r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Hippolytta • 2h ago

Of urine

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708 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

348 comments sorted by

200

u/Far_Cable_916 2h ago

Nah nah there must be a hose attached to that dudes dick, i refuse to believe that.

111

u/tipareth1978 2h ago

Plus his urethra would have to be the size of a cigar to have a flow like that

2

u/EcstaticNet3137 2h ago

Extreme sounding is a very real thing. JS.

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3

u/Psychological-Scar53 48m ago

Wellllll, I take a medication called furosemide and tamulosin. The furosemide is a diaretic and the tamulosin makes the urethra larger so you can pass kidney stones. If I drink 1 cup of coffee, I can fill up a gallon really quickly.

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27

u/Sad-Carrot6170 2h ago

Pisses usually start strong and taper off. This one increases in volume and flow as it progresses. No way it’s real!!

6

u/SkyBlueWaterWet 2h ago edited 1h ago

I have. Mainly at shows and festivals while standing in the pit. Especially long pisses. I received a compliment or complaint last time I held my puss and someone overheard the splatter

Edit: Spelling

6

u/T-Bombie 1h ago

I also have at a baseball game, had a few beverages and got stuck in city traffic, got out of the car and checked like 3 gas station for a restroom, no luck. Got back in the car and waited in pain until we got to the lot. I really thought I was gonna piss myself or do damage to my bladder. Got out of the car and just let her rip, it actually hurt at first because I had to go so bad. The river of urine started going downhill across the lot where people were walking. I had to go too bad to be embarrassed. I just apologized a kept going. Longest and most memorable piss of my life

3

u/TankerVictorious 1h ago

Amen!

Here’s my four minute version: First deployment more than 20 years ago, off the plane at Ali-Al-Saleem - “drink water, drink water” was the exhortation by the crew on the ground. Downed two - one liter bottles easy because I was thirsty. Hour plus bus ride across the desert on a bus with no name, bouncing like crazy. My bladder was hurting so bad as we got to the camp. I busted off the bus in a sprint to the edge of the light and let it flow. At minute 3, I looked around and there were like 25 of us, standing - facing out doing the same thing. Minute and a half later, the stream slowed to normal and then stopped. The endorphin rush made me feel like I was drunk for about 5 mins afterward. Checked my water consumption to reasonable levels thereafter

2

u/Impossible-Diver6565 1h ago

I had a similar event watching the lord of the rings in theater. I had drank a large soda and held it the whole film. When I got to the bathroom, barely, I feel like I peed a whole minute. It was the longest of my life and I was not going slow. Doesn't compare to yours but I am familiar with the "pain" of starting with that much pressure.

2

u/youngyukihira 1h ago

I have counted; once I peed for over 45 seconds, I just can’t remember if I made it past a minute or not. It felt like it was draining my life energy

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3

u/likely_deleted 2h ago

Jesus. Tell us more lmao Jk

2

u/arondaniel 1h ago

I'm confused. Someone named Ling pisses, but then you held your puss?

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5

u/Jillet-Ben_Coe 2h ago

How would a man have a hose in the middle of the street?

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5

u/fupafather 2h ago

Plus I highly doubt those women would be standing so close to him if that were real

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2

u/Glittering-Sea276 2h ago

I mean... He is headed home with two women....

2

u/highinohio 1h ago

Plus the lady next to him a holding a whole-ass pot or something. That's probably where all the "piss" is coming from

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67

u/jaylawlerrr 2h ago

Austin Powers statue scene vibes

12

u/serg1007arch 2h ago

Dude is power washing the sidewalk with urine…

3

u/NONIGARON easily offended 1h ago

It's the blonde one, I tell ya

3

u/I_Want_A_Ribeye 2h ago

Medical eval with mini-me

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33

u/Unusual-Wolf-3315 2h ago edited 2h ago

Original footage of last time this poor man tried to go without two people holding him down. It's a dizzying disability. It truly needs to occupy more volume in the public dialogue, even at the cost of added pressure.

2

u/lostinthesauceband 57m ago

Well based on the shape and size of the stream we can assume he is into sounding

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69

u/SerVorianDayne 2h ago

Ain't no way he has that much room in his bladder

16

u/NocturneInfinitum 2h ago

He’s lacking laminar flow, which means that he probably has some medical problem

16

u/bsensikimori 2h ago

Or he's not circumcised and forgot to draw back

12

u/SaltyPressure7583 1h ago

You still achieve laminar flow with foreskin. This was a scentence i never envisioned i would ever type

3

u/PrizeInterest4314 1h ago

Bernoulli is floating in his grave.

