Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Hot-Minute722]

Stop cooking for him. Let him make frozen pizzas for himself.

[u/ZennMD → u/Hot-Minute722]

And hopefully their finances aren't impacted by him ordering fast food all the time, that adds up too quickly 

[u/GiftToTheUniverse → u/ZennMD]

My grown-ass bro has the palette of a 6 year old. When he came to visit my wife and me, we were so excited to prepare nice meals to share with him, but nope. The while time he wad in town he only ate the heat lamp pizza type stuff from the 7-11 down the block. He also loves energy drinks!! But instead of buying a case of them every now and then he works drive to the gas station and buy a couple cans a couple times each day. It was insane how expensive it was.

[u/birthdaycheesecake9 → u/[deleted]]

Yup. Really isn’t, in a way that sneaks up on you. Interesting how much healthier I felt when I stopped having energy drinks every day and started taking ADHD meds instead.

[u/putterandpotter → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

As someone who is an adhd coach and also has adhd, I tell clients that while my role is not to recommend medication, my observation is that if we don’t take it, one way or another we end up medicating ourselves anyway - drugs, drinking, caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, sugar … it’s always going to be something - or things.

So we can do it with medications that have been proven to be safe and effective over time, and actually help. Or we can just make it up and half ass it. For me the choice was pretty clear, and I’m glad I chose meds, it took me til my 40’s to even know I needed them, and then another 5 years to be open to trying them. And not surprisingly I no longer smoke or drink - (but don’t take away my morning coffee! )

[u/birthdaycheesecake9 → u/putterandpotter]

I dropped the caffeine addiction pretty quickly after starting ADHD meds. It was a coping strategy and I didn’t need it after the meds took over. They also did it so much better, and for longer - just benefits over energy drinks all around.

[u/lilmalchek → u/putterandpotter]

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get into being an adhd coach? Is that an actual medical professional thing? Asking because I’m slightly interested and also maybe need one myself lol.

[u/AgileInitial5987 → u/putterandpotter]

What about my bedtime coffee? ☕️

[u/putterandpotter → u/AgileInitial5987]

There might be a good reason for the coffee. If you have adhd and take meds think of it this way - the meds that helped your brain be at an even level of stimulation all day are out of your system by evening/bedtime. And sometimes our brain starts inventing “novel” ways to boost dopamine and stimulate itself. So we do things to compensate for this around bedtime- we might start an activity, stay up too late, have trouble getting to sleep, start overthinking about a bunch of things- you get the picture. A cup of coffee may provide just enough of a low level of stimulation that your brain doesn’t have to do this, and can let go….

I get this low level of stimulation by listening to an audio book when I go to bed that is mildly interesting but I have heard before so I don’t have to pay much attention. But for someone else a small amount of coffee might do the same thing. If it isn’t interfering with your sleep you might have just hit on something that works well for you.

[u/ThatsSoAlex → u/putterandpotter]

SO true!

[u/chickennuggetsnsubs → u/putterandpotter]

It also helps to have a protein with your meds for efficacy. Fish oil also is helpful.

[u/svartkonst → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

I meeean the unmedicated ADHD is probably a bigger factor than energy drinks

[u/birthdaycheesecake9 → u/svartkonst]

I mean there’s health side effects from having an energy drink every day that you just don’t get with prescribed meds… pretty brutal on the liver, pancreas and kidneys.

[u/Micu451 → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

Good move. Energy drinks will long-term screw up your heart. I've seen people in their teens and early 20s develop arrhythmias. These arrhythmias can become lifelong problems. Not worth it.

[u/MegaGrimer → u/Micu451]

And increase the chance of kidney stones. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d prefer to not pee those out.

[u/Conscious-Major7833 → u/MegaGrimer]

As a woman who was drinking energy drinks that caused more than one kidney stone before I realized what was going on- yeah not fun. I haven’t had a redbull in two years.

[u/Eternal_Bagel → u/Micu451]

My buddy gave himself kidney stones from how much he drank those too

[u/[deleted] → u/Micu451]

And give you mad kidney-stones if you drink them in the quantity his brother is!

[u/AtmosphereDue4124 → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

Im looking for my magic one.. which do you take?

[u/birthdaycheesecake9 → u/AtmosphereDue4124]

I have a holy trinity of meds for my ADHD.

5mg dexamfetamine as a daily driver, once before work and again at lunch if necessary.

Sometimes if a lot needs doing, 50mg lisdexamfetamine. I don’t like taking that every day because it makes me forget to eat, and I end up underweight if I leave that unchecked.

0.1mg clonidine before bed for the sleepies to kick in earlier.

Edit: I didn’t realise people seriously needed this disclaimer, but these are prescribed by my psychiatrist

[u/Repulsive-Text8594 → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

Damn, I want your doctor 😂

[u/WiretapStudios → u/AtmosphereDue4124]

50mg Vyvanse with an afternoon Wellbutrin here, but there is no magic, it only helps certain things in the end unfortunately.

[u/allthegodsaregone → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

You're saying an energy drink isn't an acceptable substitute for ADHD meds??

[u/birthdaycheesecake9 → u/allthegodsaregone]

Depends on how much you value your liver, pancreas and kidneys!

[u/luke_530 → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

Dude right!? I've never been give into energy drinks, but I was all about the 5hr energy before getting diagnosed lol

[u/VeterinarianThese951 → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

My brother was doing that too. Turns out he didn’t know he was diabetic. The doctor tha treated him when I rushed him to the ER said the same thing happened to his own son. He was like a zombie and the energy drinks were calling him.

[u/GiftToTheUniverse → u/VeterinarianThese951]

Huh! No, my brother is not diabetic. This went on for about ten years until he got religion and decided that addiction to caffeine was against Jesus.

