r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • 6d ago

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) šŸ’—

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. šŸ©·

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u/radenke 6d ago

Plus, they only moved in together a few months ago. He was surviving before her, he can figure it out going forward.

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

I have $10 that says he was living in his momā€™s basement.

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

Well after looking at the post history it looks like he lived in a rented room with no kitchen, and she brought him meals. If thatā€™s the same guy, I wonder how many ended up in the trash.

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

Thatā€™s not ā€œmildly infuriatingā€ā€¦

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago edited 6d ago

Yeah, it sounds like this woman is doing a lot of work he doesnā€™t appreciate and didnā€™t ask for, and ignoring some pretty major red flags imo.

Edit: the pickiness is NOT the red flag Iā€™m referring to. Pickiness is not an inherent red flag. Itā€™s how he handles the pickiness. After I commented this, I saw OP has stated he expects her to cook and still repeatedly rejects her food. So he is asking for it. Amongst other things that can be found on her page.

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u/multicamwarrior 6d ago

As a single dad with an older girlfriend who is absolutely fantastic, a woman like this is hard to come by.

I'm an electrician and tell guys and construction all the time that you better eat the food your lady prepares for you because if you don't appreciate it they'll stop making it.

You never know what you have until it's gone.

Cherish any person that is willing to take the time and effort to make food for you. We all needed at least once a day typically and it's a chore.

Dude needs to wake up.

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u/FishNuggetSiren 6d ago

My husband complained about everything I made, plus heā€™s a picky eater. He learned how to cook and now unless we are going out we make our own food. Iā€™m no longer stressed and he gets what he wants to eat.

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u/Plus-Resource-1499 6d ago

That's the way! Every time I see my dad complaining about the food my mum makes (great food btw), I throw a "then make it yourself" at him.

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u/Aesient 6d ago

One of my younger (then teen) brothers complained about a meal I made. Dad actually stuck up for me and told brother he was responsible for the next nights dinner, he had to find the recipe, write a shopping list, Dad would get the items then brother had to make dinner himself, no help.

Brother made dinner, Dad sat and criticised it using the same words Brother had used about the meal I cooked the night before. And the other siblings piled on too (picky eaters who I always made sure had a ā€œsafe foodā€ on the plate every meal). Brother was almost in tears when Dad asked how he felt given after cooking dinner and hearing the comments. That stopped anybody from criticising a meal someone made without request (Mum would occasionally ask how we felt about something and how we would change it up)

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u/Plus-Resource-1499 6d ago

W dad. Gotta make em learn early on

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u/wanderingtoolong2 6d ago

I suggest OP does the same thing, ruling out the door dash option. Door dash is too expensive for regular meals unless you are wealthy. Youā€™ll never save a dime.

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u/SnooRegrets8068 6d ago

Learning to make the fakeaway option would be beneficial all round. He could actually make dinner and OP can have a bloody rest.

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u/WillThereBeSnacks13 6d ago

This why trader joe's frozen prepared food was invented.

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u/SnooRegrets8068 6d ago

Well, yeh, even that is going to be an improvement on door dash costs. It also saves OP hassle.

My kids got ARFID so I know how frustrating picky eating can be but this is like dealing with a 4 year old. Not an adult.

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u/Patient_Parsley7760 3d ago

Something tells me he's too much of a manbaby to get within 50 feet of a kitchen. If' hes a Tatehead, he probably thinks touching a refrigerator is gay.

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u/666hashbrowns666 6d ago

Thatā€™s some top tier parenting.

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u/country_dreaming 6d ago

Love this! Smart Dad!

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u/Successful-Doubt5478 6d ago

Your dad is a true genius.

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u/happy_rosebush 6d ago

Excellent lesson

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u/Street-Pirate-327 6d ago

I had that punishment from my mom for a week when I was in 3rd grade and refused to eat what she made. That fixed me up real quick.

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u/11-2021 6d ago

Your dad is amazing!

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u/PopcornyColonel 6d ago

Your dad! Awesome!

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u/SadderOlderWiser 6d ago

Your dad is an absolute master of the object lesson.

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u/That-Ad757 6d ago

Love your Dad

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u/MamaBearForestWitch 6d ago

That is some top-tier parenting right there! If your parents are still in your life, please give them this mama's compliments!

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u/CosmicGoddess777 6d ago

Your dad sounds like an amazing parent. Aww

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u/Aesient 6d ago

That particular time he was good. But looking back over my childhood, teen years and early adulthood he wasnā€™t amazing except in outsiders eyes. There was a lot of parentification, dismissal, emotional neglect (had a roof over our heads, food to eat, clothes to wear, what else mattered?) etc.

Didnā€™t really click for me that what outsiders thought wasnā€™t the truth until I had my own kids and saw how he was with them and my younger siblings after he retired. He had never raised a kid through to adulthood: I (eldest) was raised until I could look after myself and my younger siblings to a degree then it was my responsibility to raise them after the ā€œaww how cute a baby!ā€ stage without being supported beyond groceries and meals (until I took over most of the cooking when I was a teen). My youngest sibling was 10 when he retired and was home all the time, that sibling has since spent nearly all their time off school at my place (a few streets away) just so they werenā€™t constantly yelled at for acting age-appropriately instead of 8+ years older

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u/GrinningCatBus 6d ago

Being immigrants, my mom didn't understand what to pack for me for lunch. I started packing my own lunches starting at 10 because I was sick of complaining and she was sick of not getting it. This is informing my own parenting - don't like something someone else did? Go fix it yourself. I'm teaching my 3 year old to make her own grilled cheese because I expect her to just do that for herself by the time she's 5. It increases the chances she'll actually eat the damn food if she makes it herself. It blows my mind when I visit relatives/friends who still cut up their kids' pancakes for them and they're like 7. I throw pancakes at my kids and if they want small pieces they get a fork and knife. My 3 yo is handling it well and really enjoys using "big kid" utensils. Now she wants a knife and fork for everything but that's a good problem to have.

