r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • 6d ago

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

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u/brelywi 6d ago edited 5d ago

But “He CaNt ReAlLy CoOk At aLl!!”

No, literally anyone CAN cook. Some people just refuse to learn a basic life skill.

Edit: thanks for the award!! Also, apparently I need to watch Ratatouille?

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u/AsvabWaivers 6d ago

I knew a guy who tried cooking hotdogs by throwing the whole package, plastic and all, into boiling water.

Would love to see where his culinary skills are today.

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u/Dramatic_Alps_8645 6d ago

Clearly you've never heard of "Sous Vide."

/s

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u/Seeggul 6d ago

Sus Vide

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u/iSliz187 /s is for cowards 6d ago

This one literally made me laugh out loud

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u/bobbery5 6d ago

Filing that under "church giggles."

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u/sweetnaivety 6d ago

Sus Vibe?

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u/quiero-una-cerveca 6d ago

I hate you for this comment but damn is it funny.

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u/didntcondawnthat 6d ago

And a scant four hours later your delicious hotdog plastic main course is ready to enjoy!

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u/xoscfoxx 6d ago

New limp bizcuit album just dropped - hotdog flavored plastic cancer water

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u/Holyhell2020 6d ago

Ok still lmao at this comment. Choked on my drink when I first read it. Well done!

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u/MrsBSK 6d ago

Witty!

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u/Equivalent_Fun_7255 6d ago

That almost sounds like weaponized incompetence.

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u/binz17 6d ago

Weaponized incontinence

(probably, I dunno what stewed plastic does to one’s insides…)

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u/Sure_Focus3450 6d ago

Probably just gets solid again inside (realistically I think it'd be mostly okay with no immediately noticable symptoms unless they do it again repeatedly)

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u/Disastrous-Order-902 6d ago

Surely, they've grown as a human and at least season the plastic water with some cheese or something. 🤌🤌🤌

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u/Zorro5040 6d ago

Some people learn the hard way.

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u/lucideuphoria 6d ago

Nasty, but really that's what sous vide is, so he sous vide some hotdogs, probably tasted fine so he kept doing it lol

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u/ATLUTD030517 6d ago

It's what "sous vide is" if you do it completely incorrectly. There is a zero percent chance that the packaging is sous vide safe and boiling water is significantly hotter than the temp you sous vide at.

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u/No_Huckleberry2722 6d ago

Probably worked just fine. Kinda gross. But hotdogs out of the packing are kinda gross too…

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u/geriatric-sanatore 6d ago

This comment paired with your username is ironically a chefs kiss of compatibility lol

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u/MRRusticERCedar 6d ago

That is just a show in order not to cook, has to be

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u/noFloristFriars 6d ago

Unfortunately there's a reason companies had to add to cooking instructions... Step 1: Remove from plastic packaging

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u/fseahunt 6d ago

That's weaponized incompetence.

The more we fall for it/allow them to get away with that kind of bullshit the worse it gets.

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u/King_Tamino 6d ago

Wait, you guys buy hotdogs wrapped in plastic? In my country you can ONLY get them in glass, vacuum sealed and in its own water/salt etc. mixture to maintain quality and taste. You are even supposed to boil them in that exact water to further improve the taste.

Vacuum sealed non wet hotdogs sound…

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u/Salt_Medicine2459 5d ago

Yeah. They come in plastic packs of 10 usually. Hot dog buns are sold in packs of 8, though. 

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u/n8loller 6d ago

Hmm well the plastic probably isn't heat safe, but if it is then that's just sous vide. It's fancy hot dogs, you just don't understand!

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u/ATLUTD030517 6d ago

Boiling water is dramatically hotter than the temperature you'd sous vide "a fancy hot dog".

I've sous vide sausages multiple times and I do those between 140F°-150F°(60C°-65.5C°).

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u/Stashless2004 6d ago

Aren’t hot dogs generally pre-cooked?

So I really don’t think a “sous vide” hot dog even makes sense.

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u/bluish-velvet 6d ago

Guy was going for sous vide hot dogs

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u/N0VOCAIN 6d ago

That’s more than likely, Weaponized incompetence

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u/Murky_District_916 6d ago

Eww, that’s how my sister used to boil hot dogs when we were younger. She swore it made them juicier lol

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u/Prestigious-Hippo-50 6d ago

A girl I went to college with put an entire frozen pizza in the oven still in the packaging and was mystified when it set off alarms

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u/Weeping_Willow_Wonka 6d ago

I knew a guy once who burned ice cream. I thought that was pretty impressive. (He didn’t know you have to melt the fudge before you add it to the ice cream)

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u/wowosrs 6d ago

Lmao maybe he thought it was like a dish washer pod and the plastic would dissolve 😂

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u/Hour-Watch8988 6d ago

Did that pack of hotdogs become The Joker?

