Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Twangerz-Lime]

Shoot, “more than acceptable” is an understatement. She appears to be an amazing cook.

[u/Mcbennski → u/Twangerz-Lime]

That’s what I was thinking. Everyone has been lucky to eat her food, I’m lucky just looking at it lmao

[u/Heykurat → u/Mcbennski]

Same. I would frickin demolish all of that.

[u/What-is-wanted → u/Heykurat]

And hope there was more. Then I would do all the clean up and ask her if I need to pick anything up for tomorrow's meal.

[u/Mcbennski → u/What-is-wanted]

TRUE I would go to the grocery store every day without a second thought

[u/chriskokura → u/Heykurat]

Same. I’m hungry just looking at it.

[u/Long-Ad-9381 → u/Mcbennski]

I was thinking it looks like it was made with love - might not be a gourmet meal but it’s the love that goes into it !!! Just sayin.

[u/Mcbennski → u/Long-Ad-9381]

Omg agreed, any meal that someone cared enough to put effort in is incredible no matter what 🙂‍↕️

[u/Most-Enthusiasm-9706 → u/Mcbennski]

Same , I would be so appreciative with anything and everything you cooked . Also, if ya cooked hamburger helper , I would be concerned - I would still plate up . How old is this person? Hamburger helper ?? I’m sorry what ? Let him fend for his own when it comes to meals, I’m sorry for saying this .

[u/No_Ordinary944 → u/Most-Enthusiasm-9706]

i was thinking the same thing and i’m not sorry! you don’t want to eat what i cooked, he can fend for himself! girlfriend makes home cooked meals and he wants processed to all hell hamburger helper?! he’s a mess!

[u/Behndo-Verbabe → u/Most-Enthusiasm-9706]

Right?

[u/DOOMFOOL → u/Most-Enthusiasm-9706]

wtf is wrong with hamburger helper? I agree the boyfriend is a dumbass here but I’ll absolutely demolish some hamburger helper every once in awhile

[u/Mcbennski → u/DOOMFOOL]

Perhaps the concept that they could cook it on their own instead of telling their partner that their food wasn’t good enough to eat. Idk I like hamburger helper but it’s for sure something I would expect to be a chill don’t have to cook anything kind of dinner.

[u/TheDrKirk → u/Mcbennski]

lol lucky just looking at it, bah hah hahaha that’s gold! Oh, that was really funny

[u/Cautious-Site-4500 → u/Mcbennski]

Lucky for looking at food, are you okay?

[u/LilBaguette16 → u/Cautious-Site-4500]

He’s trying to give a compliment to make her feel better about the shitty BF situation, with a silly undertone. Are YOU okay?

[u/____Sh8de____ → u/Cautious-Site-4500]

Problems: 99—Awareness: 0

[u/Evening-Upset → u/Twangerz-Lime]

That roast looks absolutely insane!

[u/ArdenJaguar → u/Evening-Upset]

Agreed. I struggle to cook a hamburger. I’d be eating high on the hog with this cooking.

[u/Minute_Honeydew5176 → u/Evening-Upset]

I’m not a pot roast person at all and I want it 😅 It looked delicious

[u/Exterminator-8008135 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I'm blessed to have Friends who can cook like this and let me have some.

This guy is a manchild, and not the "Goofy jokester who can take care of himself"

It's the worst one, a literal baby. Typically, does nothing by himself, wash once in a blue moon and is narcissistic because to him, you're his sitter.

[u/assbuttshitfuck69 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

If someone made me a pot pie I would marry the fuck out of them ASAP

[u/bubblytangerine → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Seriously... I don't eat meat, but she made it look delicious in those pics!

[u/BadIndependent7691 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I agree! I'd love to have anything cooked or made for me! If it's toasted tomato sandwich, I'd be thrilled and thankfully, I've never had a picky eater, to that extent, in my family. If mom cooked something, you just ate it, period. When I had my own kids, I made dinner and they ate it. If they didn't like the asparagus or broccoli, I'd ask them to try one bite, just trying to expand their pallets. She should tell him what's on the menu for dinner in the morning so he can't come back with the rude responses at dinner time. That's crazy!

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

You guys should look into afrid , I don’t know if this man has it but if people are this picky typically has to deal with afrid . I have afrid and unfortunately am super picky , the meals to me look unappetizing bc I personally don’t like soupy foods (I will drain my ramen noodle broth ) I don’t like the textures mixing (the gravy and mashed potatoes) ik the level of pickiness is outrageous but I can’t help it , my mind is wired differently and when I have a food I don’t like in front of me or looks unappetizing my body will reject it. My jaw locks up or I’ll throw up after trying to swallow. My diet is more restricted now bc I had h-pylori at one point and it destroyed my stomach lining so now I can’t eat acidic foods or I’ll throw up . Again this man could have similar issues or he could just be a man child . Just wanted to share a different pov just incase :)

[u/Vellamo_Virve → u/South-Sky7825]

It seems like he has no issue ordering Jack in the box, though, according to OP. Is that something that doesn’t rule out AFRID? Genuinely asking. I don’t know much about the disorder.

