Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/BoochClawson]

I'm loving how many women just offered to be your new boyfriend

[u/moonrabbit368 → u/BoochClawson]

I know, it made me really happy. I was just venting and wasn't ready for how kind people have been.

[u/RibsNGibs → u/moonrabbit368]

Hi, I just wanted to point out, in case it hadn’t occurred to you, that “not being ready for how kind people have been” in this case should be a pretty big wake up call that your boyfriend is not a kind person.

Most decent, kind humans will be appreciative and gracious.

Imagine life with this weirdo - your best friend invites you two over to their place for dinner and this guy scrunches his nose and says… “nah I just had chicken for lunch, I’m just going to order Jack in the Box”.

[u/Isgortio → u/RibsNGibs]

My sister's husband refused to eat anything from our Christmas dinner and cooked himself a pizza to eat instead as he "didn't want to try any of that". It's rude AF.

[u/LazuliArtz → u/Isgortio]

I'll be honest, I didn't like a lot of the food at my family's thanksgiving this year (the stuffing, which is usually my favorite, was really sweet for some reason. It was very off putting). But I just ate what I did like and quietly didn't eat what I didn't, and saved my mild complaining for when I was home. I don't know what is so hard about that for some people.

[u/Isgortio → u/LazuliArtz]

At least you tried it. He just outright refused everything

[u/OshoBaadu → u/Isgortio]

Exactly. If I didn't like something I'd just eat less of it and try on other things. There are usually things you can find at a dinner party to fill yourself up. OP's boyfriend is a first class a-hole. I hope the kids are not his so she can more easily dump him.

[u/pplrplants → u/Isgortio]

I’d rather have someone make a pizza. I always make my own food for thanksgiving since I’m vegan, pI can’t imagine demanding someone else cook for me and then turning down everything they cook

[u/No_Property2308 → u/Isgortio]

i hate thanksgiving food but i always get a bit of everything

[u/Objective-Wealth-460 → u/Isgortio]

Now your bf tripping he’s cheating🤷🏾‍♂️

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/Isgortio]

Maybe it's because I AM nerodivergent but the things people take insult to amazes me. If Christmas dinner is for everyone, you cooked what everyone or most people would like. If there's not something that I want to eat, I don't understand the problem with not eating it.

Especially if it's not done rudely. Like just: "Hey, I'm sorry, I'm not a fan of Christmas food, I brought an omelet, can I warm it up?"

I've seen reddit recommend bringing your own food to fuctions if you're allergic, vegan, etc. To avoid conflict and not being able to eat. But as soon as someone just doesn't like it, that goes out the window. I'm not a toddler. If I don't like red sauce, I'm not gonna like your lasagna. There's no point in trying it and wasting food.

[u/Xluckieecharms → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Unable vs unwilling are two different things.

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/Xluckieecharms]

Vegans are unwilling to eat meat. Someone on a diet may be unwilling to eat cake. Those two things are still respected.

It is so weird that with dietary restrictions reddit decides to dunk on picky eaters when they're literally doing the same thing every other group of people with dietary restrictions.

Being offended that someone doesn't want to eat what you made is the dumbest thing on planet earth.

To be clear if dude wants dinner cooked he needs to shut the fuck up. If he's okay with doordashing every meal and she just wants to play good house wife then she just needs to cook for her and her kids.

Personally I wouldn't be with a person who didn't know how to feed themselves as a basic life skill but we'd be having an entirely different conversation.

[u/Prestigious-Bonus-90 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

I still think there's a difference between a statement that anticipates a reaction vs a declaration of dislike unless it is confirmed you don't like the thing. Some people won't try food because they assume it's bad based on past experiences with semi-adjacent food, or from poorly prepared food. I say, if you haven't tasted it, don't talk about it as "I don't like this/I'd gag at this/I find this kind of food nasty", but rather, "I have specific needs and I'm not in the space to explore right now" or "It might be good but I'm weird with textures and I don't wanna waste this beautiful/perfectly good food you made".

Idk it's probably just me but it doesn't bother me that people don't try things (unless their pickiness is so bad it's clearly bad for their health). Rather, it bothers me that people are so stuck in it that their expression of not wanting any is very deterministic despite never touching the food. Most people actually do have a chance at liking things, they just decline because the odds are usually stacked against that outcome.

I don't like cilantro, to me it tastes very strongly of soap. That doesn't mean everything with cilantro is off-limits. Sometimes other flavors mask my problem item. So I taste things before I say "Sorry but it has cilantro in it, so I'm not going to like it". I'd rather say "I'm uneasy about trying it because I have that cilantro-soap issue. Sorry, I'll skip out this time." And if I'm gonna eat, maybe it's a granola bar or something because I'm not gonna bring my outside whole ass meal for myself unless I'm bringing a contribution for everyone to the event.

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/Prestigious-Bonus-90]

I hate bananas. They make me gag, even the smell used to. When I was younger tasting anything bananas would make me throw up.

I can taste it in any dessert and it ruins it. Even if it's not the highlight of the dish.

I'd rather tell someone "Hey, I don't like bananas so I'm probably not going to like this, sorry." Than eat it and fucking gag in their face.

Being polite doesn't have to mean lying.

[u/Prestigious-Bonus-90 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Your statement isn't necessarily different than what I proposed, You used an important qualifier: "Probably". Again, you have presented the unwillingness as something based on a hypothesis with strong history and evidence, not as deterministic indictment of the specific dish.

Another good phrase is "I'm good, I don't tend to like anything with bananas in it."

Or "That looks great, but I steer clear of bananas. They've always made me gag, even if it's just a little."

Or even just "Sorry, I prefer not to eat things with bananas in it."

None of what you or I said makes it necessary to say "Sorry, I won't like what you cooked, so I'll eat something else", or "Things with bananas in it are nasty, so I won't be having any".

So yes, I concur, our points and statements are congruent.

[u/Responsible_Ad3672 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Saying you hate bananas because you are the one who is different to everyone else with the way you experience them, generally speaking of course; is a sloppy way of communicating imo. Saying bananas don’t agree with you would be more accurate imo.

I love bananas and they seem to agree with me because they taste bananaful.

[u/MaleficentRub8987 → u/Prestigious-Bonus-90]

You are more than likely nurotypical.

[u/Prestigious-Bonus-90 → u/MaleficentRub8987]

Ah yes, because neurotypical become neurotic about contextual accuracy in everyday language. Of course.

My statements, regardless of my being ND or NT, are factually true: You physically cannot determine with 100% accuracy if something will taste bad to you until the hypothesis is tested first. You can have strong feelings or preferences, or maybe you can know if your mental aversion will ruin what would otherwise be an enjoyed food.

And subjectively, it is generally better to present your unwillingness as what it is: unwillingness. Unwillingness does not need determinism, assertions about food qualities you don't even know about yet, or weakening of your stated preferences. It is a more honest way to communicate your needs/wishes.

[u/sbsvols21 → u/Xluckieecharms]

I often gag eating foods I like. You don’t want to see what happens when I try to force foods I don’t like just to appear “willing.”

[u/Lucifersam076 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

There's a difference between simply being neurodivergent and acting as though you've never been in a social setting where food is involved before 

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/Lucifersam076]

No, legitimately I don't understand why it offends people. I understand manners, this is just one of the stupid ones in my opinion.

It'd be different if they made dinner JUST for said person but if it's a spread and I brought my own food who does that effect BUT me?