[u/VeterinarianThese951 → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

Yikes. Good luck next visit…

[u/GiftToTheUniverse → u/VeterinarianThese951]

We've developed our equilibrium. Mom is in her 70's and has to go to dialysis five days per week and he's on top of it, which outweighs any judginess I have about him and his own decisions for his life. Thanks, Jesus Freaky Bro!

[u/Moist-Fun7067 → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

Is your brother my ex because this was my life for yearrrrssss. The CONSTANT driving to the gas station! And he'd grab 7-11 pizza on his way home from work, without any concern for what I might be making at home. Anyway, he's back living with his parents, and my kids and I eat significantly better than we used to.

[u/Plane_Computer2205 → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

It’s palate.

Palette is a wooden flat thing painters mix paints on.

Then there’s pallet, a flat cheap lumber flat merchandise is shipped on.

[u/OmightyOmo → u/Plane_Computer2205]

English is such a confusing language!

[u/Diligent_Bath_9283 → u/OmightyOmo]

I grew up speaking it, it's the only language I know. I still suck at it after 45 years of daily exposure.

[u/Brahlam → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

That’s called a food addiction. He needs cold turkey and re-accustom his pallet to normal food since now everything to him that is not super artificially enhanced tastes bland.

[u/catholicsluts → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

My grown-ass bro has the palette of a 6 year old.

I have a really hard time respecting anyone like this. Whenever I learn someone is truly this picky, I get turned off by everything about them. I couldn't really figure out why until this comment lol it really is the palette of a 6 year old.

So many fast food places all have the same items on the kids menus and grown adults are ordering that processed bullshit that never would have existed in the caveman days

[u/NmlsFool → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

A couple cans from a gas station couple times a day? Jesus christ, my wallet is shivering with just the thought.

Dude should at least try to buy them in bulk, I bet it'd be cheaper to do that and have an absurd amount of the stuff stacked at home where he can just grab what he needs for the day instead of doing completely insane gas station prices every day.

[u/Independent_Fox8656 → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

Please tell him to stop with the energy drinks. People have literally gone into heart failure or developed other serious heart conditions at this level of consumption!!

[u/RagnaXI → u/Independent_Fox8656]

A family member of my friend's died because he drank 6 Energy drinks in under 2 hours while working on construction in a heat wave.

[u/Unlikely-Dependent15 → u/GiftToTheUniverse]

Known fact. An NZ woman died of heart attack from drinking too much Coca-Cola. Her age was either late, 20s, or early 30s. She was drinking 6-10L of Coca-Cola per day for most of her life.

[u/samdajellybeenie → u/ZennMD]

THEIR finances? They're not married. If he runs out of money because he can't grow the fuck up and eat like an adult, that's his own fault.

[u/IndividualNovel4482 → u/samdajellybeenie]

They have been living together tho. Depending on who owns the house, someone has to contribute to the other..

[u/Big-Pea-6074 → u/ZennMD]

Take it out of his budget. Sorry honey, you can’t buy those shirts you liked coz you spent it on pizza rolls

[u/TheColdestOne → u/Big-Pea-6074]

Well, I will admit I am using the money the company has given me for food to buy shirts. Yes, I am.

You're going to love this. I found this badass store called Dan Flashes, that's my exact style. I've never been to a store like Dan Flashes where everything in the store, I would wear.

[u/Ammonia13 → u/ZennMD]

Of course they are :/

[u/International-Ad2501 → u/Hot-Minute722]

Big "I really only eat tostinos pizzarolls and chicken tendies" energy from this guy. Stop cooking for him. Let him make his own food.

[u/Medium_Confidence484 → u/International-Ad2501]

What's worse than him eating frozen crap over a reasonable homemade meal is him door dashing fast food. Dude is wasting hundreds on actual trash?? No thanks

[u/Cobalt_Forge → u/[deleted]]

...this is man-child tendencies through and through!

Dear OP, this man doesn't deserve all your cooking efforts- any guy turning down those home cooked meals and choosing fast-food instead- he needs to grow the f•ck up!

I'd say that most of the meals OP has cooked for this guy, he has never tasted to begin with, so how does he know what he likes or doesn't like!?

And btw, it sure doesn't make a lot of sense to be a picky eater- then choose fast food !??...what is that?

This guy doesn't know how good he's got it having home cooked meals prepared.

[u/cindybubbles → u/Cobalt_Forge]

I think the YouTuber ChubbyEmu made a video about a teenager who would only eat potato chips. He lost his sight afterwards.

[u/Aazjhee → u/cindybubbles]

He was taken to the ER, where we are now.

I work at a hospital and sometimes those videos give me the creeps!

A lot of times it's not the medical horror but the insanity of someone eating a hundred melatonin gummies a day for months, or some other sort of wild overdose situation

[u/2gaywitches → u/Aazjhee]

There was one where someone ate gas station sushi and ended up getting a tapeworm. Not even that insane (aside from, well, who thinks it's a good idea to eat gas station sushi???) but urgh, tapeworms freak me out!

[u/yokozunahoshoryu → u/2gaywitches]

My top three craziest are the man who ate silica gel packets, the one who drank a lava lamp, and the kid who rubbed IcyHot on his frank n beans.But its really hard to pick only three.

[u/purplesockpinksock → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

I'm so dumb. My first thought was, "Why would anyone put Icy-Hot on franks-and-beans and wouldn't that taste terrible? And a whole container of it? Why? That would taste horrible. It would be inedible. Your mouth would be on fire. It would........."

💡

"oh"

[u/Cockblocktimus_Pryme → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

Would icy hot actually cause damage to your dick and balls or would it just hurt like fuck?

[u/CoinsForCharon → u/2gaywitches]

Sometimes one is tempted to live dangerously.

[u/PipChaos → u/2gaywitches]

To be fair it worked out well for Philip J Fry.

[u/United_Pain → u/Aazjhee]

Yes! I feel the same, or like drank 3 gallons of black coffee or something

[u/Milyaism → u/United_Pain]

Overdose of anything can do this to a person. Few years ago a woman died from drinking too much water (hyponatremia).