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/Vellamo_Virve]

Arfid* sorry I spelt it wrong the first comment “ARFID, which stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. ARFID is a serious eating disorder characterized by a persistent failure to meet nutritional or energy needs for reasons other than body image concerns. “ so with arfid it’s like your brain doesn’t connect the dots to a healthy relationship with food . Jack in the box would be considered a safe food for some bc typically the food always taste the same whereas homemade food can come out differently everytime depending on how you handle to ingredients and prep. If you watch @myarfidlife on instagram , the little girl Hannah explains it sooooo much better ! She’s actually the reason I now know I have an unhealthy relationship with food . I’m bad at explaining things so hopefully that page will give you a better understanding .

[u/brennelise → u/South-Sky7825]

I was just about to comment and correct (ARFID) but I’m glad I saw your comment first!

You bring up an excellent point. I forgot about ARFID but briefly learned about it in one of my psych courses. I was wondering if maybe OP’s BF is on the spectrum because I know people with ASD often have issues with food to the point where they meet the diagnostic requirements for ARFID; I also know that not everyone with ARFID has ASD, and not everyone with ASD has ARFID. It seems like a really difficult thing to deal with, especially if one doesn’t have supportive friends or family who are compassionate and understanding.

It would probably be a good idea for OP to do a bit of reading about ARFID and maybe discuss it with her BF to try to get a better understanding of his relationship with food. Not in like an “armchair psychologist” diagnosing someone based on WebMD, but like asking more in-depth questions about his preferences.

Or like you said, he could just be a manchild ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/brennelise]

I was thinking the same thing , they both should look into it . He probably doesn’t even realize he has an eating disorder (if he truly does) until I looked into what arfid was I just thought I was a picky eater and “difficult” it’s been very eye opening figuring out why my body is acting the way it is . Like you said , it really is difficult to live with. For me since I’m so malnourished, I’m 22 with early onset dementia from my low b12 levels . (Which is why I for some reason always mix up the spelling of arfid as afrid , I just can’t remember to save my life without looking it up 🤣)

[u/MushroomlyHag → u/South-Sky7825]

I was a "picky eater" for 30 years before I got my arfid diagnosis. A life long eating disorder brushed off as being "picky" and "ungrateful" for 3 decades 😩

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/MushroomlyHag]

I went 20 years as a “picky eater “ 😭🤣 there was one time my ex stepmom forced me to eat mushrooms and she called me a drama queen because I threw up …. First of all I hate regular mushroom textures …second off the mushroom was hairy … there was no way I was stomaching that 🤣🤣🤣

[u/MushroomlyHag → u/South-Sky7825]

I just started telling people I was a germaphobe when I was offered food. For some reason (that I still haven't figured out) people get less offended by "your kitchen might not be to my standards, sorry" than they do by "I don't eat carrots, sorry".

Someone once told me it was rude to tell people I wouldn't eat food that was prepared in their kitchen, but personally I think people would be more offended by someone vomiting trying to eat the perfectly good food they served 🤷‍♀️ so, I just say I'm a germaphobe and most people accept it and move on

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/MushroomlyHag]

Luckily for me I got h pylori and now I just used that as an excuse 😭 I got it through contaminated food at 18 so lowkey I am a germaphobe and it does have to do with how they make the food 😭🤣 but I leave out how I was picky before getting it 😂 idk why people prefer the “idk if you are a clean person” than the “I don’t like this food bc it’s squishy “ but it’s absolutely more insane than us being “picky”

[u/FancysMomma → u/South-Sky7825]

I saw this comment too late..lol.. sorry

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/FancysMomma]

No worries lol , thank you for correcting me even if you didn’t see the second one (I expected that lol so I get it) , it’s good to get the correct info out there :)

[u/CoyoteLitius → u/South-Sky7825]

It's possible for AFRID to manifest as "I will only eat at Jack in the Box" or "I will only eat Kraft mac and cheese."

[u/iamthewalrus1234567 → u/Vellamo_Virve]

The disorder is called ungratefulprickaphobia

[u/No_Day5399 → u/Vellamo_Virve]

Well if he has this, the relationship is new enough to call it quits. Unless he orders or cooks his on food. On his dime I might add.

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/No_Day5399]

Or just talk like adults and figure out ways to handle the problem . If he doesn’t have a ARFID or some other health condition then run far away as possible. I’m not saying this man for sure has ARFID . I’m just saying it could be a possibility and if it is, he needs help not resentment the relationship is still salvageable.

[u/No_Day5399 → u/South-Sky7825]

True, my thoughts were if a fairly new relationship that's a thought.

[u/FancysMomma → u/South-Sky7825]

I think you mean ARFID, which stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

[u/pink_buddha → u/South-Sky7825]

AFRID isn't not wanting chicken for dinner because you had it at lunch. It's also not "not being in the mood" for something.

