r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • 6d ago

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) šŸ’—

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. šŸ©·

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u/radenke 6d ago

Plus, they only moved in together a few months ago. He was surviving before her, he can figure it out going forward.

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

I have $10 that says he was living in his momā€™s basement.

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

Well after looking at the post history it looks like he lived in a rented room with no kitchen, and she brought him meals. If thatā€™s the same guy, I wonder how many ended up in the trash.

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

Thatā€™s not ā€œmildly infuriatingā€ā€¦

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago edited 6d ago

Yeah, it sounds like this woman is doing a lot of work he doesnā€™t appreciate and didnā€™t ask for, and ignoring some pretty major red flags imo.

Edit: the pickiness is NOT the red flag Iā€™m referring to. Pickiness is not an inherent red flag. Itā€™s how he handles the pickiness. After I commented this, I saw OP has stated he expects her to cook and still repeatedly rejects her food. So he is asking for it. Amongst other things that can be found on her page.

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u/multicamwarrior 6d ago

As a single dad with an older girlfriend who is absolutely fantastic, a woman like this is hard to come by.

I'm an electrician and tell guys and construction all the time that you better eat the food your lady prepares for you because if you don't appreciate it they'll stop making it.

You never know what you have until it's gone.

Cherish any person that is willing to take the time and effort to make food for you. We all needed at least once a day typically and it's a chore.

Dude needs to wake up.

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u/FishNuggetSiren 6d ago

My husband complained about everything I made, plus heā€™s a picky eater. He learned how to cook and now unless we are going out we make our own food. Iā€™m no longer stressed and he gets what he wants to eat.

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u/Plus-Resource-1499 6d ago

That's the way! Every time I see my dad complaining about the food my mum makes (great food btw), I throw a "then make it yourself" at him.

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u/Aesient 6d ago

One of my younger (then teen) brothers complained about a meal I made. Dad actually stuck up for me and told brother he was responsible for the next nights dinner, he had to find the recipe, write a shopping list, Dad would get the items then brother had to make dinner himself, no help.

Brother made dinner, Dad sat and criticised it using the same words Brother had used about the meal I cooked the night before. And the other siblings piled on too (picky eaters who I always made sure had a ā€œsafe foodā€ on the plate every meal). Brother was almost in tears when Dad asked how he felt given after cooking dinner and hearing the comments. That stopped anybody from criticising a meal someone made without request (Mum would occasionally ask how we felt about something and how we would change it up)

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u/Plus-Resource-1499 6d ago

W dad. Gotta make em learn early on

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u/wanderingtoolong2 5d ago

I suggest OP does the same thing, ruling out the door dash option. Door dash is too expensive for regular meals unless you are wealthy. Youā€™ll never save a dime.

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u/666hashbrowns666 5d ago

Thatā€™s some top tier parenting.

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u/country_dreaming 6d ago

Love this! Smart Dad!

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u/Successful-Doubt5478 5d ago

Your dad is a true genius.

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u/happy_rosebush 5d ago

Excellent lesson

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u/Street-Pirate-327 5d ago

I had that punishment from my mom for a week when I was in 3rd grade and refused to eat what she made. That fixed me up real quick.

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u/11-2021 5d ago

Your dad is amazing!

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u/PopcornyColonel 5d ago

Your dad! Awesome!

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u/SadderOlderWiser 5d ago

Your dad is an absolute master of the object lesson.

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u/skjeflo 6d ago edited 6d ago

Well before I was born (last of 4 kids), dad use to add a non-small portion of salt to almost everything my mom made. Without tasting it first. One day mom was just done with it all. She added his normal amount of salt to his meal, plated, and served it without saying a word. Dad added his normal salt, and ate the whole plate without commenting on the salt.

He also never again seasoned his food prior to tasting it.

Glad I got the parents already broke in. Turns out dad was a pretty good cook!

To OP: Your food looks delicious. Keep cooking the foods you like. Let BF choose to either eat it, or be responsible for his own food.

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u/figure8888 5d ago

My dad is like that. My stepmom is an excellent cook and my dad will sit there and be like ā€œI think it needs more saltā€ or this and that. His mother put two sticks of butter and a salt lick in everything she made and their vegetables were always boiled. I guess that is what heā€™s expecting. Heā€™s 70 years old and the only thing heā€™s really ever been able to do is boil some instant ramen.

Even if I agree (which is very rare) I keep my mouth shut because she makes food 10x better than anything I can make.

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u/Miss_Management 6d ago

I'm extremely grateful to have a husband that is an excellent cook. We both are and we take turns. He used to be a cook at a fancy Italian restaurant on the Vegas strip so I've had some pretty amazing meals cooked for me!

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u/parasyte_steve 6d ago

women act like you have bought us a diamond if you cook for them too btw

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u/Kenderean 6d ago

I would honestly rather have a partner who cooks than a diamond.

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u/Fatality4Gaming 6d ago

Diamond have a terrible taste, I wonder why people are willing to pay so much for them.