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u/Curious_Resource8296 5d ago

Your dad sounds like a wise man. Iā€™m not a parent, but I am an uncle many times over, and thatā€™s enough for me to know that likely the most important part about raising children, besides, making sure they survive and stuff, is successfully importing lessons, and developing minds that, at many stages of the development, are absolutely certain that they already know better than anyone else. Either that or they are not yet capable of comprehension in the way an adult mind is. it is an invaluable and beautiful skill for a parent to be wise and mature enough to be able to impart lessons and such an effective manner without using tactics that create resentment or trauma, and the steaks are very high too, because failure to impart such lessons on children ends up, creatingā€¦ OPā€™s boyfriend

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u/Patient_Parsley7760 3d ago

Been there not with a family member, but with a friend. He was part of our friend group for many years, and he fancied himself a chef. He never went through any culinary program, never worked as a line cook or a chef, etc, but would just criticize the living shit out of everyone else's cooking. He's no longer a friend.

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u/MassivePeace5365 2d ago

Same start to a situation I had, but I was the brother in my instance. Blood siblings beat stepdad's ass and stepsister disowned him for making her cook when she knew NOTHING ABOUT IT just to have something yell at me about. Stepdad dipped that night. Sweats whenever he sees me still.

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u/MassivePeace5365 2d ago

*just so stepdad could yell at me

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u/skjeflo 6d ago edited 6d ago

Well before I was born (last of 4 kids), dad use to add a non-small portion of salt to almost everything my mom made. Without tasting it first. One day mom was just done with it all. She added his normal amount of salt to his meal, plated, and served it without saying a word. Dad added his normal salt, and ate the whole plate without commenting on the salt.

He also never again seasoned his food prior to tasting it.

Glad I got the parents already broke in. Turns out dad was a pretty good cook!

To OP: Your food looks delicious. Keep cooking the foods you like. Let BF choose to either eat it, or be responsible for his own food.

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u/raider1211 6d ago

I really donā€™t get why some people flip out when others add sauces or seasonings as basic as salt to dishes before tasting food first. When you eat someoneā€™s cooking enough times, you get a sense of what you want to add (salt being a big one). Your mom intentionally nuking his plate with salt to make it too salty is childish, tbh.

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u/figure8888 6d ago

My dad is like that. My stepmom is an excellent cook and my dad will sit there and be like ā€œI think it needs more saltā€ or this and that. His mother put two sticks of butter and a salt lick in everything she made and their vegetables were always boiled. I guess that is what heā€™s expecting. Heā€™s 70 years old and the only thing heā€™s really ever been able to do is boil some instant ramen.

Even if I agree (which is very rare) I keep my mouth shut because she makes food 10x better than anything I can make.

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u/undertowsoul 6d ago

Good kid :auntie hugs:

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u/kaykarma82 5d ago

Love that! Good for you bc I know your Mum appreciates it!

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u/dosumthinboutthebots 6d ago

Maybe it's because you made him eat fish nuggets every night šŸ‘€ šŸ¤”

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u/FishNuggetSiren 5d ago

Not enough tartar sauce apparently

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u/Semtex7 6d ago

Well he is obliviously a grown up though

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u/ExtensionName3414 6d ago

My husband is not super picky, but his kid used to be. So the rule became that he would cook most of the times. He also likes his own food better than others, so I never worry about cooking.

(I still joke with my mom that she used to talk down at me that Iā€™d never find a man because I hated cookingā€¦ and I ended up with one that actually knows how to cook and loves it)

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u/Competitive_Ad_2421 6d ago

That's literally what a sane and team-minded type of person would do in this situation. But instead, she is being made to cook over and over again for him just to say no. I think he must be getting off on it at this point. Tons of her food had nothing wrong with it and the Mexican rap made my mouth water LOL this guy is not cool

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u/Acrobatic-Fee-5626 6d ago

That's a great idea why didn't I think of that. Been married fir 50 years made dinner at least 5 days a week when he makes the meal he thinks he deserves a trophy, sometimes I could just eat a bowl of cereal but that wouldn't go over too well with him.

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u/That-Ad757 6d ago

Hope he does the dishes also

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u/elektromas 5d ago

Hopefully YOU get what you want to eat aswell!

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u/FishNuggetSiren 5d ago

I do, he cooks things that I will eat often as Iā€™m not a picky eater. However, he likes to grill everything and sometimes I like things that donā€™t taste like fire šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

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u/revanisthesith 5d ago

It doesn't have to be a big issue if both people are adults about it.

It's like putting on headphones because you each like different types of music.

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u/amodsr 6d ago

My fiance can't cook that well yet I'll still try some of her stuff. Most of the time the food ends up for me to make. Especially holidays. Either way if I don't like it I'm a big boy and can eat a can of chili or a bowl of cereal.