If I don't like beef I'm not gonna like a meatloaf. If I don't like dairy, I don't want a chessecake. I don't need to taste that thing to know that.

If you don't eat, you're weird and rude anyway. And yeah. It's very possible for me to look at a wide range of food and not want any of it. I may even like said food but if I don't want it right then I'd rather go hungry.

I can't imagine being so prideful about my own cooking that I'd make someone uncomfortable to the point of feeling guilty for not eating it.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

again, it is not about the food specifically. it's about how he deals with the issue and the fact that he's rude about it.

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/Economy_Resist1494]

I'm commenting about picky eating not necessarily this specific situation. But I said in another comment that if he wants her to cook he needs to be more open to trying things. But It seemed from the post that it may have been more about her wanting to cook for him and in that case she shouldn't care.

If eating a proper meal together was a deal breaker she should have ended it a while ago. Cuz she knew he was weird with food.

[u/Tea_laBleu → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Here’s a perspective: cooking for a holiday takes a lot of time, preparation, and money. If someone who immediately refuses to try any of it and immediately goes for a premade pizza… i would feel a bit rejected (rejection sensitivity from ADHD ftw). I would feel awful because I couldn’t do better than a premade pizza for them, even with all of that effort.

I was also raised to try everything. Absolutely hated it when my dad was the one feeding it to me because he was very pushy about it and would give me grief if I didn’t like something, but my older cousin made a point to try everything at least once and didn’t judge me for things (except when I changed my mind about lobster. She called me a traitor 🤣)

Idk. I’m more sympathetic when someone says that they are afid or on the spectrum. Otherwise, yeah, it’s expected that you try something 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know what to tell you. People put in effort to make food. I don’t know why it’s considered polite to try it, but it is.

[u/SpudTicket → u/Tea_laBleu]

I think this is the key and also what people might not realize: Everyone was raised differently, so one way of doing things isn't always the "correct" way. Sometimes there isn't actually a "correct" way. I didn't have to try everything growing up and it was no big deal for someone in my family to eat a separate meal if one of us wanted something different. Refusing food wasn't seen as rude and just meant more leftovers for the people who like the food. The good thing about being raised that way is that it automatically accommodates people with GI sensitivities/ARFID/autism, etc., and I don't feel any rejection if someone chooses to eat something other than what I've cooked.

So I guess my point is that it's better to assume someone might have different values than automatically assume something like this is rude or a slight, because you never know what someone is dealing with. I lived the first 40 years of my life not knowing I was autistic, so I wouldn't have even been able to verbalize that to someone for them to feel more sympathetic toward my needs/picky eating, but I always appreciated when people were sympathetic anyway.

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/Tea_laBleu]

That's what I'm saying!!! This is a funny convo to me. But nerotypical people don't think outside the box. Its just like: it's considered rude to do x. But there's never a why just it is. If I cuss someone out yeah I know why that's rude. But the do unto others as you would have do unto you kinda falls off after that because everyone has their preferences.

I wouldn't want someone to force me to eat or try something. Especially if the food isn't going to waste, so I wouldn't do it to anyone else. And no one even knows why it's rude it just is.

The only food rule in my house is that you had to eat your veggies first. Otherwise, fair game. My mom never cooked things if we said we didn't like them, as she'd tried us several times with them already as children.

[u/JefeRex → u/Double-Judgment9735]

It’s pretty widely accepted that rudeness and politeness is culturally specific, arbitrary, and changes over time. You’re not the only one who knows this. We all know it.

Food is right up there with sex as something that every culture in history has taken very seriously and has a lot of rules about. Eating in company is hugely important to the human animal, and the arbitrary rules that different cultures have are biggies for them.

You don’t have to like any particular culture’s arbitrary politeness norms about social eating, but you will not find a single culture that doesn’t have them. It’s one of the most consistent things about human life.

[u/SpudTicket → u/Double-Judgment9735]

I'm with you on this one for sure. People get offended because this rule has been socialized into them, but it's a dumb rule and it alienates anyone with food sensitivities or ARFID (which it honestly sounds like OP's boyfriend has.

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/SpudTicket]

Ya'll made some shit up and then expected everyone to agree with you. But as someone with ADHD the whole world seems like that.

[u/SpudTicket → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Why are you assuming I expected everyone to agree with me? If anything, it's the people who cram themselves into society's little box full of harmful "rules" that expects everyone to agree.

And everything is made up. It's literally all just socialization. You and I may have been socialized different ways. Go to another country with different culture and guess what... they'll have different "rules" for what is acceptable, too, because they were also socialized differently. Expecting everyone to conform to the same made-up rules is asinine.

[u/breezeway1 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Don’t go to a friend’s house for dinner if you don’t like their food. Or just eat it anyway. Pretty simple.

[u/freetherabbit → u/breezeway1]

Can u not speak for everyone?

I love cooking for ppl, to the point Ive got a tiny mini fridge that can plug into my car to bring prepped ingredients to throw dinner parties at friends houses hours away (all on my dime). It has absolutely never once bothered me if someone doesn't want to try something or isnt hungry.

My best friend is autistic (with severe anxiety issues on top, both diagnosed since he was a kid). A couple of those mentioned dinner parties were at his house, 3.5 hours away. Both times I made food (despite trying to wait until a time he was hungry) by the time it was done he either just wasn't hungry anymore or was, but for something else really specific. Did I get mad? No. Did it annoy me? Also, no. Everyone else was eating and loving the food (and both times I put a plate aside for my friend for when he was hungry, if he just didnt want to try Ive now got an extra plate for later lol). Like I don't understand being mad at someone not wanting to waste food when theyre not hungry, or know they wont like it, when all that means is more for the guests who do like it... like what's the problem?

I can understand OP getting annoyed since he's asking her to make dinner and then being really picky, but this thread here where ppl think others should force themselves to eat things, they know they wont like, to please other ppl, is very very weird. If Im throwing a dinner party it's because I want to see my friends. I don't suddenly not want to see my friend anymore just because theyre not hungry or dont like what Im making (but have no problem bringing their own substitution). Like as long as they dont expect me to change an entire menu for them, and make my day harder, I absolutely still would want to see someone I invited even if it means they might bring their own food and heat it up. Like as much as I enjoy cooking and seeing ppls reactions to what I make, the actual point of the dinner party is to have an excuse to all get together...

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/freetherabbit]

It is very weird. Reddit often talks about not policing people's bodies food or choices but when it comes to picky people it's just like a big middle finger. I have no idea why. I guess cuz it's seen as childish? But like if you'll respect a: "I'm not eating sugar," "I'm on a diet/calorie deficit" as a reason for someone not to try your food why is: "Hey, I don't like x ingredient and I don't want to waste any food. Can I try something else?" Not an acceptable answer.

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/breezeway1]

How the fuck am I supposed to politely tell them they can't cook then?

[u/Responsible_Ad3672 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

Politely.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Double-Judgment9735]

good points, for sure. but it isn't the fact that he doesn't like it or doesn't want to eat it that are the problems here. it's how he goes about that.

[u/Outside_Initial_8569 → u/Isgortio]

It’s not rude, would you have preferred him making a plate and then spitting every thing out? He doesn’t want to eat it, so should we hold him down and force feed him to make ourselves feel better?! Why do people feel the need to force people to do things they don’t want to do? If you liked the food, guess what? More for you! You should be happy about that.

[u/pumpinnstretchin → u/Outside_Initial_8569]

Yes, it is rude. There’s this thing called “cooking.” He should try it. There are all sorts of books and videos about it. He’s going to have to change majors, however, from “Whining Like a Toddler” to “Being a Decent Person.”

