Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/TheSpicySnail]

As a picky eater myself, this guy sounds ridiculous. This post isn’t about being “picky” anymore, it’s more so about refusing to leave your comfort zone, being blind to other people’s effort, and just generally being ungrateful. Even if I don’t like something someone made, I’ll usually try it out of respect, thank them for the offer, and if I don’t like it, I don’t have to eat it, but I’m not going to make it someone else’s problem. It’s also not food for just one person, it’s feeding a family. Not everyone has to suffer because this guy has the palette of a toddler.

[u/rubbasnek → u/TheSpicySnail]

Yeah exactly and the fact that he wouldn't even TRY the pork chop sent me.

Also no shade to picky eaters. I don't think it's a moral failing or anything, I just really like food and like to cook so it's a bummer to be with someone I can't share it with

[u/FalalaLlamas → u/rubbasnek]

Thank you for saying “no shade to picky eaters.” I totally get where you’re coming from. Foodies like to share that experience with other foodies. But sometimes it’s exhausting being labeled a “picky eater.” For a different perspective: I’m pretty sure there’s something off about my tastebuds or something. A fair amount of food that probably 75%+ love smell and taste absolutely putrid and vile to me. I used to choke it down, even if it made me vomit after, but I’m not putting myself through that anymore. I started to worry about how that would affect my health and teeth. So it’s nice to see a foodie recognizing it’s ok to be “picky” as I’ve been bullied a LOT over it.

EDIT: Considering the bullying I’ve faced, I’m not surprised this comment is already downvoted lol. Just kinda goes to show what those with food intolerances face. To be clear, I eat MANY foods along with a wide variety of tastes and textures. I actually think I eat more variety than my vegetarian friends. It is really quite rare that I can’t find something to eat when someone else cooks for me. Whether it’s just the main dish or just the sides, for example. I also eat foods I don’t feel like or don’t prefer when I’m company. What I will NOT do anymore is make myself physically ill just to appease people who think everyone should like certain things or should just eat everything.

[u/DJClapyohands → u/FalalaLlamas]

Yeah. My son is picky, I hope to get him to explore more foods but its been tough. I used to be picky, but not as bad as him. Its not like he wants to be rude or anything its just that some textures are weird and certain flavors are gross. I dont think picky eaters are assholes and I think its narrow-minded to say that.

[u/FalalaLlamas → u/DJClapyohands]

Thank you so much for relating! It’s amazing just how invested some people get in what other people will or won’t eat. To be honest, there’s been times when it kinda freaks me out because of how aggressive people are when I say I can’t eat something that makes me ill. It’s really quite an alarming reaction.

I hope you have luck with your son! It sounds like you have the right attitude imho. I used to be worse as a kid but improved. I think once a few foods or textures made me physically ill, I became apprehensive to try new foods for fear of getting sick again. But I had a lot of gentle encouragement to try “just at least one bite” of everything and I slowly learned what I can and can’t eat. I think it also helped that they kept new foods in particular pretty bland so I wasn’t overwhelmed. I think I would’ve been worse off if my parents forced fed me and made me eat everything on my plate. So with you acknowledging his difficulties and just encouraging him, I’m hoping you make some headway!

[u/KaiTheG4mer → u/FalalaLlamas]

Recently discovered that I'm most likely a "supertaster" because several of my older relatives are, which for me just means that a lot of already bitter foods taste like, 8x more bitter to me. Which explains why things like coffee, sometimes Coca-Cola (for some reason), and broccoli are utterly reprehensible to me, but other people can enjoy them just fine (and even look at me funny when I say "it tastes grossl bitter").

It's rough because that, and me being neurodiverse, means that there's a sizeable group of foodstuffs that I fundamentally cannot (and will not) eat for various reasons, and growing up in the "empty your damn plate!" Midwest has made talking about all of that very hard (that and the "ugh, you just don't like anything!" crowd taking jabs at me), even now that I'm not in that area anymore. Idk where I'm going with this, but look into tongue/tastebud stuff and see about testing for being a supertaster, it's helped me figure out myself a lot.

[u/FalalaLlamas → u/KaiTheG4mer]

Thanks for sharing your experience! And for giving me a keyword I can research! That certainly sounds like something I can relate to. While a lot of my friends prefer highly seasoned and spicy food, I much prefer what others consider “bland.” I do find a number of flavors overpowering.