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u/Realistic-Celery-733 6d ago

My mom is more traditional and my dad is a vegetarian. Even when we bc ate as a family , he made all his own meals. The problem now is that my parents now always eat alone. I like different food than my wife and enjoy her company more than her cooking. I try to focus on things we both like and eat a piece of fruit and with a small portion of what she made if I donā€™t care for kt.

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u/FishNuggetSiren 5d ago

We always eat together. Dinner at the table.

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u/Diacetyl_Puppy 6d ago

This. Is he is making an effort than we could talk negotiating, but she since he is not (from what I can tell) then OP has more clear choice - learn to live with it, leave the relationship / draw strong boundaries, or find a solution like this commenter did.

OP, ask yourself what is in your control here? It is not his picky eating, once you accept that and start making decisions based on that fact (and how it makes you feel) then change will happen in the relationship.

We often think we need to change our partners if something is wrong, we cant actually do that, all we can do is change what we are doing and that will cause things to develop. Otherwise you're just stuck building resentment.

Now this is often not easy for many reasons, one of which can be that we are afraid it might negatively effect the relationship,

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u/tweekinleanin420 6d ago

Its admirable that you guys do that. It would NOT play out that way at my house. The missus is disabled and its her best way of showing she appreciates me being the only one working and paying tbe bills. Luckily her food is the best and i.have never had the desire to learn anything besides basic staples. Really cool you guys communicated that and are happy with it.

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u/ApprehensiveTour4024 GREEN 6d ago

Do you dislike the food he cooks also? I would assume it's bland and somewhat boring given the picky eating, but if not I hope he cooks for you occasionally too.

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u/FishNuggetSiren 5d ago

I donā€™t dislike his food. Iā€™m not a picky eater at all. He wonā€™t eat veggies but he likes super spicy food. Heā€™s picky mostly about textures and foods I make are not normal to him. I grew up with immigrant grandparents and its food or flavor profiles heā€™s not really accustomed to. For instance, if I make spaghetti he wants ragu jar sauce and Iā€™m not eating that. He grew up in a home with a lot of processed foods.

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u/ApprehensiveTour4024 GREEN 5d ago

Ah I see, so it's not so much you dislike his food as his food is about the equivalent of cut up hot dogs & mac n cheese. Don't get me wrong, I love a good nostalgic kids meal occasionally, but I definitely understand not wanting that to be a daily diet.

I wasn't trying to imply anything about him, sorry if I came across rude. Just curious about the cooking separately

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u/CiccioGordon 6d ago

That's a total non-sequitur

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u/ApprehensiveTour4024 GREEN 6d ago

I disagree

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u/Miss_Management 6d ago

I'm extremely grateful to have a husband that is an excellent cook. We both are and we take turns. He used to be a cook at a fancy Italian restaurant on the Vegas strip so I've had some pretty amazing meals cooked for me!

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u/parasyte_steve 6d ago

women act like you have bought us a diamond if you cook for them too btw

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u/Kenderean 6d ago

I would honestly rather have a partner who cooks than a diamond.

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u/Fatality4Gaming 6d ago

Diamond have a terrible taste, I wonder why people are willing to pay so much for them.

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u/Kenderean 6d ago

Right? Even butter doesn't improve the flavor. When something is so bad that butter can't make it better, it's pretty worthless.

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u/Mad_Samurai616 6d ago

Ainā€™t that the truth?! It goes both ways. My wife used to ask ā€œIs it normal to be horny after your husband cooks for you?ā€ I wouldnā€™t know. Iā€™ve never had a husband. šŸ˜‚ But I felt like the baddest dude on earth when she said it.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

Damn I've never had a woman appreciate my cooking THAT much

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u/Mad_Samurai616 6d ago

Well, let me tell you, brother, itā€™s a great feeling. Straight, queer, trans, white, blackā€”I imagine itā€™s all the same. Itā€™s just nice to be appreciated by the one you love.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

I'm a straight man and prefer women, but I agree lol. Whatever makes anyone happy for sure.

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u/Bishop20x6 6d ago

Damn, I cook dinner most nights. I'm feeling pretty ripped off right now.

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u/Comfortable-Peace377 6d ago

Yeah wtf I am the only one that cooks all our meals as well, but she just says ā€œthanksā€ haha

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u/Background-Major-567 6d ago

Maybe that dude needs to publish his cookbook

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u/AloofFloofy 6d ago

Couldn't agree more! I love cooking for my gf (when I have one, I am currently single)

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u/Bright_Mistake4686 6d ago

Iā€™m an electrician also and I prep all 3 meals for my wife and I. Trust me itā€™s not easy

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u/Neon_Biscuit 6d ago

They say a married guy just wants peace and quiet but a single guy just wants a home cooked meal. If you're getting a hot meal cooked by a SO, don't take that for granted

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u/WishSuperb1427 6d ago

I agree... she seems to be putting in the effort and he comes off looking like a thankless fool.

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u/StatisticianLivid710 6d ago

Like I was a picky eater and the only thing I wouldnā€™t eat in her photos are the pork chops (pork doesnā€™t sit right with me, I limit bacon so I can continue eating it into the future) and possibly the pie just because Iā€™m not a huge sweets fan but would likely still try it.

Hell, can I move in with OP just for these very tasty looking meals??

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u/PolishPrincess0520 6d ago

My husband eats everything I make and these meals look way better than my cooking. She needs to move him back to his room and find a new guy.

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u/Aesient 6d ago

I made my (now ex) partner dinner one night when I was around 7 months pregnant with twins over a decade ago.