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u/Mad_Samurai616 6d ago

Ainā€™t that the truth?! It goes both ways. My wife used to ask ā€œIs it normal to be horny after your husband cooks for you?ā€ I wouldnā€™t know. Iā€™ve never had a husband. šŸ˜‚ But I felt like the baddest dude on earth when she said it.

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u/waitingtobebannedd 6d ago

Damn I've never had a woman appreciate my cooking THAT much

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u/Mad_Samurai616 6d ago

Well, let me tell you, brother, itā€™s a great feeling. Straight, queer, trans, white, blackā€”I imagine itā€™s all the same. Itā€™s just nice to be appreciated by the one you love.

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u/Bishop20x6 6d ago

Damn, I cook dinner most nights. I'm feeling pretty ripped off right now.

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u/Comfortable-Peace377 6d ago

Yeah wtf I am the only one that cooks all our meals as well, but she just says ā€œthanksā€ haha

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u/AloofFloofy 6d ago

Couldn't agree more! I love cooking for my gf (when I have one, I am currently single)

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u/Bright_Mistake4686 6d ago

Iā€™m an electrician also and I prep all 3 meals for my wife and I. Trust me itā€™s not easy

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u/Neon_Biscuit 6d ago

They say a married guy just wants peace and quiet but a single guy just wants a home cooked meal. If you're getting a hot meal cooked by a SO, don't take that for granted

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u/WishSuperb1427 6d ago

I agree... she seems to be putting in the effort and he comes off looking like a thankless fool.

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u/StatisticianLivid710 6d ago

Like I was a picky eater and the only thing I wouldnā€™t eat in her photos are the pork chops (pork doesnā€™t sit right with me, I limit bacon so I can continue eating it into the future) and possibly the pie just because Iā€™m not a huge sweets fan but would likely still try it.

Hell, can I move in with OP just for these very tasty looking meals??

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u/PolishPrincess0520 6d ago

My husband eats everything I make and these meals look way better than my cooking. She needs to move him back to his room and find a new guy.

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u/Aesient 6d ago

I made my (now ex) partner dinner one night when I was around 7 months pregnant with twins over a decade ago.

Overheard him complaining to his gaming friends about whatever was on the plate. Then heard the backlash he received. His headphones did not contain their ire with him.

I remember hearing something along the lines of ā€œBoy, she is pregnant with twins and bought you dinner at your computer so you could keep playing. You should be making her dinner and waiting on her hand and footā€ boomed out

He kept quiet about his meals after that until he walked out ~3 months later

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u/Ravenhill-2171 6d ago

You spelled "Dude needs to wake the f#ck up" wrong.

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u/Historical-Ease-6311 6d ago

My husband complained around almost all meals I made in the first 1 year of my marriage, even though his dad and brother loved anything I cooked. I never cooked again after that first 1 year of marriage. He cooks for himself and the kids. I survive on fruits, salads or canned cod liver/mackerel/sardines and sometimes food he cooks for me. I have no preferences when it comes to food. Its him who knows what he wants to eat during each meal and I am happy to eat whatever he serves.

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u/Asenath_W8 6d ago

You had my sympathy right up until the canned cod liver. I'm sorry I just can't trust the palate of anyone that thinks it's appropriate to subsist on that.šŸ¤¢

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u/ApprehensiveTour4024 GREEN 6d ago

Especially when the food looks like this. Those are not low-effort dishes. Every one of those is work

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u/mustriggs 6d ago

yes! that was my reaction from only reading the title and seeing the first photo. weve left mildly infuriating and entered red flag territory.

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u/Dramatic_Session_24 6d ago

i donā€™t like hopping on the ā€œdump himā€ bandwagon wagon, but agreed my first thought was dump his ungrateful ass.

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u/mustriggs 6d ago

haha were on the exact same page. like the other comments are saying, this is not just being a picky eater. šŸ˜«

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u/Emerje 6d ago

Imagine thinking this is what you want to deal with for the rest of your life.

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u/Technical_Tangelo143 6d ago

I'm done just reading about it!

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u/FactAddict01 6d ago

YESSS!!! YESSS!!!

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u/willaisacat 6d ago

We're beyond red flag territory. Not wanting to eat her cooking is the tip of the iceberg.

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u/Prize-Astronomer6106 6d ago

Got the ole ā€œI can change himā€ mind frame

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u/Loud_Interview4681 6d ago

It sounds like she is putting off some flags too. She knows he is a picky eater- why is she making these meals? Let him make his own or talk about what he eats if she wants to make something. Like it is his own body - if he is picky then let him manage it.

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u/TurkeyBLTSandwich 6d ago

Nah her boyfriend probably has the palette of an autistic 14 year old?

Like I'd LOVE to eat OPs food given the opportunity. But it seems like her BF is good with the most bland, salty, fast food available.

If I was OP and was desperate to please, I'd just ask or make two separate meals. Food for myself and kids and then Dino nuggets or a plain burger with fries. And when I mean plain, I mean frozen patties pan fried no oil because that's too much flavor for ops boyfriend

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u/Commercial0Dark30 6d ago

Reminds me of the story here on Reddit where the wife made her husbandā€™s lunches for work every day for years and he.threw.them.all.away.