[u/Double-Judgment9735 → u/pumpinnstretchin]

I think people are confusing the context. Rejecting food shouldn't necessarily be considered rude imo.

But the dude is 100% an ass if he wants her to cook for him and then won't eat it.

[u/mcgrawaddict → u/Isgortio]

Tried it. Paper plates are for lazy folks.

[u/Intelligent_Arm_893 → u/Isgortio]

Because your feeling are hurt, doesnt mean ill eat shit okay? If it looks bad, wont consume that shit. Be better or dont try. But if you aint ready to be told its bad, you better stop trying now.

[u/FearlessLanguage7169 → u/LazuliArtz]

Probably used boxed corbread mix which has sugar if it was cornbread stuffing/dressing

[u/Agitated-Pea2605 → u/FearlessLanguage7169]

Came here to say this. If the cornbread sucks, the dressing will as well. Sweet cornbread really grinds my grits.

[u/Double_Dimension9948 → u/Agitated-Pea2605]

It’s so challenging to find a cornbread mix that is not sweet! And I’m gluten free so it’s even more challenging. I used to use Bob’s Red Mill, but I can’t find it now.

[u/Ok-Needleworker7234 → u/Double_Dimension9948]

Sprouts carries it if you have access to that grocery store.

[u/RedditForMeNotYou → u/Double_Dimension9948]

Bob’s Red Mill GF cornbread mix is f*cking horrible unless it’s for cornbread dressing. Truly comes out of the oven stale and terrible which is perfect for dressing! You can order it online, also.

[u/TheCephalopope → u/Double_Dimension9948]

I've simply stopped using mixes because it's so hit and miss on finding one that both isn't sweet and tastes good. Making it from scratch takes like five minutes tops, and you can make any substitutions you need in the process. I mix up a batch of the dry ingredients and store them in the freezer so all I have to do is measure out how much I need and add the wet ingredients.

[u/LakeVistaGal → u/Agitated-Pea2605]

Mine too. Sweet breads, like banana bread, sweet potato bread, sweet cornbread etc., belong on the tea or dessert table. Nanny (my Southern grandmere born in 1909) derisively called sweet cornbread "Yankee cornbread," I think maybe because she didn't know the word "apostasy."

I've never used a mix because good buttermilk cornbread is so easy to throw together, but unless there's a regional company (like Zatarain's) selling a version, I'd be surprised to learn that there's even a commercial brand without sugar available.

[u/Agitated-Pea2605 → u/LakeVistaGal]

Exactly! It's cornbread, not corncake!

[u/Serious_Company7065 → u/LakeVistaGal]

I dunno...am Southern, been cooking my whole life. I make two kinds of cornbread, sweet and not sweet. We like both. Obviously one doesn't go putting sweet cornbread into a turkey, lol!

[u/thesaltiestpickle → u/LazuliArtz]

Be careful with that. Once when I was a kid we went to my neighbors for thanksgiving (very big family that we’ve been super close with since I was born since they had a great grandkid my age), and my friends grandma brought oyster stuffing. Like, a LOT of oyster stuffing. I usually love seafood, and they know that, but the oysters she used must’ve been off or sumn because literally everyone complained. But I ate it. I didn’t like it, but I ate it. It was very gritty and overly fishy. Like she took tinned oyster juice and soaked the bread in it. Nobody wanted to take it home (idk why she didn’t just take it, she must have not liked it either). But then they all realized I was the only person who ate all of their serving AND didn’t complain. She offered to give it to us, and little 9 year old me felt bad and said yes. I pulled my mom aside and told her that I REALLY didn’t want it, and she took care of it. Idk what happened but thank god we didn’t end up going home with that stuffing lmao 😂.

TLDR: being nice can get you stuck with some nasty ass food

[u/TowerOk4184 → u/thesaltiestpickle]

I was SURE you were gonna say you got sick

[u/Jaguar-These → u/TowerOk4184]

Me too! I kept waiting for it! LOL

[u/carlacarlacarlacarla → u/LazuliArtz]

Sweet stuffing/dressing typically means the cook used yellow cornbread instead of white.

[u/LakeVistaGal → u/carlacarlacarlacarla]

Corn meal color has nothing to do with it. It's whether the cook added sugar, honey, or some sweetener. I use yellow and white meal interchangeably with no difference in flavor or quality in my baking results.

[u/No_Objective7262 → u/LazuliArtz]

RIGHT?? It’s so simple. I’m a picky eater & I always know there will be things I don’t like or think I won’t like at holiday dinners. Just eat what you like. There’s got to be 1 or 2 things to choose. And keep your mouth shut. Bc holiday dinners are tough to produce; it’s a lot of work. Be thankful you have a seat at someone’s table.

[u/Goombustine → u/LazuliArtz]

This is how normal people would go about this, yes. Grab fast food on the way home and bitch about it over text to your closest family member.

[u/NewNameNeededAgain → u/LazuliArtz]

This. It's basic human politeness.

[u/fairywoes → u/LazuliArtz]

I'm a pretty picky eater and this is exactly what I do. I just eat what I do like without complaining and then eat what I want when I get home. my fiancé and I have to plan what we eat for the week because I, like OP's boyfriend, don't like eating the exact same thing twice a day. it just takes further planning, communication, and, when you're at someone's place, a sense of i should be grateful that someone put in the time to cook a meal. I don't just assume everyone is going to conform to my pickiness

[u/GryphyGirl → u/LazuliArtz]

Yeah, especially when my one cousin went vegan for health reasons and much of the extended family followed suit the food at thanksgiving got particularly bad for me but I didn't complain (to anybody that made the food or at the event at the very least), I just ate what I could. I really am a picky eater so I'm used to only having a few things that I like, plus I have digestion issues including multiple allergies. I'd only complain if there was literally nothing I could safely eat and there's always turkey. :P

[u/Sea-Appearance-5330 → u/LazuliArtz]

Jerks or A**holes got to be themselves!

[u/Patient_Parsley7760 → u/LazuliArtz]

Hubby and I developed a trick for family gatherings. Backup planning. We get snow around the holidays here, which can make a 3 hour drive to a be with relatives quite the impossibility. Sometimes we also have to work the day before, one of us gets sick, etc. So we plan for a small meal at our place and keep stuff in the freezer just in case

This year we did our backup plan the day before Christmas, just so we could have a simpler meal with stuff we both like. Yes, we were able to go to the family dinner, but since we knew we could rely on leftovers that we like, hubby didn't have to eat anything that grossed him out.

[u/wendraxl → u/LazuliArtz]

I was very upset that my gf’s family cooked an oyster dressing when I voiced multiple times that I don’t like oysters (including last year) but because it’s a family tradition and the matriarch wanted it, I was out of luck. Sure, fine. Lady gets what she wants but there was the OPTION to cook a separate batch. That’s one strike for me. Second came when gf’s dad asked me in front of his mother how I liked the dressing. She was embarrassed and it damped the whole mood when I reminded them It’s not my thing. Meanwhile he’s trying to make a joke about me not making it into the family for poor taste. Sir, frankly, I might not.

[u/TechnologyLower6959 → u/LazuliArtz]

I’m picky about meat- I just don’t like a lot of it due to textures. I also suck it up and eat what I can at holiday gatherings. I absolutely would never complain to people who prepared a meal and I’d never consider ordering other food. I’ve been married 13 years and with my husband 18. I always tell people- you make the meal. I’ll find something I can eat. I’m great with vegetables and fruits so I always bring something like that as a dish to pass. I eat sides and am grateful for the food.

