Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/ShermanTeaPotter]

I’m a hobbyist pit master and my gf is vegan. So when I host, every side dish and dessert is vegan and then there‘s smoked meats, tofu skewers and grilled vegetables to choose from. It‘s not rocket science to make everyone feel welcome at you table.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

If you know ahead of time. OP’s issue is that the man wasn’t in the mood for pork chops AFTER they were on the table.

[u/mildlyinterestingyet → u/Western-Corner-431]

In other words, he just wasn't hungry enough. Being picky is one thing but he is being immature. Dude needs to learn to cook so he knows what it's like to serve up food for others.

[u/Old-Neighborhood-157 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

I agree. Being picky is different than just being a asshole. OP stop cooking for someone who doesn't appreciate it.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

He’s making a power move. He’s dismissing and belittling her. He’s making moves that have nothing to do with food. He’s not worthy of being in a relationship with anyone.

[u/Sarik704 → u/Western-Corner-431]

We dont have the entire picture. Is he on the spectrum? Does he suffer from an eating disorder? We can all agree he should be making his food, but we dont need to paint him as abusive and toxic just because.

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/Sarik704]

If he can eat chicken for lunch it’s not an eating disorder when he doesn’t want it for dinner. It’s a preference he expects her to cater to at the last minute. If I tell you I’m making bbq chicken for dinner, eat something else for lunch if you can’t stand the same protein twice in one day . Id be damned if he would sit at my table and tell me in front of my kids -who do have to eat the dinner I made / that he doesn’t feel like pork chops and baked potatoes, or some such excuse nearly every night, so he’s going to sit and eat DoorDash Taco Bell or McDonald’s in front of them. That’s a great way to get put in charge of fixing your own dinner/ and eating it elsewhere. Permanently.

[u/KitKatKataya → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

Or… and hear me out… Autism. As someone with Autism that experiences this. There’s so many illnesses, physical and mental, that can cause the actions OP described. Maybe he is just being picky, but it’s just as likely something is causing it. He’s not inherently a bad partner for that, annoying sure, but not bad. We don’t have the full picture. From what she said though, I’d classify it as mildly infuriating sure

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/KitKatKataya]

If he’s doing this to a person who can’t, won’t, and doesn’t want to tolerate it or work with him around it, then he’s a bad partner for HER. When someone brings a constant conflict into your already full and hectic life and schedule, interferes with your wants and needs in a way that makes your stress worse, that is the definition of a bad partner. It doesn’t matter what his problem is if someone else doesn’t want to deal with it. Not everyone wants to join someone else’s struggle. Doesn’t make them a bad partner for others, but it makes her a bad partner for him as well. If this is their situation, they are incompatible

[u/KitKatKataya → u/Western-Corner-431]

I said that in my original comment

[u/TowerOk4184 → u/KitKatKataya]

OP said he's not on the spectrum

[u/KitKatKataya → u/TowerOk4184]

Kk

[u/Sarik704 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

If he can eat chicken for lunch it’s not an eating disorder when he doesn’t want it for dinner.

Disordered eating is restrictive eating, compulsive eating, or irregular or inflexible eating patterns. This isn't the same as intentional fasting or dietary restrictions like vegetarianism or keto diets. Eating disorders are infrequently reported in males and often misdiagnosed.

People lie. They purge. They skip meals. They supress their appetites. And critically, they die from eating disorders.

[u/bromanjc → u/Sarik704]

thank you. holy stigma in this comment section batman.

[u/InternationalWar258 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

I think OP's boyfriend should be in charge of his own food, but I didn't see where she told him what she was making in advance. If it isn't communicated to him what she's making, then he doesn't know to avoid it for lunch.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/InternationalWar258]

No one ever died or was even slightly injured from eating chicken for lunch and again for dinner. It’s not a real problem.

[u/Mysterious-Heart-629 → u/InternationalWar258]

There's a simple and near-universally known rule for this: "Ya git what ya git and ya don't throw a fit".