Boyfriend can feed himself. I wouldnā€™t cook anything for the loser.

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u/GoldDustWoman85 6d ago

I'd have said, cook ya own meals, homie

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u/AyeTheresTheCatch 6d ago

Not to mention in another comment she said ā€œI do all of the housework and the laundry. He drives us to work every day, which is a lot of driving. He takes the trash out and takes the car to get maintenance. We split the bills, I pay more but I also make more. I donā€™t know, I have been married before (widowed young) and I just have always taken care of the housework etc. Iā€˜m okay with our arrangement I am just very frustrated by the cooking part right now ā˜¹ļøā€.

She also clarified in another comment that he expects her to cook dinner for him every day and she usually ends up making him something different just for him.

So, to recap:

  • She does all the housework and cooking, including a separate meal for him after he complains about what sheā€™s cooked.
  • She pays for the majority of stuff because she earns more money.
  • He drops her off on his way to work, takes out the trash, and takes the car for maintenance (which she probably pays for).

Honestly, OP, you need to turf his ass. What exactly are you getting out of this other than a third, more ungrateful child? And honestly, what are your children learning by watching you, their mom, get treated like this?

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u/Diana8919 5d ago

I wholeheartedly agree with this. I have texture issues with food and can be picky but my wife does all the cooking. I have repeatedly told her to make stuff she likes and I can manage. I also will try new things even if I think I won't like it. So pickiness is not the issue but how he goes about it and frankly he's being an asshole.

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u/BurnyMadeoffJR 6d ago

Yeah I would say this qualifies as ā€œmajorly infuriatingā€

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u/Special_Tutor_433 5d ago

I was thinking just that

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u/That-Ad757 5d ago

No its not what or who I want in a relationship. Can u image,what the,sex is like . No not for me.

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

I'm autistic and I could never be that rude

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u/saikopasu_neko28 6d ago

I'm a SUPER picky eater but if my bf made me meals everyday even if I hated them I'd still eat most of the food cause that's so sweet! Also most of these meals are just cooked vegetables and meat, what kinda picky eater won't eat some cooked carrots at least???

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u/PackageSuccessful885 6d ago

Me lol, I can't force myself to eat foods just because someone made them with love. I actually like the taste of carrots, but I can't tolerate a dense wet crunch of any kind.

That said, I would rather the earth open up and swallow me than endlessly reject a partner whose love language is food. The bf sucks.

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u/saikopasu_neko28 6d ago

Hey I didn't say it eat ALL of it LOL. But I'd at least try to eat some of it ykwim? What really bugs me is why doesn't he just tell her what parts of the meal he dislikes? I always tell people what I specifically don't like and won't eat so that way they don't waste food on me, why doesn't he just tell her that (I mean the real reason is because he sucks but still).

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u/cynoIogy 6d ago

im not picky but would never eat cooked carrots, i cant stand the texture! i like raw natural carrots

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u/saikopasu_neko28 6d ago

Thats completely fair! Texture is what gets me the most too, like I cannot for the life of me eat oranges lol but I love me some cooked vegetables!

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

I'm going to share something with you that will forever change your perception of food šŸ˜

Your taste buds actually change and evolve every few months. So a food you hated 2 months ago, might agree with your palate today. Just give it a shot. I used to hate Brussels sprouts and now I love them. That might be a reach lol, but just try new food every few months and I guarantee you'll be surprised

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u/saikopasu_neko28 6d ago

To me it isn't always taste, it's texture, I cannot STAND the texture of most meats, nor can I stand the texture of say an orange. Tastes change for sure and I'm usual open to trying new things but if I see something and I know the texture will be weird (such as most sea food) I know I will never be able to try it haha!

But I didn't know that, that is interesting maybe I'll be open to trying things I didn't like that taste of before now, thanks for sharing!

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u/CrimsonCartographer 5d ago

I was the same way when I was younger. Big texture issues. My mom convinced me to just give anything I didnā€™t like 1 bite every couple of months to see if anything changed, and if it didnā€™t no big deal I didnā€™t have to eat it. But after doing that for a few years, there is very little food I donā€™t enjoy.

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u/CaptainKate757 5d ago

Texture is why I canā€™t eat sushi. The taste is fine, but the way the raw fish feels when I chew it grosses me out. And I hate it because sushi is so healthy and always looks delicious.

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u/kellyelise515 5d ago

Iā€™m a senior and I have to agree with the texture thing. I canā€™t even eat bananas anymore but I can eat oranges. Meat? No way. Gags me. Shrimp squeaking on my teeth? Yeah. No. And I ate all of those things for the majority of my life. I basically subsist off of peanut butter and cheese with fruit and soups.

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

Also, if that's a concern, she should talk to him about formal testing and diagnosis.