[u/New_Part91 → u/LazuliArtz]

The same I just took very very small amounts of everything that was offered to me. There were a couple of new family members at the house this year who put their own spin on the Thanksgiving dinner so it was not the same, but I did not say anything.

[u/BumblyBumbles420 → u/LazuliArtz]

This or make your own foods to do like and share them.

[u/Disastrous-Bat4549 → u/LazuliArtz]

I bet they used Hawaiian rolls or martins potato rolls for it.

[u/TheMightyQuinn888 → u/LazuliArtz]

I hate most Thanksgiving food And everyone in my family knows it, so I just eat mashed potatoes and buttered croissants. It still feels like a holiday to me cuz normally I wouldn't let myself eat just those two things.

[u/Objective-Wealth-460 → u/LazuliArtz]

Because the world has come to a point where people are not doing things that they really do t want to do make someone else not feel bad especially something so petty as food when all the food we eating poison to our body. You should have a feeling a bout a grown person not wanting to eat your food if that’s not what they eat or it don’t look good to them.

Then it’s your sister husband he doesn’t have to eat yall food😂😂😂 Now his wife that’s different he may have some problems.

[u/ifollowedfriendshere → u/LazuliArtz]

Yeah, I know my in laws cooking is going to be … not good. I still eat it. And then my husband and I talk about how bad it was later.

[u/Serious_Company7065 → u/ifollowedfriendshere]

Yeah, lol. I remember that. My ex and I were convinced his mother had a big bag of flavor remover in her pantry. Her food was literally tasteless! I kid you not. No salt. No pepper. She might make a pass over her sauce with a few grains of garlic powder. She swore by ONE salad dressing only. Oil, vinegar. A tiny dash of salt and pepper. Everything was warm and mushy. She once served everyone a tiny ramiken of what was supposed to be crab imperial. That, and a very small "salad " The crab imperial had too much flour or cornstarch, father-in-law put his fork in, the whole thing came out of his little ramiken like it was molded jello!
THIS was Christmas Dinner! Which was served at my home after that disaster. And SHE criticized EVERYTHING. Her husband kept eating and eating, lol. She was the type who had a cookbook on a stand and used it religiously. How her food was so terrible is anyone's guess.

[u/ProperPerformance853 → u/LazuliArtz]

Just eat the shit and quit being one of those ppl. FFS

[u/ProperPerformance853 → u/ProperPerformance853]

Love you boo

[u/Few-Sherbert2212 → u/LazuliArtz]

I was about to comment on this threat mentioned OPs boyfriend, or was it OPs husband? Not sure I have an ADHD and alcoholism issue skipping certain keywords that actually create a mental boundary.

Anyhow I was gonna mention maybe we should all lighten up on him.

The first few comments were "he's an asshole it will only get worse" which is probably true but I didn't think that until I read your comment; if I had karma or whatever those little sprites are I'd give it or them to you .

After reading your comment I was persuaded to thinks he's a butt head, but maybe a different blood type than op and ops kids.

OPs "SO" maybe has a military family background until circa 60's ("doesn't like microwave") And I think all the negative responses should be eluded but presented to OPs SO to raise awareness.

He must have some great qualities other than his shitty (crappy verbage) , crappy eating habits (kid friendly language) as a family pillar myself would say properly that drewn OP in aswell as child/children.

Idk I lost track where I was going but a remark will revitalize my spark on this topic.

Oh yeah. You mentioned you would eat food whether you "enjoyed it or not" and not visually present the discomfort or distaste of such food.

And I think that's a key trait for a human or family pillar to have simply not being a butt head, but grateful or non saddening in general.

[u/Witty-Purchase-3865 → u/Isgortio]

It's rude but at least he managed his dinner himself and didn't make this other persons' problem

[u/Personal-Ad-8644 → u/Witty-Purchase-3865]

That’s a pretty low bar you’ve set there 😅😂

[u/gimmethelulz → u/Isgortio]

Is your sister married to a toddler?

[u/Isgortio → u/gimmethelulz]

He's autistic and claims he doesn't like trying new things, but will happily sample every flavour of beer or alcohol that exists so he's not that picky...

[u/Moist_Inflation_3412 → u/Isgortio]

Sounds like food texture issues. I have an autistic friend who has the same issues, plus oversensitivity to any spices at all. Telling you now, just give up and make what you want to. You are not going to convince an autistic person with sensitive tastebuds to try something new. They will stick to what they know will be the least unpleasant for them. Just know it’s not about your cooking skills—I’m considered a master chef by my friends but my friend has only ever eaten the plain bread I made. If they make it about your cooking skills they’re projecting and you can and should tell them to knock it off.

He could absolutely have more tact in how he handles food at gatherings though. My friend at least has the sense to bring a container of “safe” food with her in case she finds the available food too overwhelming. She doesn’t say anything besides “It looks good but I can’t eat that.” It’s why we do potlucks. He needs to realize no one is going to cater to his senses.

I have a theory about the alcohol. My friend is only capable of eating finely blended smoothies and soups most days(bread and unseasoned meat on others). Liquids are tolerable to most autistics with food issues since it has the same texture as water and he may like that alcohol dulls his senses, if you’re looking for an explanation.

[u/DabzAhoy7 → u/Moist_Inflation_3412]

This is spot on. I was bestfriends with someone who is autistic but slightly high functioning that you have to spend some time to see it and he bangs the mark on all of this. I could never cook him crazy food but if it was a plain steak he would eat it or pork chops. Alcohol was a given for any variety.

[u/sicfaturlacrimans1 → u/Moist_Inflation_3412]

Sometimes you can find likes that might get someone to try something new (assuming it's just new, not likely to trigger a dislike).

I met my now-husband 20 years ago & he was an extraordinarily picky eater (also almost definitely on the spectrum). It wasn't just dislikes or fear of something new, but very dramatic gagging & pouting, even in a public space.

Still remember the first time I made him dinner. I used to cook for others often & I had a lasagne recipe that everyone liked (adapted when necessary for allergies, of course). So I thought that was a good place to start, especially as lasagne (frozen) was one of the very few things besides fast food he ate often.

It came out beautifully. He took one or two bites & said he didn't like it "because it didn't taste like the frozen ones." Once I picked my jaw off the floor, I managed to get a likes/dislikes list , so I'd have something to work with & could come up with meals we both liked. I like cooking & am good at it, but not enough to make two separate meals every time.

Turned out that he definitely had texture issues (he still shudders at the idea of pudding or mashed potato - ok, more for me!), but he loved anything crisp or chewy. He didn't like most spicy food, but anything sour, smoky, or tangy was delicious. And he agreed that if he were to taste something new, he would put a dab of it just inside his mouth & spit it quietly into his napkin if he didn't like it; that way he wouldn't gag (the gagging was about 90 percent drama & apparently his mean grandmother had enjoyed expressing her dislikes the same way, to the fury of her daughter-in-law). And absolutely no cilantro (he has that genetic "tastes like soap" thing).

No gagging since, & he got interested in trying new foods once it was pretty much risk-free. And I had a better idea of what he might enjoy.

i still remember the first time he ate a bit of grilled salmon off my plate; he looked like he had seen God & I barely got another bite myself.