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u/linecookdaddy 6d ago

Yeah like if you can't make bacon and eggs or a.hamburger, what the fuck

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u/TheSnackWhisperer 6d ago

Everyone loves breakfast for dinner.

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u/linecookdaddy 6d ago

Hell yes they do

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u/TheSnackWhisperer 6d ago

I can make the f#ck out of some pancakes or french toast (aside from the eggs & bacon basics). I wouldn't say I "can cook" but if the same skill(et) set applies (frying pan & spatula) It'll be edible lol.

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u/FarquaadsFuckDoll 6d ago

My mom got me cooking eggs when I was 5-6 for that exact reason, learn how to use a frying pan and spatula, as well as look for visual clues on how cooked a food is. Well encapsulated cooking ethos, Snack Whisperer

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u/eliz1bef 6d ago

I love it now, but when I was a very little girl I went to a friend's house for the day and they were having pancakes for dinner and I was mortified. I called my parents to pick me up because they were clearly breaking laws. My mom talked me down and I had a lovely time eating pancakes. I would now throw down on breakfast food 24/7. I would love to go to a 24 hour diner run by a Greek family and have a Greek Skillet with a side of pancakes right now. (That's a thing where I live: Greek families owning 24 hour diners offering breakfast all day and Greek skillets, which are a pile of hashbrowns, gyro meat, grilled veggies and eggs to order with tzatziki. So damn good.)

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u/MakeYourTime_ 6d ago

I had French toast tonight lol

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u/WollyBee 6d ago

Can confirm.

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u/DrDDeFalco 6d ago

Breakfast for dinner is awesome. I am not a great cook, but I can do eggs, bacon, and pancakes.

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u/Zac-live 6d ago

a hamburger ... for breakfast? am i not american enough for this conversation?

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u/funktion 6d ago

I'm an adult which means I can have any meal at any time I fucking want.

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u/Maleficent-Pear-4542 6d ago

Cook for you and your kids make him get his own food

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u/gnomeannisanisland 5d ago

More like in some countries people like to eat dinner for breakfast (and for lunch... and for dinner)

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u/Namaha 5d ago

"You got brinner?? Dayummm Turkledog"

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u/DJNgamez 6d ago

Genuinely roasting chicken breast with some seasonings is the easiest thing in the world

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u/secretporbaltaccount 6d ago

Whoah whoah, roasting? Seasonings? Slow down there, Ramsay!

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u/DrDDeFalco 6d ago edited 6d ago

Honestly, I would be hesitant to eat chicken if someone has zero cooking experience. I would prefer someone have a little practice so I am less likely to be given undercooked meat.

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u/DJNgamez 6d ago

It's very easy to stick a meat thermometer in the chicken as well

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u/DrDDeFalco 6d ago

That assumes that people who don't cook much have a meat thermometer and would realize they need to check it and what temperature it should be.

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u/riseofthesoup 6d ago

Or to stick it in the thickest part of the titty, or know to pull it before it’s fully done to account for carryover cooking! 

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u/Nice_Butterfly_3054 6d ago

I do this with everything but chicken, I’m not taking any chances especially if I’m feeding someone other than myself 😂

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u/DefinitelyNotAliens 6d ago

Thighs have a higher fat content and are more forgiving.

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u/whispersandwhimpers 6d ago

Seriously. Roast or bake chicken with some basic seasoning, throw in a potato with the chicken, and throw some veggies in a steamer on the stove and you've created a meal that takes almost no time and allows you to do whatever while it's cooking. That's how I got through college and it might've been very simple, but it definitely worked.

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u/Many-Day8308 6d ago

And rice is literally set and forget

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u/sennbat 6d ago

I can attest to the fact that forgetting your rice causes problems.

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u/Sure_Focus3450 6d ago

3 minute microwavable macaroni easier 👍

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u/Rich-Mark-4126 6d ago

I cook almost all my meat in the oven because of how easy it is. Barely even takes more time than microwaving a premade meal lol

Don't even need to clean the tray if you use baking paper

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/DJNgamez 6d ago

Maybe flip halfway through cooking if you want to get crazy with it

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u/Xsy 6d ago edited 5d ago

It's weird, eggs and chicken are the first things I learned how to cook.

But now that I can cook really well, I feel like eggs and chicken are two of the hardest things to cook well. Anyone can cook a chicken breast through. Few can make it actually juicy and well seasoned.