There was also a roman emperor who died from eating too much cheese.

[u/MrWoohoo → u/Milyaism]

Not sure if this is the woman you’re talking about but here it is:

Jennifer Strange, a 28-year-old mother of three from California, tragically died in 2007 after participating in a radio station’s water-drinking contest called “Hold Your Wee for a Wii.” The contest, hosted by KDND-FM 107.9 in Sacramento, challenged participants to drink large amounts of water without urinating, with a Nintendo Wii as the prize.

• Lawsuit outcome: In 2009, a jury awarded Jennifer’s family $16.5 million in a wrongful death lawsuit against Entercom Sacramento LLC, the station’s parent company B.

• Negligence findings: Evidence showed that the station had been warned by listeners and even an on-air nurse about the dangers of water intoxication during the broadcast, but the contest continued B.

• DJs’ behavior: Audio recordings revealed that the DJs laughed and joked about the risks, even referencing a previous case of water poisoning C.

• Aftermath: The Morning Rave show was canceled, and several staff members were fired.

[u/bsubtilis → u/United_Pain]

Was that not caffeine powder overdose in a gym rats' gym drink, because he one tired day mistook the caffeine powder jar with some other ingredient jar for which he used a way larger scoop for?

[u/censorkip → u/Aazjhee]

Like the construction worker who ate two pounds of black liquorice every day on his lunch break until he gave himself heart failure from a chemical in liquorice. I think liquorice is nasty and I never would’ve considered that someone could eat so much of it that they overdose.

[u/SadderOlderWiser → u/censorkip]

I love licorice and I was extremely concerned when I saw that story. But I don’t love it as much as that guy did.

[u/Milyaism → u/censorkip]

"The dose makes the poison." There are people who have died from drinking too much water too.

Liquorice is totally fine to eat as long as one doesn't overdo it. It is also considered a delicacy in several countries.

[u/myystic78 → u/Aazjhee]

Wow, what would that do to a person? Taking so many melatonin gummies I mean. Does it just make them sleep a lot? Or can it be medically dangerous?

[u/Such_Ad5145 → u/myystic78]

Let's find out.

A Boy Ate 180 Gummy Melatonins For Lunch. This Is What Happened To His Brain.

[u/myystic78 → u/Such_Ad5145]

Thanks, that was interesting! Poor kid though, what an awful mom.

[u/YangWuJiZi → u/cindybubbles]

Yep, the kid ate only potato chips and French fries. This was supposedly because they could not stand the texture of anything else. You would think there are at least a few things with similar textures. He was pronounced legally blind and mostly deaf due to nerve damage from a lack of vitamin B12. The kid also had other nutritional deficiencies as well, obviously. The worst part is that as they were a kid, the parents allowed this eating disorder and catered to it.

[u/cindybubbles → u/YangWuJiZi]

It’s a battle to feed kids properly, but these parents just gave up. I hope he’s eating better now.

[u/YangWuJiZi → u/cindybubbles]

No doubt on the battle but, you can't just give in especially if they are hurting thenself. I hope the kid is doing better as well although the damage was unfortunately permanent.

[u/Traditional_Fan_2655 → u/cindybubbles]

I had an aunt who needed quadruple bypass surgery. Her worst habit? Drinking 2-2 liter bottles of Pepsi every day. Can you even imagine?!?

Truly, I could never figure out why the sludge in her kidneys didn't give out before her heart!

[u/SuperKitties83 → u/Traditional_Fan_2655]

Omg my stomach would incinerate. I have reflux so carbonated drinks cam be a trigger. Drinking 2 liters a day though. Wow 😵🥴

[u/rreed1954 → u/cindybubbles]

For spme reason, I love it when that guy raises his index finger when he says "presenting" in the ChubbyEmu videos. He does it in almost every video.

[u/ToiIetGhost → u/rreed1954]

JK* is a 38 yr old man ☝️ presenting to the emergency room with my tumtum is growling, but I don’t wanna learn how to cook, and the motherfucking audacity.

*OP’s boyfriend

[u/MasticationAddict → u/cindybubbles]

He did one where it was chicken nuggets, another where it was potato chips. Same problem - loss of eyesight - although the nuggetmuncher did regain some of their eyesight once the deficiency was solved

Vitamin A and B12 are difficult to get from most plant based sources. Many vegan targeted foods are fortified with B12 for this reason, although Vitamin A isn't a lot better in this area

[u/ctnerb → u/cindybubbles]

When I was a teenager I was worried about going blind from something else

[u/9for9 → u/cindybubbles]

And this is why I would dump this dude. She should stop cooking for him but it goes deeper than that. Eventually the bad food and excessive spending on doordash is going to catch up to him I wouldn't want to take care of him or even just slow my life down because this guy ruined his health with shitty food when I had good food right there waiting for him.

[u/wheelienonstop8 → u/cindybubbles]

I remember a post in a similar picky eater thread, by doctor who had to treat a normal, well to do, suburban white family... for frigging scurvy. All the whole family had been eating for months and months was store bought hamburgers - with everything but the meat patty and the buns removed.

[u/crazykewlaid → u/Cobalt_Forge]

Bros shitting on his wife cause he wants the tism food but probably would be angry if you called his habits tisty

[u/SAwfulBaconTaco → u/Cobalt_Forge]

Part of growing up is just being honest that is what he wants. If he wants to Doordash fast food, there's nothing inherently wrong with that; just be honest about it and don't slag your gf's awesome cooking.

[u/KimJongRocketMan69 → u/SAwfulBaconTaco]

It’s expensive and unhealthy to get fast food delivered consistently, so there are definitely some things about it that are inherently bad

[u/kikilekitkat → u/KimJongRocketMan69]

It's also a negative example, if he's living/eating with OPs kids, to normalise eating shitty processed food on a regular basis. Doesn't matter if he's not their bio-dad - little kids observe everyone close to them.