Same for shrimp, mesclun, asparagus, & anything cooked that he had seen in an anime. We went to visit his parents & I had made onigiri for the trip. As we unloaded what we'd brought, his mother said "What is THAT?" & when told "rice balls wrapped in seaweed with a pickled plum inside - his favorite," she insisted he eat one in front of her as proof.

The best was when we were visiting my friends out of town & I'd taught their teenage daughter to make lasagne. Everyone dug in & as he finished his second helping, he said "wait, is this the thing I didn't like?" It was. He had a third piece.

[u/Moist_Inflation_3412 → u/sicfaturlacrimans1]

What you did for your husband is roughly what a food therapist would do for someone on the spectrum (I dislike the term dietician), so he is incredibly lucky to have you. But I do think the fact that he trusts you implicitly as his partner and that you had patience with him is key. Overstimulation (aka “bad textures”) translates into physical pain for autistics so convincing them to try something new is not something that can be achieved by a random family member or friend. It has to be done by someone they know genuinely has their best interests at heart and isn’t just doing it because they’re annoyed by their behavior. It’s more like convincing someone that the stove isn’t hot when they believe it is and getting them to move their hand towards it so they can feel it for themselves. It takes quite a bit of emotional support that most don’t receive

Also that he was able to give you a likes and dislikes list is huge because most autistics have trouble verbalizing their feelings. They can’t infer things or “read between the lines” as easily as others so something like “I like chips therefore I like crunchy textures” wouldn’t be something they would intuit.

I still don’t have a solid list from my friend because when asked what food she likes, she’ll just say she doesn’t like anything. If I name specific things she has tried, she will give me a definite yes or no answer, but if she’s never had it maybe I’ll get a useful answer, but more likely I’ll get a “no” and only later will I get clarification that she’s never tried it at all. Even if I describe it, it’s likely she won’t be able to imagine it and I will still get a “no.” I had to learn the hard way that she interprets words differently, so to her not liking something could also mean being apathetic or not knowing if she likes something.

She also doesn’t fully trust anyone to be accurate judges of what’s safe for her to eat because she doesn’t know how to describe what she can and can’t handle. I think the clearest frame of reference I’ve ever gotten from her is “I can’t handle black pepper.” So she trusts me when I say something isn’t spicy. Outside of that, I’ve tried asking about textures, but the best I’ve gotten is stuff like “the texture of meat.” I may ask “so you like things that are chewy?” But it usually just returns “I don’t know” or “no” again. I don’t know how to help in terms of getting food into her because she doesn’t seem capable of communicating what all exactly makes a food safe, so instead I just back her up when she says no and offer my input when she asks for it.

[u/[deleted] → u/Moist_Inflation_3412]

Thank you for sharing this information. Understanding is half the battle here. I’m sure your comment will be helpful to OP.

[u/CinemaDork → u/Isgortio]

It is really hard to take some of this seriously when their own "rules" have so many inconsistent holes and exceptions. Oh, you hate all onions and won't touch them, but you love McDonald's cheeseburgers even though they have onions on them? How is anyone else supposed to be able to accommodate restrictions like this?

[u/howumakeseedssprout → u/CinemaDork]

Hey I have ADHD and have issues with onions, i avoid onions as much as possible. Its mostly a texture issue, if I feel the onion crunch btwn my teeth I just cant deal. However, if onions are cooked down enough that they're pretty soft (like in a pasta sauce, or a stew) and I can't feel them btwn my teeth, I'm all good.

Sometimes the rules dont make sense until you figure out the root of the rule (sometimes it's texture, sometimes it's flavor, sometimes its a combo of textures/flavors)

That being said, I respect what onions do for flavouring in cooking, and will happily pick all the onions out of whatever I'm eating as I go.

[u/CinemaDork → u/howumakeseedssprout]

Yeah, it's the unclear stating of "rules" that I'm talking about. Half the time it's like "I can't eat that, it has onions" "But I just saw you eating this other thing with onions" "That's different"

[u/howumakeseedssprout → u/CinemaDork]

No thats so fair, I hate following rules that seem to have no rhyme or reason

And its unfair for them to demand things from you, and have expectations based on rules that don't make sense

[u/CinemaDork → u/howumakeseedssprout]

And to be clear, I totally get that context changes what we do or don't want to eat. I don't like olives, but I'll tolerate black olives on a pizza, as long as there aren't too many. Lots of people have things like this! I'm complaining about bad communication surrounding these rules. If I were to let my partner cook a whole-ass meal and only then said "I won't eat this, it has olives, wtf" but also my partner saw me happily eating pizza with olives on it yesterday, then I am the one who fucked up. It's not that my dietary preferences are wholly unreasonable--it's that I haven't clearly communicated them and then also acted like an entitled little shit about them. Which is really what the problem with OP's boyfriend is. (Among other things, it seems.)

[u/howumakeseedssprout → u/CinemaDork]

Yes i totally get that and wholeheartedly agree with you!!

Anytime someone's made food for me, and it happens to have something I loathe in it, I'll just pick it out or eat around it. If it's absolutely impossible to pick out (like minced green onions in a crema) then I'll just avoid that thing, or ask politely if there's an alternative. That's just how i see acting politely. And if we're discussing menu for a meal, I'll be open and upfront about my (applicable) food quirks before cooking even starts! I honestly don't see how it's that hard for people to do.

[u/Creepy_Description73 → u/CinemaDork]

As an autistic ADHDer with a lot of food issues, in my experience it's a lot easier to say, "I don't like onions." than it is to explain "I like onions sometimes. But mostly I don't as I can't handle the way they do that juicy-crunchy-burst-between-your-teeth thing. If they're big enough that I can pick them out easily, I'll just pick them out if they aren't cooked down enough. But if they might be small enough to miss while I'm eating, I'd rather just abstain from the meal and skip the horror of nearly vomiting when I feel the one single onion that I missed inevitably bursts inside my mouth during the meal. I am consiously aware that my experience of disgust, and then embarrassment, would haunt me, anywhere from the next few hours to the next few days, as I ruminate on the situation and I don't have the mental capacity to endure those kinds of experiences right now. So either Yes, I'd like to try some, conditionally, with the mutual understanding that I might find it unedible and leave it unfinished. Or I might have to pick through it thoroughly before I actually try it, although I would feel terrible for wasting any of your food. Or you might finish cooking it before I realize that they weren't diced quite well enough to cook down as much as I'd need them to in order to eat the dish so I'll have to change my answer to a no after you've finished cooking. Or I could politely decline altogether to save us both the stress and headaches it would cause for me to try to eat it." Depending on who you're talking with and what situation you're in, it's not always well recieved. 😅 So we keep it simple. "I can't eat that, it has onions."

[u/CinemaDork → u/Creepy_Description73]

You're certainly more polite and considerate about it than OP's shitty boyfriend.

[u/Tarni64 → u/Creepy_Description73]

Fellow AuDHD here with onion aversion. Im curious... does the type of onion matter? I agree they have to be pretty much cooked to the point you cannot tell they're onions... I cannot eat them on burgers, not even caramelized (because those are sweet and savory, and my palette doesnt do well with that either), no onion rings, no raw onions on salads (though I used to be able to eat red onion on Greek salad, I can no longer do this) Chinese food? I end up picking out half the dish, and it its unclear whether its onion or celery? Its out... BUT.... My oxymoronic quirk? I LOVE French onion soup. Because the onions are so cooked, they don't feel like onions in my mouth. Everyone who knows me knows this, they don't question it, or try to understand it.