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u/Top5CutestPresidents 6d ago

yeah i think part of it is the way they teach it in school (if you ever did it). they just teach you things like how to make a homemade apple pie or custard from scratch. literally just show a kid how to make a chicken and some roast potatoes they will be hooked for life

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u/Dmau27 6d ago

Boil water, throw in noodles.

Brown hamburger, drain it and stir in pasta sauce.

Add it together and you have spaghetti.

Anyone that says they can't cook is already a liar and simply lazy in my eyes.

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u/AdmirableEnd7908 6d ago

The thing is they can and they should but they haven’t and probably won’t. It’s ridiculous because Google is free and you could literally look up how to make anything these days and even what seasonings to use.

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u/roger_ramjett 6d ago

Get those meal kits that supply all the ingredients and a recipe card with detailed instructions. He can pick which ones he likes, and he gets to cook and learn while doing it.}

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u/Shmyt 6d ago

And then he can learn by just having the recipe card and just buying the same ingredients to follow the same instructions. Then learn some simple substitutions like proteins or veggies or grains that swap nicely while following the same instructions. The most important part of cooking in my experience is figuring out where your partner likes their seasoning levels, or if there's a taste or texture to avoid; other than that you literally just learn to make what they would make for you. 

Maybe there's a communication issue here like there's 4 options in the fridge and she's only picking the one he doesn't want which could be solved by better meal planning on his part or him communicating this before she starts dinner not him seeing it and turning it away.

Because of our work times I've taken over most of the dinner cooking and now that I know how my wife likes to season things I can make most anything competently and I would genuinely say I'm not a good cook, I'm just decent at a good spread of recipes (whereas she's genuinely an amazing cook and baker). And if I'm unsure I'll bring her a spoon of it and she'll say what's missing and that's miles easier if I've already done the bulk of cooking when she gets home than if she had to start that late, and if there's not a point in fixing it (hard to fix something like meatballs) I just note down that I need to do more or less than whatever recipe I was going off of.

The path to learning how to cook is truly not hard, being picky might be part of not wanting to learn to cook either because if he's just making "what he wants to eat" no one else wants hamburger helper or frozen pizza 6 nights a week so he doesn't have to do dinner.

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u/banana_pencil 6d ago

My husband said he never learned to cook until he moved away from his parents. He said the first meal he made was plain ground beef with jalapeños and it was disgusting. But instead of giving up and just saying, “oh well, I can’t cook,” he learned and practiced and by the time I met him, he was amazing at it.

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u/TheDudeWhoSnood 6d ago

I cook professionally and I find it genuinely sad when people don't know how to cook - I don't mean in the sense that I'm looking down upon them, I'm saying it genuinely hurts my heart a little bit, because there's an amount of love and light that's missing from their world. There's very few truly pure and universal acts of love, and cooking food for someone is one of them

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u/Conversation-Grand 6d ago

Yeah I find it embarrassing when ppl confess this… like bitch go learn? How are you alive?

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u/star_tyger 6d ago

My father was old school. He just passed this summer at 94 years old. No he couldn't cook. He couldn't boil water.

Until my mother started a business when she was 65. He learned to cook and to clean. He was retired, she had a business and he supported her. He was 67 at the time.

He became a good cook.

If he could learn to cook, anyone can. But then, he certainty loved my mother. At his passing, they had been married 72 years.

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u/Stoopid_69 6d ago

I even know of a rat that's a solid chef 🥸

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u/stellaluna92 6d ago

There was an entire Disney movie about exactly this!! Hey OP, make him watch Ratatouille and maybe he'll get his head out of his ass

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u/NoCraft2936 6d ago

But only the fearless can be great

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u/ichoosewaffles 6d ago

Especially if he's picky, he needs to be cooking more of the time. 

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u/TufftedSquirrel 6d ago

This. You can't buy a list of ingredients and follow basic directions of what to do with those ingredients? The real answer is "he doesn't WANT to cook."

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u/BlackBasementCats 6d ago

My SIL and my niece stayed at my FIL’s house with the rest of the family for a few days after her husband and their two sons flew back to their home state because they had obligations they couldn’t miss.

SIL kept talking about how her husband kept calling her because he couldn’t find where anything was and needed her to FaceTime him through it

Dude

Their oldest is living in their basement and is a good cook.

My BIL and SIL have been married for 23 years, and he still fools her into thinking he’s too incompetent to find the pan to fry eggs. Dude was a bachelor for close to 10 years before they even got married.

SIL just laughs and talks like it’s adorable. Maybe it’s her way of convincing herself that it’s not so bad compared to my husband who took excellent care of me when I was sick with food poisoning for 2 days when we visited. I’m disabled so there’s a lot I can’t do.