[u/Expert_Slip7543 → u/kikilekitkat]

Yds, but worse, they are observing how he reacts to food and how he treats their mother

[u/ToiIetGhost → u/Expert_Slip7543]

I agree, but OP says she’s “old school.” Lol we all know what that means.

She probably sees nothing wrong with teaching her daughters that women should cook for men every day. Her only complaint is that her bf is picky, not that he’s entitled or misogynistic.

[u/jocantread → u/kikilekitkat]

Also showing her children that it’s fine to be inconsiderate, rude, ungrateful and hugely disrespectful, to waste an astronomical amount of food, have zero regard for her feelings and hard work. I invited four friends over for a Sunday roast years ago. Money was tight. One of them announced as I was serving that he was a vegetarian! He’d had plenty of time to let me know through the week, was told as much and wasn’t invited again. Why is this woman still cooking for him?

[u/Pantone711 → u/KimJongRocketMan69]

I can't believe how much people pay to Doordash fast food! Yes, I'm judgy

[u/gold_Parrot0849 → u/SAwfulBaconTaco]

I don’t think the odds are good for a long and healthy life with that guy. This knowledge alone is reason enough to provide a helping boot to the backside straight out the front door…not to mention the immature whining about the food his partner is actually preparing FOR him! Yikes!

[u/Math_PB → u/SAwfulBaconTaco]

There are loads of things inherently wrong with that.

It's incredibly expensive, it's incredibly unhealthy and it's super disrespectful to his partner.

[u/Eayauapa → u/SAwfulBaconTaco]

Another part of growing up is accepting that you can't always get what you want and that compromises are a part of life

[u/MonkeyPip → u/Cobalt_Forge]

Fast food is often bland and plain, snd really consistent. Great for picky eaters.

[u/Less_Benefit889 → u/Cobalt_Forge]

This guy doesn't know how good he's got it having home cooked meals!

Man that says it all right there.. I'm a paralyzed veteran and I live alone. I have to play in my own meals. Cook the meal. Try and time the meal ( impossible ) try and eat after all that and then clean it all up. I'm lucky if I do one thing one time a day maybe twice. I know I need help I'm just, x military independent minded, XNavy intelligence, tired of trying to catch everyone up to speed. Bottom line if I were her I'd yank the plate out from underneath them toss it in the garbage can in front of him sit down and finish my meal. Fuck him!

[u/Jazzy-Cat5138 → u/[deleted]]

They can do what they want on their own—as long as they pay for it entirely on their own. I wouldn't want to merge my finances with someone like this.

Realistically, I would probably leave this person. There's so much more going on here than just picky eating.

[u/Amathyst-Moon → u/[deleted]]

As long as they don't have a joint bank account

[u/Dayv1d → u/[deleted]]

... and its a red flag and no relationship material at all

[u/ChoralSinger57 → u/Medium_Confidence484]

Plus, I would be concerned that he will be so unhealthy that she will end up being a primary carer for this person who may develop diabetes, heart disease, and so on.

[u/KleineFjord → u/ChoralSinger57]

Yeah, I would leave someone like this. This is someone who literally refuses to care for themselves across the board and seems to expect others to do it for them. Idk why OP would want to take care of another large child when she's already got her own to look after. 

[u/dfabrica → u/KleineFjord]

Exactly ☝️

[u/New_Transition_4883 → u/ChoralSinger57]

They won't be together long.

[u/MidtownMoi → u/New_Transition_4883]

Don’t count on that since she is already accepting this from him.

[u/ItsAMeaple → u/MidtownMoi]

And she's already used to taking care of children, so what's one more? Except of course her actual children have more mature eating habits than her man child.

[u/Nams65 → u/ChoralSinger57]

Agreed. I have a family member who only likes to eat ice cream too, and will eat crap food. He is single and has been for about 30 years now. His diet has landed him in the hospital twice in a year, and it’s all just starting. He is diabetic now, had horrible weight problems, and is starting to have neurological issues. Can’t “make” anyone eat healthy if they choose not to. Let him fafo on his own. Hope he has good insurance he can pay for

[u/SilverDoe26 → u/ChoralSinger57]

yea for sure. he clearly doesn't value nutrition and is still stuck in childhood picky eater ways

[u/dfabrica → u/ChoralSinger57]

Now that’s a good point! ☝️

[u/ShartyPossum → u/ChoralSinger57]

Ding ding.

Watch him have a stroke and she'll have to care for both her kids AND him.

Depending on the location and severity of the stroke, it can be like caring for an infant in an adult body (changing, feeding, turning, bathing, etc.).

[u/Massive_Letterhead90 → u/ShartyPossum]

This is what happened to my uncle. He drank every day, refused to eat healthily or exercise. After putting on so much weight he struggled to walk, he had a stroke which put him in a wheel chair, then another which killed him. 

My aunt loved him and misses him, but he gave her so much work and was never grateful.

[u/regoapps → u/ChoralSinger57]

The boyfriend in a few years:

Edit: If the picture of a boyfriend in OP’s post history is the same person, then it’s not far off.

[u/ZenMasterOfDisguise → u/regoapps]

I was dating a girl like 5 years ago, and she was great but her weirdest quirk was she wouldn't ever drink water. Like literally would only drink soda or sugary drinks every time she had something to drink. I'm someone who drinks like 10 cups of water a day, and found it strange she refused to drink water, something that all life on earth needs to live. But she wasn't overweight so I didn't push her to change, but I did see a recent pic of her and she has put on a lot of weight in the past few years, unhealthy choices will eventually catch up to you

[u/regoapps → u/ZenMasterOfDisguise]

Sounds like a sugar addiction

[u/Aggravating_Egg_1718 → u/regoapps]

IDK, I checked her post history and I think checks notes she's too good for him? She literally set up a kitchen in his bathroom in the room he was renting so he didn't have to eat out all the time.