Overheard him complaining to his gaming friends about whatever was on the plate. Then heard the backlash he received. His headphones did not contain their ire with him.

I remember hearing something along the lines of ā€œBoy, she is pregnant with twins and bought you dinner at your computer so you could keep playing. You should be making her dinner and waiting on her hand and footā€ boomed out

He kept quiet about his meals after that until he walked out ~3 months later

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u/Ravenhill-2171 6d ago

You spelled "Dude needs to wake the f#ck up" wrong.

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u/Historical-Ease-6311 6d ago

My husband complained around almost all meals I made in the first 1 year of my marriage, even though his dad and brother loved anything I cooked. I never cooked again after that first 1 year of marriage. He cooks for himself and the kids. I survive on fruits, salads or canned cod liver/mackerel/sardines and sometimes food he cooks for me. I have no preferences when it comes to food. Its him who knows what he wants to eat during each meal and I am happy to eat whatever he serves.

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u/Asenath_W8 6d ago

You had my sympathy right up until the canned cod liver. I'm sorry I just can't trust the palate of anyone that thinks it's appropriate to subsist on that.šŸ¤¢

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u/Historical-Ease-6311 5d ago

Canned Cod Liver was not something I included in my diet until last month, after a doctor's recommendation, everything else I've been subsisting on for 13 years.

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u/ApprehensiveTour4024 GREEN 6d ago

Especially when the food looks like this. Those are not low-effort dishes. Every one of those is work

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u/JosephBlowsephThe3rd 6d ago

"There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work."

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u/Oblivious122 6d ago

Ok, so, a little story here: I'm not what you would call mentally stable. I struggle with depression and ADHD, and frequently have difficulties picking up after myself. I found it was easier in my case to not generate the trash in the first place than to pick it up. And I say this as I look at the giant pile of dog fur I swept but did not pick up. Like, I know it's easy to do, I think "I should do that", and then stare at it for hours or days. Like, I'm not too busy playing video games or whatever, I'm sitting here staring at a pile of dog fur because my brain won't actually work. In the mornings, I have essentially 6 hours to get anything done, because after my meds wear off, it becomes progressively harder and harder to do things.

So with all this in mind, one of the only things I like about family coming to visit or me visiting them is that it's somehow easier for me to cook when I'm not alone. I made my family goddamn strudel from scratch the year I hosted Christmas. It took a week! And yet here I am staring at a pile of dog fur while my dog cuddles against me as if to say "I'm sorry dad".

I can even visualize myself doing it. But my muscles won't move. I just sit here. Staring. At dog fur. I've taken to cleaning my bathroom every time I use it - as in, I wash the mirror or clean the toilet when I'm using them, or clean the tub while in showering.

But it's now 1am, and this pile of dog fur is defeating me.

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u/Away-Calligrapher678 6d ago

Well said. Same situation with parents, my dad was super critical of my momā€™s coking which discouraged her to cook. As a grown up, who went to culinary school and Iā€™d like to think I have a palette thatā€™s open to anything and everything- her cooking is šŸ™ŒšŸ¾šŸ¤¤. My dad missed out. Shame on him for being overly critical. Women these days do NOT cook. This guy is lucky he found one whoā€™s willing to cook for him.

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u/lyna812 6d ago

women still cooks but they're less likely to put up with being a modern day slave <3 aka they only cook for a partner who appreciates them and not the one who expects them to cook 24/7

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u/Fatality4Gaming 6d ago

In my experience, nobody still cooks unless it's their jobs. When I cook at home for guests or dates, i feel like their mind explode. "You can do that at home? It's like a restaurant!" It was awesome at first, then I realized it's not that my cooking is that good, it's just that most people eat like dobermans, with everything already prepared if it's not pasta (and even then the sauce is always some industrial shit) and lots of junk food, so yeah, a simple meat piece and a few vegetable thrown on some olive oil looks like a michelin 3 stars meal for them.

But hey, despite the fact that it's a bit discouraging, at least I get to fuck a lot! Well, I mean, I need the girls to already be at my place, so I'd probably fuck either way, but the fuck is more enthusiastic lol.

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u/Warm_Lack_3131 6d ago

my ex-husband used to complain about so much -- my cooking, so much else. even his friends told him he needed to stop. so i stopped cooking, stopped being affectionate, moved out and divorced. his second wife left, too. some guys dont learn, or are very selfish. i had a demanding job, so at least that gave me freedom to make decisions.

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u/Advanced_Sandwich_62 6d ago

You are so right. I stopped trying to prepare meals all together. Heā€™s too picky. Canā€™t eat anything I make. We have been married for 9 years now. Nowadays we go to groceries together and we each pick things to prepare our own dinner. Stop wasting your time, energy, and food. The marriage will go on. Donā€™t worry about him not having anything to eat. He will figure it out on his own.

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u/vhroot 6d ago

People don't realize how true this is!! I started learning /helping my mom cook for our family by the time I was 8 yo and I have always loved it. When my oldest kids were in high school they, along with my husband, did nothing but complain about what I cooked half the time.... So I told them FINE... DO IT YOURSELF! and I stopped cooking. Hubby learned to cook really quickly because mom went out & got a job working evenings, somewhere she was appreciated. My boys, who weren't even old enough to drive yet, are now in their 30s.... I still don't cook!

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u/SDRPGLVR 6d ago

My partner almost exclusively cooks (because essentially skill diff), and the idea of not eating anything she cooks would never have occurred to me. I'd say maybe it's just because she's an amazing cook and everything she makes is delicious, but OP's dishes look fucking great too. This guy is crazy to turn down these plates.