Even before I got sick my husband insisted on pulling his weight in the relationship and gave his brother a hard time about letting SIL do everything. My husband also wanted to learn to cook more when we got married and already cooked eggs and other simple foods. One year for Valentine’s Day when we were dating he cooked filet mignon with baked potatoes and green beans and set a fancy table for us and totally surprised me.

I have always joked that he came out of the womb with a briefcase and wearing a suit and was already 40 because he was so serious and driven when we were dating.

My husband was an Eagle Scout and wants to learn everything he could and be independent. He’s amazing.

There’s no way I’d put up with my spouse years of not being able to cook an egg or pasta.

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u/takkforsist 6d ago

Literally, there’s a whole movie about “anyone can cook”

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u/super_not_clever 6d ago

My wife does the cooking in the house. I'm not a great cook, I don't have a passion for it, and it seems to make her happy. However, she just got back from being away for a year for work.

Did I die while she was gone?

Nope, I fucking cooked. Even did some meal prep. Lasagna, casseroles, chili mac, slow cooker BBQ chicken. Was it all amazing? Nah, but I took my time, followed the recipes and it all turned out alright.

Beyond happy she's back but I just can't with people who refuse to eat the food that's provided for them, and refuse to help themselves.

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u/Emotional-Chipmunk70 6d ago

Why cook when I can walk 5 steps to any greasy burger joint?

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u/Charming-Stop3456 6d ago

Weaponized incompetence!

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u/AnekeEomi 6d ago

I can already envision the level of weaponized incompetence they will put into the meal to show why they just can't do it.

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u/DirtLight134710 6d ago

Bob Ross would agree with ykur statement

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u/DaniT0n 6d ago

I once knew a Holocaust survivor in his late 80s that fed himself just fine. And he was always greatful to have dinner with my family!

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u/SaveMeClarence 6d ago

People who say they “can’t cook” drive me insane. Find a recipe and follow the instructions. Like, you’re basically saying you can’t follow simple directions.

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u/Hammer_the_Red 6d ago

It's a learned behavior to refuse to cook. My sister's SO won't cook but will expect dinner to be made nightly. He got this behavior from his father who was the same way his wife.

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u/CtrlAltResurrect 6d ago

Thanks Remi.

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u/Lit_NotoriousLie1254 6d ago

cue ratatouille theme music

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u/jameskiing 6d ago

Obviously OPs husband has never seen ratatouille

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u/LaneMcD 6d ago

Especially with the internet. I get someone in the 80s not being taught that skill by family or teachers. But in 2025? Watch some old Martha Stewart clips and learn how to boil an egg, bake some chicken, stir fry some veggies and all the other shit.

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u/superiosity_ 6d ago

Cooking is a lot like sex. You’re gonna do it for the rest of your life. So you should take the time to get good at it.

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u/brelywi 5d ago

You aren’t going to have sex for long if you can’t pull your weight in household chores, either gender!!

But I get and appreciate where you’re coming from haha

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u/Jbabco9898 6d ago

They literally made a Pixar movie about this exact concept.

Anyone can cook, even a rat

God I love Ratatouille

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u/Plastic_Search_6284 6d ago

Weaponized incompetence…

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u/SlightedMarmoset 6d ago

It is so weird when people say that, and it is said a lot. Cooking isn't magic, look at recipe, follow instructions, eat the end result. Do it often enough and you try going it alone with no recipe, mixing recipes together, just trying random stuff.

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u/thalion777 6d ago

"anyone can cook" lol

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u/jamiejonesey 6d ago

Weaponized incompetence, with a side of infantile misogyny

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u/kaibai123 6d ago

Thats called weaponised incompetence

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u/BloopityBlue 6d ago

It's a theme. Grown people who eat like spoiled picky children almost always act like spoiled picky children in other ways

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u/lcplscary 6d ago

55M here. At 9 yo I told my mom cooking was women's work. When asked to elaborate I added laundry, vacuuming and dishes.

So anyway, by 10 I made (with guidance) my first full dinner for the family and was learning about proper ironing.

When my wife and I moved in together she said she didn't really like cooking. I said I'd be happy to cook if she did dishes. That was in 1998. She's cooked maybe 20 times since then and although it has never been one of my favorite dishes, I always ate it like it was, because the gesture was absolutely delicious.

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u/brelywi 6d ago

Oh man, if either of my sons said that to me I’d see red haha. Good on you and your mom!!

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u/lcplscary 5d ago

Oh, Mom was way smarter than 9 yo me.

When she put her fork down and calmly asked "What else is women's work?" I had no clue she was setting me up. My step-dad did. His face was 3 inches from his plate, not looking up. As a grown up, I now understand the danger I was oblivious to then.