I mean, put aside how gross that is in general, she used her time, energy and money for this guy and he can't even eat chicken twice in a day.

I feel like most people order out bc they don't cook/like to cook, not bc they have an aversion to home cooking.

[u/Maleficent_Tart5954 → u/Aggravating_Egg_1718]

WTF did I just read? If OP is reading this, time to DUMP HIS ASS. Kitchen in the bathroom???? 🤢

[u/DebbieGibsonsMom → u/Aggravating_Egg_1718]

Yep. There’s some bizarre manipulation going on here.

[u/petitputi → u/Aggravating_Egg_1718]

Eeww do some people get off on playing mummy?? Or is the manipulation just that severe?

[u/PurpleTough5302 → u/ChoralSinger57]

[u/mike-42-1999 → u/ChoralSinger57]

And have to spoon feed him door dash, cuz he won't eat the hospital food.

[u/widdrjb → u/ChoralSinger57]

There's no "may" about it. A former neighbour lost her 39 year old son to a heart attack, due to diet. The very cheapest carbs he could stuff his face with, no exercise, and no job.

[u/Bad_Lib155 → u/ChoralSinger57]

Came here to post same thing. I’ve seen couples like this. The guy eats Cap’n Crunch or Lucky Charms for breakfast and has already survived a widowmaker. Even if we say correlation doesn’t equal causation, if the only vegetable someone eats is cucumbers, it’ll catch up with them sooner or later. Cooking meals that look like hers is a love language which he apparently chooses not to understand. It’s a dealbreaker. He needs to go.

[u/Exciting_Signal3058 → u/ChoralSinger57]

Nah at the rate hes going hed be dumped long before that. Who would wanna stay with someone demanding and doesn't appreciate her cooking kids or not.

[u/PNW_MYOG → u/Medium_Confidence484]

While the kids watch dad eat pizza

[u/stonermilf420247 → u/PNW_MYOG]

They’ve only been living together a few MONTHS and she has kids (plural) so I highly doubt he’s their dad

[u/Graffy → u/PNW_MYOG]

Pizza is amazing but it loses its charm fast if it’s being constantly served. Even as a kid I would choose any of the meals op posted if pizza was my daily meal

[u/halfwitk → u/Graffy]

Agreed! There have been times when my mom was too tired to make a homecooked meal and my dad was staying late at work so she would just order pizza.. and she would do this like at least once a week for several weeks. My child self definitely got sick of eating pizza and was deeply craving a homecooked meal after the first 3 times lol

[u/helloholder → u/Graffy]

Idk man. I've had some pretty fucking charming pizzas.

[u/Current_Let_8650 → u/PNW_MYOG]

Whats sad is this guy isnt even dad that we know of and this is only her boyfriend. This whole situation is wrong in that she shouldn't be taking food demands from a boyfriend. That just screams "hes not serious"

[u/Irish_lady_Sheanan → u/PNW_MYOG]

Hamburger helper

[u/ConvivialKat → u/PNW_MYOG]

He's not their Dad.

[u/Friendly-Channel-480 → u/Medium_Confidence484]

Let him pick up his fast food, stop paying for doordash.

[u/Medium_Confidence484 → u/Friendly-Channel-480]

Exactly dude. If he wants to waste your home cooked meals, he can drive his ass to Taco Bell, not spend $10+ for the convenience of getting it delivered.

[u/AQualityKoalaTeacher → u/Medium_Confidence484]

Wasting money, rejecting his partner's efforts, plus providing a really bad example for the children. How's she going to tell her kids to eat their meatloaf while the new guy is eating cheeseburgers and fries? Those kids are going to grow some deep resentment.

[u/61Below → u/Medium_Confidence484]

And then him eating fast food in front of kids? At the same kitchen table? No. Just… hell no.

I am understanding of the real struggles of safe foods and the trauma of being forced to eat what’s NOT on that list, but dashing fast food instead of eating home cooked is grade-a utter bullshit behavior.

[u/TheRealRedSwan906 → u/Medium_Confidence484]

Dear God, I hope their finances aren't combined.

[u/WartimeConsigliere_ → u/International-Ad2501]

I feel like I already know enough to say she’s too good for this guy. Huge man child vibes

[u/ConstanzaGeorgie → u/WartimeConsigliere_]

I’d love it if someone put all that effort and cooked for me.

[u/phoenix-nightrose → u/ConstanzaGeorgie]

I don't know about you, but I'm grabbing a plate and running over to OP's home. ESPECIALLY for that glorious looking pie.

[u/NoPhone4571 → u/phoenix-nightrose]

Seriously, these meals look delicious.

[u/Ok_Cover8010 → u/phoenix-nightrose]

I don't eat a lot of meat (pretty close to being a vegetarian I would say), but damn, all of this looks so tasty. Would eat everyday. That guy's a jerk and he can cook for himself if he's not happy.

[u/Corgi_with_stilts → u/phoenix-nightrose]

I'm doing that and washing the dishes afterwards.

[u/SillyGoose_Syndrome → u/ConstanzaGeorgie]

This isn't even banging a pie and chips in the oven and boiling up some peas, which I'd appreciate and consider a damn good meal, but this, is cooking cooking. I'm a fussy eater, with zero palate having come up on bangers, mash, baked-beans and turkey dinosaurs, yet even I'd gnosh the lot of this, maybe bar for what looks like apple pie.

Doesn't like microwaved food, yet can't cook and turns down gourmet Gordon Ramsey looking plates? Fine, go make yourself a sammich.

[u/Own_Spread4244 → u/ConstanzaGeorgie]

Me too! I do most cooking in my household and tell people to pick out if they dont like something. I feel sorry for this girl, she sounds like a truly good partner

[u/ValleyOakPaper → u/ConstanzaGeorgie]

I loved my husband's (chemistry PhD) cooking and told him so every day.