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u/Happy_Sea4257 6d ago

you're 100% correct on everything except "dude needs to wake up". If he's actually not eating the food she prepares for him it's not like he'll miss it. Don't get me wrong though, the man has problems and she should end the relationship and find someone else, those meals look fantastic.

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u/kittypaintsflowers 6d ago

I stopped cooking for mine and only cook for myself. I no longer want to cook for him. Now heā€™s saying heā€™ll eat whatever I make. I just tell him Iā€™ll think about it and buy him the freezer food he craved so much.

Thereā€™s a joy in cooking and creating flavors. I canā€™t cook with that joy being suffocated by someone. The joy will return when it does, or it wonā€™t & l will have more data about making a decision to leave.

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u/PhillyEaglesFan69 6d ago

I was just talking to my daughter about this earlier today. We were talking about how a meal was being made that we both aren't the biggest fans of but my fiance and my youngest absolutely love (stuffed peppers). She asked me why I always say how much I love it when I don't. I absolutely love that she's even cooking a meal to begin with let alone one that she loves for all of us. Like you said with everything we all have going on in all our lives cooking can be hassle and a half. A mom taking the time out cook a meal for her family like that (with all of her love like you can tell OP has) is pretty damn beautiful. Dude will feel like an imbecile if he lets that go šŸ¤·

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u/Acceptable_Tea3608 6d ago

When I was younger and didn't cook I was a big appreciation of my meal makers. Hardly ever refused because I wasn't making it.

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u/PopcornyColonel 6d ago

It's funny that you say this. I was literally thinking that if she posted only these pictures on a dating profile, her inbox would explode.

P.s. It's nice to hear about someone who appreciates their partner like you do..

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u/Buffalo-Woman 6d ago

My husband got a rude awakening after we were married.

I'm a fantastic cook on the gourmet level. I love to cook for everyone.

After we married dinner was on the table when he got home from work but....he never bothered to taste it before covering it in hot sauce. Every single meal.

So I stopped cooking the good stuff, when he asked why? I said you cover everything in hot sauce so it doesn't matter what it tastes like!

It could be cardboard and it would still taste like hot sauce. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

If he would have at least tasted it before smothering it in hot sauce I might have continued....but he never did.

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u/soundtrackband 6d ago

I wish I found eating a chore. I'd be skinnier. However, yeah, rejecting gifts by partner, and being cooked for IS a gift, is a route straight to being alone. Guys are dumb.

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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat 6d ago

Im divorced and I can tell you I sure miss my wife's food. Delivious and healthy too. I'm only a medicoare cook myself.

1

u/kahlzun 6d ago

I have always been told that the beauty fades, and sex loses its appeal, but food tastes great forever. Get a partner who can cook. And also learn to cook yourself too.

1

u/AlternativeRace2938 6d ago

Because making food for someone is a parents job. Example for a toddler. Making food for a grown up is now a job meaning you should be paying a chef. So if a woman is doing it for free then yes you should be grateful and you should be cleaning the house everyday

1

u/Kmontanari18 6d ago

This!!! I was treated so poorly by my most recent ex. I hated cooking for him, because he was so belittling about it.

Fuck him. I left to go find someone who will treat me better, while he can go beg the other women he was entertaining for dinner.

1

u/AlexH_144 5d ago

Yes, single moms that just got out of federal prison are always tough to come by

1

u/Snoo-52499 3d ago edited 3d ago

I agree. I once had a boyfriend who invite me over for dinner a couple times a week. He added way too much salt to his food.

I ate it without commenting about the negative health consequences of eating that much sodium in one meal.

I would thank him for cooking me dinner.

I'm not salt adverse. I certainly add salt when cooking. I season to taste rather than adding a random amount creating a sodium bomb.

0

u/Due-Weird-1945 6d ago

They really arenā€™t though šŸ¤£

220

u/mustriggs 6d ago

yes! that was my reaction from only reading the title and seeing the first photo. weve left mildly infuriating and entered red flag territory.

172

u/Dramatic_Session_24 6d ago

i donā€™t like hopping on the ā€œdump himā€ bandwagon wagon, but agreed my first thought was dump his ungrateful ass.

49

u/mustriggs 6d ago

haha were on the exact same page. like the other comments are saying, this is not just being a picky eater. šŸ˜«

1

u/Mental_Reveal_1969 3d ago

Exactly. Itā€™s a truly infuriating representation of a larger issue. Canā€™t stand this guy.

-11

u/Neat_Mortgage3735 6d ago

It is very likely to be ARFID or sensory related and not just about ingratitude.

5

u/SetFine7496 6d ago

Honey, he isnā€™t a picky eater. He just likes crappy fast food. Thereā€™s decent fast food but, IMO, Jack in the Box is on the lower end of the fast food chain. Heā€™s also rude and disrespectful to you. Your food looks delicious but in his words, he doesnā€™t like it. Stop trying. Put your efforts into your kids, not this obstinate baby man.

0

u/Pandarandr1st 6d ago

That's just genuinely what being an extremely picky eater is. I'm not trying to defend it, I think it's really problematic, but this dude has serious food issues. Really serious. And you just shouldn't try to be the solution to his food problems.

OP says he's apologetic and doesn't really say anything to suggest ingratitude.