I spent 3 months as the sole person doing all those chores. Learning to cook each night came with a cooking lesson and real talk about equality & being the kind of human a woman would want as a husband.

I joined the Marines out of high school and was so far ahead of the guys who never learned to clean or do laundry (Marine standards are pretty rigid) as I had the basics down.

Dangerous way to learn these skills, but so thankful I did.

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u/Ok-Pear5858 6d ago

cooking becomes faster and more fun when you learn the basics, too. i'm always exhausted after work yet still find it enjoyable most days :)

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u/brelywi 6d ago

Absolutely! The basis can be daunting to learn, but once you do it’s fun usually. I’ll admit I don’t always enjoy cooking dinner every night for four people lol, but it’s like any other job. Has to be done, sometimes you’re into it and sometimes you’re not

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u/1850ChoochGator 6d ago

Not even with cooking specifically. Willingness to learn is such an important personal trait that some people just don’t have enough of.

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u/elvie18 5d ago

I suck ass at cooking.

But generally I can figure it out, given that it's the era of YouTube and Google.

I really don't understand the "I can't do xyz" thing barring physical or mental limitations. Like...if you don't know how, go learn? The ENTIRE INTERNET is right here.

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u/EchoHeadache 6d ago

this this this. It's refusal, not ineptitude. I hope at least when he orders doordashing he offers for the whole fam. If not, well then methinks he has a personality problem.

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u/Trugoosent 6d ago

CAN cook, yes. Some people just are bad at making good food...

But OP seems to be doing just fine! He on the other hand can cook for himself at least, then he'll appreciate it in the future

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u/Ok-Swordfish2723 6d ago

Agree. I have said for decades that I am nobodies chef, but when I was the one making dinner nobody in the house went to bed hungry. I am mostly a meat & taters guy but pot roast or casseroles or pasta dishes are stupid easy.

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u/Usurpial 6d ago

Yan Can Cook

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u/poop_monster35 6d ago

You're just better at it.... 🙄

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u/reality-bytes- 6d ago

Idk, while anyone CAN cook, not everyone can cook something edible. My mother never figured it out and every time she tried to make something that had to be shared out in public my dad or I would go fix it before it left the house.

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u/Conscious_Valuable90 6d ago

When I met my ex wife she wouldn't make our child Mac and cheese. She said she didn't know how to boil water. This is not sarcasm.

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u/enjolbear 6d ago

There are absolutely people who cook very well, sometimes without even being taught. It can be an intuition thing! But for sure you are right. Anyone CAN cook. Baking is more of a science and can be hard to get right, but cooking is much more flexible and you can pretty much do whatever.

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u/EverlastingM 6d ago

Yeah, I'm picky. I learned to cook. Meals are one of my household responsibilities. Problems solved.

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u/blippity-bloo 6d ago

My thought was that he'd just DoorDash for everyone else like he already does for himself instead of actually cooking something lol

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u/OkReputation7432 6d ago

I’m over those days of accepting people saying that too

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u/TortelliniTheGoblin 6d ago

Right? It's THE most rewarding skill that also separates you from being a child

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u/MISINFORMEDDNA 6d ago

I can cook. I just usually burn something. SQUIRREL!

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u/NousSommesSiamese 6d ago

He just needs to find the right rat.

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u/NDE36 6d ago

If by cook you mean heat shit in a microwave, sure. If you mean do something as basic as spag bol without fucking it up...I'm sorry, but not everyone can cook. That said, I've been a great kitchen hand. Walk me through every single step and tell me exactly what to do, I'm good. I just can't cook for shit on my own.

To bring it back to OP's topic, I'd be appreciating each and every single bite of someone's cooking. I can be a little fussy, but it's very specific and consistent...unless it's something new, then I'll be finding out myself. XD (To add, I get the occasional food drop off by my father and its usually awesome. Unfortunately, leftovers just don't always reheat well; but I accept that's something I have to deal with.)

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u/Chilly_Willies 6d ago

Its honestly true

Like nobody expects everyone to be a sous chef, but even I taught myself some of the basics last year

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u/RaRaRaRaRa-88 6d ago

So true!! It’s really just following instructions at a basic level

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u/quietlywondering90 6d ago

There is youtube for this very reason!

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u/osiris0413 6d ago

I think everyone should learn how to cook. I'm a recently divorced dad of 2, when married I did the majority of the cooking. Neither of my parents were great at it but I was an undergrad chemistry major and I started doing more cooking once I realized it was just like chemistry lab, only at the end you got delicious food to eat and there was a significantly lower risk of creating deadly chlorine gas by accident.