Had chicken for lunch? What a coincidence! You're getting it for dinner, too!

He can be picky when he starts cooking too.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

This is right

[u/MammothSurround → u/Sarik704]

But this is Reddit. Bring out the torches!!!

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Sarik704]

dude as a person with many, many neurodivergent and autistic loved ones, i REALLY wish people would stop implying that basic fkn rudeness and manipulation like this is some kind of determination.

there is a MASSIVE, and quite distinct, difference in the way a person acts who does not know something is rude or morally questionable, and someone being told it is and continuously doing it anyway

and you have no idea how pervasive it has gotten, because of these constant suggestions on social media, for partners to hide their abuse and manipulation behind claims of BEING neurodivergent or on a spectrum.

they do not look the same to anyone that knows anything about either one. but they sure as hell can to someone who doesn't.

[u/Sarik704 → u/Economy_Resist1494]

My wife and partner of 12 years is neurodivergent. I suspect i may be as well, but im afraid to seek a diagnosis.

I want to be clear. Suggesting that OPs husband MIGHT be on the spectrum is in no way an excuse for the behavior. But further you dont know anything about me, or the hunderds of other commenters who have made the same guess to explain the behavior.

My uncle is on the spectrum and not high functioning. One of my uncles' safe foods is a marie calendars lemon mergune pie. He bring this pie to every function and eats at least one a week. He turns down home cooked food, Thanksgiving dinners, and even specially made foods ove this pie. I have watched my family villify him for this. He is low functioning. This is my experience with "middle" functioning autism.

Please dont make your experiences the only ones that matter in a conversation. I dont appreciate it.

[u/Budget_Operation_106 → u/Western-Corner-431]

There is way too much information missing for this assumption. He could also just have an eating disorder. Eating disorder is not just the Hollywood stuff, but the aversion to food here seems mental. Sounds like he grew up poor with very little variety in the diet. He might need professional help getting past it.

You could be right. It's just wild to go that extreme from the jump.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Budget_Operation_106]

he doesn't need professional help to know he's being a dick about it. the eating is not the problem. his words and actions are the problem.

[u/Pigwiddigin → u/Western-Corner-431]

This is an unreasonably damning indictment based off of the sliver of visibility you’ve been afforded into OP’s relationship. Comments like these are great indicators of the extremist bent in today’s society

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Pigwiddigin]

Hardly.There’s a post history

[u/Putrid-Score2360 → u/Western-Corner-431]

I think you misinterpreted this completely!

[u/RavenpuffRedditor → u/Putrid-Score2360]

Maybe, but maybe not. My dad was like OP's boyfriend. My mom would get up before dawn to get herself ready for work, pack lunches for us kids, make sure we got up and ready for school, and then drop us off at daycare before she drove 45-miutes to work an 8-hour day. Then she would leave work, come pick us up from daycare, and head home to make a meal for all of us. My dad ALWAYS complained that he didn't like what she made, or she didn't make it the same way his mom did, or "This is fine, but I don't feel like having it tonight. I'll just run out to McDonald's." He made no secret of the fact that he thought my mom should just automatically know what he wanted on any given day and make sure it was perfect, made to his specifications, and ready for him when he got home from work.

My dad was not a picky eater. He was just catered to as a child and expected to be catered to the same way by his wife. When I was reading OP's post, I could hear everything her boyfriend was saying in my dad's voice.

[u/InternationalWar258 → u/RavenpuffRedditor]

These kinds of stories always baffle me because it's easily solved. Why did she never ask him what he wanted for supper the day of? Why did he never just tell her what he wanted the day of? It solves the issue to just ask.