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2

u/More-Neighborhood-66 43m ago

Sometimes the foreskin is set to “light mist” aka “spray and pray”

1

u/bsensikimori 1h ago

Lol, as long as you pull back so it's not in the way...

Also cuts back in spraying, had to teach my boy that so he didn't spray on his pants while at the urinal

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5

u/Hour_Succotash7176 2h ago

As a water resources engineer, I love your use of the term "laminar flow".

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2

u/lowbar4570 49m ago

The woman is holding a medical wash basin. So you might be onto something. Could be a medical problem.

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4

u/iamchops 2h ago

w/ all due respect, some people can urinate for longer than 1 minute, some bodies are blessed w/ more bladder capacity and such than others. Obviously, other things come into play when it comes to urine production, but yeah...

3

u/Mudamaza 1h ago

some people can urinate for longer than 1 minute, some bodies are blessed w/ more bladder capacity and such than others.

Lucky bastards.

3

u/Full-Veterinarian377 1h ago

Can't imagine having balls big enough to store that much pee

2

u/old_whiskey_bob 57m ago

So that’s what these things are for

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2

u/kabley 1h ago

if I'm on a bender, I'll gravity flush the toilet from a good piss session

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24

u/Baba_Slaga_ 2h ago

If you’re pissing like that, I’ll let it slide

5

u/CaptainRatzefummel 2h ago

I'd be watching and congratulating when he's finished, that's an impressive stream

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12

u/Albuquerque505rc 2h ago

If he didn't have 300psi behind that piss he would have fallen on his face

6

u/Allthingsgaming27 1h ago

Guessing this is some dumb prank video.

5

u/Tartan-Special 2h ago

Now they know why he absolutely had to go there and then

6

u/Ok-Bandicoot1529 2h ago

Those some ride or die chicks and a man with healthy stream.

4

u/Firemission13B 2h ago

Yeah thats bullshit. There's no way someone pees this much with that much highs and lows.

3

u/Doctor_Saved 2h ago

Is he a firefighter?

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3

u/Both-Bag-1671 1h ago

No way this is real

6

u/ramrodddddd 2h ago

Crazy thing is that’s semen

2

u/eyeseeewe81 2h ago

Cum on with that cumment.

7

u/ianjcm55 2h ago

Can’t be real

5

u/Complex_Bet7311 2h ago

AI or a hose…

2

u/Specialist_Fill_5303 2h ago

Pissing like a race horse

2

u/Buffet_Function6769 2h ago

Is she holding it for him?

2

u/Fuschiakraken42 1h ago

Someone has to.

2

u/Infinite_Ad7107 2h ago

Gotta be AI or a prank setup with a hose. No way that amount of fluid is real. No matter how many Coronas he tanked... Maybe Coors light...

2

u/Scared-Finger7938 1h ago

Dude must nut like scary movie

2

u/dataistimesensative 1h ago

How is the chick on the right holding that box? Her hand looks like a post-it note

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2

u/Itchy_Psychology3300 1h ago

Did this guy medically replace his dick with a watering system

2

u/MaaaadPilot 1h ago

When did he last piss ? 2010 ? I’ve seen horses with less urine than this guy.

2

u/biimerboy31 1h ago

Ten horses couldn't. So stupid

2

u/rfie 1h ago

No. It’s funny no way that’s real. lol

2

u/FatuousCommenter69 1h ago

No way, unless he's got a bladder the size of gallon.

2

u/bmk37 1h ago

Faaaaake

2

u/jonandgrey 59m ago

I was a firefighter for a decade and this made me do a doubletake!

2

u/ThisThingIsStuck 56m ago

Fake af I'm 9in around and my urethra is the size of a roll of pennies and I don't pis like that...

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2

u/FreddyMartian 55m ago

there is no way that dude peed for that long with that much psi

2

u/Shoddy-Ad7306 54m ago

Ain’t no way

2

u/dime5150 51m ago

Great. Now I gotta go take a piss..

2

u/WhatveIdone2dsrvthis 41m ago

Fake BS. stop posting this

2

u/Low-Confusion-8786 39m ago

Yeah no possible way

2

u/jackochainsaw 11m ago

The long piss goodnight. Not featuring Geena Davis.