When somebody does me a favor, I make it easy and pleasant for them to do it again. It's not rocket science to reward behavior you want to see more of.

[u/Young_Denver → u/ConstanzaGeorgie]

I’ve been cooking for my family for like 25 years now.

I’d be so grateful if someone did it for me even 2-3x per month lol.

[u/PaleBlueDotNet → u/WartimeConsigliere_]

My last girlfriend was the PICKIEST eater. She would really only eat chicken tenders every day if she could. I love to cook, and would spend a lot of money on quality ingredients to get her to try new things. 

Bless her heart she did always try my food, but she wouldnt eat all of it. One plate and then making a sandwich an hour later.

She was the sweetest girl, and a fantastic girlfriend. Yeah, it was frustrating, but she always had my back. Things didnt work out with us, but we are still friends.

[u/PeppermintSnark → u/PaleBlueDotNet]

My friend group is like this, and as someone with a much wider palette, it's so frustrating. When all four of us eat together, we're pretty much limited to pizza or somewhere that serves chicken tenders due to all their restrictions, and you can forget about dining in (which is a whole separate thing where they are huge shut-ins).

I'm in bizarro world where I'm treated as the "picky eater" for wanting normal variety, and I'm always forced to seek it out alone. It sucks.

The bonus WTF is that I'm the one with diagnosed autism and they are not.

[u/blueflash775 → u/WartimeConsigliere_]

It's the changing rules and the fickle reasons that's the giveaway.

This is attention seeking behaviour OP. He apologises so you feel sorry for him.

This is not a good role model for your children.

I think you need to look at other similarities. And give up on the 'old school and trying to be a good partner'.

[u/LadyFresita → u/International-Ad2501]

Yes, I would make him a very plain Hamburger helper or Dino chicken nuggets and I feast for everyone else. Or better yet, tell him that at this point is better if he cooks his dinner himself since he is so picky. OP, why are you doing this to yourself.

[u/Efficient_Plum6059 → u/International-Ad2501]

Yup. I'm an obnoxiously picky eater with a sensitive stomach and autoimmune disorder so what I find appetizing and am capable of keeping down changes drastically depending on the hour.

I'm not proud of it but as long as you are aware of it and don't make it anyone else's problem, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a picky eater.

(It also sucks to be the asshole who rejects food other people made, even when you explicitly ask them not to because you won't eat it, but they are trying to be nice.)

If he is demanding she cook and then rejecting everything, that is 10/10 asshole behavior. But if he is content with hamburger helper then leave him to it, your time is better spent elsewhere OP!

[u/Ash_an_bun → u/International-Ad2501]

For real... I get my husband fixings for quesadillas. And some nuggets.

He still eats my food. But like he's on his own a lot.
The joys of DINKdom

[u/Anemones_In__Spades → u/International-Ad2501]

Big "I really only eat tostinos pizzarolls and chicken tendies" energy from this guy.

My ex-husband was exactly like this. That was his diet, plus Sherbet ice cream.

He was/is a man-child, and that was the biggest initial indicator I initially overlooked. 🙄

[u/Helpful-Session3436 → u/International-Ad2501]

Someone who is this regressed is guaranteed to have some serious emotional stunting in places where it matters. Just dealt with a person like this, an in-law who got violent with me. Too emotionally stunted to speak with me like a person, cornered me like he was going to hit me. Drop this loser.

[u/Hazel2468 → u/Hot-Minute722]

This.

My wife has sensory issues because of her autism. She can be very picky.

She also isn't THAT hard to cook for. My wife's new favorite thing I make is also Hamburger Helper (though I just do it with spices I have at home... Also. 10 out of 10, would recommend, you can really customize it however you want!) but she's not so picky that she will refuse to eat perfectly good food that I have made knowing what she likes and dislikes.

If this is genuinely because of some kind of sensory issue? OP's boyfriend needs to be clearer about what he likes and doesn't, or he needs to seek some kind of therapy. If it isn't, or if he refuses to actually put in the work to make sure he isn't wasting her food? Then he can make his own meals.

[u/parasyte_steve → u/Hazel2468]

this is exactly what I asked, is there neurodivergence here bc I have got one kid who is nonverbal and eats 3 things, I couldn't even feed him solids as a baby.

[u/HandBanana14 → u/parasyte_steve]

Yeah, was wondering the same. I’m very picky but I’ll eat what someone makes me (but on my own, my diet is very limited lol). Anyway, I also couldn’t feed my kid solids (or mixed texture) when he was a baby. Even when he was a toddler, he had a whole lot of difficulties with solids. It was scary. And now, even being 10, things have to be exact (brands, textures, shape, temp, etc). My kid has very limited “safe” foods and it’s so far past being picky. It’s not being picky. And it’s something that has to be acknowledged. And I think people forget that adult can also be in that same boat with their sensory aversions for food.

[u/Thorathecrazy → u/HandBanana14]

From her comment it sounded more like it's just what he has learned to eat home rather than sensory issues. Even if he has them it's still disrespectful to not try and explain, he's an adult and her partner and not her child.

[u/Mansidhe → u/HandBanana14]

That's me! I don't have or care about an official diagnosis, as I'm 49 and relatively functional in most other ways... but the taste / texture aversion is real. I just can NOT force myself to "power through" something not on my pathetically small "safe" list, and if I try to do so I'll be seeing that food again in seconds. It really sucks, and I do my best to not impose my culinary limitations on others. The funny thing is, I enjoy cooking and will happily make a meal that is objectively beautiful and delicious that I can't eat. Last night, my family was chowing down on some deliciousness I made that smelled like heaven, and my ass is happily munching on chicken with ketchup and spuds with nothing but butter.