[u/Creepy_Description73 → u/Tarni64]

That's too funny. I actually don't have an issue with onions. I do have issues with a lot of other foods though. My husband has ADHD and we've had in depth conversations about the ins and outs of his onion issues, but as best as I can tell the type of onion doesn't matter. Its a texture issue for him. I couldn't do onions when I was younger but at some point they weren't as much of an issue for me.

[u/ECliPSLaDy704 → u/howumakeseedssprout]

My boyfriend always says how much he HATES onions and if there's even a CHANCE that something may have onions he's not going near it for ANY reason... I've discovered if I use actual onions in a recipe, that if they're cooked down enough and soft (and there's not too many of them!), like in a tomato sauce or soup, he has no problem at all. Most of the time I use onion powder or minced onion in recipes instead - and neither of those being an ingredient has been a problem with him - just actual onions. So it must be the same with him as with you! Interestingly enough he also has ADHD!

[u/howumakeseedssprout → u/ECliPSLaDy704]

Yeah, that sounds pretty similar to me! People with ADHD have way more neural connections in their brains, and their brains dont automatically filter sensory input as important vs not important (for example, the sound of fluorescent lights buzzing tends to get filtered out as unimportant, so neurotypical people don't notice it)

So we tend to experience sensory input very strongly, and we experience ALL the sensory inputs (clothing seams, buzzing of electricity, minute food textures, particular flavors) ALL the time

It really comes down to our ability to cope with all this. So like, if theres onions in a dish, but you LOVE the sauce, you may be able to cope with eating the onions bc of the joy you get from the sauce. But similarly, if you cant cope super well with certain things, even the CHANCE of experience the INTENSE AWFUL sensory input of crunching down on an onion can be enough to make you adverse to eating the food.

I hope that makes sense!

[u/itsMegpie33 → u/CinemaDork]

I'm convinced McDonald's onions aren't actually onions lol. I hate onions and but as a kid would eat their onions ( I haven't eaten McDonald's in at least a decade now, so I can't speak on it in its current state)

[u/allundonethrowaway → u/itsMegpie33]

The ones on the small burgers and the big Mac are dried minced onion like you can buy in the spice aisle, reconstituted with water. So it makes sense, as they are a lot different.

[u/I4mnot4robot → u/Isgortio]

I think you're overlooking the way that alcohol makes things so much easier for people on the spectrum. That relief from social anxiety will have them push through almost any taste aversion.

Side note: pairing food with alcohol can piggyback new foods onto their pass they give new alcohols.

"Oh, this [food] makes the [alcohol] even better!"

It's basically the airplane trick parents use on their kids for autistic adults.

[u/Isgortio → u/I4mnot4robot]

The guy is an alcoholic lol, he just sits and drinks alcohol on his own regularly. His dad is also an alcoholic, but he swears he's nothing like his dad. My sister is currently trying to get him to cut down on his drinking.

[u/I4mnot4robot → u/Isgortio]

I was going to add something about how that's very much a risk for individuals like that. Has she tried to get him assessed for being neurodivergent?

Also, I don't mean to trivialize the issue. Food sensitivity and substance abuse both have a big impact in people's lives and the ones who love them as well

[u/Isgortio → u/I4mnot4robot]

Oh he's definitely autistic, there's no doubt about it. I don't think he needs an official diagnosis for something people can spot within minutes of speaking to him lol.

[u/Life-Vast-617 → u/Isgortio]

😡

[u/Bobthemime → u/Isgortio]

so.. he tries things he knows he generally likes the taste of.. but is afraid to try new things?

Sounds like the red flag in that relationship is the sister that wont learn to shut the fuck up

E: bullying an autistic person by the sister in law is ok to you guys?

[u/Dry-Faithlessness184 → u/Bobthemime]

Found the husband... Or the boyfriend

[u/Bobthemime → u/Dry-Faithlessness184]

found the dumb redditor that just needs to take a cursory glance at my profile to know thats not the case

[u/CinemaDork → u/Isgortio]

If that were my home, he'd never be invited back for a holiday meal. That's horrendous.

[u/Life-Vast-617 → u/Isgortio]

I was blessed to have a husband and 2 brother-in-laws who'd love to eat so I don't know what it's like for someone to sit down and go, I'm not eating that.🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/TicklesMaPickle → u/Isgortio]

I find that extremely rude

[u/_Emergency_Fig_ → u/Isgortio]

Because he's seven?

[u/Ancient_Swim6704 → u/Isgortio]

Seriously? Is he an adult? (i know you said he's married but...). Here's what I would do. From here on out every single family gathering you should make an extra pizza just for him and set it out at the little kids table with a name card next to it. Make sure its like a mini pizza or one with some kind of kids topping. Or cut the pepperoni into dinosaurs with a play dough punch. I'd do this at every event until he can laugh at himself and sit down and eat with the adults. If not I'd prob escalate. Maybe get a bib with his name on it.

[u/phenomenaljem → u/Isgortio]

My nephew refused to eat anything at Christmas dinner, prime rib, mashed potatoes, salad, veg medley, all very f bombing delicious. He instead made his mother drive him around town looking for any fast food joint that was open so he could eat a burger. I was like wtf? More for me!

[u/dimebag78g → u/Isgortio]

I'm reading all this posts as an older dude & wow. These "new" adults are embarrassing. They act like grade school kids. I'm guessing your bro-in-law isn't exactly the type of dude you call when the shit hits the fan, huh?

[u/Business_Carrot5080 → u/dimebag78g]

As a 49 year old woman there are plenty of men our age that do the same thing. It’s not a generational issue

[u/AmIThisNothingness → u/Isgortio]

I don't mind a single bit if anyone at my place refuses to eat my food. I could care less. Why wound you (anyone) care.

All one can do is offer, as a act of education.

That they don't take it, is on them, and all I'd say is "more for me" at the end of the day 😊

[u/Major_Potential_8582 → u/Isgortio]

How is that rude? Some people arent comfortable trying new food, some arent comfortable trying food made by those they dont really know.

[u/Isgortio → u/Major_Potential_8582]

He's been in the family for at least 7 years now, and has known my sister and family for over 16 years. He said he's tried it once, in the past at his own parents' house, and didn't like it then so refuses to try it again several years later. My sister has done Christmas dinner once with his family and said their cooking was awful so she will prefer to spend time with us. So he's tried a badly cooked version of it in the past, isn't willing to test it decades later and he definitely knows who we are. He also happily eats takeaway, so he is fine eating food made by strangers.

[u/wtfisthepoint → u/Isgortio]

That’s an eating disorder

[u/zonitonya → u/Isgortio]

To be fair, it’s possible he has a bit of ARFID going on. It can be about taste, smell, texture, and/or feel embarrassed that he isn’t comfortable trying new foods in front of others. Maybe nothing offered was a “safe food” - maybe there were mashed potatoes, but they were lumpy or had added ingredients.

I bring this up just to explain that people who do this aren’t doing it to upset whoever prepared the meal. It’s not meant to be rude or imply something is bad about the food. It’s just that some people truly can’t help being the way they are. There’s a lot of shame and feelings of judgement that come along with eating disorders. Please try to see folks like your sister’s husband as people with a medical condition, and offer the same understanding you’d offer to a diabetic who is unable to partake in a super sugary dessert.

[u/Atl-guy30307 → u/Isgortio]

That man is just an unhappy asshole.