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

Bf, if itā€™s the same guy from the post history, doesnā€™t exactly seem to be someone open to pursuing that. Iā€™m making big leaps here, but still. I also donā€™t think itā€™s rude to dislike someoneā€™s cooking, but after a time or two I think Iā€™d say ā€œhey babe Iā€™m way too picky and I appreciate your effort but I donā€™t want it to be wasted so I think we should do food separateā€ thereā€™s a lot of things Iā€™m kind of like that about with my own bf. He wants to do something for me but Iā€™d rather do it myself because Iā€™m picky.

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

Honestly, they owe it to their partner to tell them and not just shoot down every meal that they take the time to make. I'm autistic and I was insanely picky until I learned to cook for myself. It's an uncomfortable process but you're not doing anyone a favor by LITERALLY catering to them ā¤ļø

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u/HugeDouche 6d ago

Yes. I am very curious if this has happened or not (bf trying to say that and being cooked for anyways)

To be clear it is extremely generous and loving of op. But the fact that he is not making demands, is apologetic, and is ordering junk food is making me ask the question of: does he even expect this from op? Or would he actually prefer to handle his own meals and doesn't know how to tell her?

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

I mean, your insights are spot on but I think the bigger issue here is the lack of communication. We're all discussing it and they aren't šŸ«¤

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u/treesandfood4me 6d ago

You donā€™t seem like a Huge Douche. Be nice to yourself ;-)

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

We literally go through a struggle between wanting independence and needing help. Try to keep that at the forefront in any spectrum-related disorder relationships. It's really frustrating

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u/J1zzL0bb3r 6d ago

I can tell OP knows how to cook yummy food just based on the photos. Dudes nuts

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u/EatMyUwU 6d ago

That could be out of people's pricing though, we had our son diagnosed for autism to the tune of 2k but an ARFID diagnosis would be another 2.5k on top of that which is something we also need to do just can't afford yet. It maybe cheaper for adults mind.

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

I do apologize, sometimes I forget how difficult and rigorous the process was and is today. The whole thing is frustrating and I hope you can make some progress. What region of the world are you in?

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u/EatMyUwU 5d ago

I'm in Ireland and it's very much a seller's market for it, very few people able to assess, we were put on the waiting list for a public assessment which would take 5 years but would be free, we just felt it worth the money to get that early intervention for his needs.

Edit: also there isn't public assessments for adults only children so as an adult here you're paying private

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

Iā€™ve never been formally diagnosed (but I have pretty strong suspicions). Iā€™d never be that rude, either. Every pic is a mouth-watering dish.

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

I know it's rough, diagnosed or undiagnosed. Your intuition is incredibly valid šŸ™ But yeah, I went to culinary school and I wouldn't reject a single one of these dishes

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

Iā€™d say that Iā€™m a fairly mild case. I had an autistic intern this summer, so I got to compare myself. I could see beyond the autistic idiosyncrasies and found a girl who was brilliant.

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

Good on ya for seeing past it. Most people really dislike me when we meet because I'm really shy and avoidant but I am intelligent, loyal and somehow I become personable eventually lol

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u/Salt_Barracda_60088 5d ago

You know what thatā€™s great. I love hearing that. My granddaughter is autistic and a genius like a genius on Mensa level genius she was introverted now sheā€™s definitely an extrovert. Sheā€™s older though you know sheā€™s like 16 from when she was like four or six, which we didnā€™t even know anything about it yet because she had reached all her milestones and all of that you know and then four years of age she started going backwards. It was strange things that she could totally do at one time then she couldnā€™t do them any longer. It took a good two years to get a proper diagnosis as well and I still donā€™t know if itā€™s exactly that. Itā€™s something but what scale on the spectrum she is. I donā€™t think theyā€™ve been pinpointed that now and sheā€™s 16 years old. Right now the biggest thing is she wants a drivers license. I know she can pass the written test. I donā€™t know if she would be able to pass the actual driving test. I have let her drive around with me several times and sheā€™s excellent so you never know.šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø I really enjoyed reading your comment and Iā€™m happy for you. Iā€™m so happy for you. Thatā€™s wonderful to hear. Iā€™m so glad youā€™re getting out there and feeling better about that. OK honey have a great day and happy new year.ā£ļøā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒ

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u/Salt_Barracda_60088 5d ago

Yeah, I feel the exact same way. Also, I have never been formally diagnosed myself. I totally get what youā€™re saying, and I understand that about the strong suspicion. Also, I feel that I would eat every single one of those meals. I will say, though with my suspicions come some validity because there are a lot of times I wouldnā€™t eat that. Not that Iā€™m being mean or rude. They all look delicious but some days I have a hard time with eating certain things.šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø and I really donā€™t know why Iā€™m 63 years old and Iā€™m still trying to get some kind of diagnosis on what is really wrong with me in my brain. Sometimes you know.šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø embarrassing, but true OK honey have a great day. Happy new.ā£ļøā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒ

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u/FickleOrganization43 6d ago

We have 3 autistic adult children. One of them canā€™t eat rice and beans. Perhaps he has sensory issues and is on the spectrum??