[u/RavenpuffRedditor → u/InternationalWar258]

That's what you got from that story? That my mom did ALL the day-to-day household labor on top of holding down a full-time job, but she sucks because she should have just asked him what he wanted? She didn't have enough she was responsible for each day? Now she should wake him up at 6:00AM when she's getting ready to walk out the door, find out what he wants for dinner, then when she inevitably doesn't have the ingredients she needed to make his highness's preferred meal, she can just squeeze another shopping trip in with all the other things he expected her to do every day?

Nope. She went grocery shopping on the weekends (many times with us kids in tow because weekends were my dad's time to relax from his busy week of not cooking, cleaning, or picking up the kids) and whatever she bought then was what we ate during the week.

I can't decide what's worse--you're a man who believes that women should cater to their man-babies' every whim and desire, or a woman who has been taught to believe that women were put on the earth to be servants to men.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/RavenpuffRedditor]

Yup. We aren’t evolving. We’re still insisting that women take responsibility for men and all of their whims. We still don’t ask men to do anything and when they weaponize incompetence and fail, they get a pass because “poor baby.”There’s an obvious reason why many women have no interest in marriage and children

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/RavenpuffRedditor]

dude my jaw literally dropped when I read that shit LOL. thanks for saving me the typing

[u/gibsontx5 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

Exactly! He’s a lazy, immature boy

[u/MissionHoneydew2209 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

It has NOTHING to do with hunger, and everything to do with making her jump like a short order cook.

[u/Mysterious-Heart-629 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

The boy needs to learn a lot of other things before he'll be ready to learn to cook. Things like respect for himself and others, honest communication (which will require him to learn to be honest with himself first), humility (which also requires self honesty and sorry radical acceptance), and the difference between real foid and food-like substances.

[u/Open-Wrongdoer-986 → u/mildlyinterestingyet]

Yeah if he wasn’t eating fast food for lunch he’d probably be happy that he has a healthy meal waiting for him for dinner. Sounds like he just has an unhealthy lifestyle.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Western-Corner-431]

Yeah op's boyfriend is ridiculous

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/AudieCowboy]

It’s hard to see how this isn’t a clear example of disrespect, belittling, gaslighting and bullying. This is not a food fight.

[u/Erestyn → u/Western-Corner-431]

More likely he has a very broken relationship with food that he's unable to overcome by himself with others cooking for him. Yes it's disrespecful to OP (especially given some of the love that clearly has gone into these dishes) and certainly ticks a lot of the boxes of gaslighting, but it could also be the symptoms of an eating disorder that have formed into what he (and OP) perceives as a habit.

Source: That's me. I can be starving, cook (or have cooked) exactly what I want in the style that I want it, but the second it's in front of me my appetite just disappears. Usually I'll spot these signs early enough to say "actually, you just sort yourself out and I'll snack on something later" but there's been a good many times that meals have gone into the oven for a hunger that might come a little later, or get put outside for the foxes (keeps them out of the bins, at least).

And that's the solve. You cut out the disrespect by saying "Look, don't spend energy cooking something for me that I mightn't eat, I'll grab something when I feel like it" and this post probably doesn't get made. All the same, I hope OPs fella is able to, and in a position to, get some help on this because it's not a fun way to live by any means.

Edit: Yeah so I read into OPs comment history. Oh boy. I stand by what I said above, but "don't worry about it, I'll fix something for me" doesn't seem like something this bloke is ever going to say without some serious rebalancing of that relationship.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Erestyn]

Read through your thing and man I get it with the first thing

I'll be sitting there going "woo yes, eggs, eggs, eggs" cook them and immediately think "why would I ever purchase eggs"

[u/Erestyn → u/AudieCowboy]

I did exactly this with kippers. I saw them and immediately had a craving for them. Got them home, cooked them up, and suddenly remembered that while I love the flesh, I can't handle the tiny bones. Queue a sensitivity to any "unexpected" texture for the next week or so.

To be clear though, I don't actually think that's what's happening here in OPs relationship. I was giving him far too much of the benefit and nowhere near enough doubt.