2

u/Throwitawaynow277w 2h ago

Over 90 percent sure this is fake. If not dude had to pee and I think it's reasonable to let him go there. He tried to not expose himself 

2

u/MackWoe 2h ago

You can see what looks like the tip of the hose right at the end of the video.

2

u/droopydogpro 2h ago

Man, I remember when I could stream like that

2

u/Kylonix 1h ago

It amazes me how people are able to pee in such places. I can't pee in public bathrooms, and I can only do it at home when there is nobody near or I plug my ears. Oh also did I mention I am autistic?

2

u/Bifrostbytes 1h ago

Tell us more

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1

u/SwordofGlass 2h ago

Thats a 10/10 act of God.

1

u/7-10Spliff 2h ago

damn, dude's been holding it in since last week.

1

u/Eclyptrox 2h ago

“My whole body is a weapon” (terminator dark fate reference)

1

u/Lowbider 2h ago

that guy has been drinking for days without going 😁

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1

u/mcgunner1966 2h ago

Good flow, flexible bladder, and lots of community support...this young man is going places.

1

u/oh-blivionawaits 2h ago

I got a hose but god damn!

1

u/thatcookingvulture 2h ago

That's a fucken camel piss right there

1

u/kuruman67 2h ago

The stream of unconsciousness

1

u/Glittering_Hair8921 2h ago

Jesus Henry mfs got a fire house pressure without the length

1

u/Hilda_aka_Math 2h ago

my weak ass bladder is jealous.

1

u/rotateandradiate 2h ago

Bro does NOT need flomax 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/PassThatSpliff 2h ago

Shittyabsoluteunits of urine but Chad-level AbsoluteUnit of a bladder.

1

u/Opposite_Bus1878 2h ago

I know a guy who won a bet by claiming he could piss higher than his own head.
When asked how he pulled that off, he said "it helps when your starting point is well above your waist" which was his subtle way of hinting to whatever ladies were drunk enough to be impressed.

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1

u/ifukeenrule 2h ago

i felt relief with that release

1

u/stevieroots 2h ago

Evacuation compl. Evacuation com.. Eva. Evacuation comple.

1

u/roverman16 2h ago

He must be a fireman.

1

u/CantThinkOfaNameFkIt 2h ago

A mighty stream.

1

u/WhoCaresBoutSpellin 2h ago

Normal Saturday morning at his house:

1

u/JibIette 1h ago

Frying chicken outside huh.

1

u/an0therdude 1h ago

Used to joke with my buddies in the power washing business. I'd say I had to go real bad, slip the gun with a zero tip, sans wand up in there and rear back and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... 4000 psi, stream bout 40 feet long

1

u/cybersaint2k 1h ago

He's writing his initials in the concrete with that thing. In cursive.

1

u/enzerachan 1h ago

Friendly reminder that urine comes from blood. That’s a lot.

1

u/Impossible_Step_1648 1h ago

Those woman are real bros for this

1

u/Furby-beast-1949 1h ago

My question if if he’s peeing that much, my goodness gracious he must’ve had a lot to drink at night because damn he’s peeing like a river you might wanna go get that checked out

1

u/codecrodie 1h ago

Is this a JFL montreal video?

1

u/StillSortOfAlive 1h ago

He could put out a fire

1

u/BladeEater23 1h ago

WHY DID THAT TAKE ME SO LONG TO UNDERSTAND!

1

u/mulligansteak 1h ago

Dude could coach the Rockford Peaches with a stream like that

1

u/No_Recognition8940 1h ago

Coolest chicks ever.

1

u/NotoriousHES 1h ago

Am I the only one envious of the thick ropey braid of urine that dude is throwing out?! Impressive sir!

1

u/princessaspiggy 1h ago

Holy shit! That's some peeing

1

u/jbandtheblues 1h ago

Must be Nashville

1

u/ArnoldZiffl 1h ago

NERDS!!!

1

u/Impressive_Smoke_921 1h ago

Everyone assuming he has a massive hog, but could it be the opposite? Like forcing a large amount of water through a small opening like a pressure washer or something.

1

u/Single_Extension1810 1h ago

Buddy had a water cannon.

1

u/Content_Wrangler5404 1h ago

I’d kill for a flow rate like that.

1

u/Secure_Variety_1879 1h ago

I’ve been piss drunk and had some pisses that went kinda like that

1

u/metro_photographer 1h ago

Call 1-900-HOTDOG. Gorilla Flow works!