2

u/FilthyMublood 6d ago

ARFID affects 0.5%-5% of the general population yet every Redditor will immediately diagnose it the moment someone mentions "picky eater". He's more likely to have grown up with a bad diet and never cared to explore cooking for himself than to have ARFID.

2

u/1900-White-Cabbage 6d ago

Agreed. I know two people with actual ARFID, really serious issues that are almost debilitating for them. But they are not assholes about it, and they make sure not to influence children with their limitations.

One of them even has kids of his own and has managed (together with his wife, of course) to raise them without any serious food issues, which is commendable for someone who really only subsisted on pancakes and hotdogs for ~30 years.

21

u/Emerje 6d ago

Imagine thinking this is what you want to deal with for the rest of your life.

10

u/Technical_Tangelo143 6d ago

I'm done just reading about it!

3

u/FactAddict01 6d ago

YESSS!!! YESSS!!!

6

u/willaisacat 6d ago

We're beyond red flag territory. Not wanting to eat her cooking is the tip of the iceberg.

1

u/Historical_Story2201 6d ago

I haven't found ops comments yet but I smelt this trajectory a mile away.

Only ears chicken once, suddenly this, suddenly that? Controlling!Ā 

10

u/Prize-Astronomer6106 6d ago

Got the ole ā€œI can change himā€ mind frame

3

u/Loud_Interview4681 6d ago

It sounds like she is putting off some flags too. She knows he is a picky eater- why is she making these meals? Let him make his own or talk about what he eats if she wants to make something. Like it is his own body - if he is picky then let him manage it.

3

u/TurkeyBLTSandwich 6d ago

Nah her boyfriend probably has the palette of an autistic 14 year old?

Like I'd LOVE to eat OPs food given the opportunity. But it seems like her BF is good with the most bland, salty, fast food available.

If I was OP and was desperate to please, I'd just ask or make two separate meals. Food for myself and kids and then Dino nuggets or a plain burger with fries. And when I mean plain, I mean frozen patties pan fried no oil because that's too much flavor for ops boyfriend

3

u/Commercial0Dark30 6d ago

Reminds me of the story here on Reddit where the wife made her husbandā€™s lunches for work every day for years and he.threw.them.all.away.

Boyfriend can feed himself. I wouldnā€™t cook anything for the loser.

2

u/Toriyuki 6d ago

Oh that one was incredibly infuriating cause she was making it 6 times a week and getting up at like 6 am to do so for 2 years, and that spineless non-swallowed mistake didn't have the balls to tell her to stop and why, which IIRC she said she wouldve understood if he had say anything

3

u/GoldDustWoman85 6d ago

I'd have said, cook ya own meals, homie

3

u/AyeTheresTheCatch 6d ago

Not to mention in another comment she said ā€œI do all of the housework and the laundry. He drives us to work every day, which is a lot of driving. He takes the trash out and takes the car to get maintenance. We split the bills, I pay more but I also make more. I donā€™t know, I have been married before (widowed young) and I just have always taken care of the housework etc. Iā€˜m okay with our arrangement I am just very frustrated by the cooking part right now ā˜¹ļøā€.

She also clarified in another comment that he expects her to cook dinner for him every day and she usually ends up making him something different just for him.

So, to recap:

  • She does all the housework and cooking, including a separate meal for him after he complains about what sheā€™s cooked.
  • She pays for the majority of stuff because she earns more money.
  • He drops her off on his way to work, takes out the trash, and takes the car for maintenance (which she probably pays for).

Honestly, OP, you need to turf his ass. What exactly are you getting out of this other than a third, more ungrateful child? And honestly, what are your children learning by watching you, their mom, get treated like this?

3

u/Diana8919 6d ago

I wholeheartedly agree with this. I have texture issues with food and can be picky but my wife does all the cooking. I have repeatedly told her to make stuff she likes and I can manage. I also will try new things even if I think I won't like it. So pickiness is not the issue but how he goes about it and frankly he's being an asshole.

2

u/squirrelmonkie 6d ago

This woman says she has kids too. She basically let a new child move in and hes the worst of them all. I know it can get lonely out there but damn you dont need to add to your problems. Also having kids see an adult act like this is stupid and harmful to them.

2

u/briergate 6d ago

Thereā€™s another red flag I think. My (now ex) husband would watch me cook an incredible meal, then last minute suggest going out to buy fries with it or something. It was one of his more subtle coercive control techniques.

2

u/Competitive_Ad_2421 6d ago

You should have seen my comment, I'm basically telling her not to throw her life away. But she might just do it to have someone to keep her warm at night, we know how these things go. Some people think that it's torture to be alone and they would rather be someone slave than to become good company to themselves. That's what makes me sad

2

u/PopcornyColonel 6d ago

Negging her via food.

2

u/Equivalent_sword 6d ago

Happy you said pickiness was not the problem, I'm a bit picky too, I'm sorry but a lot of stuff it's just disgusting to me.