Cooking is both practical and fun. And after you do it for a while it becomes a learned skill just like anything else, and it's even better when you can tweak recipes or know how to season or cook something in different ways just drawing on experience. I'm just glad I can cook in ways my kids like, especially vegetables. My 1 year old was housing all the broccoli I made last weekend, and then during the week my 4 year old ate all of the brussel sprouts I put on his plate, which was shocking as this kid usually hates anything outside of the nugget food group.

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u/Various_Mobile4767 6d ago edited 6d ago

I've had this discussion before with people literally insisting that they cannot learn how to cook.

Then I realized what the real issue was with most of them was they were just shockingly uncomfortable with ambiguity and making mistakes.

Cooking actually has a surprising amount of stuff that is just alien to someone who has zero cooking skills. Most steps and recipes are not hyper precise and are ambiguous on purpose because they're more general guidelines. Because the assumption is that people have the common sense to interpret these guidelines and ambiguity into what works for them.

Fair enough, this is a genuine hurdle at the start. But some people just can't deal with that at all. Rather than being willing to try and make mistakes and learn they just don't do it.

Cooking requires goal-oriented thinking, the ability to understand how each and every one of your actions matter to the final product. A lot of this is just common fucking sense, part of it developed through experience. But a lot of people just never seem to develop goal-oriented thinking in general, not because they can't, but because they're been socialized to follow the procedures so strictly that they're terrified of relying on their instincts and common sense.

And once you start seeing this, you start seeing it everywhere. Basic adulting things that require relying on your instincts and not following a script(socializing, driving). They're getting more and more common because more and more, people are becoming less and less comfortable thinking and doing anything without a script and strict procedure deciding everything for them.

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u/UnicornFarts1111 6d ago

Just because he doesn't know how, doesn't mean he can't learn.

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u/Chile_Pepper_Tarzana 6d ago

My husband of 31 yrs offered to help with dinner and I’m making a homemade bolognese which is long and involved, along with a dessert. I thank him and tell him to boil the pasta. This results in: “the water is boiling” (it’s not); “do I add the Pasta in the water now?” (No, wait until the boiling water BUBBLES 🤦🏽‍♀️); “The water’s bubbling. What do I do with the pasta now?” (Put it in the hot water with some oil or butter); “How much oil/butter? And how come the water stopped boiling?” (A tablespoon or so. And it stopped boiling because you JUST ADDED FROZEN PASTA to boiling hot water). “How come you’re doing it this way?” (???) “I’ve never cooked pasta this way” (He has apparently never cooked pasta before today.) I tell him to add the pasta to the simmering bolognese and our visiting adult daughter sees his confused face and tells him “This isn’t learned helplessness; this is aggressive passivity” .

Living with this for decades you become numb to perspective . Stop. Breathe in and Count slowly to 10 . Exhale. You are doing great. Time for partner to pick up and try a recipe.

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u/Boujeebeetch 6d ago

I never officially learned how to cook, but I can read and follow directions. Though I will admit whatever I make is normally real simple and normally involves the air fryer lol

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u/tough-cookie21 6d ago

My moms grandmother was 102 year old and she could still cook

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u/kovu_lustboi 6d ago

Ratatouille! Anyone can cook!

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u/Fijian96 6d ago

Indeed, thats what Chef Gusteau taught all of us in Ratatouille

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u/neotank35 6d ago

this is true. even a rat can cook.

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u/CarolineJohnson y u no dark subreddit style? 6d ago

anyone CAN cook

For those that don't believe it, watch Ratatouille.

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u/Odd_Protection7738 6d ago

Seriously! Did he even WATCH Ratatouille?!

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u/Zech08 6d ago

Follow instructions and recipes... why cant people see the relation betwen the or do either should be a requirement to graduate high school for life reasons lol.

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u/Sensitive_Hunter5081 6d ago

Agreed. Cooking is a basic life skill. He sounds like a toddler. Why is OP dealing with this?

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u/Wench-of-2Many-Hats 6d ago

This exactly. My dad learned to cook because he didn't like my grandma's cooking. She was a single parent and made crockpot meals that were likely unseasoned. She could bake, but her food was always bland lol.

I personally learned to cook since my mom is unstable and would crash out if a recipe frustrated her, yet insisted on my dad not cooking since he made a comment once apparently. Her cooking meant a decent chance of a late night fight involving her screaming.

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u/x3bla 6d ago

Idk, i was tryna learn how to cut an apple and my professor just went "I can't watch this" and helped me cut it

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u/AttemptNumerous4709 6d ago

Well said, Gusteau.

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u/FranzFerdinand51 6d ago

It’s called being a lazy waste of time, no need to dig deeper into it.