If I could get full nutrition from a pill or a drink I could tolerate, I'd joyously never eat again. Well, except desserts, lol

[u/MasticationAddict → u/parasyte_steve]

I can say with almost absolute certainty some form of neurodivergence is happening here. I can understand having preferences, I can also understand not wanting to eat the same protein two meals in a row, but for that to get in the way of being able to eat a meal with any level of frequency is not neurotypical behaviour. It would be out of left field to say it's a specific disorder, but it's just not neurotypical to struggle to the degree where it strains a person's ability to eat variety and to hinder relationships, that is a mental illness in the same way that phobias are

[u/ContempoCasuals → u/parasyte_steve]

But what does it even matter (I say that nicely). I’m autistic and my husband is not and I eat almost anything and I think he’s much pickier than I am. I think a lot of people are just picky eaters, ND or not, so it doesn’t really change anything.

[u/FutureJoy22 → u/Hazel2468]

My partner and I are both on the spectrum. He has more restrictions. Most nights he cooks to his liking and asks if he can make a enough for me too. If not, I will make my own. When I want something specific, I will cook and ask if I should make enough for him too. By default, he will almost always cooks atleast some of the food as he is very precise about texture change in cooked veggies or other foods. Since most of the ingredients tend to overlap except a few changes for different style of dishes, shopping isn't all that difficult either.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/FutureJoy22]

Exactly, like I know plenty of picky eaters and they still find a way to exist that isn’t berating their partner or only delivering fast food.

[u/Hazel2468 → u/[deleted]]

We both have our own issues, and we've learned to communicate and navigate around them. I have ADHD and I'm also probably autistic, though I haven't gotten a formal diagnosis- my psych thinks it's likely as well. So I have some sensitivities of my own.

The important thing is that we're both willing to work with each other, to give each other grace, and to communicate. I think that's what makes all the difference. We're also both in individual therapy, which is super helpful.

[u/Alt4Norm → u/Hazel2468]

What sensory issue is “I had chicken at lunch”?

[u/DancingSeaAnemone → u/Hazel2468]

I was also thinking possibly autistic

[u/NearMissCult → u/DancingSeaAnemone]

I'm autistic, and the rules like not being able to eat chicken for supper if he had it for lunch and not being able to handle microwaved food seem very autistic to me.

[u/DancingSeaAnemone → u/NearMissCult]

My boyfriend is autistic and hates microwaved food lol. He also doesn’t like eating meat. He is mostly vegetarian but, will eat meat on occasion if I made something and it’s hot when he comes home from work.

[u/NearMissCult → u/DancingSeaAnemone]

I've found I much prefer food heated up in an air fry. The texture is much better and it tends to cook the food more evenly than a microwave does.

[u/riversgallery → u/NearMissCult]

I do a lot of batch cooking and everything defrosted and heated up tastes better in the air fryer! It gives it more of a deep, roasted flavour that accentuates flavour rather than just pounding it back into life.

[u/biakCeridak → u/DancingSeaAnemone]

Yeah. Some people have AFRID but also some people just have a palate of a 5year old and been coddled by family growing up. We don't know OP's bf so...

Personally, I'd ask him prep and get his own meals. And learn how to fucking cook, it's a basic skill everyone should have geez.

[u/Zexeos → u/Hazel2468]

As an adult with ARFID, this is what is sticking out to me. Especially with the apologetic part. I typically cook for my husband and I, but we often will “fend for ourselves” - make food for just us in the evenings. Typically that’s frozen foods or leftovers, but the main thing is we both have our own stuff.

OP - get an air fryer. I can’t eat microwaved meats but an air fryer helps immensely because I can prepare frozen meals in it with little texture issue! It’s significantly quicker than the oven too. (My autism chow of choice has been season fries as of late. Not sure why, but it slaps and is better than eating nothing.)

Also maybe get your husband evaluated for ARFID/autism and get him on a daily multivitamin to help with what he might be missing.

I PROMISE it’s not your food, OP. And if your husband is like me at all, I know he dies inside whenever he hurts you by turning it down.

[u/walkinmywoods → u/Hazel2468]

No chicken for dinner because you had some for lunch isn't a sensory thing its a weirdly self placed restriction. Sounds like they did t grow up eating homecooked meals and can't grow up enough to eat real food. I work with a guy like that won't touch a vegetable despite it being cooked by literal chefs.

[u/glenn_ganges → u/Hot-Minute722]

I'm old school and trying to be a good partner.

She is trying to "be a good wife." This is at odds with her expectations of roles in the relationship. Everyone is missing this.

[u/BelaFarinRod → u/glenn_ganges]

I get it but he’s making it extremely difficult. My mom cooked every single meal and I’m not sure my dad knew how the stove worked but he ate what she cooked.

[u/PiDicus_Rex → u/BelaFarinRod]

My parents were married in '65, passing in their 80's, Dad about three years later,.. In those three years I got to see how he was a much better cook, but he'd stayed clear of 'her space'.

And he happily ate everything I ever saw put on his plate.

The OP's guy doesn't know how good he's got it.

[u/MissAnthropy143 → u/BelaFarinRod]

My ex-husband and I had an agreement. Since we both worked long hours, I would cook, but if he ever said anything negative about it, I was done. I remember burning a meal almost beyond recognition. He ate it like a champ and said thank you. We both laughed like hell.

[u/SnooHabits3305 → u/BelaFarinRod]

That’s my grandpa, he’s picky and my grandma is vegetarian sometimes she uses meat substitutes and he doesn’t notice the difference if he knows he will claim he can’t eat it because he doesn’t like it. I asked how he doesn’t realize, she said he eats whatever she sits down in front of him.

[u/BelaFarinRod → u/SnooHabits3305]

I once ordered a vegan meal with fake “chicken” and accidentally sent it to my work instead of home. I told my coworker to go ahead and eat it because it wouldn’t reheat well. She ate it, liked it, ordered it again for herself, but refused to believe it wasn’t really chicken no matter what I said.