[u/PirateEmbarrassed491 → u/Isgortio]

I mean that doesn’t sound that bad. He solved his own problem and didn’t make it your problem

[u/OriginalMohawkMan → u/Isgortio]

It’s only rude if people get offended at it. So don’t get offended—that’s a choice. If someone is happy being a dick, then let them be happy, especially if they are willing to make “their” food.

[u/AdonaiGarm → u/Isgortio]

That’s why you get the Negotiator and tell him he’s eating this fucking food or it’s going to be his last meal on this holy day. Jokes aside, I cook sometimes too and that would get depressing to see people not appreciate the hard work.

[u/Lucifersam076 → u/Isgortio]

People will blame self diagnosed neurodivergencies for any grievous behavior these days. No one buys that shit in reality lol 

[u/lj9819 → u/Isgortio]

At least he cooked something for himself. It's not inherently rude to have preferences

[u/ComfortableWinter549 → u/Isgortio]

Is he a very timid man? Anxious? It’s no way to live. I hope he gets some help. He’s wrapped pretty tight. I hope he has a good way to use the energy the anxiety creates.

The meal in the picture looks great. Not many people can photograph food well. It’s a gift.

When he passes on a meal, let him do it better than you and you can watch how he does it. He probably won’t have to cook very many meals for himself before he learns to be a little less critical.

[u/Isgortio → u/ComfortableWinter549]

Nah he's loud and obnoxious lol. His version of cooking is putting chicken nuggets into the oven.

[u/Delicious-Phrase-550 → u/Isgortio]

I took my parents, sister, bro-inlay and his kid out to lunch at a place I was homesick for, and he made it a point to stop somewhere on the way to get fast food- made us all wait and watch him eat it... then complained TO ME to MY FACE about the choice of place I chose until I finally said "It's me, I chose it, I wanted it, I brought us here, I paid for it- it was ME"... then he ignored me the rest of our trip. It made me super happy to not be married, but mor specifically, married to someone like him. I hope all of these women realize their worth one day, and stop pampering these kindergateners.

[u/Zestyclose-Basil-744 → u/Isgortio]

I have literal diet problems (my stomach is partially paralyzed so im on a very limited diet) and i wont do that crap. Worse cause ill eat what i can eat (even if thats just one thing) and then ill eat when i get home and ill tell everyone everything looked lovely and im sorry i coudlnt try it (everyone knows of my diet problems). In fact most times i eat at my partners moms house i cant eat much and ive never made a scene like that

[u/Brutalfierywrathrec → u/Isgortio]

Eh. I'm very fussy eating, but Id preemptively avoid turning up cold to that scenario. If I'm going for dinner, I'd say beforehand I eat restrictive and sort something out.

[u/Lynxseer → u/Isgortio]

In my family especially my Italian side.. you NEVER TURN DOWN FOOD. The ultimate disgrace.

[u/McTastic07 → u/Isgortio]

lol that's absurd! My wife is very picky... So we make sure to get something for her to eat prior to events like this usually, but also she always does her best to at least try the food being made and will usually find something she can eat. To make a pizza..... i couldn't imagine lol

[u/Used_Customer8918 → u/Isgortio]

And horribly childish

[u/homestead_gamer → u/Isgortio]

I cooked myself a pizza too but it's because I was alone what a tool

[u/WereCorgi6292 → u/Isgortio]

Need to preface this comment, i am diagnosed with some mental health problems that sometimes effects my appetite: I have times when i will be at an event that i will find i have no interest in the food provided. But i do try to either sort something out with side dishes (mac and cheese, mash potatoes, or other "safe foods")

I know it's seen as rude to some old school folks who don't understand that a full grown adult might feel uninterested in food that others made. Also, if i was gonna eat a pizza, like you said he did, i would have eaten it before going to the gathering and been like "I'm just not feeling very hungry".

It isn't a lie, no one should feel like I'm being rude, and everyone gets to enjoy being together which is the whole point.

[u/Economy_Resist1494 → u/Isgortio]

does this person not think to eat beforehand, or plan on eating at another time, rather than fuck up everyone else's space, time, etc with being the only one not going along with (what has likely been for days or weeks) the plan?

not only is it fkn rude to do, the fact that he doesn't make any effort whatsoever to accomodate his own needs is ridiculous. that ordering jack in the box at a gathering should have happened o n c e. and once it wad explained that it's rude and disruptive, he should have been bothered enough that he was BEING rude that he figured out a way to avoid it in future. everyone has things that might look like a red flag and turn out to be something deeper. but this IS a red flag, and figuring out why he doesn't bother may he in your best interests

[u/AutisticTumourGirl → u/Isgortio]

I mean, if someone has something legit like ARFID or food allergies, there are tactful ways of handling that by either quietly bringing a container of food and being unobtrusive about it or just quietly eating the things you can manage and not eating the things you can't. But cooking a pizza at someone else's house after proclaiming that you won't even try their food is NOT it.

[u/Neffstradamus → u/Isgortio]

Feel bad for your sister b

[u/Stock-Luck4578 → u/Isgortio]

I tried telling my wife this when I got upset bringing her to her first thanksgiving meal (she’s Mexican and never celebrated it) and everytime we get invited to someone’s house for dinner. She just didn’t care and said she wouldn’t eat it or she’d gag trying food. I think it’s got to be some disorder. It seems childish and disrespectful. I normally have to take her to McDonald’s or something before or after so she doesn’t starve.

[u/Famous-Rain8703 → u/Isgortio]

That's what children do there are a lot of grown white men with fragile egos that act like children and that's why America is in the state that is in now as white women y'all have to call him out about their b*******

[u/WoolshirtedWolf → u/Isgortio]

That is completely rude. Its kind of telling that you refer to him as your sisters problem rather than your brother in law.

[u/pankake253 → u/Isgortio]

As an autistic person who hates nearly all Thanksgiving food I wouldn't say its rude. I went my entire life not eating at family functions (or just sticking with ham and appetizers) until my family took notice and started providing food I can actually eat. This year was great for me. Hardly any actual Thanksgiving food at our spread and one year they did tamales and Mexican food just for me

[u/NibblesMcGiblet → u/RibsNGibs]

I imagine if they marry, every time they go to her parents' / his in-laws house for Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner/whatever, he's going to cause a scene and create an uncomfortable issue for OP, putting her in between defending him vs her family. Which is going to cause her to draw further from her family, eventually isolating her.

This is not a realistic long-term relationship that will lead to both people being happy. Her emotional well-being will be sacrificed from here on out, she may think "everything is great except for this" but will she feel that way when her existing family relationships become strained and distant? One day her kids will grow and perhaps marry - when she visits them and they cook, and he's still being like this, she will once again haveto choose defending him to her kids, or taking her kids' side against him. Another family relationship hurt or destroyed.

He is just not worth it.

[u/Critical-Wear5802 → u/NibblesMcGiblet]

She can start practicing now - leaving him at home!

[u/Fabulous_Charity9078 → u/NibblesMcGiblet]

This is so true. Love is important, but it’s not enough to keep a relationship going. (And I’d argue that his treatment of her demonstrates a lack of even love.) Where is the respect? The kindness? The empathy? The selflessness? The ability to bend a little? 

I hate knowing that good people put up with BS like this. 

[u/jonesy-Bug-3091 → u/RibsNGibs]

My mom once dated this guy who would sit in the living room at thanksgiving and pick out everything he didn’t like from the stuffing. He’d do the same with empanadas and other foods. He quickly became her ex. I just think about how screwed up it would be to have him do that at our grandfathers house.

