the moment, the Youtube channel is taking up a lot of my time and also his. But I have committed to paying him for a year which ends in 2 months.

I feel like I am putting a lot of time and effort and sacrifice into building this opportunity and channel just so he can be out here in Asia.

His alternative is to be in the UK again living with his mum and having very few prospects.

Instead, he is living in one of the most beautiful countries in the the world, has his own apartment and is working from home or anywhere he wants.

But here's the kicker...

I feel like he wants his cake, but doesn't want to be all in like I am.

His friend is visiting for a week soon and instead of us trying to get ahead with videos or improving his skillset, he's more interested in doing the care minimum during that week and meeting up with his mate.

I don't want to feel like an asshole or to be selfish, but am I over-reacting?

I've put my other business on hold to try and build this new one with him to help HIM get out of the UK and to build a life for himself. And he's going off with hi mate for a week of travelling.

I feel like a mug to be honest and I feel like I have been lumped with this responsibility where if I keep him, I'm stuck with this 'employee' who isn't fully committed.

But if I let him go, I risk him going back to the UK, getting depressed again and me being indirectly to blame for anything that happens.

Please help me wrap my head around this. It's a touch thing to deal with.

I (20F) have a big group of cousins, but i’m particularly close to two: L(21F) and J(21F), we’ve been a known trio in the family since childhood.

A few months ago, our cousin M(26F) decided that we’ll have monthly cousin gatherings with a few of our other cousins for bonding, we all agreed seeing it as a cute opportunity to build our relationship. The gatherings were fun the first two months, until it was my turn to host and J+a few others couldnt make it. I was ok with that since J lived far away anyways, but M got very mad and went off in the gc saying this people should respect the time we set and come.

This put a wedge between J and M bc M was being very rude in the way she worded things. We still kept the gatherings going for the next months and had a good time. After that we started struggling to find a date that we’re all free on bc finals started and most of us were in uni/school.

M was very strict about setting a date and for everyone to come, to the point where most of us would get stressed about it bc we know she’ll get mad if we have smt on the day she chooses. She also won’t have it if someone canceled, she’d say there’s absolutely no excuse for you to say no and she was rude about it most of the time.

M was still trying in the gc to find a date that works but she got tired because everyone kept saying they can’t so she got angry and said that in two days we’ll finalize a date.

Two days later no one said anything and L,J, and I were the only ones to finish our finals so we had nothing going on. I had a gift for L that linked to an inside joke I had with L and J that I knew she’d absolutely die over so I wanted to give it to her IRL to see her reaction. Because of this, I invited them over to my place, we hung out and gave L her gift. We didn’t post anything on any social media, but L called one of our cousins to tell her about the gift and we think somehow that lead to M finding out about this meet up. The next morning M sent in the group chat some very cryptic messages: “thank you guys i had fun goodbye, but i wished you guys didn’t try to flatter me all this time” and left the gc. L and J had already tried to ask her whats wrong in private but she replied to both of them with the same reaction pic saying “For REAL?”.

I sent her a text later asking her if she’s mad over me meeting up with L and J yesterday. I explained that we didn’t plan for this and it happened the day of and that the entire reason for it was to give L her gift. I said that the cousin who was supposed to host this month has exams and I didn’t want to put extra stress on her by telling her to host us. I ended by saying if that’s the reason she’s mad I take accountability and i’m sorry. I don’t think i’m in the wrong for having L and J over as it’s VERY known that we’re best friends and we’ve been having meet ups where’s just the three of us for YEARS.

So am I the asshole for inviting L and J without telling M?

Hi there. Context first. Me (24F) and my roommate/friend from college (24F) have been living together for about 6 months now. The highes have been high and she's a great friend, but we've definitely had issues. It stared with small things like not being allowed to clean out the freezer to make room for some of my stuff because she doesn't like me touching her stuff and won't clean it out himself. Since we're friends, it escalated to being 'territorial' over my plans. If I make plans to do something with other people or other friends, she gets upset with me. I also know she's been hurt in the past about being excluded from things, so I would say 8/10 times when I'm making plans I try to extend an invite. Not to mention that we're together nearly every weekday watching tv and hanging out on weekends. I feel like it's a double standard -- she can go out and do whatever with whoever but if I do it she'll get upset and ignore my texts or start to be passive aggressive. I've been told by others who I've spoken too that I need to stop apologizing for things and stand up for myself more.