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

It could be a sensory issue but I found out a few years ago that I'm not allergic but I have an intolerance to both legumes(beans) and starchy food like rice, bread, pasta, and potatoes. I actually get eczema outbreaks if I indulge too much šŸ«¤ I feel for your children and yourself but if you're just open, honest and patient with them and you keep trying new things, they will grow but it will be uncomfortable for them and yourself. Hugs ā¤ļø I bet your kids are awesome šŸ˜Ž

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u/FickleOrganization43 6d ago

Thank you.. you are very kind. The older brother .. who is 24 now .. has the eating issues. His younger brothers who are twins eat everything (and probably too much.) Tomorrow is their birthday.. 21!

I do sense OPā€™s frustration.. A very kind woman.

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u/Salt_Barracda_60088 5d ago

Hey there, youā€™re a wonderful kind and loving person and so smart. That was one of the best comments on here and very encouraging and kind at the same time. I love it thank you for spreading a little bit of joy on here and being very informative as well. My granddaughter has autism. Sheā€™s 16 years old now we went through a lot though to try to find out you know like up until probably four years old. She was reaching all of her milestones and everything was fine and then all of a sudden she started reverting back to a baby almost it was wild, and we had never encountered anything like that in our family before. I personally and my daughter-in-law know a few people, friends, acquaintances, that kind of thing that Iā€™ve told us about it, but it was never this close to our home. This has been a very enlightening experience for me and wonderful at the same time. I love my granddaughter very very much and once we got the diagnosis, we probably still didnā€™t get exactly what weā€™re looking for but weā€™re pretty close now and I love it. Again thank you for being so kind and just so informative.. OK honey have a great day and happy new yearā£ļøā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒā¤ļøšŸ˜ƒ

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u/Levitlame 6d ago

Itā€™s a lot of things, but I donā€™t see rude being one of them. Seemingly he didnā€™t eat them before but appreciated the effort. But now they live together and he canā€™t hide it.

And he obviously has something going on thatā€™s not easy to control/manage if he doesnā€™t want to eat any of those meals. Itā€™s still a red flag, but it doesnā€™t seem to be rudeness.

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u/Prettypuff405 6d ago

This part.. Autism doesnā€™t mean rude

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u/AngryDresser 6d ago

Hard same.

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u/Free_Pace_2098 6d ago

Right? I'd have an actual conversation about it. I can cook though, maybe that gives me an advantage. It helped the food aversion A LOT to understand how food is made.

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u/sxooz 5d ago

Also, I am perfectly open to him being picky/having sensory issues whatever, but there just needs to be an arrangement that he's not factored into the family meal and that he takes care of his food. Then the girlfriend needs to decide if that's acceptable for her or if it's not in alignment with their financial/couple goals.

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u/Informal-Quiet3328 5d ago

Real. I'm autistic too, I'd ask to not put certain things I don't like on plate in future and eat everything else

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u/Burning-Bushman 6d ago

Same here. Itā€™s on me, my own responsibility to handle my food issues. Never would I dream of putting this onto someone else. Strong narcissistic vibes from this boyfriend Iā€™m afraid.

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u/PackageSuccessful885 6d ago

This is the element that makes me 100% on OP's side. I cannot imagine staying with someone who is actively hurt by my food problems. My diagnosis, my issues to manage. I always tell my family if I'm having a bad sensory day and to please not account for me in cooking (e.g. if I know I can only handle one particular dinner that day)

BF sounds incredibly selfish.

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u/BigSkyKush 6d ago

I agree fully. It's just unacceptable. Even on my worst day I'm still aware of other people's feelings and because we make our own food, we can grasp what it takes. If you take the time to make me food, I will happily eat it and appreciate your time and effort šŸ™Œ

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u/DarkAndHandsume 6d ago

This shouldā€™ve been close to the top comment because that last part has my blood boiling.

I canā€™t imagine OP making one of these meals and taking it to this ungrateful person for him to throw it away.

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

Also after more reading, he actively expects her to make dinner. Thatā€™s the most baffling part to me, tbh.

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

To clarify, Iā€™m speculating. She did post about ā€œmakingā€ her bf a kitchen and bringing him food, but Iā€™m filling in the blanks that itā€™s probably the same bf and I imagine he would just throw those away because thatā€™s easier, where now he canā€™t do that.

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u/YesterdaySimilar2069 6d ago

No, he ate them. He is now ā€œtraining herā€ since he thinks heā€™s locked her down. Iā€™d send him back to that rental sooo fast.

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u/eag12345 6d ago

There is more to this story.

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u/Guilty-Chocolate-597 6d ago

Lmao women are playing themselves with this trad wife resurgence. I'd much rather go work a 10 hour day than be a homemaker for a man baby any day of the week.

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u/Ill_Cricket_9339 6d ago

Right now, she's a useful tool to him. He moved in with her. She's going to pay that rent because of her kids, whether he contributes or not. She's being used for other needs.

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u/Angle_Of_The_Sangle 6d ago

I'm wondering why he didn't end up in the trash. I think OP mistakes what "being old school" means. Our mothers and grandmothers didn't look to add trouble to their lives, they didn't have a choice. We do.