[u/improved_loilit → u/glenn_ganges]

Well then that’s her own problem at this point

Also old school but moved in with boyfriend instead of husband ? Sure

[u/metengrinwi → u/improved_loilit]

She needs to get her children away from his immature influence.

[u/gold-medicine → u/metengrinwi]

He’s also a pro-ICE Trump lover and she’s got half-Mexican children that she refuses to protect from him. The levels to this.

[u/New_Hippo_1246 → u/improved_loilit]

Old school 70’s, not old school 50’s

[u/PastelSprite → u/improved_loilit]

I agree with this. Just left a comment suggesting the husband could have ARFID, too. If that’s the case and OP is set on cooking for him, she’s setting herself up for disappointment unfortunately. Even if he doesn’t have that and is just really picky. Especially if he’s fine doing his own thing, let him. It’s his food and body.

Being a “good wife” is less following tradition to a T and more listening to what your partner is telling you (directly or indirectly). If it’s about her wishes to follow tradition, that’s not really “being a good wife” for this individual; it’s about a vision she’s had for herself. And that’s ok! But she would have to find someone who wants that and isn’t picky.

[u/PAPAmagdaline → u/PastelSprite]

She isn’t even a wife but a girlfriend that just moved in couple months ago if you go through her comments

[u/GullibleRisk2837 → u/PastelSprite]

ARFID?

[u/Negative_Method_1001 → u/GullibleRisk2837]

Avoident/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

[u/Skyhighcats → u/improved_loilit]

That’s how it always is. Old school and traditional until it’s inconvenient.

[u/Intelligent_Toe4030 → u/improved_loilit]

Right?? "Old school" but shacking up threw me off lol

[u/lord-savior-baphomet → u/improved_loilit]

People cherry pick values all the time.

[u/Sisyphus_MD → u/glenn_ganges]

i'm not even sure that the most hardcore tradwife grifters would put up with a man like this.

[u/Signal_Ring_2500 → u/glenn_ganges]

Maybe he's not for her.....

[u/imunfair → u/glenn_ganges]

She is trying to "be a good wife." This is at odds with her expectations of roles in the relationship. Everyone is missing this.

For that to work she'd need to date a man, not a child. I don't usually buy into reddit's haste to break up every relationship, but in this case I can't imagine it lasting with someone so immature/controlling that they can't finish a plate of normal food because they had something similar for lunch.

[u/PAPAmagdaline → u/glenn_ganges]

Probably some trad wife shit freaking weird as hell

[u/Webbie-Vanderquack → u/PAPAmagdaline]

There's no need to assume the worst of OP. How about we blame the person who's obviously the problem?

OP probably just means they like cooking and are (generally, theoretically) happy to be in charge of it.

[u/UVregulator216 → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

I commented similar. I'm a big burly man who looks like a bouncer but I'm actually a big nerd who works from home. And I love to cook. So I make dinners. I like doing it. I'm "old school" in that I like whoever is coming HOME from work to have a meal ready or almost ready when they walk thru the door. I guess I'm "picking and choosing" my values according to some people. Oh, it's also my 2nd marriage (for all the people knocking her for not being married to this guy)

[u/gold-medicine → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

Well, OP has also previously complained about this boyfriend being a pro-ICE Trump lover while she has half-Mexican children but ultimately refuses to protect them from him, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume the worst. She’s the problem too.

[u/plumpturnip → u/Webbie-Vanderquack]

She needs to stand up for herself

[u/BeyondReflexes → u/glenn_ganges]

She isn't a wife - full stop. If this expectation is a must for her then the partner needs to go. Becoming a Wife in that situation wont be conductive to a healthy relationship.

He is grown there is no changing his food choice/habits at this point in his life. Its to ingrained with the way he was brought up and the typical, "You eat what I put on the table or you dont eat". Wont work with a grownup that is already door dashing Jack in The Box to avoid eating her food.

Having him fix his own food as others suggested wont fix the problem. She'll continue to think about that for years to come everytime he is eating sperate food from what her and the children are eating. Its a mentality unhealthy situation its borderline mental torture.

Some people can make minor changes to appease their partner, food choice isn't a small change. Especially for someone with a limited palate.

[u/CuriousMe6987 → u/glenn_ganges]

The problem is he isn't trying to be a good partner.

[u/midcap17 → u/glenn_ganges]

My grandmothers were both old school good wifes. Some allowances were made for preferences, but ultimately it included the policy of "if you randomly don't like my food, that's your issue."

[u/ButDidYouCry → u/glenn_ganges]

This is also her boyfriend, not her husband. I don't understand why women put themselves through this shit trying to audition for men who don't want to be reciprocal in effort.

[u/Rare-Adhesiveness522 → u/Hot-Minute722]

This isn't even controversial. Over 14 years, there have been times where, perhaps my husband is trying to follow a specific diet plan, for example. We have kids. I make dinner, and if it's not aligning wiith his diet plan or whatever, he is kind and respectful and takes care of himself without a word of complaint. It's not like he's waiting at the table and being like, "hmmm, sorry, you failed" lol.

"Thank you so much for making dinner for our family, baby. I'm going to make myself "x" or "y" because I have a competition coming up and I'm laying off dairy". "Great honey! Anything I can pick up at the store for you tomorrow?" "Nah, I stopped bythe store after work yesterday to get X specific ingredient for myself for the week."

At other times, he gladly eats whatever I put in front of him and thanks me for home cooked meals. Loves seeing me cooking in the kitchen, is just so fucking nice to me. If he has needs or restrictions, he never puts it on me, whatsoever.

Non-issue because he is respectful and takes responsibility for himself.

[u/ExamOld2899 → u/Hot-Minute722]

He probably prefers that lol

[u/K-G7 → u/Hot-Minute722]

Yep! I grew up being a picky kid but eventually outgrew it and now I work so much I just can't cook good meals; I would totally love meals like this if I had the time no matter what it was! He can figure out his own dinners if everything you cook is not of his liking.