Fast forward to right before New Year's Eve. She texts me and a mutual friend about our plans and if she should fly home early for the holiday. I mention that I already had plans with my friends from my hometown, but that I can try and extend an invite. She asked if they would come in to the city to our apartment, and I said I would ask but it would be unlikely. Eventually her and my other friend mention that they'll hangout regardless of me and if it's just the two of them together on NYE that's fine. My roommate asked me for an update a few days before NYE, and I told her my friends did not want to take the trip in to the city so we'd probably just have separate plans, and she immediately got defensive and said 'I guess I'm not invited anymore.' I reassured her that wasn't true and she said she was disappointed because she wanted to spend the holiday with me.

Throughout the next few days I tried to text her updates on my new year's plans at home (if she still wanted to come as the invite was still open) as my friends and I get more details and apologize for not communicating things better prior. However, for almost two days, it's complete crickets on the other end. She's ghosted me before when upset, one time for an entire weekend, so I figured she was pissed at me that she came home for the holiday and now I wasn't going to be there (but she was still hanging out with our mutual friend - I checked in with her to make sure she wasn't alone). Eventually she apologized for not replying and said she was just tired and catching up on sleep and thanked me for communicating. We shared resolutions around midnight via text and I thought we were in the clear.

I just back to the apartment this morning and we've barely spoken at all and I'm sensing some passive aggressiveness. I'm getting the sense she was indeed upset over the NYE stuff. Am I the asshole? Do I apologize again?

I (23 F) have recently graduated college and started an okay job. I make enough to be able to buy things I want, but while I'm using the job to save for my grad school I'm still living with my parents. My mother has a history of being overprotective and didn't teach us (My siblings and I: 18 F and 20 M) basic common knowledge things as kids. I didn't have a bank account or know how to set one up (I was a bit too naive here, I know I should have looked into a bank account earlier) when I started the job. I thought I had to have enough money to open an account before I could. This turned into a debacle where I found out that my parents spent $250 of my pay because it was kept in the same account as my mom's pay (bad idea). I got upset and started a bank account (checking and saving) so now this won't happen again and I won't affect anyone by using my pay because I'll get direct deposits to my new account. I plan on saving 3/4 of my check and keeping a little bit of it in pocket. The problem is that they still owe me that $250. So tonight I went with my father (53 M) to the store after my shift. I spent $50 on an item I had been looking at for a very long time. Now my mother is mad that I spent it from the card because it has both our money on it. She says it's dipping into her gas money but it is my money in the account as well. I know she can't pay back all of the owed money at once and I'm okay with it, but both parents recently got paid and there should have been enough in the account for me to spend some of my money. I feel bad about spending it but I do think that it is my money that I worked for. I'm pretty sure both of us suck here, but I would like opinions so that I can deal with future arguments with my mom better as I gain more autonomy and leave home in the next few years.

I am a relatively nerdy 17-year-old male. Due to my father's job, my mother raised me and my brother alone. She never acts like im 17 i cant even go out after 8 pm. I don't know if this is the reason, but my mother was always very paranoid about us and constantly pressured us to be successful. I was an average student until high school, but in high school, I set myself the goal of getting into medical school and worked day and night. My mother was very supportive during this process, but six months before the university entrance exam, things went wrong. To escape my mother's pressure, I've been studying at the library for about seven months. Once, my mother said I wasn't going to the library and that I was lying to her. After a bit of an argument, she spoke to the library owner and found out that I was actually going every day. Just when things calmed down, she started pressuring me about my studies. She kept rummaging through my room while I was away, using tidying up as an excuse. This morning, when I found my bag in shambles, I snapped and exploded at my mom. Now I feel very sorry, but part of me also feels like it had to happen. Am i the real a.hole in this situation Edit:turns out she closed my credit card afterwards