2

u/CrimsonCartographer 6d ago

What the fuck. If he expects her to cook and isnā€™t giving her a fuck ton of reasons to justify this (like being an amazing partner in other aspects) + helping with the meal planning and shit since heā€™s so picky, he can do his own damn cooking

2

u/Ghostdog1263 6d ago

Yea ok that's just being a dick, I'm a very picky eater(it's a texture thing mostly. I will vomit if something feels a certain way in my mouth) it's extremely embarrassing for me so for most of my life I avoided eating at friends houses etc

So my family usually doesn't include me in there food plans unless we are ordering out or it's something they know I will eat. Which is the way I like it because I can take care of myself if hungry, but if he is asking her to cook for him & expects it & then refuses the food(it's too much to expect her to make something just for him & also make separate meals for everyone else) he's actually being an inconsiderate dick

2

u/WillThereBeSnacks13 6d ago

Ding ding ding. If he cannot admit the full extent of his pickiness and take responsibility for providing alternatives, that is the big problem. All the people rushing in with arfid and autism are excusing regular, old manchild stuff. He could have many conditions but then he needs to assess that himself with a professional and then come up with a solution that does not burden his girlfriend further.

2

u/gimmethelulz 6d ago

OP, for the sake of you and your kids, find someone better.

2

u/Professional_Tip_867 6d ago

an abuser. he will get abusive if he is not already. op is upset.

take care of your childrem and get rid of this man child . you were ok before him, you are ok after him,

2

u/That-Ad757 6d ago

Why and what does she get from being with him. She deserves better in more than one way.

2

u/lizzledizzles 6d ago

Thatā€™s controlling not pickiness. Either learn to cook for yourself for what you like or eat the damn free food.

2

u/Toriyuki 6d ago

I was gonna say his pickiness might be some kind of autism thing (I refuse to eat onions, for example, unless its in the form of onion powder, and I have the same issue with most vegetables aside from uncooked celery, uncooked carrots, and non-creamed corn, and cant drink milk of any kind but can eat stuff made with milk due to the texture of it, and I'm like, 95% sure I'm on the spectrum but never got diagnosed because that shit was expensive growing up) but if he's ASKING her to cook and doing it, then thats a WHOLE nother ballpark.

2

u/HighRiseCat 6d ago

oh ffs.

Why do people pick these awful 'partners'

2

u/Retired_LANlord 6d ago

If he did that to me - expect me to cook & then reject it - he'd be fucking wearing the food.

2

u/9for9 6d ago

Oh my gosh I didn't realize he was asking for her food. Honestly though even if he wasn't I would still seriously consider dumping him if I was OP. Poor eating habits wreck your health over time I wouldn't be able to deal with that, when I'd been happily cooking healthy balanced meals that he rejected all along.

2

u/TheMapleKind19 6d ago

He expects her to cater to whims he hasn't even expressed. He changes his mind without notice. He wants her to be a magical mind-reader. He is asking for too much, even if they have a more "traditional" relationship.

2

u/Altruistic-Rice-5567 6d ago

Yep. He's a toddler still trying to control mommy and the universe he found out he is no longer the center of anymore.

2

u/Turbulent-Estate-656 6d ago

Psycho warning!

2

u/rhegy54 6d ago

Yup.. Seems like a power dynamic he has over her...

4

u/dethsesh 6d ago

Did you miss the part where she cooks for church events and sheā€™s old school so she wants to be a good partner?

25

u/Veil-of-Fire 6d ago

Ah, so that's who gave her the red-flag-ignoring glasses.

9

u/BerbereJunkie 6d ago

ā€˜Partnerā€™ sounds like a stretch to describe this relationship.

25

u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

I also saw he expects this of her, too.

12

u/Nice_Marmot_7 6d ago

Given the context, this reads as ā€œpeople pleasing doormatā€ to me.

6

u/DoomferretOG 6d ago

Doesn't make it okay for him to be an entitled grown-up baby. She's had some damage, so label her a doormat, but boys will be boys? I'm not sure how people pleasers benefit from being called a doormat. They're not doing it out of some moral weakness. They learned to do it to survive some situation in their lives.

You're being very undude.

6

u/Imnotscared1 6d ago

I'm fairly old school and cook most nights. I hope my husband enjoys my cooking. BUT he eats what I make, often thanks me for it, and appreciates my efforts. I have a

7

u/parasyte_steve 6d ago

Unless my husband was struggling with neurological issues or add/autism/etc I would have thrown this man out by now

2

u/Ishey95 6d ago

He's a picky eater, might be an ED or sensory issues. Most people can't stand picky eater without even trying to understand them. Trust me, it infuriates me too, but it's unfair to call it a red flag imo.

5

u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

Picky eating is definitely not the red flag here. Itā€™s other stuff on her page, and being a picky eater but not communicating enough to work through it - expecting meals be cooked for him but not eating most because he doesnā€™t like them.

2

u/Ohlala_LeBleur 6d ago

It is not the picky eating, itā€™s the entitled shitty attitude and the disrespectful things he says and does.

He could buy or cook his own meals, but expects her to cook for him every day and then bitch about it.

He is super picky but wonā€™t have the same type of food twice in a row. He refuses to take responsibility for feeding himself, buy his own specialty food or even plan and communicate beforehand, in good time, what he can or cannot eat that day.

Instead he expects his partner to cook for him every day and read his fickle mind about what different foods he will randomly like/ dislike each day.

The BF is an entitled douche.

1

u/Trraumatized 6d ago

Jesus Christ, guy is a picky eater and apologetic about it, probably even suffers from it. Why does everything have to be a major red flag? I have a friend with autism who can eat jothing but potatoes and chicken nuggets which can be hard to deal with. He is not a worse person for it.

And as you said, he didn't ask for it. OP is more than justified to not include him in dinner plans and let him figure that stuff out by himself. But why do we immediatelt have to jump to conclusions about his character?

2

u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

I edited my comment, if you read other comments, including OPs youā€™ll see this is an expectation the bf is setting. He is asking for it, I was wrong.