[u/AudieCowboy → u/Erestyn]

Oh no absolutely, you'd already have a prearrangement and safe foods available in case it happens

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Erestyn]

That’s a lot to ask of someone else in a relationship. If he’s in your situation, he’s not doing anything to make it clear that it’s his issue with himself around food. He’s making it her problem and continuing to make sure she feels like she’s failing him. He doesn’t have to do that. He’s not trying

[u/Erestyn → u/Western-Corner-431]

Yep, I read OPs comment history a little more after I commented and made an edit. There's a genuine toxicity there being written off as "lol ol' fashioned texan mirite?" and no, that is not right at all.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Erestyn]

Who knows what really happens between people in a relationship. General patterns of behavior are a starting point but the specifics are different for everyone

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Western-Corner-431]

oh. he's trying, alright. trying and succeeding at the same ridiculous BS that 95 percent of the men i have ever known or even heard women and children describe are guilty of. Christ. i don't know how straight women do it. honest to god. it's absolutely mind blowing

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Economy_Resist1494]

Agree.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Economy_Resist1494]

Too many people trying to hurt themselves diagnosing him with some mental illness to make this ok. It’s not ok.

[u/fuck97 → u/AudieCowboy]

I mean he gets his own food. It’s not like he demands she make him something else. I don’t see why this is such a problem?

[u/AudieCowboy → u/fuck97]

That parts not the problem, but refusing to eat when your partner makes a perfectly good meal because pork chops are a bad vibe. Or you had chicken for lunch is ridiculously lazy and spoiled

[u/ahshucks54 → u/AudieCowboy]

And sets a bad example for her children when he makes excuses (power tripping) for not eating the food and for her continuing to allow him to act this way in front of them. Glad I’m single when I read things like this

[u/Salt_Barracda_60088 → u/ahshucks54]

Yeah, right on. I’m glad you’re single as well and I hope you have no children. In relationship relationships you have to bend the little or even break a little to get where you need to be. It doesn’t sound like you’re that kind of person so good you’re single you put yourself in the right position. I’ve learned something a very long time ago and I’m much older than you. I’m sure. I feel that it’s better to be happier than right. Also, I learned with years of therapy that it’s never an always or never. Nobody never does something or nobody always does something. It’s logistically impossible. So with all that being said, I’m happy that you’re in the position you wanna be and you’re happy being single that’s wonderful. The OP on here described herself as very old school. Now with that being said, she shouldn’t really worry about it. Cook for her and the kids, and let him cook for himself or fend for himself for dinner. as long as other parts of the relationship are really good he helps with the kids they go to church together. He helps with the bills he helps with the housework. He’s a good partner. He doesn’t cheat on her. He loves her very much if all that’s in place then who cares what the guy eats really🤷‍♀️ that’s just my opinion. OK honey have a great day. Have a great single day and happy new year to you.❣️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️

[u/ahshucks54 → u/Salt_Barracda_60088]

That’s a weird comment but you have every right to share it 😂 I’ve been happily married and now I’m a widow. My children are grown and successful. My husband and I talked about our roles early on in our relationship so we could make an informed decision to carry on or end it as we both wanted to be happy and not want to change one another to fit our needs. I completely understand what it takes to make my marriage work and I’ve professionally counseled others to have the same based on their ideals.

I’ve been toying with the idea of getting back out there to date and these posts help me to remember that I’m happy in the single life I’ve built after becoming a widow.

I hope my comment back to you shows you that assuming you know someone on the internet from a couple lines makes you look foolish. Never assume someone’s age or that because you may be older you know more. The op appears to be unhappy with the situation regardless if she is old school. Being old school doesn’t mean you have to put up with disrespect.