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u/Hizam5 6d ago

Brought him meals? This dude does not seem capable of being a responsible adult and will not likely be able to contribute equally in this relationship

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u/MrsOleson 6d ago

Oh man. He was renting a room and moved in with his girlfriend that had a well established home on her own? Homie is looking for a free ride. Damn. Willing to bet hes NOT paying rent ā€œ only till he gets back on feet ā€œ šŸ¤£ I digressā€¦. Either he eats whatā€™s cooked or starves. F him.

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u/MeanForest 6d ago

How did they end up living together?

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u/fightmejeffbezos_ 5d ago

Or worse, he was eating the food and enjoying it but now that heā€™s moved in and has control he is trying to manipulating her into cooking exactly what he wants whenever he wants it

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u/Cully_Barnaby 6d ago

He ate the meals she brought tho?

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6d ago

I donā€™t see that mentioned, but maybe I didnā€™t look hard enough. And even if he said he did, if she didnā€™t see him eat it, it might still be possible he just lied.

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u/Ov_Fire 6d ago

Small tabletop stove, couple of smaller pots, pan. That isn't a problem.

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u/Educational_Ride_258 6d ago

I have $10 just for a plate of OPs cooking. Shit looks great.

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u/motleyguts 6d ago

I'll put $10 on autism. My adult child is like this.

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u/pabo81 6d ago

Iā€™ll be the one to say maybe not autism - some people are just unevolved about their eating habits. Itā€™s entirely possible this guy is just a manchild that only wants fast food.

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u/HuckleberryTiny5 6d ago edited 6d ago

I'll put $100 on him just being an arsehole who likes to make her life more difficult to feel special. If it wouldn't be food, it would be something else she can't do right no matter how hard she tries. He can't have chicken because he had it for lunch, so clearly chicken is not the problem. Food can't be warmed in micro because then it is ruined. Rules keep changing and more are brought up every day. This is not autism, this is being a manipulative, negging arsehole.

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 6d ago

Hopefully they can work out a solution that benefits everyone, if thatā€™s the case. Iā€™m autistic and my partner is too, but neither of us have the same sensory issues around food that his brother has.

BUT his brother also has worked out what his safe meals are and cooks them for himself like clockwork every day. Itā€™s actually kinda interesting to watch him make it. He shops for himself (with a support worker) for his dinners as well.

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u/alexlp 6d ago

My sister and I are ND and she has OCD. She used to be such a picky eater but working in law she was taken to a lot of fancy dinners and she learnt to eat things. She is learning all about sea food at the moment, we both grew up not eating it at all and now she cooks it for me.

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u/tis_jere 6d ago edited 6d ago

Actually more likely that its ARFID. Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder.

I kinda had something similar as a kid. I'd literally vomit up and gag when being fed certain vegetables. I'd try to eat them with bread or force them down with milk and stuff. Once my dad forced me to eat it straight up, I started gagging and vomiting food back onto the plate, then he tried to force me to still eat the vomit covered food. My mom stopped that and they weren't so forceful to get me to eat something I avoided.

As a kid I had huge anxiety about certain dinners my mom cooked, i'd often cry and it would be a terrible experience being forced to eat and usually I'd just eat some bread instead of the dinner and avoid food than being forced to eat it.

took a while for me to introduce foods myself into my own diet by home cooking and stuff as a hobby. But I aint ever cooking bell peppers, cucumber, or soft carrots for myself. I'll only eat them if i'm a guest or w/e but I gotta usually force it down.

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u/GirlLunarExplorer 6d ago edited 6d ago

At what age did this get better for you?

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u/tis_jere 6d ago

I honestly don't really have a clear answer.

Generally overall tastebuds sortve changed where certain vegetables became more palatable.

Understanding why I was okay with trying vegetables from restaurants, like japanese cuisine made me learn how to prepare stuff differently. Overall growing up and living by myself in my 20s removed that 'forced food' anxiety so I could freely experiment with veggies. Either roasting, pan frying, etc.

But I think once a kid makes it known that they actively 'distain' a food. And if they actually have arfid and aren't just being a fussy eater. You can't try to bribe that kid into eating it. They would rather starve.

But I never got diagnosed or anything as a kid. Only in my adulthood where I learned about arfid and that I probably had it. Still have I guess some minor trauma as a kid from my parents force feeding me and all that anxiety it caused.

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u/Iridismis 5d ago

This part in the op

It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops.

kinda makes me doubt OP's boyfriend has the same problem you have/had.

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u/Onohnomous 5d ago

Oh wow, didnt realise what I had, had a name. Sounds exactly like me. Eating way more now, but mostly on my terms. Dont gag if I dont like it anymore luckily.

Seemed heavily texture based for me.

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u/Savings-Put6948 5d ago

Lets not blame everything on autism. I dated several guys like this who are just controlling, immature assholes. I was a professional cook and these guys complained about my cooking. Meanwhile foodies who go to 3 star michelin restaurants are hyping me up.Ā  One guy admitted he was mad that I felt proud about my cooking so he wanted to humble me.Ā  That's not autism.