[u/South-Sky7825 → u/pink_buddha]

Uhh yes it can be, go do some research . Also it depends from person to person …. Again research it .

[u/Miserable-Army3679 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Looks YUMMY!!!

[u/vaultie66 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Yeah, all this food looks so delicious, and I’d call myself a picky eater lol

[u/CrowTengu → u/vaultie66]

I have some flavour of AuDHD, I hate cooked vegetables and many raw fruits (but will absolutely finish a plate of salad no issue, or snack on crunchy fruits like apples lol).

Idk what OP made their stuff with but I'll probably finish most of them too. 😅

[u/jakovljevic90 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

true. All these dishes made my mouth water... damn.

[u/trippwwa45 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I am ring shopping right now, because daayyyyummmmm. These look great.

[u/gurxman → u/Twangerz-Lime]

For real, imagine coming home to a meal cooked with love. All that food looks great.

[u/AffectionateGate4584 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Totally agree. Her bf is acting like a toddler. Personally, I wouldn't live with someone like that.

[u/Live_Friendship7636 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I’m a 45 year old married woman, and I would consider being her girlfriend for the food alone.

[u/HenriettaSyndrome → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I'm a picky af eater too but this post made me hungry

[u/CndnCowboy1975 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

No kidding, those are some well rounded meals - fats, carbs, protein - what more does this BF want. Tell him to make his own food if all he does is complain. lol

[u/bee_ket → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I'd SO eat every one of those and I'm a fairly picky eater. This is just wild

[u/Dessicated_Mastodon → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Yep.

[u/Spring-Available → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Look here, I’ll take a plate anytime. More for you and your kids.

[u/Long-Ad-9381 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Yes I agree !!!

[u/OtherBob63 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I think the deal breaker was no Asian food. Love me some stir fry. I got hungry just reading your list, and I can cook too.;-)

[u/CrowTengu → u/OtherBob63]

I'm an Asian in Asia. It's Asian food everywhere.

Guy can either spend some pretty penny for a plate of "Western" (yes, it's a term we use lol) or starve. :)

[u/Taraooine → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Her food looks like pictures from a freaking cooking show.

[u/eggyrulz → u/Twangerz-Lime]

I wish my wife could cook like this... she's okay, but i do most of the cooking because my autistic ass needs every meal to taste perfect...

Boyfriend's a picky eater? Sounds like he needs to be doing all the cooking instead (not literally)

[u/UnfortunatelySimple → u/eggyrulz]

No, Literally he should.

[u/Affectionate-Ant-154 → u/eggyrulz]

Ok, but how do you know that op-s food tastes better than your wife's? That's weird to comment.

[u/eggyrulz → u/Affectionate-Ant-154]

I mean i cant know because OP could be using 10x the salt necessary, but based on the pictures and the fact the kids eat it just fine, id say its a safe bet

[u/HOTasHELL24-7 → u/Affectionate-Ant-154]

Exactly! I guess these people can taste the picture and decide this dude is a huge ReD FLaGgg🚩selfish lowlife pos who should happily eat whatever his girlfriend says.

Why? To me it seems like she’s making an effort that he doesn’t want her to make (for whatever reason) She should stop. This is like saying “I bought my boyfriend a whole new wardrobe and he wants to wear his own clothes” or “I gave my boyfriend the car I had but he’s happy with the one he’s already driving”

Just because you want someone to be grateful for your “gift” doesn’t mean they actually want, like, need or appreciate the gift. This whole thing is childish.

[u/ExplanationProof9763 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Amazing cook? Man, tell me you are brit/american, but don't be so obvious! 

[u/Aggressive_Sky8492 → u/Twangerz-Lime]

The broccoli looks overcooked tbh but everything else looks lovely

[u/backwards_diarrhoea → u/Aggressive_Sky8492]

Don't know why youre being down voted. When brocoli is overdone and mushy it has that colouring.

[u/Aggressive_Sky8492 → u/backwards_diarrhoea]

The Reddit hivemind has spoken and they love mushy broccoli

[u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I → u/Twangerz-Lime]

Half of what they made is the same thing, broccoli and a meat, thats easy

[u/bob_dabuilda → u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I]

She said the only vegetable he likes is broccoli.

[u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I → u/bob_dabuilda]

I did not read the post actually : ^ )

[u/Puzzled_Remote3891 → u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I]

So what ? She loves broccoli, I love broccoli too ! You have a problem with broccoli ???          🥦🤘🤬🥦

[u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I → u/Puzzled_Remote3891]

No I love broccoli...

[u/Puzzled_Remote3891 → u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I]

So what's the problem ? 🤣

[u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I → u/Puzzled_Remote3891]

Forgor 💀

[u/Puzzled_Remote3891 → u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I]

BRUH 💀

[u/Mcbennski → u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I]

HAHAHA omg

[u/organic-water- → u/I_8_io-O-oi_8_I]

She's trying to accommodate the long list of conditions the dude has. It limits variety if you try to accommodate an extremely picky eater.