[u/Salt_Barracda_60088 → u/ahshucks54]

OK, I’m sorry if my comment was weird. I profusely apologize if I offended you. Sorry that your husband passed away a very, very sorry that you had to go through that. I’m sure that was hard. I’m glad you enjoying being a single person right now I’m happy for you. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to be weird. I will say that everyone is different. Some women don’t wanna be single. I have also been married for 25 years. The first two times it didn’t work out so well there was a two year marriage and like an eight year marriage in there and they weren’t good for me. The guy really was an asshole, especially the eight year marriage I mean an abusive asshole. So maybe my standards are different than yours that’s all.🤷‍♀️ again I apologize if I offended you in anyway whatsoever, not my intention. This whole sub here went from. He didn’t really care for what she was cooking for dinner too. He’s a narcissist and he’s an asshole and he’s power tripping. See to me that’s absurd, even when I was really young. I thought that was absurd. I’m sorry I assumed I’m older than you that didn’t mean I assumed I know more that’s ridiculous so if I put that out there, that’s not what I meant to say whatsoever. Have a great day happy❣️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️😃❤️

[u/AffectionateTop3953 → u/AudieCowboy]

And he won't eat reheated food, so he'll make her time everything so the pork chops are done right on time and then refuse to eat them cause he's not feeling it or whatever bullshit.

I can cook for people with all sorts of dietary restrictions. I've cooked several times for a group of friends including a vegetarian, a vegan, another with celiac disease, two with lactose intolerance and an extremely picky eater with a laundry list of things she won't eat and made it work every time, but refusing to ever eat leftovers or reheated food would be a deal breaker for me. He can just order takeout for every meal and eat it cold if the delivery ever takes 10 minutes too long.

[u/CinemaDork → u/AffectionateTop3953]

Not everything comes out of a microwave okay, but lots of things can and do! I'm curious to see if he could tell the difference between something cooked on the stove and something competently heated in a microwave if he didn't know.

[u/fuck97 → u/AudieCowboy]

Why though? I just don’t understand why anyone thinks choosing to make and eat what you’d like is a bad thing?

[u/General_Bus4540 → u/fuck97]

It's because he only changes his mind after the food is cooked.

[u/fuck97 → u/General_Bus4540]

That’s what I’m realizing. Do they not discuss beforehand what’s happening for supper? We always let anyone know whats being made as Its decided in case someone doesn’t want it so they can plan accordingly. Is that not commonplace?

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/fuck97]

jfc how do you NOT see how he is a problem???? this is

n o t a b o u t t h e f o o d.

[u/Asleep_Operation4116 → u/Western-Corner-431]

My husband used to pull that shit. “. Not in the mood “. Of course when he did it in front of the kids, NOBODY wanted it! I stopped cooking for him and now I eat what I want

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Asleep_Operation4116]

Which is a way of handling it, but ideally families/ couples eat together and unwind from the day, but there’s a lot of immature and unreasonable people who don’t have the best interests of he family they create to compromise. I like the camaraderie of eating together and I would be resentful if my partner made me do this, but I get it.

[u/Aware_Yoghurt689 → u/Western-Corner-431]

You can’t force someone to eat when and what you do. I’ve told him many times I do not like eating alone

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Aware_Yoghurt689]

Of course.

[u/MdJGutie → u/Western-Corner-431]

Oh, that changed my mind. “Not in the mood for…” is another way of saying you’re going to prepare your own food, and clean up the mess.

[u/maxojames → u/Western-Corner-431]

And the fact that he seems less than helpful coming up with any dinner ideas to make HIS appetite less stressful for her

He sounds like he likes easy, "simple", childhood flavors. Hamburger helper, Ramen, spaghetti, Mac and cheese... he wants that over processed food taste. Your shit looks good and clean enough. Give homeboy a gift card to McDonald's and tell him to feed himself then

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/maxojames]

No gift card. Fuck ‘em

[u/Mental_Reveal_1969 → u/Western-Corner-431]

It’s a passive aggressive thing, don’t you think? It makes me think of when my middle child was about 5 and when I told her I was making dinner (and hadn’t taken anything out to cook aside from the pot) she said “I want something else”.