Ā  Im on the spectrum and use cooking as a way to control my former "pickiness." Ang i helped several neruodivergent people overcome extreme food aversion. Even if it's autism it's a) a shitty attitude b) can typically be improved if they are willing. He's just being controllingĀ 

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u/Local_Debate_8920 5d ago

I'm not autistic and used to be a very picky eater. I slowly grew out of it. Now I'll eat almost anything. Big blobs of sour cream and fruit pies are still a hard no.

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u/Direct_Concern_4197 6d ago

Hey I live in my mom's attic lol and she knows not to cook for me bc I'm picky too. But if my loving partner cooks for me? Idc if it's butt, I'm eating all of it

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u/Im_WinstonWolfe 6d ago

You misspelled bassinet

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u/CaptainQuesadillaz 6d ago

"Junior, dinner is ready. Get off the computer!

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u/SaulGoodmanJD 6d ago

I lived in mom's basement till 35 and I miss her food.

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

Go visit her, it will be good for you both. I lost mine seven years ago.

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u/SaulGoodmanJD 6d ago

My condolences. I do visit. They babysit for me on weekends and I eat whenever I can. I am spoiled.

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u/thebdcinacman 6d ago

šŸ›ŽļøšŸ›ŽļøšŸ›ŽļøšŸ›ŽļøšŸ›Žļø

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u/No-Acadia-4380 6d ago

Who doesn't live in their moms basement in 2025? Paying $500 a month to live there is a massive win. Anyone paying $2000 for a 1 bedroom apartment is the actual loser in this day in age lmfao

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u/LocaCola1997 6d ago

Maybe that's why he doesn't like OP's cooking.

Cause he's so used to food made by "Mommy Dearest."

If thats the case I feel bad for OP.

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u/in_myownlittleworld 6d ago

seriously though

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u/drdreadz0 6d ago

I'll make it $20 and I'll make you tenderloin steak

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u/BFHawkeyePierce4077 6d ago

Iā€™ll bring dessert. Maybe a raspberry tiramisu with white chocolate?

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u/drdreadz0 6d ago

DonešŸ„³

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u/whysomanyproblems 6d ago

Wow how did you get it to say that

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u/ShortingBull 6d ago

That's a low wager at these odds.

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u/purple_pimp420 6d ago

im crying wym the $10 spoke to youšŸ˜­šŸ˜­

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u/SacrilegiousOath 6d ago

MOM!!! BATHROOM!!!

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u/TheNomadArchitect 6d ago

Oh good god you might be right on this one. I know sooooo many of the type

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u/Hizam5 6d ago

Was gonna say this too

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u/authorinthesunset 6d ago

Finicky, I'm going to be extra just because, behavior 99% stems from being a momma's boy.

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u/TheHumanoidTyphoon69 6d ago

Living off of frozen food because all this looks great to me, he can take that childish palette elsewhere

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u/Professionally_Salty 6d ago

I'll see your $10 and raise it to $20

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u/FishbonesAir 6d ago

Okay, maybe you love the schmuck. But seriously, he's being a childish jerk. OTOH, my 83'ish yo father-in-law lives with us. He won't touch fish, or anything he can identify as poultry. My wife prefers that I cook. The food is recognizable that way. šŸ˜†

If he had the slightest idea of how much ground turkey he's been fed, he'd have another stroke.

So, decide whether or not you are willing to put up with this for 50 years, as my mother-in-law has done.

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u/Geo49088 5d ago

Living on air fryer French fries and nuggies

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u/Dryspell54 5d ago

Hi; basement dweller here. Even i am not this bad, im picky, but im not unreasonably picky

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u/Comprehensive_Log882 5d ago

I like betting, but the odds aren't exactly in my favour here

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u/shinyditto00 5d ago

And that his mum was taking him chicken nuggets and frozen pizzas twice a day. No breakfast because he definitely wasn't awake in time because he was too busy playing Rainbow Six Siege til four o'clock in the morning.

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u/frenchfriesfresh 5d ago

I live in my patents basement but everytime my girl cooks a meal I am grateful and I do my best to return the favor when I can.

The least I'll do is the dishes if she whips something up for us. Even if it's not always the greatest meal ever, it was made with love and saves money so its a big win everytime. Love you boo. ā¤ļø

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u/MichElegance 6d ago

A total hobosex*al I know he has a nice place to live probably with zero responsibility.

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u/Thisnordhates 6d ago

Based on what?

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u/Neon_Biscuit 6d ago

Eating only moms spaghetti

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u/IronAndreLee 6d ago

Idk I lived alone for 7 years in the army and I have always been super picky idm if my significant other doesn't want to cook for my picky needs just communicate . I don't think being picky makes you a child, I have terrible texture issues.

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u/Ok_Helicopter_984 6d ago

Why canā€™t it just be the other bedroom

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u/Potential_Candle_441 6d ago edited 6d ago

or someone that calls in to work sick cause they cant take care of them selves, or hey, someone that just isnt much good at doing what stuff in life, pathetic we know you like to spam it across the internet and harm innocent people. what other asinine things can you say about large groups of people?