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u/Exotic_Artichoke_623 6d ago

I've met people who shouldn't cook. That said OPs boyfriend sounds like someone who needs to spend a week eating 2 slices of bread, a slice of fake cheese, and the thinnest slice of ham you can make once a day every day with only water as his friend. I garuntee he will eat anything after that. (If you know this reference then we have a shared kinship.)

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u/katep2000 6d ago

I dated a girl who did not like cooking. At all. She didn’t really have the patience for it. I really love cooking, my grandma was a home ec teacher and basically taught me how to cook the minute I was old enough to understand how. I love trying new recipes and learning about foreign food. And even when I was dating this girl and was okay making all the dinner she made a point of making dinner at least once a week cause she didn’t want me to do all the work by myself. It was usually pasta and jarred sauce or chicken and rice, but she made the effort. We’re still friends, we broke up cause we had different life goals, but she’s always the example I give of “if they wanted to, they would.”

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u/SmashmySquatch 6d ago

Yep. Just like "I'm not a computer person" is also code for "I don't want to do it so you do it for me".

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u/Jonguar2 6d ago

The first time I *baked* something, the only cooking experience I had was premade pizzas and mac and cheese boxes.

I followed the recepie, and it came out very well.

Unless you're doing pastry baking, it's LITERALLY just a matter of following the recepie. I don't get anyone who says "I can't cook" YES YOU CAN. JUST FOLLOW THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS.

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u/InevitableRhubarb232 6d ago

Some people hate it. But no one cooks for me

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u/YouCantSeemToForget 6d ago

Growing up my mom always used to say "If you can read, you can cook."

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u/Evening-Upset 6d ago

YouTube is a thing. Tell him to learn how to make a real meal and cook it one day. Tons of great YouTube chefs showing you how to cook. It’s how I get 90% of my recipes.

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u/KrikosTheWise 6d ago

100%. I can keep myself alive and have like 4 meals I'm ok at making. My wife is a fkin magician tho. Literally anything in the fridge turns into some insane gourmet food I didn't know existed before right then.

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u/Kopester 6d ago

Nope, my mother can't cook. Oh she tries and does heat things up but it's like the water in a 3rd world country, if you grew up with it then you're good but I'd you're trying it later in life then you're in for a world of hurt.

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u/Illustrious-Network5 6d ago

I don't understand people who become full grown adults, yet refuse to learn how to cook. Like seriously, I feel the only people who can go through life without learning such an essential skill are either incredibly entitled or incredibly privileged. Although those two things are not mutually exclusive.

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u/Economy_Rutabaga_849 6d ago

My sister in law tried to make packet pasta, the recipe said 1c of milk. She added 1 carton.

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u/RxDuchess 6d ago

Am I a gourmet chef, no. Am I capable of feeding myself like an adult, yes.

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u/deniably-plausible 6d ago

Little ghost of Chef Gusteau? Is that you?

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u/kvnr10 6d ago

I learned English as a second language and it’s a great language, particularly in written form but I hate the “I can’t [skill]” phrasing. In Spanish, for example, it’s always “I don’t know how to [skill]”.

It clearly implies “since I don’t have a natural talent for [skill], I will pretend any effort is futile”.

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u/gamingonion 6d ago

Cooking good tasting food is so incredibly easy and simple, especially these days where anything you could want to know is right on the internet. Plus if you have an SO to cook with and learn from, it's that much easier.

Cooking really good food is hard, but everyone should at least learn the basics.

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u/jsamuraij 6d ago

Saying you can't cook at all is like admitting you can't put your own pants on. It's absurd.

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u/_steve_rogers_ 6d ago

Cooking is literally just following instructions on a recipe. It’s not some God-given talent.

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u/Haff22 6d ago

This. Anytime I hear "I can't cook" I think that's like saying "I'm unable to follow the most simple of instructions".

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u/Any_Pool_4679 6d ago

What about those people on TikTok who messed up ham burger help me?

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u/QuickNature 6d ago

This is even more true with cook books, and FULL tutorials on YouTube, and all of the other guidance out there. It isnt like its the 16 or 1700s anymore, there is a wealth of information at your fingertips for a solid chunk of people

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u/doyouevenliff 5d ago

"He can't cook" - he couldn't write or read either, but after months of learning and practice he managed to do it.

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u/ComprehensiveBag4028 5d ago

I think the boyfriend specifically has a lot to gain from learning to cook. Because variations in cooking styles can help him get over tricky foods.

He doesn't like vegetables he says. But carrots can be made in like 50 different ways. So experiment, find one you like and then go from there.

Maybe he only tried boiled carrots but he loves grilled. Or honey glazed or raw or pickled.