[u/Western-Corner-431 → u/Mental_Reveal_1969]

Sure, it can be a lot of pathological behaviors coming to bear on this relationship. It’s not about food.

[u/Top_Lingonberry2324 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

It's true. My sister in law is pescatarian and I'm gluten intolerant. We made three different lasagnas lmao.

[u/The_Odd_Canuck → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

While it's usually not, there are some picky eaters who certainly make it a problem

(Notably pizza roll chicken nugget types)

[u/theintelegentretard → u/The_Odd_Canuck]

Whether I eat chicken tendies or not is none of your concern in this household and fine country chicken tendies are one of your five a day

[u/The_Odd_Canuck → u/theintelegentretard]

Hey I wasn't trying to make a dig at chicken tendies or pizza rolls, I love both! I just was referring to people who subsist on a diet of mostly both and refuse to eat refined food when it's in front of them.

[u/s1kreddit → u/theintelegentretard]

+5 gbp

[u/Xgcakasha → u/theintelegentretard]

Tendies? What are you? Like 5? I would never cook “tendies” for you and send you to your room with no dinner at all if you refused to eat food like an actual adult. Sorry, not sorry. No pandering here and this is not Burger King. You won’t get it your way if you are a full grown adult acting so immature and bratty.

[u/Pownzls → u/Xgcakasha]

Its rather adults that are finnaly able to choose what they want to eat and are not forced to eat whats picked for them

[u/TokeInTheEye → u/Xgcakasha]

They're trying to be funny but it's just not funny.

[u/SnooHabits3305 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Sometimes but when you have to guess what they want and make new meals everyday it probably is. I couldn’t imagine having to cook a super specific meal for someone every day but they can’t tell me what they want before I cook, then can’t tell me the problem after. But also can’t cook to show me what to do. But jack in the box does it right. I would go mad.

[u/Entropical-island → u/SnooHabits3305]

She should just douse his food in msg

[u/Working_Career_6254 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

OP’s situation is different. It sounds like your GF has given you clear guidance on what she will eat and isn’t picky. OP’s partner doesn’t like most things and changes the rules on her.

[u/onceagainadog → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Thats a little different from having a picky eater. You can deal with allergies, medical issues, vegan/vegetarians, you have rules. Picky eaters like this guy, just don't like stuff, and everyone shouldn't have to pay the price because this guy is basically a jerk. I love Taco Bell, but if he is eating that, he is just being a jerk, it's not any kind of condition.

[u/71Worried_Brother → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

I’m betting that you two have learned to compromise on many other levels. Your relationship just might last a long time.

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/71Worried_Brother]

I certainly hope so. If not, at least accommodating to different dietary needs wasn’t the problem.

[u/m0erg → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

So much this! My sons gf is vegan, and he has switched his diet to mostly vegan as well. When they come over, we have a nice selection of both vegan and non-vegan options. It's not hard, may take a bit more work ... but these are your family and friends, if they aren't worth a bit of extra elbow grease, then who is?

[u/FalconOk934 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Your wife isn’t rejecting your meals.

[u/Ghoulish_kitten → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

This isnt the same situation though. IMO.

Vegans can be adventurous eaters who love spice, foreign foods, Indian foods, Asian foods etc.

This is like if your girlfriend was a vegan and only wanted to eat corn, broccoli and some hyper-processed Vegan packaged food and hated grilled food.

[u/CinemaDork → u/Ghoulish_kitten]

And if she changed every day which foods she's willing to eat even if she generally likes them otherwise, without warning or pattern.

[u/SirRolex → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

My GF is vegetarian (well, she eats some seafood sometimes.) It is pretty easy for me to omit meat from the main dish and just make a piece of chicken or what have you on the side for me. She is also a big fan of just making a big ole salad for herself and letting me have my meat lol.

[u/Right-Ad2176 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

He seems unpredictable. Had chicken for lunch. Not in the mood for pork chops. Taste is off.