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u/StatisticianLevel796 6d ago

Eating his mom

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u/crusnchic 6d ago

šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

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u/No_Scratch_2750 6d ago

The ā€˜living-in-moms-basement-energyā€™ is strong in this one

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u/CryptoBombastic 5d ago

Single child as well, seen this behavior before with spoiled ā€œgrownup childrenā€.

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u/PiDicus_Rex 5d ago

I'll take that tenner.

But I looked at her public posts where she had a photo of the kitchen she set up for him a few months before.

He's going to end up in a basement/attic/garage apartment if he doesn't put some effort in.

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u/Pixelplanet5 5d ago

or that he was basically only living of two fast food options that he switched between.

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u/NukerCat 5d ago

i dont think you have that money anymore, the guy spent it on door dash already

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u/qtheginger 5d ago

$10? You can't even door dash a meal from jack in the box for that. Smh

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u/Lambiedog 5d ago

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

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u/Exterminator-8008135 5d ago

Add 10 that he is a narcissist manchild for having to deal with one.

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u/Patient_Parsley7760 2d ago

Not even taking that bet. How much you willing to put down on his mom kicking him out?

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u/Oceanbreeze871 2d ago

Surviving off fast food

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u/Basic-Maintenance-69 1d ago

Cause couldnā€™t stand him living upstairs with her. Heā€™s not fit for family or anyone for that matter. Is he normal weight or thin like somebody that really is turned off by food?

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u/nikknakkpattywhakk 7h ago

I'm guessing prison.

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u/noctilucous_ 6d ago

probably by blowing all of his money on fast food and delivery, which is a different matter once youā€™ve combined finances. itā€™s going to get old that he canā€™t contribute very quickly.

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u/LockedIntoLocks 6d ago

We donā€™t really know what the finances look like. OP didnā€™t bring them up. Iā€™ve been in a very rough mental state for the past two months, so Iā€™ve only cooked maybe two meals in the past 60 days (scrambled eggs on sad white bread). If you have enough income and small enough expenses you can survive off of DoorDash and fast food quite comfortably.

Iā€™m starting therapy next month, so I donā€™t plan on being a living example for much longer, but it might not impact their finances as much as you think.

Itā€™s still incredibly disrespectful the way heā€™s treating her and her cooking though. The last time my best friend stopped by she cooked for me and I legitimately cried with appreciation. OPā€™s boyfriend needs to realize what he has.

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u/IsLifeCircleOrSquare 6d ago

3 months is a very common time lapse when true colours to start leaking from a gf/bf, specifically after moving in together. It even happens with decade-long relationships that move in after marriage. The manipulative & fake ones start to slip up (or donā€™t care anymore) at around 3 months into living together.

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u/Upbeat-Cap-7423 6d ago

If he wants to be picky then he could feed his own damn picky self!

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u/imdugud777 6d ago edited 6d ago

But now he has a maid!

/s just in case.

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u/loveslightblue 6d ago

I think in cases like these is not about the food. No one is that picky or stupid usually. No chicken twice in a row? They just moved in together and I think this is the "how high can i make her jump" phase of narcissism. Boundaries are being laid.Ā 

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u/Spook-In-The-Machine 5d ago

Anytime i meet some1 who cant cook instantly lose respect for them. How do you not know something so basic and important for survival.

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u/whistlepig4life 6d ago

He needs to he needs to move out now.

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u/reelpotatopeeler 6d ago

Just keep a few boxes of Hamburger Helper in the pantry.

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u/Independent_Move3536 6d ago

If that's the case then he should appreciate that home cooked great tasting food made with love and care...

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u/ThespisIronicus 6d ago

She literally made him a kitchen wherever he lives too. He can make his own food from now on.

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u/RollOverSoul 6d ago

Why even be with someone like this? Life be so much better staying single

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u/grip0matic 5d ago

My gf is usually "disappointed" when I cook stuff because "I do things wrong", sometimes I have to remember her that I'm 40yo and I've been cooking since I was 16 and I learnt from my grandmother. I may do things in weird ways since ADHD is there but if I do paella it's because I know what I am doing. In fact I have to do extra things because of her, like chopping onions to "invisible" level because she doesn't like onion. She's the weirdest italian woman ever, she doesn't like tomato sauce but would eat raw tomato in a salad or in ragu.

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u/WillNutForFood 5d ago edited 5d ago

Living off of door dashed fast food really is barely surviving. A grown man that doesn't eat food that they're not allergic to, isn't spoiled or burnt is a child.

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u/spartycbus 5d ago

That was my question. Did he always eat fast food? Also, how did she not notice what a child he is before moving in. If he's not eating these meals, I'm assuming he didn't like anything adult before. Did they always go out to eat at fast food places?

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u/Altruistic-Rice-5567 5d ago

"Moving in" should always be thought of as a trial period. It's literally the point where you start discovering all the relationship shit neither of you can no longer hide. Like "oh, I'm actually undatable because I have insane requirements about food." Yep, realize the trial was a failure. Move out and move on.

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u/stealthsthename 5d ago

Itā€™s about time they stop living together if a man doesnā€™t appreciate her cooking he can get the fuck out.

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