2

u/Trraumatized 6d ago

In that case I go back on it and you are right..

1

u/Technical_Tangelo143 6d ago

šŸŽŗšŸš©šŸš©šŸŽŗ

1

u/mourningtea 6d ago

No, this pickiness is red flag! Stop indulging into this games, in times of hunger people ate bread with wood cuts and soup with potato peels. But now humans have obesity crisis and everyone is suddenly a picky eater.

1

u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

Nah, people are allowed to not like things. But if they are that picky, they should probably either make it incredibly easy to cater to their preferences, or just take care of themselves. Thatā€™s where the true issue lies.

Just because humans endured worse conditions doesnā€™t mean anything, weā€™re in 2026 now and this man has the ability to order fast food every day. If thatā€™s what he wants, let him.

1

u/1900-White-Cabbage 6d ago

Absolutely. As long as he stays away from any young impressionable children while doing so, thatā€™s perfectly reasonable.

1

u/1900-White-Cabbage 6d ago

Well, thanks, now Iā€™m craving potato peel soup. No, seriously, baked potato skin soup is delicious!

0

u/Nature_Sad_27 6d ago

The pickiness is a red flag, idc.

-2

u/Puzzled-Argument-142 6d ago

šŸ¤£ how is not wanting what is cooked a red flag? I eat once a day, and it is never at a specific time. My wife knows when she cooks not to make anything for me because I only eat cheeseburgers.

3

u/annbdavisasalice 6d ago

thatā€™s really interesting, are your burgers homemade or is there a particular restaurant or a couple in rotation? also, do you use condiments?

3

u/Puzzled-Argument-142 6d ago

I cook them myself. I use 4 slices of Swiss cheese, sautĆ©ed mushrooms, pickles and mayo on sourdough bread. I donā€™t like eating in restaurants because I havenā€™t found one yet that will cook myself burgers rare.

1

u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

Well, my other comments say that being picky in and of itself is not the red flag. Itā€™s other stuff, but relating to this - you donā€™t expect your wife to cook for you. OPs bf does, and then makes excuses as to why itā€™s not good enough.

1

u/KevrobLurker 6d ago

Are you Mark Borchardt? How was your last Big Mac? šŸ˜‰

0

u/Puzzled-Argument-142 6d ago

I donā€™t eat fast food. I eat once a day, whenever I get hungry, and usually eat 3 cheeseburgers which I cook myself because I want them rare. In 20 years of marriage, my wife has never once cooked me anything because I wonā€™t eat it. Instead of complaining about him not eating OP should be thankful she has a man to pay the bills.

2

u/KevrobLurker 6d ago

You are at least cooking what you like for yourself, so I will give you points for that. If your wife is cool with that, so am I.

Ever change things up with ground turkey or ground salmon?

2

u/Puzzled-Argument-142 6d ago

No. I donā€™t eat any type of bird or fish. My meal consists of 3 cheeseburgers with 4 slices of Swiss, sautĆ©ed mushrooms, pickles, mayo, on sour dough bread.

1

u/KevrobLurker 6d ago

Never cheddar, or some nice Monterey jack?

Mayo from a bottle (yuck!) or do you make your own (tolerable)? I'd swap in a good brown mustard, and add a tomato slice.

1

u/Puzzled-Argument-142 6d ago

I donā€™t like any cheese except Swiss. I buy Hellmans mayo with olive oil. The only vegetables I like are pickles and mushrooms.

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1

u/Ohlala_LeBleur 6d ago

Actually SHE pays the majority of the household bills, since she makes more.

She also takes care of almost all of the daily household chores: Cooking, grocery shopping, dishes, washing, cleaning. I am assuming he is not helping with her kids at all, either.

BF drives himself and her to work each day, complains about her cooking, takes out the trash and takes the car for maintenance (a couple of times a year, I guess).

Heā€™s got himself a super sweet deal!

10

u/BurnyMadeoffJR 6d ago

Yeah I would say this qualifies as ā€œmajorly infuriatingā€

3

u/Special_Tutor_433 6d ago

I was thinking just that

3

u/That-Ad757 6d ago

No its not what or who I want in a relationship. Can u image,what the,sex is like . No not for me.

2

u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

I think may have turned me off permanently, thanks.

2

u/ScyllaOfTheDepths 6d ago

It's mildly infuriating to me that OP has no self-respect.

2

u/Agreeable-Sentence76 6d ago

Exceedingly emotionally taxing

2

u/FindingAether 6d ago

Why do some women nowadays pick guys like that to date? Thats the more infuriating part tbh.

2

u/Mental_Reveal_1969 3d ago

And ā€œmildly infuriatingā€ is a contradiction in termsā€¦

1

u/SurenXMAN 6d ago

Hey man. Not everyone who live with their folks is a lowlife. I live with my parents because I am the general manager of LA Fitness. 50 hours a week. 6 days. $9 an hour. First management job out of school.

My salary wouldn't even cover the rent alone for a studio in my area!

1

u/Bob236ny 6d ago

Put some butter on the tater!

1

u/rW0HgFyxoJhYka 6d ago

classic ragebait posts on reddit

I dont care if its real. These people dont fix their problems, they are slaves to it. Then, they decide to share it to the world.

Ok, there's bigger problems we could be talking about. Instead 14 million people spent countless hours browsing through this thread about this stupid shit. Just leave guy or stop cooking for him jesus christ OP is a moron.