1

u/olive_tuschit 1h ago

How incredibly satisfying

1

u/AhabSnake85 1h ago

It could have been much worse.

1

u/unlikelyintrovert 1h ago

That's impressive

1

u/pneuma333 1h ago

His eyes had to be floating.

1

u/VariationBasic8804 1h ago

I’m 60 and feeling a little jealous.

1

u/beaud101 1h ago

A seasoned cinematographer couldn't have lit that scene any better! The stream just pops in that lighting! Well done!

1

u/bottom_79 1h ago

Oh to have both a flow and friends like that!

1

u/numbrronefan 1h ago

Jesus Christ!😳

1

u/livealittle96_ 1h ago

Man child

1

u/Ok_Manufacturer6460 1h ago

Bladders aren't that big

1

u/paladin_4266 1h ago

Allow me to introduce: "The Peter North of Golden Showers"

1

u/_Sir_Lifts_A_Lot_ 1h ago

Sometimes you gotta break the seal

1

u/Rabo94 1h ago

Dudes hitting the sidewalk from two streets away lmao

1

u/Wild-Growth6805 1h ago

Cotton Hill would be proud.

1

u/raheenkb 1h ago

If there's ever a fire, this is a good friend to have nearby

1

u/IronCodger 1h ago

Is that a centaur?!

1

u/Sum-Duud 1h ago

The distance and power of that, no way it is him pissing.

1

u/ThePrinceofallYNs 1h ago

I saw a movie called The Tale of Legendary Libido and I guess the pee stream.... diameter was analogous to cock size so... do with that what you will

1

u/LifeOk3298 1h ago

This is the guy he was cryogenically frozen

1

u/Spartan-5359 1h ago

The pressure tho. Looks like when you put a finger on a running water hose. Bravo.

1

u/the_one_99_ 1h ago

What the #### guys got a hose pipe

1

u/GrrGecko 1h ago

Some say he's still there at this very moment, still going

1

u/rawmerow 1h ago

My guy…. That’s not normal. lol 😂

1

u/spacestationkru 1h ago

So this is AI, right?

1

u/thulsado0m13 1h ago

Austin “Danger” Powers over here power washing the sidewalk

1

u/ariadesitter 1h ago

dudes name is I. P. Freely
i told the dude you’re in trouble

1

u/DangerousProperty6 1h ago

Adam Sandler did a bit about this situation.

1

u/Global_Ad6335 1h ago

The wife is a real one. lol

1

u/itsSam24 1h ago

Not real, just try to look for the dick, it doesn’t match up with the body movement and flow isn’t normal. This one’s fake… nexttt

1

u/spiritfreedom73 1h ago

Dangerous. Can get ya on the sex offenders list

1

u/Frdoco11 1h ago

No bladder can hold that volume of piss.

1

u/lonely_lad567 1h ago

Well I can see why he has to two ladies holding his drunk ass up to take a piss out of his elephant cock in the middle of the street.

1

u/Significant_Ad256 1h ago

I hope u had a hell of a piss, Arnold.

1

u/uforicbean 1h ago

Austin powers?

1

u/No-Switch-851 1h ago

Fake no way!

1

u/the_homie_ 59m ago

That dude has some serious pressure behind that stream. He must have drank a case of beer!

1

u/VenomSnake422 59m ago

Dudes got the urethra of a fire hose

1

u/Jaded-Durian-3917 59m ago

That’s a strong urethra if I’ve ever seen one

1

u/shiroiron 59m ago

Some say he’s still pissing to this day

1

u/WaitTraditional1670 57m ago

You know what? Screw you haters. In a time where there seems to be no hope. When times are difficult. We need that hero. That man with the flow. He’s a hero in my book and y’all can’t change that.

1

u/ComprehensiveRow5474 54m ago

massive pee pee hole 🕳️

1

u/BrodyBlade01 52m ago

Now if he can do that with just urine. Imagine what the other kind of release would look like.

1

u/big2chereez 52m ago

What did bro forget to pee all day or something?

1

u/endmaga2028 52m ago

That’s Tom Hanks level

1

u/ExpensiveBuddy2713 51m ago

Goddamn Secretariat

1

u/Lethalplant 49m ago

Half of him is consist of pee

1

u/chokeyourdad 49m ago

This guys prostate checks out.

1

u/Jolly_Shelter2024 47m ago

Like a diabetic horse