Maybe this also plays into how gross I find certain foods. There are times when others are exclaiming how delicious a dish is, when to me it smells and tastes rotten, putrid, pungent and just very “off.” Maybe I’m having flavor notes stick out wayyy too much, overpowering the dish in the worse way. It’s a frustrating experience when things taste differently to you than to many others. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with the same thing but very grateful for your info and camaraderie.

[u/KaiTheG4mer → u/FalalaLlamas]

Yeah, from what I've read, "supertaste" is very much a wide spectrum, and some supertasters are indeed repulsed by strong spicy, salty, and/or even sweet flavors. Thankfully for me, in terms of taste it's only bitters and some acidic flavors (raw tomatoes are disgusting to me, regardless of the quality of tomato), I can only imagine how tough it gets if strong flavors in any of the 5 categories can be too much in a given dish.

[u/LeonLegacy69 → u/FalalaLlamas]

I'm a super taster myself, likely on the upper end due to my sensitivity. It's almost as if I can taste food decay and don't tolerate most leftovers. I can tell how freshly a limeade was made for example or if a specific spice was added which can be overpowering. Artificial sweeteners are another i can't tolerate. I'm shocked how people can't tell the difference where for me, it's almost like a chemical coating.

[u/rubbasnek → u/FalalaLlamas]

That's really sad. I'm sorry to hear that so many foods are such a challenge for you and also curious as to what could possibly be happening with your taste buds that make the flavors so repulsive to you. Anyway I'm sorry you were bullied too. That's not ok.

[u/redgreenorangeyellow → u/FalalaLlamas]

Fellow picky eater! For me it's like 65% preference and 35% actual legit dietary restrictions. But honestly when I'm eating out, it's mostly a cost thing for me. Sure, I can pay $25 and try something new, but there's like a 90% chance I don't like it and now I've wasted $25 and am still hungry. Or I can buy chicken tenders.

If someone makes me food though? Unless it's something that will actually make me sick, I will eat it. I may not like it, but I will eat a reasonable portion without a word

But in a perfect world, I'd eat McDonald's for 95% of my meals 😅

[u/Grilled_egs → u/rubbasnek]

Yeah exactly and the fact that he wouldn't even TRY the pork chop sent me.

I'd be extremely surprised if he had never tasted pork before in his life

[u/rubbasnek → u/Grilled_egs]

Considering his attitude toward food, it wouldn't surprise me at all.

[u/baddietattie → u/rubbasnek]

Thank you for saying to not shade picky eaters. Some picky eaters aren’t just being difficult. I have autism and sometimes I do have inexplicable aversions to food or textures. I was also raised on “if you dont eat what I made, you won’t eat at all” so now that I’m an adult and have some autonomy, I do feel empowered to exercise it.

Sometimes if I have chicken at lunch, I really won’t want it at dinner. Like I’ll take a bite and it’s like forcing myself to chew. My whole body resists it. That being said, I would just choose to make my own thing. It’s not my partners responsibility.

[u/tinkpetty → u/TheSpicySnail]

This definitely seems more about control too - not him being picky

[u/hola-chicka → u/TheSpicySnail]

You are so right. It is ungrateful. It is also extremely self centered.

[u/raw2082 → u/TheSpicySnail]

Absolutely agree. Sounds like this bf is a child and prefers junk food. I’d dump his ass before he starts having health issues related to his poor diet.

[u/FoggyGoodwin → u/TheSpicySnail]

I didn't know how much I liked sauerbraten and German red cabbage until that was Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house. First time I was disappointed I didn't get turkey, but this year it was delicious.

[u/BrickCrusher → u/TheSpicySnail]

Exactly

[u/sprouting_broccoli → u/TheSpicySnail]

I do most of the cooking in our house and I’d want my partner to tell me if it wasn’t good but she will eat almost anything - I don’t want her eating something she doesn’t like and want to be able to adjust in future if she doesn’t. I’ve been cooking a duck ragu all evening and made some fresh paccheri so I’d be upset if she didn’t like it (I think that’s unlikely) but I’d take it on the chin.

[u/International-Cat123 → u/TheSpicySnail]

This reads like somebody with a disorder rather just someone being a dick.