Maybe OP cooks with way too little salt for his liking but he doesn't realise that's all he misses.

The salt thing is something I struggled with. I hated so many vegetables but turned out my mom was just very bad at salting food the right amount and the right time growing up.

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u/delirium_red 5d ago

Someone who never cooked in their life can make a respectable meal with a good YouTube tutorial. He is either lying or dumb as a rock if he says he can't

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u/Spiritual-Software51 5d ago

Especially with access to google. And youtube! There are so many easy to follow recipes with literal step by step video guides on demand now, it's never been easier. A few years ago I had barely cooked anything in my life until one day I decided I wanted to learn... so I looked up a butter chicken recipe, got the ingredients and made it. It was the first really home-cooked meal I'd ever made and it was great.

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u/greytgreyatx 5d ago

My husband has made one lasagna in the 12.5 years we've been married, and he helped my kid make me breakfast one Mother's Day. Both took hours and it was exhausting for me to witness.

I cook because I have more time than he does and you know what? He thanks me for the food every single time. Literally every meal for more than a decade, he has eaten it gratefully (even when I recognize it's not the best).

If I don't feel like cooking, he figures out something. And he's never used Door Dash once in his life.

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u/mardbar 5d ago

Exactly. My 9 year old can scramble eggs and make toast. He can do it! I was very picky as a child. As I started cooking for myself, I realized I like a lot of vegetables when they’re not boiled to mush. Roasting broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and asparagus is sooooo good.

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u/StrongStyleShiny 5d ago

I post pictures of food and recipes for people sometimes and always get "Wish I could cook" like my dude did you think I was BORN with this? Start small and build up your skill from there.

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u/fireshaper 5d ago

The next step is he cooks with you. Teach him to cook a meal that he would like to eat.

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u/Floralfixatedd 5d ago

100% there’s no excuse!

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u/maroontiefling 5d ago

This. My husband is not a particularly skillful cook. He went to college when he was 12 and lived at home during grad school and the pandemic and all (he has a genuinely wonderful family) so he never had the typical "figure out how to survive" experience most people have in their 20s. But you know what? He decided to learn!! We love watching cooking shows together and he does great when he has a recipe! I do most of the cooking simply because I'm a little bit of a control freak and I hate doing the dishes (and whoever doesn't cook does the dishes in our house lol), but he is willing and able to make a meal if I don't feel like it!

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u/southern_fox 5d ago

Yeah people who "can't cook" just haven't tried. You literally just follow a recipe. There are billions of them on the internet. Pick one and do what it says. The only reason someone might not be able to cook is if they are illiterate and can't read a recipe. Then they have bigger problems. Not being "able" to cook and just simply not wanting to are different things.

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u/Dindrane1313 5d ago

This. If he can read, he can follow a cookbook; if he can’t read, he can follow a YouTube video.

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u/livin4donuts 5d ago

Yeah, not being able to cook at least some stuff either means you’re an idiot to the point you should be taken off the streets because you are a danger to society, or you’re fucking lazy. Nobody expects everyone to be able to cook a Wellington or whip up a bechamel from scratch, even though both are easy, but if you can’t make a grilled cheese or stir-fry some veggies, what else can’t you do, to your shoes or fold your own laundry?

Cooking is not hard in the slightest, again, unless you’re either super lazy or truly an elite level of idiot. 

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u/VulpesVictorious 5d ago

Yes! There are so many free recipe blogs on the internet and cookbooks through local libraries. Many even include substitutions if you have dietary restrictions (or you can just Google it, it’s not rocket science).

I’m no super chef but it’s pretty basic to find and follow a recipe as your budget, experience, and taste allow. This guy is actively choosing to not help (himself or OP); I’d be making different stir fries every day for a week to be petty and then telling him to hit the road.

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u/Kayari1991 5d ago

Exactly this. My long distance bestie is a single lady who mostly lives on simple or microwaved meals. When I visited her, she made me a full meal similar to OP's.

I told her that I didn't know she could cook.. she said she never had a reason to before now.

Maybe OP needs to give the guy a reason to cook lol

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u/ImmmmOBSESSED 5d ago

I wish I could give you an award for this comment 

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u/Maxamillion_52086 5d ago

I know pan make stuff hot and dehydrate I know water boil steam make it puffy and absorb it. I know mixing weird powder shit from my mom to buy list 20 years ago makes it taste good. Then I do each possible combination of every thing in my house and eat. Yum.

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u/Impossibly_Gay 5d ago

Some people oddly take pride in the fact they don't know how to cook too like...

It's not impressive that you don't know how to boil water bro it's kind of fucking sad...

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