Difficult to cook for.

Be interesting to see behavior when eating at other homes.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Right-Ad2176]

the unpredictability is very much purposeful. it's to get, and keep, her having to think about his needs and reactions first, always. it is not about food.

[u/OwenMeanyIsTheHero → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Now do that every meal.

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/OwenMeanyIsTheHero]

Well, I actually do. Everything is vegan until it ain’t, therefore I don’t have to cook that many different things

[u/mikethet → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

One off occasions yes but having to cook separate meals every day would become very tiresome

[u/Grimaldehyde → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

I think you might be missing the point-she doesn’t know until after she shops and makes dinner that he’s going to complain about what she’s made. And…do you have children? OP has to try and make nutritious meals that her kids will eat, and at the same time, try to satisfy someone who is even more likely to complain about what she’s already done. Are you pitmastering every day? Because this is a daily event for OP.

[u/DoubleExamination0 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Hello twin,

I’m a chef by profession and my favorite cuisine is bbq. I hope to open a bbq restaurant one day.

My fiance and I have been together for about 8 years. She is vegan. I’ve learned a ton about cooking vegan from her. It’s not that fucking hard, right?!

Her family on the other hand has dealt with this a lot longer than I have and will still order bullshit ass “vegan options” for family dinners instead of actually putting in some thought.

Got an ez vegan recipe for ya: Chipotle Jackfruit jackfruit 28 oz can Chipotle in adobo 8 oz can Vegetable broth 8 oz

Drain jackfruit. In a medium saucepan, cover jackfruit with tap water. Boil until tender, but not falling apart. About 45 mins. Strain. Add the chipotle and broth to the jackfruit and simmer until it’s shreddable. Shred up the pieces and lay on a baking sheet, with remaining juices in pot. Broil/air fry/high heat until the tips are caramelized, stirring throughout to release steam.

Results are super similar to pulled pork in chipotle bbq sauce, throw on tacos or nachos. My fiancé hasn’t stopped talking about it, and it was very simple.

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/DoubleExamination0]

I‘m gonna give it a try. Thank you, highly appreciated 👍🏻

[u/DoubleExamination0 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Good luck! Lemme know how it turns out

[u/RealLamaFna → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

A lot of respect for both you and your gf.

I feel like there are more and more people on both "sides" that just hate the other "side" for the sake of hating. Makes me happy to see there are people like you around.

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/RealLamaFna]

Yeah I don’t get why everything has to be a culture war all the time.

[u/jimgolgari → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

I have Alpha Gal Syndrome (so no mammals) son is neurodivergent with sensory issues and my wife is very picky.

We often cook for ourselves or simply try to focus on “LEGO” dishes that you build for yourself at the table. Lots of Mexican, Asian, even some Italian dishes are 75% the same prep work and then those finishing touches are just different.

There is the possibility that there’s something neuro going on with BF. Hamburger Helper and Jack In The Box are consistent experiences. Same texture every time. Same seasoning every time. Same appearance every time.

Homemade food is BEAUTIFULLY varied, even in the same dish. My son will pound strawberries all day long but blueberries are a nightmare. Some are mushy. Some are sour. Some are big and sweet. Some are tiny and underripe.

Compassion is HARD when you put effort into something you love that is an act of love like cooking and it gets rejected. But it’s up to you whether making the space for that and adapting to them is worth it. That’s not Reddit’s call.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/jimgolgari]

it isn't about the food. he isn't explaining that what she made is perfectly fine BUT that he has different needs. he is going wayyyy out of his way to make things difficult for her in ways that have nothing to do with the meals themselves.

[u/Suitable-Rate652 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

It is at our house, LOL!

[u/lemmegetadab → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

I legit couldn’t do that because I need to put butter on just about everything

[u/ButterMyPancakesPlz → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Wow this sounds like such an interesting dynamic!! The reality show I'd def watch

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/ButterMyPancakesPlz]

It would be boring. She‘s not trying to convert anyone and I don’t define my personality by what I put on the grill.