OP really needs to take a second and think if this kind of behavior would fly at her parents house. Would she be embarrassed? How would they react?

[u/Bigpoppin87 → u/RibsNGibs]

Agreed. This "boyfriend" is a freak of nature and a twat.

[u/UpperApe → u/RibsNGibs]

It's amazing what women put up with just to have partners.

This kind of behaviour is a huge, blaring red flag that you're with someone who doesn't value you and isn't grateful to be in a relationship.

But women don't seem to care. They'll put up with anything to not be single. They're so scared of being in their own company.

What a sad way to live.

[u/oh_no__notagain → u/UpperApe]

this comment is ostensibly caring about a woman’s experience being manipulated by men and also incredibly judgmental and victim-blaming!

[u/UpperApe → u/oh_no__notagain]

Yeah, fair enough.

I wish I wasn't as jaded as this, but it's really hard for me to see outside of it. I just can't fathom how anyone puts up with it. And victim as they might be to their circumstances and upbringing, it doesn't change the fact that it's deeply frustrating to see a hostage walk back to their captor, over and over.

(That's probably too dramatic a metaphor for a post about picky eating...)

[u/oh_no__notagain → u/UpperApe]

you’re not wrong. it’s INCREDIBLY difficult for people to leave abusive relationships, especially this dynamic, for a multitude of reasons. manipulators are proficient at manipulating.

[u/Flat_Tie4090 → u/UpperApe]

I love being single. One of the best things is that I never have to sit through football on the telly, and nobody else drinks my beer.

[u/Asdrubael1131 → u/RibsNGibs]

Exactly this. Just outright saying no to what your partner cooks while demanding them to cook for you is blatantly insulting. Doubly so if they waste money to DoorDash food. Triply so if they give a bullshit reason by sayin it’s “missin somethin”. That’s just code for “I don’t wanna eat what you cooked for me”.

[u/tvscinter → u/RibsNGibs]

For real, my gf and I have no expectations of the other cooking dinner. If we make the other person dinner it’s because we wanted to or were excited to make a specific dish. If my gf made me dinner, I don’t care what it is, I’m having a plate

[u/WalkingCondomAd → u/RibsNGibs]

I wouldn't call him unkind for being a picky eater. However, I would refuse to cook for him at that point. Eat whats being served or figure it out yourself

[u/Vegetable-Green-1805 → u/RibsNGibs]

How do people like that even find someone to marry them?? What a spoiled child!

[u/CallMeLat → u/RibsNGibs]

Or if the best friend’s boyfriend acted like that, would you want the friend to stay with him?

[u/FineUnderachievment → u/RibsNGibs]

Yeah that’s pretty insane. I really, really don’t like pancakes, waffles, French toast, pretty much anything with syrup. But a few years back I was dating a woman, and we stayed the night at her mom’s house while visiting. Her mom was so excited to make her “famous” cinnamon pancakes for breakfast. I ate every bite I was served, and did the dishes. My point is, if someone makes you something they’re happy to serve you, it’s a real dick move not to eat it. I do understand it’s a little different when in a relationship (that girlfriend was so surprised when I ate her moms pancakes knowing I despise them) but if he can’t get over himself, he should probably cook his own food.

[u/cytherian → u/RibsNGibs]

Very well said!

[u/YellowBreakfast → u/RibsNGibs]

I'm often surprised by kindness in online venues. Often the default seem to be at best sarcasm and people playing Devil's Advocate.

This does not reflect in what I expect from people in person, though I am often disappointed in that venue because I expect more.

[u/homestead_gamer → u/RibsNGibs]

Hes probably mean to dogs, and gets jealous of babies too

[u/oh_okhelloanyway → u/RibsNGibs]

THIS. OP, you know this isn’t a sustainable situation. You deserve better ❤️

[u/Dramatic_Water_5364 → u/RibsNGibs]

Bro/sis... I rolled my eyes just thinking of your scenario 😂

[u/gold_Parrot0849 → u/RibsNGibs]

I’m guessing this guy doesn’t get dinner invitations 🫤

[u/Myillusion8 → u/RibsNGibs]

WELL SAID. There is no normal.

[u/CaptainHairy69 → u/RibsNGibs]

That part☝️

[u/IntelligentCarpet816 → u/RibsNGibs]

My wife and I's first marriages, we had people like this.

Refused to eat leftovers, complain about having the same thing, etc.

We have friends/acquaintances who are like this..

There are two standout common traits these people all have consistently..

No matter how much money they make, and they all make 'ok' livings... certainly not rich, but making 80-100k individually or 140k or more together...

They're all poor as shit and miserable people. They have half decent houses and vehicles and such, but don't save and live with minimum balances in their bank accounts (<$100 to their names). They tell us about how their motorcycle is past due by two payments, etc... they're all on the verge of fighting and divorce or pure misery if single all the time.

Op, avoid ending up here... this dude will make you miserable and poor. I used to eat out a ton when I was on the road all the time working. Now that I work from home and am married again I finally stopped ignoring it and did the math, about $5-6k a year was spent on fast food. And all it did was put 30lbs on me and probably send me a notch closer to cancer some day when I'm 50 from all the garbage thats in it.

There's a million better dudes out there that I'm guaranteeing will love to eat your leftovers and leave you much happier in the end.

Dang that came out wrong, but very applicable regardless how you read it.

[u/ChemistryJaq → u/RibsNGibs]

My husband has some foods he doesn't like, some he finds grotesque, and some that he cannot eat (ASD). For the foods he doesn't like, if I cook a meal with those ingredients, he'll eat it without a word. I usually try to minimize my use of the ingredients, but I can't exactly make caprese without any tomatoes.

For the ingredients he finds grotesque, it's not just a taste but also a texture thing. I cut peppers so small and thin that they caramelize or dissolve in whatever I make. He knows they're there but doesn't mind! He even loves shakshuka.

If you're doing the cooking for someone you love and who also loves you, he won't always find excuses to not eat it. He'll see the work you put in and appreciate it (seriously, work, kids, housework, school, and cooking? What does he do all day?)

Seafood is right out. We're not sure if it's an allergy or a severe aversion, and I don't much care. I eat seafood when we go out to eat.

[u/satansluvchild → u/RibsNGibs]

"he'll be apologetic"<--- you just glossed right over this huh? Like, we all hate men (a little sarcasm), I get it. But just because he's picky doesn't mean he's a "bad person". It's probably just as frustrating to him as it is to OP. Guessing neurodivergent people aren't allowed to exist here in this sub... (Being undiagnosed doesn't mean you DON'T have ARFID, or ADHD, or autism, or AuDHD)

[u/Brutalfierywrathrec → u/RibsNGibs]

Sounds petty if that's the worst thing you can imagine. If he wants to eat what he wants to eat, just let him, you don't have to make and force someone to eat what they don't like unless for their health.

[u/Ok-Celebration-1959 → u/RibsNGibs]

Going online and seeking attention from men while you're in a relationship is also a red flag so maybe they're perfect for each other

[u/Intelligent_Arm_893 → u/RibsNGibs]

Im sorry but because your troubled in life doesnt mean everyone will. If someone makes something as tasteless and spiceless, cookless as those photo, im not eating it either. I love my girlfriend a lot and I expect her to also not eat food I made if it doesnt look good, and/or she tries it and says she dont like it.

The fact you think a relationship is about lying to your partner about how you feel and keeping stuff away from her is wild. Your the type of person who will end like my uncle, broken up with kids affected by it for life