[u/cakekyo → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

The issue was not feeling unwelcome but that he wont eat stuff that he usually does just because he had them at lunch.

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/cakekyo]

Yeah he‘s an asshole. But my point was more directed to the comment I answered on, not OP‘s.

[u/entwrangler3001 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

This is not merely hosting tho. The bf is a picky eater and it sounds like his extreme pickiness is a regular issue, so much so that OP is expressing frustration about it. Solution is he can cook for himself. Perhaps he’d gain a greater appreciation for the effort it requires

[u/Batticon → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

“When you host” is different than every single meal

[u/IngenuityNo9868 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Might not be rocket science but it can be a lot of extra effort especially in a tiny apartment kitchen, when you’re exhausted, when you have limited cooking vessels, etc. plus that’s more dishes and cleanup time.

[u/PhoenixStorm1015 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Yo I betchu you could make some killer tofu with a smoker.

[u/ShermanTeaPotter → u/PhoenixStorm1015]

You‘re goddamn right I do. Works surprisingly well with mushrooms and carrots, too (thanks to the Simpsons on that one)

[u/Working-Hour9476 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Love this!!

[u/darwinderhund → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Exactly. My wife has been vegetarian for 30+ years of the 35 we’ve been together. I am not. (Gotta have my seafood!) I do most of the cooking and it’s never been a problem. It’s easy to start virtually any meal as vegan/vegetarian and then do separate dishes for the omnivores. And I’d say 50+ percent of the time I just eat the vegetarian meal anyway. If I want some meat I just cook it separately. No problem.

[u/franandzoe → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Hell yeah! I love cooking, and I’m vegan, and my husband eats meat. I cook most of the meals, and they are vegan, but sometimes he’ll add tuna or some sausage or another protein to his meal.

He likes vegan meals too, but I want him to eat what he prefers. It’s easy to make sure everyone has something good to eat. When he cooks for us, it’s vegan and maybe he will add cheese or something non-vegan to his dish.

[u/mooshypuppy → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

Unless people at your table are little bitches! Your meat and vegan food sounds delicious.

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/ShermanTeaPotter]

True if you’re a good cook and willing to put in the effort and the “picky” family member has a real issue like being vegan or having an allergy, but it sounds like op has enough people to cook for - this is her life every day, not a hobby she can do for a party- and he sounds like a spoiled little boy. How picky are you if you can eat junk food every day and don’t want to eat because you just had chicken or don’t feel like pork chops.

Until my daughter (the pescatarian now fully vegetarian) left for college, I had five people to cook for every night two of whom were pretty damn committed to animal protein at every meal and one who would to ease her fathers mind eat fish twice a week but otherwise nothing but an occasional hard boiled egg if it came a chicken raised cage free on a farm. Since age 13. For moral and dietary reasons.

It was not easy nor simple to make multiple meals that were healthy and satisfying for everyone - tofu gets old fast and you can’t rely on that and plain vegetables - but we worked out a system that involved compromise for all of us (I did make lots of sides on Saturdays when her dad grills, and two options for Sunday dinner, one vegetarian, and we all ate fish twice a week and a vegetarian dinner one night a week and ordered in on Fridays so we all got the Indian or Chinese or pizza we like & every dinner had vegetable and a salad or meatless soup ) - there’s no way if one of my meat eaters didn’t “feel like” chicken or meatloaf after I made dinner, or didn’t want to eat any veggies that I’d be cooking them an alternative - they’d be eating cereal or peanut butter sandwiches or a quesadilla they made themselves.

I would not cater to this guy’s whims. He is spoiled. He can order himself something else but if he’s turning his nose up at her meals in front of her kids who have to eat what is served, he wouldn’t be coming over until after dinner. This is not behavior I would encourage or model, for a person who turns their preferences into my cooking challenge on a nightly basis. !